There is a lot of suffering and misery in life

How old are you? Why you think you don't have as many friends as you would've hoped? I know a shitload of people because of work and can even hang out with them but I think I can count my friends in less than 5. And I'm not sure they would be there for me in any way if I ever needed them like I know I would.

It's very weird that only 3% of the people in US are atheist that seems like a flawed statistic. I'm sure there is a lot of 'oh i'm a christian' but these people don't actually believe in the bible or think about religion except when they experience a rough period in their lives. Btw don't you wanna share some of your paintings?

I am 35. I am kind of isolated where I am at. I also haven't made much effort here.

I shared some of my early experiments in painting and kind of regret it. Maybe if I get a feeling of sharing I will but I don't really feel like sharing anything now. Even my last painting I kind of like but then took a permanent marker to it and I am not sure if I like that outcome.

I started another painting tonight. I don't really like how it has started. I spent all this time studying some great painters and I think I expected too much out of myself. Besides briefly in 7th grade I have no painting training. I am just trying to learn what I can. The sad thing is that painting tonight wasn't as freeing or as fun as it usually is. I don't expect it to be that way every time but it was kind of a bummer. I really don't know how these guys do it yet. It's frustrating. A lot in my life is frustrating. Painting is frustrating. Work can be frustrating. (Lack of) Activism is frustrating and that's about all I have going on in my life. Very few friends that I rarely speak to anymore. I'm listening to Radiohead so I may be heading for depression. It is what it is I suppose. Sometimes it feels that I'm all plateaued out in so many things at the moment. If it weren't for books... Books are like the only thing I know I am doing well for myself and I'm not even doing that great in that area. It seems so simple. Have some friends, family, and community. Work on some projects, paint, fucking have a kid, rescue a cat, protest, the list is long. But, why is it so difficult?

Fitter, Happier, More Productive... Like a pig in a cage on antibiotics

Some people seem to JUST DO IT so seamlessly. Maybe not though. Is it a problem of expectations? I don't really expect much anymore. I don't want to be a pig in a cage on antibiotics though. Is the Marketing Manager at Bullshit Industries that goes to the gym 3x/week, goes to happy hours, blah blah blah that much happier than us? Us who rifle through internet stimuli and the people who somehow watch every Netflix, Hulu, HBO, etc. tv show? Thank God I'm no longer on Facebook, Instagram and all of those hellish mediums. The reason that I post on LP so much is that:

I'm sad
I'm lonely
I'm anxious
I'm bored

All of these symptoms are symptoms of late stage capitalism and the world we live in. It's like I'm fucked from the beginning. What am I? A mere man up against the colossus of capitalism? It's really depressing actually and I don't know how to get out of it. Life is not fair. It doesn't seem like I am one of the "winners" and it doesn't seem like there is anything I can do about it. But, winners and losers is a really horrible mentality. A homeless monk is probably the happiest man on the planet from my findings. Why don't I get back into that from a bit of a different perspective? Fuck it, I don't know. Who knows?

your sadness isn't the result of late stage capitalism, many millions under the same sistem and doing much worse are happy I just think its easier to blame somebody or something else beyond your control instead of taking responsibility.

You are extremely neurotic and you allow negative emotoins to set in so fast that its now automatic for you, I dont think I can tell you something that your theraphist hasn't told you already but I think you should recognize when you are starting to feel this emotoins and reset, focus again on enjoying the strokes of the brush again and again until you brake that pattern.

I really don't think reading and thinking about politics is helping you at all with your mental health and being happy I would step away from it if I were you

As usual Baal is just making things up because they are easier to swallow than the reality out there. There is a well-studied concept in sociology and psychology called 'relative poverty'. Massive inequality -- a necessary feature of capitalism -- is the greatest contributor to health problems, unhappiness, and suicidality. It's not even just about mental health but health as a whole: personal, social and ecological. Relative poverty is distinguished from absolute poverty as it relates to one's local environment and the specific society in which you are currently living. When you are relatively poor it means that you cannot rise to the average standard of living of your country (or the world). It is no comfort to someone who is at the bottom in the US with no access to many necessities that there are people starving in Yemen who have it worse, that is why it's incredibly ignorant to only ever approach the topic from an absolute poverty standpoint.


