Every Dog Has Its Day

Doing a good job and being appreciated for doing a good job feels great. There's nothing anti-capitalist about doing a shitty job, and there's nothing pro-capitalist about doing a good job. If anything, what you are feeling is the type of sensation that makes people like me think 'people don't need to be monetarily rewarded for excellence, because recognition for excellence is a damn sweet reward on its own'.

Good job!

I somehow get the feeling this award was a result of making (dumb) ppl like u more than anything else. Did u randomly start talking about painting, guitar, byung chul han, make silly jokes, emotional appeals etc?

Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Just want to be clear cause there's a difference between merit / "excellence" and just getting people to like u.

The Unlikable Asian strikes again. Unlikable Asian uses Extreme Jealousy. It's super effective!

Funny timing because I was told by an OCD coworker of mine yesterday who keeps track of this stuff that I am in the top 3 highest performers when it comes to the most important metric at my work (doesn't take into other account other things I work on). And that's competing with people who have been doing this for a lot longer than me. I'm not particularly trying hard, and I would certainly be trying harder if there were more money involved. Drone is not completely wrong but it depends on the baseline amount you're making and the context of the economic situation. As it is I've been playing a lot of StarCraft and reading on my shift and I'd gladly trade most of that off for some extra income.

On June 28 2022 18:10 hiems wrote: I somehow get the feeling this award was a result of making (dumb) ppl like u more than anything else. Did u randomly start talking about painting, guitar, byung chul han, make silly jokes, emotional appeals etc? Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Just want to be clear cause there's a difference between merit / "excellence" and just getting people to like u.

I haven't talked about any of that stuff at work besides guitar but there is never anything to talk about because no one else plays the guitar. People have said they enjoy working with me and that I am funny. That is different than silly jokes and emotional appeals.

I show up on time and do my work. It's not brain surgery.

On June 28 2022 18:51 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On June 28 2022 18:10 hiems wrote: I somehow get the feeling this award was a result of making (dumb) ppl like u more than anything else. Did u randomly start talking about painting, guitar, byung chul han, make silly jokes, emotional appeals etc? Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Just want to be clear cause there's a difference between merit / "excellence" and just getting people to like u. I haven't talked about any of that stuff at work besides guitar but there is never anything to talk about because no one else plays the guitar. People have said they enjoy working with me and that I am funny. That is different than silly jokes and emotional appeals. I show up on time and do my work. It's not brain surgery.

Idk but to me that is my point. It might not be silly jokes or emotional appeals but id imagine the award has more to do with u being irrationally likeable (for dumb ppl) and also being the new guy rather than some sort of "excellence" the vag drone is suggesting.

I'm sure ur doing a fine/good job at ur job tho.

Mondays can be boring. It would be great if I could play video games or read but that would be impossible obviously.

Saturdays can be quite trying actually. Not a fun day. I had the thought that people that work the weekends should get paid more. I'm still under $40,000 in a year. Any increase of $1,000 is huge. Which is why I am so thankful for things like calibre and xyz-library. I still haven't figured out my food situation.

On the weekends, I do become a bit of a performance zombie. I have learned to kind of snap into that mode if needed or snap out of that mode if it's time to take a break or have a conversation with someone. Yeah, it's definitely a performance zombie mode or an autopilot zone mode or pseudo-flow state mode but I don't think the tasks are difficult enough to really put me into a flow state unless I have to go really fast. Not ideal but I feel like the life comes back to me pretty quickly after clocking out.

On June 28 2022 18:58 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On June 28 2022 18:51 RiKD wrote:   On June 28 2022 18:10 hiems wrote: I somehow get the feeling this award was a result of making (dumb) ppl like u more than anything else. Did u randomly start talking about painting, guitar, byung chul han, make silly jokes, emotional appeals etc? Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Just want to be clear cause there's a difference between merit / "excellence" and just getting people to like u. I haven't talked about any of that stuff at work besides guitar but there is never anything to talk about because no one else plays the guitar. People have said they enjoy working with me and that I am funny. That is different than silly jokes and emotional appeals. I show up on time and do my work. It's not brain surgery. Idk but to me that is my point. It might not be silly jokes or emotional appeals but id imagine the award has more to do with u being irrationally likeable (for dumb ppl) and also being the new guy rather than some sort of "excellence" the vag drone is suggesting. I'm sure ur doing a fine/good job at ur job tho.

Of course, there is some element of doing my job excellently and there is some element of being liked. I don't really care how much of each it is to be honest. My bosses are happy, my co-workers are happy, and I got an $x gift card.

Furthermore, I am not new in retail terms and I resent you calling all of my co-workers dumb. Of course, you are the only non-dumb one? How is that treating you?

Loco called it though. It is a job one can learn in 6 months and then it starts trending towards excruciating. I like the people I work with and it is a relatively easy job most of the time but damn I have to start thinking about what is next.

Alexander von Meilenwald ist ein Held. He is one of the many reasons I have a "weird" admiration for Loco. Loco just has good taste which is hard to find in this day and age. I always come back to Exuvia but I can't stop listening to that album lately. I also want to say that Alexander is a more impressive instrumentalist and composer/arranger than Trent Reznor. Yeah, I said it.

