Stuff

League of Legends was buggy as fuck. I tried to reduce graphics or whatever but it wouldn't let me click on that stuff in game. I had to "A(ttack)" left click to kill anything. My right click did nothing. I could barely move around. WTF mate ^^;;

Computer clearly isn't good enough to run it.

I have no idea what the fuck games that leaves me with.

Damn, these headphones are ridiculous though.

Songs To Test Headphones With playlist on Spotify is killin' it!

This Death Adder is sick as fuck too and the blue switch mechanical keyboard went with knock off Chinese so I got the Shanzhai Oneitsu keys instead of the German engineering originals. Not sure how much of a difference it makes but typing you can just feel the cleanness with hitting the sweet spot.

Listening to Burial, Aphex Twin, NIN, Bjork, Jamie XX, et al. I am getting motivated to go back to making music digitally tomorrow lol.

But, this keyboard and mouse are motivating me to find a game to play.

What a battle.

Although in some ways it is also de-motivating in the fact that I will never make music like any of the above. T.T

I'll never play BW like Flash either. T.T

I tell you what: Grimes Visions is a great album. I don't care what anyone says. It's hard to look at the album without looking at what exactly she has become today but hell, I liked Miss Anthropocene too.

trentemoller is one I haven't heard in a while. Vamp is a great song.

SUN RA

Door of the Cosmos

Being a "gamer" is a dumb thing imo unless you meet ppl from it or somehow turn it into revenue.

Playing games as a distraction/entertainment is definitely fine and something u probably need but don't use it as a crutch to hide from facing the issues in your life.

I guess same goes for guitar.

I find it interesting that I quit guitar while u r pursuing it.

On April 07 2022 17:34 hiems wrote: Being a "gamer" is a dumb thing imo unless you meet ppl from it or somehow turn it into revenue. Playing games as a distraction/entertainment is definitely fine and something u probably need but don't use it as a crutch to hide from facing the issues in your life. I guess same goes for guitar.

I have no notions of playing professionally in anything at this point. Straight gamer was never my strong suit. I had a far shot to win my regional WCG qualifier in W3:TFT and I put my heart and soul into that and still sucked. At this point it is for transcendence. I'd rather play a good game than zombie mode watch a bad tv show. I have no expectations of meeting people through gaming lol. I actually met some cool people through W3:TFT so maybe that isn't laughable and I met some amazing people through poker. I wouldn't have found poker and had an advantage if it weren't for gaming. But, poker was certainly an outlier event.

Of course, I am going to use gaming to hide from facing the issues in my l life

Same with the guitar. Guitar > gaming though imo. Music is good for the soul. Gaming is just ludic freedom within the constraints of a game which is also worthwhile. I'm not picking up any women because I am not terrible at League of Legends where as if I can play a handful of songs at a bonfire that is like the pinnacle of life. I'm not playing video games or playing the guitar to pick up women though. They bring me freedom in my life where I don't get much freedom honestly. I am stuck in a job 40 hours a week and then the job doesn't even pay enough to allow me to mix it up a bit in my free time. Guitar and gaming are too things which bring a lot of bang for the buck.

On April 07 2022 17:36 hiems wrote: I find it interesting that I quit guitar while u r pursuing it.

I don't find it that interesting. It sounds like you fell out of love with it and moving forward through a potential plateau. I am still happy to plod along and get a little bit better each week.

LOL the joke is on me.

I can barely play any games on this laptop.

League of Legends was so weird. My mouse works perfectly fine but I loaded LoL up and I can barely move and the right click isn't working. I had to "a" + left click to attack enemies. But, I can play Doom 3... a game I beat in like 2006? 2005?

A+ left click is how all the good players play that shit game as far as I know. I'm pretty sure you can pirate all of those music softwares too. QBittorrent has its own search engine once python is installed.