Yes it is capitalism that fuels this, because the very existence of socioeconomic stratification or class generates a vast range of problems. It isn’t just about inequity, with its lack of true life-supporting resources; it is also about the stress of social comparison and the sense that well-being is not shared fairly. We are social animals and when we exist in hierarchies our bodies are affected by our status within those hierarchies. Our health is made much worse when we can see people benifiting from things which we do not benefit from. People with very little when it comes to material goods but who live in tight-knit communities and who don't see massive inequality in their environment are necessarily happier and it's not because they're experts at thinking nice thoughts. There are no magical actions that people can take to escape the dreadful impacts of lack and inequality short of escaping from the society as a whole by joining an isolated religious community.

What ends up happening is that people think magical thoughts to escape the grim reality. You can see psychosis as being exactly that: a form of escapism from reality because reality does not allow the subject to gratify himself. An intelligent and informed person knows that the "cure" to these ills is to change the environment, not to ask the suffering subject to change the way they think or to abandon politics altogether (a mistake since the personal is political). But the person who has been gratified through dominance and who has a position of privilege is unlikely to ever see life from the perspective of the one who is subjected to dominance and humiliation on a daily basis. The dominant believes if capitalism was good for him, then it ought to be good for just about everyone. This false belief allows him to sleep well at night and society keeps rewarding him for his conformity allowing the maintenance of hierarchical structures of dominance.

Late-stage neoliberal capitalism has contributed more than any other system to another form of poverty as well: the poverty of the spirit. As Martin Luther king said in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech:

"Yet, in spite of these spectacular strides in science and technology, and still unlimited ones to come, something basic is missing. There is a sort of poverty of the spirit which stands in glaring contrast to our scientific and technological abundance. The richer we have become materially, the poorer we have become morally and spiritually. We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers. Every man lives in two realms, the internal and the external. The internal is that realm of spiritual ends expressed in art, literature, morals, and religion. The external is that complex of devices, techniques, mechanisms, and instrumentalities by means of which we live. Our problem today is that we have allowed the internal to become lost in the external. We have allowed the means by which we live to outdistance the ends for which we live. So much of modern life can be summarized in that arresting dictum of the poet Thoreau: “Improved means to an unimproved end.” This is the serious predicament, the deep and haunting problem confronting modern man. If we are to survive today, our moral and spiritual “lag” must be eliminated. Enlarged material powers spell enlarged peril if there is not proportionate growth of the soul. When the “without” of man’s nature subjugates the “within,” dark storm clouds begin to form in the world."

The psychopolitics of neoliberalism do not simply mean that we are oppressed from the top-down but that we have internalized the logic of the market and oppress ourselves by remaining enslaved to a value-system that serves capitalist systems of exploitation rather than human flourishing. Inverted totalitarianism is the idea that "Every natural resource and living being is commodified and exploited by large corporations to the point of collapse as excess consumerism and sensationalism lull and manipulate the citizenry into surrendering their liberties and their participation in government." The psychopolitics of neoliberalist logic is intent on creating consumers rather than citizens. It will have people individualize the consequences of real-world objective structural problems and make it all about individual shortcomings (or overcoming). "It's because you're neurotic, it's because you follow politics, you should remain blissfully ignorant like me." Only a person who is completely blind to the state of the world and the several existential threats that we face as a species would ever think that the solution is identitarian closure and willful ignorance for anyone. Only collective action is rational action in the face of structural problems and social-existential threats. But a collective is only as competent as the individuals that comprise it, so individual development is absolutely needed.

sigh... I mean't Rick's particular unhappiness -_-

That's my point. RiKD's particular unhappiness and psychosis are consequences of the fact that he is relatively poor and grew up in an alienating society where he couldn't gratify himself consistently. His health is not good, his living situation inadequate. The massive inequality of American society is imposed on him every day. He works for a multinational owned by the richest man in human history. He lives among rich relatives which he can't become independent from. His ability to have fulfilling relationships is limited. When he compares his well-being to that of others, he sees himself as having gotten the short stick. The biggest part of his suffering is his social isolation, which is a predominant problem today not as a by-product of capitalist relations but because it was deliberately imposed by social engineers in the 70s to create the ideal circumstances for hyper-consumption. Atomized individuals are those most likely to over-consume and cause little trouble to authorities by their disinterest in the political realm of human life. Predatory capitalism always has to be taken into account within any analysis of human dissatisfaction. What part of that doesn't make sense to you?

