The other day at the fashion store this woman walked into the fitting room and we had normal conversation. She said she was trying to relive a recent experience at a boutique store where some clothes made her feel great. Then, she told me, "don't go anywhere I want your opinion on something." Which happens a fair amount. Then, she walks out of the room in sexy, lacy lingerie with her phenomenal breasts on just about full display. I don't know what my face looked like. I tried to play it cool and put on a poker face but she was clearly coming out of this lingerie. She said, "I think it looks kind of funky" as I just stood there trying to think of something to say. I wanted to say, "the breasts are certainly not the problem but the lingerie is too small" but I just agreed with her and said it was a bit funky looking. She then just casually tried on a hippy type of spring/summer robe/cardigan as if it was no different than surprising me with her tits falling out. Then, she was gone apart from the memories. The fact that her tits have been haunting me means I really need to get touched by a woman at some point aka get laid.
I am poisoned with male gaze. She really was a lovely woman. I would have liked to get coffee with her but her breasts were phenomenal. There is no other way to say it. I don't even know if I'm an ass guy or a breast guy or if that even exists for most people. I can't help appreciating stellar aesthetics especially when her demeanor was so appealing.
I have to carry some hope that I could date women like that or else life is too depressing. As much as I love my guitar and Ableton Live 11 which is on some level livin'. On another level to love is to live. I don't think that can be the only thing either as people grow apart and break up and then what but it has to amount for something.
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hiems United States. Apr 02 2022 04:55. Posts 2979
Whens the last time u got laid?
I beat Loco!!! [img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]
It's clear we are all a bunch of knuckleheads craving attention and amusement.
It's unclear if I can "improve" enough in certain areas to climb the heights of a relevant social hierarchy or find a woman who doesn't care about that if that even truly exists. In most cases I am declining. 28 was a magical age. Even 35 is what everyone is trying to be but I am past that and my social options are diminishing especially as someone who doesn't drink.
Clearly, I could go for cougars, MILFs, and BBW but probably even they wouldn't put up with me living with my parents and I would have to go on some form of online dating to find them which I don't want to do. It's one thing to go to a certain type of bar to pick up but I'm not going to post up drinking club soda + lime trying to pick up drunk women. That's not a good look at all. As exciting as it can be I am not even interested in picking up. Very simple a few escalating dates is perfectly fine by me. I'm not against fuck buddy but honestly I'd rather have something materialize into a relationship than trying to chase some high of a pick up or use a woman as a drug.
Even the bad ass anarchist chick wants a bad ass anarchist.
The hot hippie wants the King of the Hippies.
I feel like somewhat crazy in retail or food and bev is a fit for me but I don't know if I want that (just like they might not know if they want me).
But, I also feel that I am not all that crazy these days but I also may be boring. I also don't have much money which is tied in to being boring. It seems I am perfectly fine to practice my guitar, do some laundry, watch EUPHORIA, read, and go to sleep. Maybe going on a more serious online dating avenue than Tinder and going on some dates could spruce up my life a bit. It could also make it more annoying. Tough to predict. I think it has been this way for a while. Tinder was not good for me though. I do feel less crazy though. Unless my mania or depression kick in. Then all bets are off but I feel like a pretty normal guy that is kind of losing at life and will never win. It doesn't feel like any over-arching goals of winning are even achievable. So, I just kind of revert back to what is fun or comfortable or whatever. If I can play a Leadbelly song or a Thom Yorke song or a TVZ song it seems like everything is ok. It really does feel like everything is ok. If I break it all down maybe it isn't but in those moments it is. It's nice to not think about the blemishes for some time. I honestly don't even know how I can "improve." I can get better at the guitar. I know this because things I couldn't play weeks ago I can play now but real life is much more complicated. I am stuck in a mostly autopilot job and I fight for my life to not be autopilot when I am off the clock but it carries over. Damn it! It carries over. I just don't want to be in that rat race for society's top social hierarchies because I am dead in the water before I can even try. Trying is so important in life but I have to try at the right things. I have to try at the right things.
Bro, The Secret is what sent me overboard and suicidal when we were watching that shit in rehab. So, I failed rehab and ended up in the psych ward.
It was really a are we seriously watching this in a rehab that I am trapped in and paying money for?
I couldn't take it.
It was a surreal moment in my life. Everyone was like smiling like the Cheshire Cat and into it and I sat there as if it were a nightmare. Like The Secret is seriously what the people in this rehab are congratulating?
Step 1 I was cool with (Admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives became unmanageable). Well, I didn't want to admit that I was powerless but I was like ok whatever. Substances and addiction has fucked my life bad.
Step 2 I freaked out on and had a complete breakdown. Like, I seriously was going to kill myself that we were seriously watching The Secret in a rehab. Oh, Step 2 is "Came to believe in a higher power that could restore us to sanity." I think I messed some wordage up in both steps but I had a freakout in front of everyone like "I could sure use a higher power but what the fuck is it? It's definitely not The fucking Secret what is wrong with you people I may as well just kill myself now... I will fucking kill myself... and before I knew it I was locked up in the psych ward. So, I have a sore spot with The Secret and any god that supposedly listens to prayers or people that tell me that anything good in anyone's life is because of prayer, etc. ...
I was in a serious rehab. We sat and watched that garbage for 1 hr 30 min. and then were expected to have intelligent discussion about it..... I'm lucky I didn't have any weapons on me or near me. Then I'm in literal hell for who knows how long. These are the worst memories of my life.
Yea bro that’s mess up, when ur mindset is not good watching the secret is bad esp in a psych ward. I think best is to heal the mind from other positive interactions. Mindfulness and other activities.
On April 03 2022 12:28 lostaccount wrote:
But tbh the secert is what started my enlightenment journey
Looking back, I remember when I was a budding star tennis player and the coaches who were the best in the area started to talk about visualizing the shot and visualizing the rally. I don't know how much it helped but I'm pretty sure this is a very normal concept in sports.
Outside of sports it gets a little more tricky. Especially the idea that if you don't get what you want you didn't want it enough.
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hiems United States. Apr 04 2022 01:28. Posts 2979
Now dat I think abut it u remind me of uncle Rico from napoleon dynamite
I beat Loco!!! [img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]
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United States. Apr 02 2022 03:31. Posts 8992
