Ghost Town, LP

Some people are pretending to not be online, while some of us can see they're lurking in the shadows.

I'm currently enjoying myself in Vegas. Be back on Monday.

Is there some non-gaming cloud computing options? I wouldn't buy a computer for gaming cause I can just use Geforce Now for 10 bucks a month.

On February 26 2022 04:25 PuertoRican wrote: Some people are pretending to not be online, while some of us can see they're lurking in the shadows. I'm currently enjoying myself in Vegas. Be back on Monday.

[lemonade]

On February 26 2022 10:37 CurbStomp2 wrote: Is there some non-gaming cloud computing options? I wouldn't buy a computer for gaming cause I can just use Geforce Now for 10 bucks a month.

The priority is music production. I don't know enough about computers to know about non-gaming cloud options or Geforce Now. I would think a current desktop would last me many years so while $10/month is nothing a custom desktop amortized over years would be similar in price.

My current laptop is a 2009 MacBook Pro. It is in a sweet spot of not being able to accomplish much of anything music production wise or gaming wise. I will say I still appreciate the aesthetics of the thing and web browsing is fine but I have to get away from Apple products and it is about time I build my own desktop.

"Working class" guy making min wage spends all his money on things like guitar lessons and a gaming computer lol.

try american spirits organic tobacco and break it up and put it in a pipe

On February 26 2022 16:16 hiems wrote: "Working class" guy making min wage spends all his money on things like guitar lessons and a gaming computer lol.

What am I supposed to spend it on?

Khaki pants and red wine paraphernalia?



[lemonade]

On February 27 2022 01:24 EzPzLmnSqz wrote: try american spirits organic tobacco and break it up and put it in a pipe

Well... It's hard to self-destruct on tobacco but no thanks. It's only worth it if it has become part of a lifestyle and even then the negative side effects are annoying enough to quit or just never start.

I think if I try any drug at this point it would be cocaine. It goes well with my personality except I'm "working class" that spends all my money on guitar lessons and budget custom desktop computers. Meaning cocaine is expensive so I would have to pal around with people that don't mind sharing bumps. But, I mean this idea is incredibly stupid. It wouldn't end well. There is no way I keep it together snorting cocaine. Impending self-destruction if not suicide would likely be how that story ends. I am happy to just be something. Something that is slowly fading away but something. Do I have a meaning? I don't know. Sometimes it feels like angels are looking out for me. My life is subconsciously or deterministically guided by these angels. Angels could be literal or metaphorical.

Can people fundamentally change? I am not so sure. I can play blues scales today that I couldn't play 3 weeks ago but this is not exactly what I mean. Every day is more or less the same. I follow the same general routines and drift towards comfort and amusement. Everything I say has already been said by someone else.

I have to hurry up there is only so much time (for what and for why?)

Precursor to World War III, imminent collapse, etc. it is actually happening. I keep saying I am going to try to blot it out with big fun but what does that look like?

Why not music composition and hanging out with friends?

I am right where I belong.

On February 27 2022 02:01 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On February 26 2022 16:16 hiems wrote: "Working class" guy making min wage spends all his money on things like guitar lessons and a gaming computer lol. What am I supposed to spend it on? Khaki pants and red wine paraphernalia? [lemonade]

Idk maybe like..rent. or food.

Who pays for that in ur life.

What's the difference?

If I get defensive you will assume I pay nothing which is not true.

Get a life hiems.

You honestly pay market rate rent at your parents' place?

You are a fool if this is true.

I'm just trying to live, man. My current situation is better than disability. Maybe I can find a better job and move out but that's not a reality at this point so why not get some budget music equipment so I can at least tolerate life. Friends are complicated too. Ran into one of my best friends today and he is doing shit. I am here for him but if I was at an 8.5 and he was at a 2 it is going to be a little emotionally taxing. I am not saying I'd rather slink off to my room for music time but being anti-social is fine if there is copium available. I don't even need hopium. Hopium is for pussies. There is no hope we are all doomed. Now, I'd rather be hitting the climax of a song than in a gulag somewhere in Russia but everyone you know goes away in the end including you. Care less about me and more about yourself. I am an illusion. A copy of a copy of a copy. All I know is me and all you know is you. Society raised me in a way that there is no changing. At 7 years sobriety I am still a fucking weirdo, man. I am past my prime. Fading away. Deteriorating. The disease growing. Inflaming. I see more and more doctors and take more and more pills. I am dying. Slowly. But, in some regards I am capable of more. Maybe you are right. Maybe I should be giving some fuck landlord my hard earned money. I should cover 100% of my food intake as well as subsidize 2 homeless people. Fuck you and your glass house. Today, there is a lack of self-hatred. Can you say the same piggy?

I don't know what 7 fucking years sobriety is supposed to mean. It doesn't fucking matter. The same with 40 years old. Some guy with a $40 side part haircut, khaki pants, and red wine paraphernalia telling me what it is supposed to mean is a joke. FUCK YOU.

