Comfort

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RiKD

United States. May 04 2017 19:32. Posts 8972

Comfort. I don't have to strive for a skilled blowjob while listening to BJork on excellent speakers so high I think I might die but then the comedown is full of gratitude and magic and an extremely powerful orgasm. That is pleasure. That is euphoria. That is samsara. A brilliant Tibetan word which basically means trapped in habitual patterns. One of the biggest patterns for me today is the comfort in the morning of rolling over and pulling the covers tight and enjoying some more sleep. I don't really have any place to be but it is a seductive pattern I don't really need in my life. I don't need to be sleeping 10, 12, 14 hours in a night.

I will say meditation is not one of these comforts. I am still trying to figure out the value in it. I have heard of a lot. It does not come easy. It seems like once I start seeing the thoughts arise it gets better. When I can really cover my breath, sensations, sounds with my awareness is when it gets to a good place. Fuck it, I rather eat a bunch of cereal, fill myself up with coffee, mindlessly scroll through some facebook, and come here. These blogs are definitely a comfort to me. If I really want to get serious about writing some stories these blogs are a complete waste of time but that is not necessarily what I want to be doing. I want to be shitting around in these blogs getting my thoughts out. Many times it is shit but many times I learn something.

I miss people. I was comfortable in Pittsburgh. It is good to get out of one's comfort zone but it can be difficult. Things here in Charleston have been not exactly what I expected. Not even really in a bad or a good way it has just been the way it is and certainly not ways that I was expecting. At the end of the day there is always posting on LP, reading, going to the beach, getting some good eats somewhere in the city, and exploring meetings. It might take me a bit longer than I may of thought getting situated in the meetings. It definitely is taking me longer than I thought to get medical insurance and set up with a psychiatrist and a therapist. It will likely take longer than I would like to get a job as well. Se la vie.

I guess I do post a lot of blogs. I guess it ends up being kind of like therapy. I just realized that now. I didn't intend it to be that way. I really just like this idea of comfort. Many comforts are bad for us. Alcohol is bad for me. Marijuana is bad for me. Huddling against the covers is bad for me. Although all of them feel great in the moment. If I didn't have to move from Pittsburgh. Why would I move? I was comfortable there. Great friends, great city but I DID move from Pittsburgh. I am not comfortable here yet, I don't have any meetings I feel comfortable in, I don't have any friends except my mom and dad. It is just one of those times of change and uncertainty. I have to be open minded and flexible. I quickly got angry that they have no diners open late before actually researching. The same with Buddhist teachers.

Oh well, I have my sister and brother in law coming this weekend. That should open things up a bit. Boredom. Boredom is one of the opposites of comfort. That is where I grasp at comfort whenever I can find it. That is when the mindless facebook scrolls start, perhaps more blogs or postings arise, and it is best to get some reading in. So, I will stop writing for now and get some reading in. I don't even know if I got through at all what I was trying to get through. Even as much as a Lazy Boy chair. It is comfortable short term but may lead to problems later where as sitting on the floor is relatively uncomfortable at first but the healthy way to go. If I am smoking cigarettes that first cigarette of the day is beautiful but I just reinstated a terrible habit. What comforts should we keep and what comforts should we fight to break free of?

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