So it begun

Ok, so this is my story.

I've for a long time been visiting lp.net but never really made any noice. Some of you ppl might know me or maybe atleast seen me around earlyer if you still are connected to SC:BW. Im from sweden, and i started playing SC:BW like many others in like 98-99 and fell inlove very fast. I've played under the nickname "RataN" (played in clans like, iG/uT/puLs/NaW-/ if that is familiar for some of you?) for the last like 4-5 years maybe and been a part of the swedish nationalteam for a couple of years now aswell =D. Though i havent played much for like 6 months now. :/ Atleast nothing serious, only some 1v3, 1v4 vs my roommates who also loves sc:bw. Though they kinda sux

Other then sc:bw im obviously aswell into poker. Ive been playing back and forth and been busting my roll, hm, i dont really wanna count how many times ive busted it on stupidity.

I started off like 2 years ago playing some microstakes like every1 else. But after a while i started gambling..

One day I remember i turned 90$ to 1300$ just moving up as fast as i doubled up.. I ended up playing 6max 5/10$ at partypoker and i remember busting out with QT vs AQ on a QQ2 board in a big pot...

Ah good times.. (not) At that time I was pretty bad aswell.. but mostly crazy.. I really snap asfast as i play higher stakes, I somehow in a strange way lose the fear of losing the money, instead I see the chanse of winning a huge amount. But as fast as i stop play, I kinda undersood what the fuck I was doing and my knees started to shake and i almost fainted i remember..

After that ive tried "grinding" out pretty much both low stake sng's and HU sng's + cashgames both hu/6max/fullring. But ive always ended up playing HU 3/6$ for my whole roll like a retard as fast as I reached a decent bankroll.... (idiot? yes)

I've kinda have/had no diciplin... I read alot about players grinding out from 0.01/0.02 for months of months of playing and i really envy you guys. I've tryed alot to be one of those guys who has that diciplin to play for so small amount of money hour after hour.

Though, ive gotten a little better and i really want to make it in poker. Cause i love this game.

But i think I kind of started at the wrong end of my poker "career". Ive started off feeling the thrill of winning a pot of 2000$ when i was 18 years old and made like 200$ / month. And kinda got addicted to that thrill because it happened again, and again, and again.

But ive never had good bankroll management. For example once i won 3100$ in a 100$ MTT and played maybe around 8000 hands of 1/2$ and made a roll of about 5000$ and a couple of days later lost it all at the 3/6 and 5/10 HU tables...

I never think ive really grinded a level, in a smart, and kind of "risk free" way. Never.

Ive never used programs like pokertracker och holdemmanager before either and I've always in a way "been on my own" playing alot about my gut feelings and maybe in a little "own" way, if I can put it like that... I've never until the last couple of months been using sites like cardrunners or really getting into these types of "regular grinder" forums or sites. Ive read a couple of books, started of reading Barry Greensteins Ace on the River like 1.5 years ago, and ive also looked through Super System aswell and from that I pretty much built my own picture of how I should play. And I have been winning lots of lots but before when i had like 1 bad session i just went CRAZY on tilt. Or not on tilt, but i just got tired of not winning more then like 2$ after 4 hours of play on microstakes tables when i could win 1000's of $ in the higher stakes.. Im a young, stupid man... And the harsh truth is that ive prolly just wasted like 10 000$ maybe, just because of PURE lack of bankroll management and grinding diciplin. Just went off gambling, flipping with JJ vs AK with my whole bankroll :S

Im prolly a losing player, if we look at my statistics. Im probably - like 2-3000$. Cuz sometimes when ive lost those pots ive deposited alot of my money coming from my work. Remember 1 time when i busted like 2000$ (MY WHOLE month of payment) in like 4 hands of sick coolers..

But there has also been times when ive deposited when ive had a break for a while about 400$ and quitted the night with over 2000$ of profits wich ive used to my a car, and a whole new computer for example. Though overall i think im back alot of money... Its scary for some1 who should be playing NL10.. Very scary.