you don't need a lot of friends honest

don't beat yourself up about that

you need simply regularity, and a few well-adjusted people in your vicinity

the grounding you get from that will kill like 90% of your anxiety related to this

you don't need to be the life of the party or super popular or johnny carson

just be patient and sincere

Sure thing buddy, thats why you both are miserable

On July 19 2019 04:17 RiKD wrote: I think my next painting is going to be a painting of Christ. I was thinking of copying Christ of the Incas by Rouault but I think I may do my own version. It makes me want to re-read the Gospels in Brief by Tolstoy. I don't know who I like better Buddha or Christ or the Spirit of Taoism. The thing about Christ is that he was just out for the marginalized people in life. You can't tell me he wouldn't be out their fighting for trans people, poor people, fucking kids separated from their parents in a detention center without adequate food and water, etc. Yet, some times I see some stunted out large black truck driving like an asshole with a license plate: It has got to be the most obnoxious license plate in the USA. I don't really want to get on a rant about the USA, and God, and Manifest Destiny, and nationalism, though.... It's nationalism and perverted Christianity. Not that Christianity can ever get it all right because that is far from the truth. All I am saying is I actually like Tolstoy's "Gospel in Brief." Basically, a short story about Jesus that resonates with an atheist, anti-perverted Christian. Whatever perverted Christian even means. I am sure a 2019 Unitarian Church's Christianity is a better form of Christianity that has ever been. You know only 3% of the USA is atheist? There is not many of us. Especially, in a place like South Carolina. I like tapping into the spiritual though. The only problem is when it conflicts with science. Life is hard. There is a lot of suffering and misery in life. I wish I had more friends, I wish I had more family closer, I wish I felt part of a community. It seems as if today painting got me through the day. Not every day is going to be like that. At least I have something that soothes the pain of being more or less an isolated recluse. It's painting and activism at this point. No turning back at this point.

I'm going to suggest that you stop reading the comments made by trolls if you want to keep posting here and I will try to do the same so that you don't have to keep reading my responses to them. You are on a good path. I was just listening to a Russell Brand video for the first time and I thought it was pretty fitting with your blog so here you go:




You don't have to focus less on politics, you just have to focus more on the politics that you can do something about, and also get back to a regular "self-care" practice so that you're not just wallowing in the suffering of the world.

Christianity is like the grand inquisitor tale from brothers karamazov. If jesus ever came back and preached he would be persecuted for sure. Actually pretty good evidence for this, The american government despises the gospel teachings so much that they murdered dozens of priests in central america over it in the 1980's. (this is the first case study in manufacturing consent). Bertrand Russell made some striking comparisons between the gospels and marxism in his history of western philosophy.

The anarchist biologist who radicalized me said that Christ was a perfect anarchist and that there was nothing in his own writings or what he discovered in his studies that wasn't in the Gospels.

It's funny because there's a video going around of Jordan Peterson criticizing a lady who wrote to him saying that she is a Christian and a Marxist. He says "um, no you're not. that's not possible" and all his fans laugh. Imagine being so ignorant and being rich from it as a Christian while Jesus made sure to tell everyone that the kingdom of heaven is reserved for the poor.

On July 21 2019 17:35 Loco wrote: It's funny because there's a video going around of Jordan Peterson criticizing a lady who wrote to him saying that she is a Christian and a Marxist. He says "um, no you're not. that's not possible" and all his fans laugh. Imagine being so ignorant and being rich from it as a Christian while Jesus made sure to tell everyone that the kingdom of heaven is reserved for the poor.