You seem to be a bit manic here. I was just swinging by to say I met a beautiful girl recently who is a talented musician and we hit it off well, only for me to find out she's bipolar (I am assuming - she mentioned having made some stuff while manic, and there aren't that many conditions where mania is involved). I was like "fuck" but she claimed to have made a lot of progress with meditation and spirituality and I gave her a chance. She ended up admitting she doesn't medicate and talked about her "spirit energy" being this and that and positive drug experiences and I knew she was trouble there. I questioned her spirit belief in the most inoffensive/unconfrontational way and she ghosted me. What a world. So anyway, I wanted to say: you're lucky you're not delusional when you're not manic. Apparently a lot of bipolar sufferers are. I read some stories of people in support groups enabling their delusions and if you question them thinking they are psychics and shit they kick you out.

On April 08 2022 16:32 Loco wrote: A+ left click is how all the good players play that shit game as far as I know. I'm pretty sure you can pirate all of those music softwares too. QBittorrent has its own search engine once python is installed. You seem to be a bit manic here. I was just swinging by to say I met a beautiful girl recently who is a talented musician and we hit it off well, only for me to find out she's bipolar (I am assuming - she mentioned having made some stuff while manic, and there aren't that many conditions where mania is involved). I was like "fuck" but she claimed to have made a lot of progress with meditation and spirituality and I gave her a chance. She ended up admitting she doesn't medicate and talked about her "spirit energy" being this and that and positive drug experiences and I knew she was trouble there. I questioned her spirit belief in the most inoffensive/unconfrontational way and she ghosted me. What a world. So anyway, I wanted to say: you're lucky you're not delusional when you're not manic. Apparently a lot of bipolar sufferers are. I read some stories of people in support groups enabling their delusions and if you question them thinking they are psychics and shit they kick you out.

Lol..

On April 08 2022 16:32 Loco wrote: A+ left click is how all the good players play that shit game as far as I know. I'm pretty sure you can pirate all of those music softwares too. QBittorrent has its own search engine once python is installed. You seem to be a bit manic here. I was just swinging by to say I met a beautiful girl recently who is a talented musician and we hit it off well, only for me to find out she's bipolar (I am assuming - she mentioned having made some stuff while manic, and there aren't that many conditions where mania is involved). I was like "fuck" but she claimed to have made a lot of progress with meditation and spirituality and I gave her a chance. She ended up admitting she doesn't medicate and talked about her "spirit energy" being this and that and positive drug experiences and I knew she was trouble there. I questioned her spirit belief in the most inoffensive/unconfrontational way and she ghosted me. What a world. So anyway, I wanted to say: you're lucky you're not delusional when you're not manic. Apparently a lot of bipolar sufferers are. I read some stories of people in support groups enabling their delusions and if you question them thinking they are psychics and shit they kick you out.

"A" + left click is clearly superior but my point was the tutorial was telling me to right click and I couldn't. I also couldn't click on any option on the option menu (I was going to turn graphics down). My fps was like 30 and worse in battle.

Considering you are a pro game tester I would like to hear your suggestion.

I have a Lenovo ThinkPad T440P 14'' Laptop, Core i5-4300M 2.6 GHz, 8 GB Ram, 240 GB SSD, Windows 10 Pro 64-bit.

What game(s) should I try?

Also, it could be mania or just how thrilled I was with my new headphones. I think it would be difficult for me to be psychotic at this point since I am on a standard dose of Vraylar AND they added a standard dose of Seroquel as things were getting dicey about two months ago but Lithium is typically the weak spot for me so mania is possible.

Cocaine and meth can produce manias with out Bipolar 1 but it's probably not a good thing if she is using those drugs either. Some times it is hard not to be delusional with some of the stuff I've gone through. You are right though, I am lucky that that doesn't effect me too bad. When I am "normal" I just kind of snap back to realty almost as if my mania / psychosis was a dream. They are not dreams is what makes it tricky but I am a rational person who was raised in a rational family. It's easy to think that I haver super powers or that I am living in a dream / simulation anyways because in a way when I am manic there is some truth to this. Meaning not having to sleep and having endless energy and synesthesia and extra sensitivity to senses, etc. is kind of a super power and I have no way of knowing that I am not in a dream / simulation but the "super powers" aren't worth it in the long run and I definitely don't have them when I am "normal." Sometimes when I am "normal" certain things seem scripted but I reason it out to not obsess about it and just go on with my day. If I turn it into white hat hackers and black hat hackers are controlling my brain in an epic behind the scenes Cold War or that a hallucination in a cop cars lights is actually fairy Grimes who is actually one of my guardian angels and who communicates to me through her music I am at a point past rationality and I'm likely headed for a shitty bid in the psych ward. It's like I remember all of this stuff but have to just live my life with out getting caught up on any of it. I feel for people who carry their manic delusions with them all the time. That would be agony. For people to enable those delusions is fucking sick.

