Leftovers

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RiKD

United States. Nov 26 2021 20:37. Posts 8992

Just some leftovers at the time.

PUA (Pick up Artist/Artistry)

I dabbled in PUA in my 20s. I will say the one thing it did for me is showed me the ease in which a dude can walk up to a woman in a club or bar and start a conversation. That was pretty powerful at the time. Now, there are a million things wrong with PUA. One of them being this focus on make outs. There were plenty of times I would get a make out in a public place and it virtually meant nothing. In fact, make outs in public places should not ever be happening. This is all like kind of late 18s – early 20s when people are just starting to get more drunk and it can get pretty sloppy out there. Hell, I started drinking in 7th grade I should have known better. In 7th grade we would play spin the bottle or 2 people go into a closet and make out or just time people making out. So, make outs do matter in the fact that it's a first kiss scenario but really it should be happening in more of a discrete way and with people who are vetted and not just complete strangers.

Holiday Loneliness

Perhaps because my libido has been shot since I have felt so crummy lately this has helped but there has not been much holiday loneliness thus far. I have no desire to go to a club and get a make out but it is not like the fact that I have no one to cuddle with under the covers on a cold night has not really phased me much either. I did start going to AA again which helps with friends. It has also helped that there were no Aunt Karens at the Thangsgiving dinner table. I am willing to be a little lonely in general if it means less headaches in the future.

Determinism

I don't know who is in control I just know that many times it doesn't feel like me. I question myself. If I don't question myself and life just moves I am either on the tracks of determinism or free will. Determinism would feel like free will but I swear there are times that free will is free will and doesn't feel like anything but free will.

But in general I have to get out of my head especially if I am manic. I saw the blue fairy in the blue lights though. I saw a lot of things. I hallucinate. I have synesthesia. That bridge to guardian angels and new worlds and new gods is such mind fuck. I've seen it; I've been there. I don't want to drive 129 mph in a 45 mph with Orbital – The Box – Part 2 blaring as loud as it will go. Actually, to be more truthful I do want to do that... I don't want to kill anyone and I don't want to lose my license though.

c my love,
help guide me,
you are an og,
like ri, like zoé, like me

That's how I pray today. I pray to complicated new gods of new dimensions with horrific poetry.

I also don't think I am as manic as what I am writing. It's almost like I am playing a character of manic me.

Oh well, I should probably find something else to do.

r Love x y Love x z Love ...

0 votes

RiKD

United States. Nov 26 2021 20:58. Posts 8992

a Love * b Love * c Love ... • • • ... se Love * og Love * ri Love ... • • •

Sleepy311 Vietnam. Nov 26 2021 23:07. Posts 154

We coulda called ya "Rik Swayze" back in the PUA days. Having been on Seroquel at one point as well I hear ya on how frustrating it can be with libido. Have you tried doing Muay Thai or Crossfit? Having a positive group to train with regularly makes a huge difference.

Hope you had an enjoyable holiday dude!