It seems weird if you consider that Peterson has read and likes Nietzsche and it's clear that for N. there are a lot of similarities between the teaching of Jesus and what he described as the typical " socialist doctrine " (anarchism/marxism etc). Nietzsche also believed the Christian church was actually founded by Paul, who betrayed all the teachings of Jesus, essentially creating a fundamentally different -and worse- religion. I assume J.P. has no problem with modern Christianity by what he's usually commenting on the subject so I'm curious about what J.P. thinks Christianity stands for, how much it has to do with the original teachings of J. and how the hell is it supposed to be obvious that e.g. Marxists can't be Christian for that matter

Yeah I know. You can listen to his nonsense for yourself:

For someone supposedly being so "smart" JBP misreads seemingly everything. I don't even want to get started on his misreads on the Bible, Nietzsche, and Karl Marx. Oh yeah, Derrida, Baudrillard, Foucault, et al. This fucker needs to stay in his lane. He's a fucking conjuring con man with his fluttering hand movements. I've said it before and I'll say it again anything he says outside of the realms of psychology cannot be trusted yet here he is peddling his bullshit once again.

+ Show Spoiler +

On July 21 2019 16:26 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On July 19 2019 04:17 RiKD wrote: I think my next painting is going to be a painting of Christ. I was thinking of copying Christ of the Incas by Rouault but I think I may do my own version. It makes me want to re-read the Gospels in Brief by Tolstoy. I don't know who I like better Buddha or Christ or the Spirit of Taoism. The thing about Christ is that he was just out for the marginalized people in life. You can't tell me he wouldn't be out their fighting for trans people, poor people, fucking kids separated from their parents in a detention center without adequate food and water, etc. Yet, some times I see some stunted out large black truck driving like an asshole with a license plate: It has got to be the most obnoxious license plate in the USA. I don't really want to get on a rant about the USA, and God, and Manifest Destiny, and nationalism, though.... It's nationalism and perverted Christianity. Not that Christianity can ever get it all right because that is far from the truth. All I am saying is I actually like Tolstoy's "Gospel in Brief." Basically, a short story about Jesus that resonates with an atheist, anti-perverted Christian. Whatever perverted Christian even means. I am sure a 2019 Unitarian Church's Christianity is a better form of Christianity that has ever been. You know only 3% of the USA is atheist? There is not many of us. Especially, in a place like South Carolina. I like tapping into the spiritual though. The only problem is when it conflicts with science. Life is hard. There is a lot of suffering and misery in life. I wish I had more friends, I wish I had more family closer, I wish I felt part of a community. It seems as if today painting got me through the day. Not every day is going to be like that. At least I have something that soothes the pain of being more or less an isolated recluse. It's painting and activism at this point. No turning back at this point. I'm going to suggest that you stop reading the comments made by trolls if you want to keep posting here and I will try to do the same so that you don't have to keep reading my responses to them. You are on a good path. I was just listening to a Russell Brand video for the first time and I thought it was pretty fitting with your blog so here you go: You don't have to focus less on politics, you just have to focus more on the politics that you can do something about, and also get back to a regular "self-care" practice so that you're not just wallowing in the suffering of the world.

I like that quote from the video (from the Buddha) that it's better to dig 1 6 ft. well than to dig 6 1ft. wells. I remember when I was seeing Yuttadhammo and reading Sayadaw and meditating 2+ hours a day I was learning so much. I've likely already forgotten most of it although if I were to start up again I'm sure a lot of it would come back. I don't want to pick just one but I am realizing I do need more spirituality in my life. Obviously, as you are well aware of I don't need more Yuttadhammo in my life. We could probably go back and check blogs but I remember for portions of that period just feeling very ok. Like, just feeling a very humble happiness. A deep burn. The wisdom of the Gospels though is really out of this world. There is also the Tao te Ching which again is marvelous. I don't want to just confine it to one but I also don't know where I am going with all of this. The one I take the most from the Tao Te Ching is to feel the breeze on your face and watch the birds or just simply do nothing. It's a shame Russell Brand isn't local. I would probably ask him to be my sponsor (which I'm sure everyone already thinks/does). I think that is part of my self care is tapping into the spiritual. I could also see myself trying to find some monk similar to Mathieu Ricard that would be willing to teach me. Although, on the other hand Buddhism can seem to me to be an isolation from the world. I just want to be in a good mode to paint and participate in activism. Some friends, I have a good family. I am actually very grateful for my family. Some form of community. It's funny you were talking about relative poverty. I live in a very rich country club development. It is impossible not to feel worse than if I lived in some barely gentrified area. The people in my neighborhood are young professionals and elite retirees. If I get talking with some of them there may be some things in common but for the most part I am different. I don't have any desire to hang out with these people. I love my AA people but I just never go. I think if they weren't so adamant on getting on my knees and praying to be in God's will I would hang out there more. Oh well, I'll figure it out or I won't. I can't stop thinking about how the peak of that little Buddhist excursion is the happiest I'll ever be. I did the flip side of that in Malta with stacks of Purple Euros, drugs, experiences. I remember I was lost and also kept getting sick at the beginning of the trip. My friend and I would have long conversations of what I should do. I switched to PLO and got addicted. So, my day was weed, shower, weed, chocolate sugary cereal, coffee, weed, coffee, POKER, weed, poker... then a lot of days there was just adventuring. I think I was very sad at the beginning of the trip and then very happy as we found a community of people and did dope shit all the time. Very anti-Buddhist but it was a lot of fun and I couldn't help but be happy. Same in Buenos Aires.