That's garbage my friend, it's a laptop from 2013 with a dual-core and integrated graphics. You can't play any decent game on high FPS on a laptop with integrated graphics, even more recent ones. I don't think you can even play games like Limbo but you should try that (again, please just pirate everything through QBittorrent, it's not hard). I'd just play StarCraft tbh (but it's really addictive and not a great idea). I see some insane deals lately in Canada for god-tier laptops around $1000-$1300 cad that are brand new. If you're working there is no reason why you couldn't have a great laptop for around 1k US new--or less if used or not as great--if you save up a bit while you shop around. I don't know the equivalent of the site I use in the US but for me it's RedFlagDeals.

When you make posts in repetition like this without people responding to you it's 99% mania. You're usually cycling through the same old obsessions and throwing in a few new things here and there. You are excited about something you haven't done in a long time here -- can't blame you, but clearly overboard. No one's that excited about a DeathAdder mouse, even my 16 yo self who was playing competitively wasn't that excited when I upgraded my mouse and had good results owning people.

But yeah, my point is, you are coherent a lot of the times. And it's kind of easy to see when you are manic. This girl's brain seems a lot more fried than yours. And maybe it's just because I'm used to reading your stuff, but I have no idea if she's manic and to what level, what her "normal is", etc. She didn't end up ghosting but she replied to me 3 days later (tonight) and said she was sorry blah blah that she wanted to make sure she had enough time to write down her thoughts. Despite this, it ended up being pretty incoherent, and she didn't answer several questions I had asked. And she's younger than you too. You've gone through a lot more by the virtue of your years and still you have a pretty good head on your shoulders despite everything. Tell me, if you were interested in someone, would you wait 3 days to write to them? Would you not instead write to them at some point within 2 days and say "hey I'll get back to you whenever I can"? I'm pretty sure you would and that she was just offended or confused I questioned her spiritual beliefs during all this time but ended up changing her mind and writing when she was in a better mood.

And yeah there is no simulation. And you don't have a superpower. It's a degenerative brain disease. Every excess catches up to us, there is no way to cheat homeostasis. You're lucky when the delusional beliefs don't merge with your normal personality. It made me realize you're lucky to be able to read philosophy, understand some things about capitalism, etc. while a lot of these people basically believe in the toothfairy and have their friends validate them for it and when that happens they will never in a hundred years come close to understanding important parts of reality.

I've got some time to type something up because I decided to go with StarCraft. Limbo trailer looked great so I will try that next.

I dropped the ball a little bit with my planning. For my birthday my family said they would help chip in for a nice desktop on sale at Micro Center for $699.99 from $899.99. Well, I never really followed up on it and they all forgot about it so I was amassing my DAW project. The musician (Stimming) suggested this laptop and I pretty much just followed his guidelines. It's a great setup for creating music except my audio interface was not working properly and in turn my mic didn't work. I was in bliss watching tutorials and making music with my MIDI controller for a few days until I got discouraged that my mic didn't work and that making good music is incredibly difficult and time consuming while overcoming a knowledge plateau. Burial can make Archangel in 20 min. fueled by his dog dying but I am not Burial.

Anyhow, a new starter Gibson Les Paul is $800. A Martin probably starts at $1,000. I don't need either of those guitars but I don't need a God laptop either. I would like an acoustic guitar that fits me though. Then, it's probably save for a desktop.

Not that I am a big dating guru but I don't ghost unless it is the end of times with that person. I recently did not respond to a manager's text at 11:40pm when she knew I had a day off the next day but she knew I saw the text and I had nothing to say. I ghosted my last sponsor because I did not want to tell them that I didn't want them as a sponsor anymore. I regret that and made amends this year.

ps.

I'm reading a "new" Byung-Chul Han: Hyperculture: Culture and Globalization. I saw that it was published in 2005 in German but it's nice sitting down to some Han that is new to me.