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NewbSaibot United States. Jan 28 2012 23:38. Posts 4946 | | |
Just found out my dad passed away last week. I hadn't spoken to him in 6 years. We used to get along great, then one day he came to visit and we got into a big fight over something stupid. I walked away and just never spoke to him again. Him and my mother are my only family. My mom and I get along great, but I think he was too ashamed to ever try and call us to make amends. At first I was punishing him. In part for him threatening to hit me, and because there are certain things I dont like about myself which I attribute towards him, such as my tilt control and motivation in life.
As the months and holiday's went by, I would talk myself out of calling because I thought it was too soon. Then as the years went by I was afraid to call because I thought it would be weird. One day while I was at work I actually got a call from him. I wasnt at my desk at the time but it showed on the caller ID. He didnt leave a voicemail, so I figured if he wants to talk to me he'll call back soon enough. Again months and years went by and I was too afraid to initiate first contact.
Now he's fucking dead. The apartment manager where he lived had to look me up. She used an online people finder service to find out who to contact since he didnt have any information about his family on file. My dad was a loner, just like me. He had no friends or family at all. She told me the hospital called her because she was listed as his emergency contact. Thats right, my dad listed his apartment manager as his emergency contact. They told her he died of cancer.
Apparently he contracted some type of cancer in his arm about 2 years ago, and for whatever reason decided not to seek medical help and rely on self-healing techniques instead. My dad was always kinda hippy'ish like this, but not beyond reason. The manager and him were friendly, and she noticed the tumor on his arm but he refused to talk about it. Eventually he went to the hospital and started chemotherapy for a year before another tumor appeared on his neck. By this time all his hair had fallen out and he was frail and weak. She said he looked deathly ill. One day he told her he was admitting himself to the hospital and would be gone for awhile. She said she knew he wasnt coming back. About a month later he died under a morphine drip in a hospital bed.
She begged him to provide contact information for any family members possible but he refused. I'm not sure if it was out of spite or embarrassment. Perhaps he was just as scared as me to contact us for help. Maybe he didnt want us to see him in such condition. Maybe he thought we still hated him. The point is he was a good man and he died painful and slow, all alone in the world, thinking nobody loved him and nobody cared. I'm glad his pain is over, but I can only imagine what he went through for the last 2 years. He wasn't Osama, he wasn't Hitler, he didn't deserve to die like that. The manager said he didnt leave much behind in his apartment. She felt very sorry for him, knowing he didnt talk to anybody. He was just a shy quiet type of man.
As I reflect on past communication, it wouldnt surprise me at all to find out right around the time he called me was when he probably discovered he had cancer. I almost called him over christmas under pressure from my g/f but decided not to out of anger, an anger that didnt really even exist. You see I wasnt really that mad about what happened. As I said earlier, I was just sorta punishing him for no good reason. Sort of like hurting a small animal to satisfy some sick desire in yourself. I felt good by making him feel bad.
I cant begin to describe my grief now. So if there is anybody out there in the world who you havent told you loved in awhile, tell em now while you still can. Dont let stupid petty shit fuck with your relationships. I'll be flying to texas to collect his belongings and arrange to have his body shipped so my mother and I can bury him. We will probably be the only 2 people there.
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| bye now | Last edit: 28/01/2012 23:49 |
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Carthac United States. Jan 28 2012 23:54. Posts 1343 | | |
I am so sorry for your loss man. I'm sure the grief you are experiencing is incredibly tough...
All the best man. I like the message though, no one should let petty issues get in the way of relationships with family or close friends |
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BangYu United States. Jan 29 2012 01:52. Posts 251 | | |
powerful stuff man.Sry for your loss. Hang in there |
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rubbago Mexico. Jan 29 2012 02:23. Posts 257 | | | |
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Almebeast Sweden. Jan 29 2012 02:39. Posts 797 | | |
Really sad story which I think alot of people could learn something important from. I'm sorry for your loss. |
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| After all is said and done, more is said than done. | |
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exalted United States. Jan 29 2012 04:44. Posts 2918 | | |
so sick. I have a very similar relationship with my Dad (lots of conflict during childhood, very little communication after I moved to Taiwan for college). All I know is that he's going to get married with a woman in China and bring her to the US. Will make an effort to reach out and rekindle what's left.
Thanks for sharing this. |
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| exalted from teamliquid :o | |
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DooMeR United States. Jan 29 2012 05:58. Posts 8553 | | |
I'm really sorry for your loss. very sad  i hope your ok im sure its insanely tough. |
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| I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance, by running away from the scene of an accident. | |
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I'm very sorry for your loss. All the best to you. |
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DaEm0niCuS United States. Jan 29 2012 07:18. Posts 3292 | | |
I've talked to my dad once in 9 years, but hes way worse then your dad sounds. It's funny how easily people get lost and forget what matters... cars certainly do not make the list. I've actually never owned a car despite having around a very good hourly from poker for the last 3 years or so. Imo money should be spent on experiences and other things that matter, experience life and the world before you die, that's been my way for some time now. Then again in America the separation of families is extremely common and seems to lead to much unhappiness/regret. I'm currently living in Thailand and think about my family almost everyday. However even while I was in America I did not live in the same town as my family and we only saw each other a few times a year, probably around the same number of days per year as I do now despite being on the other side of the planet. There are many hard decisions in life that can completely change the outcome, be careful, sometimes you lose the flip. |
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i can only imagine what you're going through. i am really sorry for your loss.
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drone666 Brasil. Jan 29 2012 09:06. Posts 1825 | | |
thanks for sharing this and sorry for your loss |
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| Dont listen to anything I say | |
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Minion Brasil. Jan 29 2012 11:41. Posts 2112 | | |
i was in the exact same situation
i had a fight over something stupid with my had and we hadn't spoke to each other in 4-5 years
yestarday he called me and came to my house, we had a nice 3 hours talk and i fell so much better now, the chip is off my shoulder
what a sick coincidence with your story
im so sorry for your loss man =( |
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chris United States. Jan 29 2012 12:24. Posts 5503 | | | |
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| 5 minute showers are my 8 minute abs. - Neilly | |
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RICHI8 United States. Jan 30 2012 00:02. Posts 1341 | | |
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I offer my condolences to you and your mother. This is something we will all have to unfortunately face someday but regardless it's terribly painful. |
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TekxY Mexico. Jan 30 2012 03:05. Posts 236 | | |
I'm sorry for your loss man and thank you for sharing, all the best. |
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| Welcome to the desert... of the Real. | |
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Contact Users: 415 Active, 0 Logged in - Time: 15:21
Sweden. Jan 29 2012 10:00. Posts 4472