I should write songs instead of posting on here.

fuck.

My mic doesn't work on this laptop.......... but garage band still works... but my dad is asleep... *sigh*

life.

death.

disfigurement.

Sometimes it feels like becoming free from one cage and you find you are in a bigger cage. Like waking up from a dream only to realize it's another dream. One you can't escape. I saw a Matisse today. I was in awe. Then I had to tie my shoes and take a piss... Drive down the road and not crash into anything. I can't hide my facial expressions. I want to fuck this young woman but she is probably too young. She has a great attitude. And a pair of tits on her that I just can't miss. Sometimes I feel like I am too old to be writing blog posts like this. Why share? It seems like there are innumerable other options. But, it feels like there are no other options. She compliments me on my tattoos and my fashion. I don't know exactly how to describe my tattoos. They just seem like my skin to me now...

Sometimes I get feelings that if I get more recovered (whatever that means) maybe I can get a date, get a girlfriend maybe even a partner. Kids seems like a healthy societal thing to do but I just have this aversion to it. Now, I love my nephews but that is a little different to being trapped with the little monsters. I don't know, man, that is getting ahead of myself. I just want a tiny apartment with some space to make music and paint and fuck beauties on high thread count linens. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One man's trash is another man's treasure. In reality I don't know if I'll ever get out of my parents' home. Inflation is going wild. .......... . . .. . . . . .. . .. .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . ....... . .. . .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... ... ... . . .. . . .

There is a lot to worry about if I worry about societal standards. Society is fucked up so why would I care about societal standards?

.. .. .. .. ... .. .. .. ... . .. .. .. ..... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ...... . m . m . m . . m . m m m . m m . m . m . . . . m

Music feeds my inspiration. Maybe if I can get enough shit out of my body I won't feel the need to fill it up with so much shit. What are the expectations of 7 years sober?

A wise woman once told me expectations are future resentments. I am something from nothing. .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001

divided by 0.

Whoa! That's infinity! What does that mean?

I am almost null and one day become nothing yet for now I am miraculous!

It doesn't feel that way.

What do we do with this power!?

We must not let it go to waste. I can see the birds and smell the flowers and eat tomatoes grown in my very own garden!

I can also feel empty, lonely, and hateful.

Like nothing matters. I can escape one consciousness for another in my bedroom, in my bed. When I really put my all into a song it is like the same principle. Almost nothing is miraculous. I like going to diners and laughing too. Into the morning. I enjoy watching the sun rise. The sun too will transfer over into something else. I say 7 years sober like it is mundane. In a way it is very mundane but takes grace from something I cannot explain or comprehend. Many people in the meetings are brainwashed but if it works for them then so be it I guess. There was a guy in the meeting who was talking about smoking fentanyl and shooting up some drug I never even heard of but now he has a sponsor and follows a book blindly and he seems to be doing ok so what if it's "culty" I guess. There is a herd of AA and it seems like I have one foot in and one foot out. I am not sure if it is a great place to be but when I go and talk to people I don't feel so alone and the hate seems to not creep in.

We are in this together (well, except for maybe hiems).

We are in this together.

We should be in this together (scratch the should)

We can be in this together (scratch the can)

We must be in this together.

We be in this together.

I want this to be stronger than scrolling twitter.

We be in this together.

We are in this together.

Take a restroom break for as long as you want it. Until your legs fall asleep. That is probably too long though. Especially, if you are scrolling twitter.

You think sorting clothes all day is fun?

I've had 2 days off in a row and I am starting to morph into leisure, lingering, and laziness.

Why are breasts so alluring? I mean it's really about the entire shape but why are breasts so alluring? It's a symmetry. A sculpture. Venus de Milo by Rodin. But, it is more. It is the eyes. The soul. Now, I am obsessing. Is 24 too young for someone that is almost 40? I don't get to hear the thoughts of the thots down at the fashion store.

How is everyone doing?

Filled with excitement, we are obsessed with amusement,

My problem with AA is the higher power bullshit. I find any kind of spirituality really childish. Also here in Finland the AA groups are really small with dudes around 80 years old.

Yeah, there is always a lot of mental gymnastics involved with higher powers.

It depends on the definition of spirituality. I don't think I would just label religious spirituality as spirituality. Spirituality has expanded. I can watch the birds and feel the breeze and see a new flower blooming in the spring and sing a song and make someone laugh and that sort of encompasses spirituality for me. It has nothing to do with a God. Bad times and pseudo-nihilism it feels that I want nothing to do with anything but if I took a walk in a forest I would feel something.

Small groups can be ok. There is potential for more round-table discussion. I think I prefer like 30 people. If the old dudes have some time and are not full of themselves I tend to enjoy what they have to offer the group.

I'm sur the old dudes aren't thinking "wen will this retard rikd stop talking" lol