But this my friend. Is my turning point.
After i lost my whole roll the last time ive kinda took a break for about 5 months now but now im back. And i really whant to give this a fair shot.

Though ive used holdemmanager now for a while and it really has helped me alot of cooling down. All the statistics makes it more easy for me to look at it as a long run profit and i really hope i can make it this time. Also ive been studiyng alot, really making myself mentally prepered for this shot of playing again. Ive prolly watched like every video on cardrunners, read alot of articles. Watch alot of my friend who is a 3/6$ regular on partypoker playing, discussing with him and so on a ton of poker. And now I hope im ready. And it has gone pretty good this far and I feel like I really have thought this through

So. For disciplin. Ive set a goal of playing a minimum of 60 000 hands of NL10 (0.05/0.1) with a starting roll of 500$. Even if i have a roll for 20NL before ive reached those 60k hands (20NL as the stakes are at iPoker network instead of 25NL) I wanna make this goal. Only for training. Just grinding grinding grinding, I play mostly 6 max, but I mix it up with some Heads up aswell now when my roll has grown to about 75 buy ins. (760$ roll) And it has gone pretty well

Im up about 25 buy ins now over 11 000 hands played over about 1 week and it feels really REALLY good. :D

I feel like I can do this, I wish I started off at this end of the road for about 2 years ago, starting to grind out micro stakes.. But what do you do? I've learned alot and I try to look at the positiv side of it. I think Im fit for the microstakes, I think I can beat it the old fashion way and im excited to do so. Ive been mentally prepering for this for almost half a year and it feels really good that it starts off so well.

Today i played 4 tables of HU, for about 1000 hands and it ended up pretty ok i think.



So i hope that maybe joining a wonderful community like this, and kinda keeping updates (mostly for myself kinda like a diary) will help me to keep focus. And not loose reality and just go crazy in high stakes. That I have tryed already, and it was not a very good option if I want this to work longterm.

I've worked hard for all of the money that I've lost to bad bankrollmanagement, working fulltime since I graduated from high school. But now I will make poker to something else then a way of gambling 60/40 flips of money i dont afford to lose. I want to play poker, longterm, because I love the game. And I love the thinking and constant guessing and improvement of this game. It's soooo big and so much to conquer. And I really want to be a part of it. I hope I can make this work.

Even if I have to play microstakes for all eternety :D Also i play on the iPoker network on the site, Victor Chandler. Maybe ill move to stars or FTP later but for now they have a nice bonussystem for me and they've always been loyal to me cuz ive played there pretty much over the last 2 years.

Btw, if someone even had the time or will to read my first blogpost I maybe can say something about myself as a person now at the end of this very long blog.

My name is Filip Bryndahl, im 20 years old and i live in Umeå Sweden with 4 friends in a big appartment. (party 24/7 obv) I love music and i went studying music the last 3 years of "high school" or w/e at a music acadamy. I also play american fotball (rofl yes its true :D we have a team in our town in sweden, we really sux but i think its really fun playing real matches and stuff, we have a small league here in sweden, obvious its not really that big of a sport here but ^^). I play linebacker/cornerback, defense -.- though ive kinda slacked off the last time.. but i still try to train with the team as much as possible.

And ye, also I live under the stairs, ROFL, (cuz I was the last one to move in, there is only 4 rooms) where i have my comp + 22" widescreen hd screen. Ive kinda made it coasy in here. Lying mostly in my bed, watching movies/series. Ive but up kind of "blankets" or what I should call it, so its kind of a small room. Thats pretty much the reason why I've quit playing BW. Because its pretty hard playing good laying down with the keyboard on your stommach =) But 60$ rent / month in the middle of the city I can live at any fucking place :D

Im sorry for my bad english also, but I havent been using it much lately. Would be fun if anyone actually read this post, I dont excpect it but it would be kinda cool feel free to post some kind of comment if you survived this far of my boring pokerstory!

Ill try to keep my upcoming updates a little bit smaller

Peace and gl!

/ RataN <3

P.S I also love Southpark, its the best thing ever made, ever.

over and out ^^

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