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Purpose, Identity, and Authenticity |
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RiKD  United States. Mar 21 2023 04:07. Posts 8992 | | |
Purpose, identity, and authenticity are big words. I have to find a purpose or not I suppose. That's what THEY tell me. Who is THEY?
I have to find a purpose or not I suppose.
What is identity?
Everyone is always searching for authenticity. I don't think it can be gotten from the external. As Roderick says if I want to wear all black and go off to the beat poetry spots THEY'LL just start selling black t-shirts. What if my most authentic self is lying naked in my bed reading a novel?
Well, it probably is for that time but I don't want to do that all the damn day! And, then what novel am I reading and why? Did THEY tell me about the spine tingling novel I'm reading?
I eventually have to put on clothes. I gravitate towards the Fear of God sweatpants, the Issey Miyake t-shirt, and New Balance sneakers. Of course, I didn't know about these things when I was a baby or age 3. I've never met someone who even knows what Fear of God or Issey Miyake is. It was funny in high school we were all drones. At least the ones whose parents had money. Birkenstock sandals, Abercrombie and Fitch cargo pants, and Polo golf shirt from the outlet mall just outside of the city. I can remember that feeling of wanting to fuck everyone in the world. Probably, because I still get that feeling that I want to fuck everyone in the world.
PuertoRican is right though. I have to get myself to the Italian Coast or Japan or something.
Oh yeah, I started drawing again. Thanks to a friend continuing to give me the nudge. It's not painting but it's still pretty fun.
I went and saw some Rodin sculptures today too. First, time seeing them live outside of Paris. Meaning first time seeing a lot of them in a museum. I didn't go to the Rodin Museum in Paris but Paris is so gangster that they have Rodin sculptures scattered through out the city. They had some nice gardens there too. I love this time of year when the azaleas are in full vivid bloom.
I am 1 of 1. I don't have to try to be 1 of 1. I am 1 of 1. Nothing external will change that. I don't need anything to be authentic. It gets complicated because I am in this space with other people and I have to wear clothes. I really should engage in personal hygiene. It is wise to have hobbies and figuring out things to do. How many people have an active blog to a viewership of about 20 lurkers? HA! It gets more complicated when we start worrying about the advertisements and media and the lot of 'em try and tell us what will make us "cool," "well liked," "fuckable." The basis to that conundrum is to have a core of strong character and ethics. I think that is the play that truly wins. It allows me to be comfortable with myself and others. Even though as Trent Reznor says, "I will let you down, I will make you hurt." That is a scary feeling. A scary notion. It is true for probably everyone. Forgive me. I shit. I piss. I bleed.
On another tangent I was listening to the NIN live concert from after The Fragile but before With Teeth. All his fans love being called pigs. If you actually listen to the songs pig is a major pejorative and they just mindlessly cheer and cheer louder. A pig is a submissive little piggy that will eat shit and love it. Sorry, Mr. Reznor, kindly fuck off.
But, see this is what I am talking about. A whole crowd of humans cheering that they are submissive little piggies eating cum and rolling around in shit. THE HERD as Nietzsche would call it even though most NIN fans would probably think they are super edgy and authentic for listening to NIN. They are super edgy and different who obediently buy their NIN t-shirts and other merch manufactured by THEY TM. I don't identify as a pig but I do have a NIN shirt and NIN cds. "Shut up and buy" as Maynard says on "Hooker with a Penis."
It's really a mindfuck to get too caught up in our influences but I think we need to be vigilant in a way at staying away from the wrong influences. I am 1 of 1. That is something I can remember. I don't need any company to define me... but these Fear of God sweatpants are dope as fuck.... Issey Miyake is IT........ I am glad I can afford non-Goodwill clothing. I could of course go off and be a farmer in Thailand and wear thrift store clothes and build mud huts but I actually couldn't because I don't have the start-up money. Actually, I do have the start-up money I just don't want to risk it on that venture. No monastery will accept me because of my Bipolar 1. I don't have a lot of options and I think the options get smaller as I get older. I don't have to be in a witness protection program. I am not actually a witness whose life is in danger. I've just been living in my cocoon. I get validated at work. It would be nice to get validated outside of work. And, obviously, trust and intimacy only go so far at work too.
I don't really need Rodin museums. I need love.
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RiKD United States. Mar 23 2023 03:26. Posts 8992 | | |
See I have my 20 lurkers and it's a space to honestly reflect/contemplate which Dr. Huberman said was one of 3 key things to do everyday. |
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RiKD United States. Mar 24 2023 03:12. Posts 8992 | | |
I listened to a song today that rhymed reflection with find your direction. I like this idea of finding ones' direction versus purpose. I used to get super fucked up and go to raves. That was actually a lot of fun. Especially, if the crowd was mostly on marijuana and MDMA and maybe a touch of alcohol not too much cocaine or other speed. You can tangibly feel the love and togetherness. Maybe it was the drugs talking which I'm sure it was but the spirit runs high in a situation like that. I've never experienced anything like that since. Too much speed and one feels like God and is too much. Just the right amount of marijuana and plenty MDMA and maybe 4 units of alcohol I found to be the sweet spot. A good DJ, a decent space and the stage is set for good times. But, that is not my direction.
I am grateful for my Sony MDR-7506 headphones. If you are in the market for some headphones purely for music and sound I highly recommend.
It's a little boring but my direction is just mostly continue to do what I am doing. The only spot I'm really not doing a great job in is finding friends and social connection. That's been a tough one for a while. Do I go the AA route and have to deal with all that bullshit or somehow try to figure out another way. I've been trying to figure out another way for like 6 years now... |
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RiKD United States. Mar 24 2023 03:43. Posts 8992 | | |
I'm just chillin' at the crib scrolling Twitter tryin' to relax. Scrolling Twitter is a terrible way to relax and it's awful if that is the relaxation norm (addiction)... |
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PuertoRican United States. Mar 25 2023 01:55. Posts 13127 | | |
| | On March 21 2023 03:07 RiKD wrote:
PuertoRican is right though. I have to get myself to the Italian Coast or Japan or something. |
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| | On March 25 2023 00:55 PuertoRican wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 21 2023 03:07 RiKD wrote:
PuertoRican is right though. I have to get myself to the Italian Coast or Japan or something. |
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qft for me i would rather go japan first then italy but i rather go hawaii though or mexico then those 2 countries |
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| Lucky fish | Last edit: 26/03/2023 15:49 |
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