blog title

I like this music

i know that feel, going thru something similar.

At some point, despair becomes your greatest ally, when you decide to say 'fuck it' and just dump everything you currently have and leave town with only your backpack

Your not alone sir. Everything you just said could have probably came out of my mouth as well.

Except I don't mind playing poker because it's way better than working some stupid ass job.

On August 29 2013 18:59 Silver_nz wrote: At some point, despair becomes your greatest ally, when you decide to say 'fuck it' and just dump everything you currently have and leave town with only your backpack

And I've been considering doing this for a while now.

I've been there too.

Remember that you are the most important variable in your environment. This deeply effects your evaluation of other people, how they've treated you, and how you perceive them to treat you. We exist in a sea of mirrors.

The secret is that we are always running on what we put into ourself the day before (and before and..). What you get out is what you put in. Habituate your self into a life which is acceptable to you, or habituate into a life which is acceptable to others. To sum up millions of words from myth, religion, spiritual teachers, successful people: The consciousness which you are experiencing is riding around like a passenger as your body autopilot's a stream of previous memories and associated behaviors through your self. Deal with it or have it dealt upon you.

Another hint, in the words of Nietzsche,
"Woman is the truth."

Use auto-suggestion in its many forms -- goal setting, speak allowed to your self desirable things, these are basic and important forms of auto-suggestion.

Many content and self-controlled people like spending time out in the world, and actively cultivate interest in people. Doing so develops the energies to destale social interactions -- you'll have something to talk about and a reason to listen.

Stop smoking weed.

Time to see a shrink!

My advice would be to exercise every day with a combination of strength training and aerobic activity. Focus on eating a clean diet and being overall healthy. Easier said than done, I know.

I feel the same about poker .. i can't stand it anymore. Too bad i don't have any other source of income.
Life is good though. You should try working out or some sport you like, helps a lot with depression.

night are you really in egypt now? if so what are you doing there?

op, can definitely relate, especially the part about missing having a passion. i agree with everything that's been said (not sure about the shrink part lolz) but can't really add anything. in July i moved to Argentina, and just getting away from some stale friendships and meeting new people who I have more in common with anyway has been a big plus.

in the rural midwestern U.S. area i'm from i hardly ever went out, and the times i did it just felt like my interests kept growing further away from the people i was with. most of the time i felt distanced, anxious, somewhat excluded, etc. and yet that was still preferable to not going out at all and being completely isolated.

in Arg i have been going out every Fri+Sat and every single night has been good or great (and i am quite introverted). obviously i don't know everything about your situation; for me, it was a combination of coming from a small boring town where nearly everyone is into hunting/nascar/etc, lots of people my age getting pregnant/married, and being very fortunate to meet with a group of people in buenos aires with whom i have a LOT in common and clicked with instantly.

i still have the issue of figuring out some sort of long-term employment prospect that, hopefully, will be both intellectually satisfying and allow for a reasonable lifestyle. but for now it's nice being reasonably happy on a day-to-day basis.

Naw I'm not in Egypt

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Funny I came across this essay by Nikola Tesla describing in eloquent words what I expressed above,

A long time ago, when I was a boy, I was afflicted with a singular trouble, which seems to have been due to an extraordinary excitability of the retina. It was the appearance of images which, by their persistence, marred the vision of real objects and interfered with thought. When a word was said to me, the image of the object which it designated would appear vividly before my eyes, and many times it was impossible for me to tell whether the object I saw was real or not. This caused me great discomfort and anxiety, and I tried hard to free myself of the spell. But for a long time I tried in vain, and it was not, as I clearly recollect, until I was about twelve years old that I succeeded for the first time, by an effort of the will, in banishing an image which presented itself. My happiness will never be as complete as it was then, but, unfortunately (as I thought at that time), the old trouble returned, and with it my anxiety. Here it was that the observations to which I refer began. I noted, namely, that whenever the image of an object appeared before my eyes I had seen something that reminded me of it. In the first instances I thought this to be purely accidental, but soon I convinced myself that it was not so. A visual impression, consciously or unconsciously received, invariably preceded the appearance of the image. Gradually the desire arose in me to find out, every time, what caused the images to appear, and the satisfaction of this desire soon became a necessity. The next observation I made was that, just as these images followed as a result of something I had seen, so also the thoughts which I conceived were suggested in like manner. Again, I experienced the same desire to locate the image which caused the thought, and this search for the original visual impression soon grew to be a second nature. My mind became automatic, as it were, and in the course of years of continued, almost unconscious performance, I acquired the ability of locating every time and, as a rule, instantly the visual impression which started the thought. Nor is this all. It was not long before I was aware that also all my movements were prompted in the same way, and so, searching, observing, and verifying continuously, year by year, I have, by every thought and every act of mine, demonstrated, and do so daily, to my absolute satisfaction, that I am an automaton endowed with power of movement, which merely responds to external stimuli beating upon my sense organs, and thinks and acts and moves accordingly. I remember only one or two cases in all my life in which I was unable to locate the first impression which prompted a movement or a thought, or even a dream.

This is a fantastic essay (the above excerpt was only a bit of an aside from a larger whole)
http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1900-06-00.htm