I think there is some truth to what JBP said in that video. It's really not fun to be chased by bill collectors. I am a little ahead of that realm I would say but maybe not. Most consumption never truly made me happy. Meh, this has been talked about to death but I would likely be happier at $40k and even happier at $70k and considering I know how to spend money right I'd be happier at $100k, etc. but the thing is what am I going to have to do to earn that money???? *Shudder* I just can't. So, I stay trapped down here. It's not all that easy down here either. My employer has decided that they are just going to have me work 2 jobs on 1 shift most days. Now, I had help today which was really nice but in many ways poker and account manager were actually easier jobs. It's really fucked up when you think about it.

So, I hope I'm on a good path. That's all I can hope for. A co-worker I like today told me something like "don't lose hope" when I was probably looking particularly miserable when he went on break. Hope is such an interesting thing. I think we do need it to continue to survive.

This song sums up my development at this juncture:



Oh, and of course I'm not going to disengage politics. That is silly.

What would a day off be with out coming on here and putting something out? I am closest to my dreams in the morning and at night.

First of all, INcontrol's death has been on my mind. I didn't know him. Only knew of the name. Dying with out suffering and among friends has to be about as good as it can go. Although, there always seems to be a bit of a tragedy when someone goes young. Death is always a tragedy but when someone was still presumably vibrant with presumably many more years of vibrancy it's more sad at least for me. Rest in Peace.

I went for a walk today at the beach. The weather was clear for 2 hours on the forecast. I got there nothing looked too bad. Then all of a sudden I see lightning. I was like fuck this shit I'm going home and then this massive storm was baring down from all sides. Most people acted as if there wasn't a storm baring down all around them. People were casually walking INTO THE STORM. I have no idea what people were doing or thinking at this point in time. I was speed walking back to my car and was 5 min. ahead of a vicious thunderstorm.

One thing I have been thinking about a lot is the fact that I have to work by myself tomorrow morning. I've never done that before and it's causing a lot of anxiety. Regardless, it's going to be unpleasant and stressful no matter what (unless I get help which I can't count on). At the end of the day all I can do is my best. I want to say more. Like how I think about quitting due to them pushing labor to the max like this. I don't think I'm becoming a self-exploiting project or however Byng-Chul Han puts it. I'm begrudgingly doing it and only worry about maximizing efficiency and speed to survive. I'd much rather take a walk on the beach and paint. Believe me. There are other jobs out there for sure but the problem is I don't know what my next step is. I think I want to get away from culinary so that complicates things.

I'm a little high from painting but I ran out of canvas so I decided to come here. I should note that work today was unpleasant. I was making pizzas the whole time and didn't get any sort of break. It's more fun to talk about painting though. These oil sticks are great! It's a lot of fun mixing and matching the acrylic paint and the oil sticks. I love drawing too. That is my first love but you don't get the technique or the colors as you do in painting. I just need to keep working on different techniques. I'm strongly considering getting some lessons. Maybe that's all I have to say. I just have nothing to do and want to keep grooving.

Are security guards needed at a music festival?

I found this tonight while painting. It was one of those perfect times of life:



If I was retired I would fly around going to protests. Gilet jaunes fighting !!! I still want to organize that music festival in Vexin, France but it seems impossible. When I paint things aren't impossible. I am free. Anything is possible. I think the high is wearing off. I'm still listening to great music but I realize I am now writing on a blog of little consequence. k bye.