I got a new job. Now I just need to put in my notice. The team leader works a different shift than me so I have to go in on my day off tomorrow. I so just want to go to Food Not Bombs and blow it off to another day but I have to do it tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun, we're having big fun. There's always something ya know? Then there is being the new guy at the job and the job being new. More fun. I think it's something that had to be done. For people wondering I don't think I'm going to disclose what the new job is yet. It's not higher status or higher paying than my current job but it isn't in culinary which I need to get away from. That's really it at the end of the day. I want to get away from culinary and don't see a future there. I also had and will continue to have for about 2 more weeks a bad experience with Amazon. They don't treat labor well. That's how they make so much money. They are greedy. I need to break ties with Jeff Besos as a master. The more I type the more I realize I need to get my ass in there and give notice and make it official.
Amazon really is a horrible place to work if you are labor though. I have a friend of a friend who works a white collar job there and apparently it is pretty awesome but for labor God no. It's probably the same at most corporations. Hopefully, I have found a situation that is tolerable. Hopefully, more than tolerable but I won't get my hopes up too high. Even NGOs are funded by entities. Is there no way out? No exit? Well, there is an exit but hiems would prefer I don't talk about it. So, I do the best I can. That's all I can do. And I pray for the day we can break up the oligarchy.
Just felt like being anonymous so far i/r/t disclosing jobs and such. It's not really relevant unless I want to tell a specific story about it in the future so I'd rather keep it a mystery.
I put in my notice of resignation today. I don't know why I had a lot of anxiety about it. It was pretty straightforward and professional. I am going to miss a lot of the people there. I am not going to miss the job though. Then I went to Food Not Bombs! Fuck yeah! That is quickly becoming one of the bright spots of the week. It's almost surreal being surrounded by awesome leftists. Like I didn't know that could be a thing. I didn't know others actually existed IRL. Stoked man. Stoked.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ballet dancers in Paris joining the general strike and are giving free performances in front of the Opera <a href="https://t.co/9PyL8JNVB5">https://t.co/9PyL8JNVB5</a> <a href="https://t.co/ISETLjmUOZ">pic.twitter.com/ISETLjmUOZ</a></p>— COMPLETEANARCHY (@COMPLETEANAR) <a href="
Changing jobs is stressful. Life is stressful. Every day I have to figure things out. I have had more things to figure out recently. The transition is tough. AA tells me to turn it over to GOD. It actually kind of works. It's better than say taking a bunch of Xanax all the time and ending up in some Russian psych ward like Jordan B. Peterson. Again, I shouldn't take pot shots because that really, sincerely could be me. I wish JBP the best. Imagine a world where he comes out of rehab humble and willing to make amends for all the shit he's put into the world. I am not counting on it but you never know.
Reading Loco's post about The Joker sublimating/coping I feel like writing these blogs are part of my sublimation/coping. I do like to discuss things and I also like reading discussions. That doesn't really seem to be happening on here lately. Which then makes me wonder why I still come around? I think it is that sublimation/coping piece. It's also a habit. I could be reading. I actually want to take some Xanax right now. There is no real head change but there is like some aspect of euphoria and just general calm and relaxation. I'm kind of winding down to sleep and it makes me a little drowsy. A touch of drowsiness is always appreciated before bed. I just have a lot on my mind and not sure how tomorrow is going to go. I should trust God and/or my reason. "Genesis" by Grimes is a good song on Xanax. It seems silly to relapse on 1 unit of Xanax. I don't want to die though. So, I don't really feel like mixing alcohol with Xanax. I'd want to scale up responsibly and just take 2 units of Xanax but that again seems really silly to do. Unfortunately, I already passed the line of trying to be a "responsible" drug addict. I have a feeling that 4 units of Xanax would be better than 1 unit of Xanax but it's all relative. Again, I don't want to end up in some Russian psych ward or worse dead. I don't have the luxury of abusing drugs anymore.
I wish I were in Paris but it's probably not so much different there.
CAPITALISM IS EVERYWHERE. As Bong said, "We live in capitalism." Maybe some places I wouldn't have to work so many hours or I wouldn't be in medical debt but it's still capitalism. And it must end. Global oligarchy has to end.
Ugh. Fucking existence man. I have a day off tomorrow but it's going to be wrought with annoyances and anxiety. Hmmm, maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe it's just a matter of perspective. If I was getting my dick sucked would I care about any of this stuff? Nooope. I think this post has run it's course. Peace, serenity, grace...
Perhaps. It's possible. One day I will have ED if I live that long and will experience pain. I am not immune to resentments. Luckily, I have a 12 step program where I can hash out my resentments. But, yeah, being an impotent bitter old man addicted to opioids is certainly not outside the realm of possibility.
I never read 12 rules. I was interested in his reading list and I did the self-authoring which was actually probably helpful. When I consistently saw he was mangling a lot of his reading list in his talks and interviews I got a little weary. Actually, some of his lectures in a university setting weren't bad either but some genius guru he is not.
Working after I have put in my notice is kind of a weird beast. Word is getting around. I think that some people are a little mad. It is going to make their life worse unless the company hires some good people. But, I think most people genuinely want to see me "happy." Whatever that means. I talked to a good buddy today about it and he just said he wanted me to be happy. That we are all figuring out how to live life and we just have to do our best. I think I have been in a crummy mood at times the last few days because I realize this new job likely is not going to make me "happy." I am hoping it will make me less miserable for a good portion of my waking hours. That's really it. Just something to get out of what I'm currently in and cross my fingers that it doesn't suck worse. I am not that excited about it. Hell, I'll probably have to work more hours to pay my bills and I don't know exactly how they manage time off or scheduling exactly so it could effect my spare time. I guess it buys me some time to try and find that elusive NGO that could actually make me happy. Or so I think. I don't know if I will ever be "happy" under capitalism or if it's even possible for me.
I think for a lot of people me quitting makes people confront why they aren't quitting or why they are still staying there. I think that can kind of lead to some awkwardness. I am also probably spending too much time thinking about this stuff. But I have to live it for the remainder of my time there. Most people have been like extra helpful which has been cool. I think they realize that I don't want to be there so bad that I actually got a new job and quit so the least they can do is make my life a little better. It's actually a nice little experience to boost morale in the whole humanity sphere.
I have a new painting started. I could paint but I am le tired. Oh well, I guess I'll leave it at that for now.
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United States. Feb 09 2020 06:52. Posts 9043