Alexander inspired me to start my own project which makes me realize just how impressive the The Ruins of Beverast project is. At the very least I've figured out Reaper a bit more and it is super inspiring to get better at the guitar. If I can get good enough to put down some rhythm guitar riffs and write some stuff that is a start. It feels bad man to just MIDI in some bass and drums. Maybe that is where I find some people. My cousin is sick on the drums and maybe I could convince my brother to play the bass. He was a prodigy at cello it can't be that different.

There will be no revolution. The neo-liberals have won. They will run us into collapse. They will drive us to death. Why not start a band at 38? Fuck it.

Exuvia is the shit. Listened to that motherfucker so many times. This is my metal obsession of the past couple months, it's almost at that level:

Fun fact about Ruins of Beverast: When I saw them live for the Exuvia show, I was standing up front, and it was winter time. I had a long wool coat, and before they began playing they started burning incense, and I had been holding an enormous, disgusting fart which I could no longer contain. It got stuck in my coat and filled the air, mixing with the incense, and I knew everyone nearby could smell the horror. I felt like people could easily find out it was me but no one said anything. One hell of a start to the show.

Congrats

On June 28 2022 21:32 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On June 28 2022 18:58 hiems wrote:   On June 28 2022 18:51 RiKD wrote:   On June 28 2022 18:10 hiems wrote: I somehow get the feeling this award was a result of making (dumb) ppl like u more than anything else. Did u randomly start talking about painting, guitar, byung chul han, make silly jokes, emotional appeals etc? Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Just want to be clear cause there's a difference between merit / "excellence" and just getting people to like u. I haven't talked about any of that stuff at work besides guitar but there is never anything to talk about because no one else plays the guitar. People have said they enjoy working with me and that I am funny. That is different than silly jokes and emotional appeals. I show up on time and do my work. It's not brain surgery. Idk but to me that is my point. It might not be silly jokes or emotional appeals but id imagine the award has more to do with u being irrationally likeable (for dumb ppl) and also being the new guy rather than some sort of "excellence" the vag drone is suggesting. I'm sure ur doing a fine/good job at ur job tho. Of course, there is some element of doing my job excellently and there is some element of being liked. I don't really care how much of each it is to be honest. My bosses are happy, my co-workers are happy, and I got an $x gift card.

Again, this is just speculation but id say its more like 90%+ because of u getting ppl to like them.

Id say a part of that might be due to them sensing a bit of "redemption" from you coming back from a major rut. Id say whatever part of ur coworkers gravitating towards that is not dumb at all and I think ppl universally gravitate towards that for good reason.

I'll also say tho that u do have a tendency to make ppl like u for stupid reasons which I do think is dumb. I wasn't referring to ur coworkers specifically as dumb rather just ppl in general that like u for xyz reasons as being dumb/naive/gullible.

In other news:

I don't know how metal singers do it. I'm on the verge of losing my voice every session. I'm curious what effects they use too.

It appears live most use no effects at all. That's fucking impressive.

I'm mostly talking about the growling and screaming. I can sing just fine.

To actually delve into what hiems is talking about I don't particularly want to do it. He doesn't know me and to study why I am likable or unlikable is weird. It's like strategizing or reading the Prince by Machiavelli.

I take walks in graveyards, forests, beaches, mountains and I read philosophy. That's my trick. That's my strategy. I try to improve the state of my soul.

I'd rather discuss metal and Loco farting on an entire crowd. The band must have smelt it too. Lingering as they try to open the show.

I recognize Knocked Loose from that show you posted in the Unitarian Church. Excellent but not Exuvia. I watched it again and I am full of energy. I can't imagine actually being there. That video is amazing. I like that aesthetic. It's why Limbo is my favorite out of Inside, and Little Nightmares II.

That show is great but it doesn't have any of the songs off of that EP except the intro, and it's by far their best material. Yeah it's not Exuvia, not quite an atmosphere-driven band, different music for different moods. In terms of their talent within their respective subgenres they are both at the very top.

I had a drinking problem that could re-emerge at any point. I have an online communication problem. I communicate faster and more and sometimes reveal things that I should not. Byung Chul Han calls this hyper-communication and I think many people suffer from it. It is the nature of the beast. I naively believe that I can manage it better than in the past and maybe this is true but it could probably flare up at any moment including me even writing this. The funny thing is that this problem does not happen to me in real life when I am person to person. I seem to have quite good social skills in these settings. I do not talk faster or more the more we communicate and I don't ever reveal things that I would not want revealed.

Of course, I want friends and normal communication. Outside of AA. Outside of the DSA (Democratic Socialists of America). That's been the struggle for like 5+ years. For much of yesterday and today I worked on an "experimental black metal" song. It is terrible but it seemed like something worth doing. I found out I don't really have expression with a growl and most of the time I don't want to scream. It was mostly chanting, spoken word, and singing with drums and an electric guitar and I sampled the rain today as it was perfect. I learned a lot about Reaper and I am a fan. I like it more than Ableton Live. There is an overwhelming amount to still learn but I will take it a day at a time. Same with the drums and same with the guitar and same with the vocals too. It amazes me everything I've learned on the guitar so far and I am still terrible.