God is Dead

Is love still possible under today's neo-liberalism?

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is not sacred. I just jizzed off a load into a t-shirt the other day with virtually no thought and no remorse. I will not be having children either. Do I think that motherhood (and fatherhood) are importanat institutions and should be buffed? Yes I do. Childcare is too expensive and too difficult.

I'm back in this God forsaken hotel again. Finally, some peace and quiet to read and I forgot my damn Kindle at home. We are in the middle of no where , USA no bookstores to be found and I am travelling to a log cabin off the grid. No bookstores until Monday and reading is largely what I planned to do the next 10 days. Maybe my sister can come to the rescue.

The thing about God being dead that is obviously a massive hole formed universe wide. We are just grains of sand and a universe size hole has been created in an instant. We are meant to find ways to ground ourselves and deal with the large hole in each and everyone of us. It feels like it's going to be Chelsea Wolfe dancing like a stripper to Carrion Flowers with a fucking legit light show in the background. Maybe it partially is. Keyword partially.

I'll be entirely in nature the next few days and in connection with humans that I like. We'll see what the findings are there. I would wager that that is a recipe for feeling less empty or nothing / null / nill / nihil / void. I am sure there will be times of boredom. That's where the books come in handy. When I just want some alone and quiet time. All these things: nature, human connection, books don't seem to add up to plug a universe or multi-universe size hole. Imagine infinite dimensions in infinite universes. Now imagine an ant. Really, what are we supposed to do?

im really curies what your experiences will be after that trip off the grid. Please write it in detail

On December 08 2023 18:58 dnagardi wrote: im really curies what your experiences will be after that trip off the grid. Please write it in detail

We got there at about Friday at 6pm. Nothing major. Find out they have wifi but phones don't really work. So, I wasn't completely off the grid but I didn't have to use screens so I didn't. The rest of the family came around later. It was good to connect with family. Saturday morning we went for a hike. It was way too steep. Something with my medications makes me a pussy basically. My legs were literally shaking waking down the hills. We went on a less strenuous walk. It was beautiful. Great to get out in nature. We played card games and board games. Everyone but my parents and I took medical grade gummies. A friend of the family Dalton ate the wrong amount but he was alright and everyone had a good time. We went into the hot tub and chilled for a while. I remenisced the time I was in LA and was blazard for a whole month frequenting the hot tub we had. They passed a blunt right in front of me. That was not cool. My sister is growing 12 marijuana plants in her backyard next year. A lot of weed talk and I am wondering if I will stay sober and clean.

We get out of the hot tub. I talk to my sister for a while which is nice. She likes conversation too and is a therapist by trade so in some ways I'm getting a pseudo therapy session.

Wake up Sunday and everyone is having breakfast and lingering a bit. My sister goes home but we go for a hike with my brother and family. This hike was absolutely gorgeous and what I needed. If I could just get that walk in my backyard it would be magic.

My brother goes home. My parents want to hit up a local winery. So, now it is just me and my dog. I decide to fill up the void with watching the entire 6 hours of The White Lotus Season 1 on HBO. I really got into that show. Now, all I can do is bait people into talking about that show until I can watch Season 2. It's like I was good with screens until boom. It felt really good watching that HBO show. I've always said if you are down in life spark up a great HBO show and enjoy the ride. The only real options in my mind were taking a risk on The White Lotus, re-watching The Sopranos or reading a real live paperback book about the philosophy of walking. Well, The White Lotus won out and it felt like paradise when the screen hits the HBO intro and you hear the "Ahhhhhhhhh." Sound of the fucking Gods I say or at least my guardian angel. Fucking drugs I say and I miss that rush of a new good show. But I am here so it's not so bad. It's not so bad....

Monday wake up and I have to get out of there by 11am. All in all I feel pretty good. I feel like I answered the question of how to fill up the God sized hole in my soul. Even though the place almost felt sacred there is nothing I can do that really consisitantly or reliably can fill up the hole in my soul. If I could have some conversations with people throughout the day that is a pretty good thing for me. Gummies, and drugs and alcohol will lead to nothing good for me. Walking and hiking is something I would like to incorporate into my day for sure. Binge watching HBO has been something of a god send my whole life and it was kind of fun to jump back into it. I think I will be watching The White Lotus Season 2 and binge watching The Sopranos again. I realize it is just another form of a drug to try and make myself feel whole but the thing is it does make me feel whole. The Dopamine tricks me. The Entertainment is strong. Anyways, after the show ends I feel whatever like maybe 1 hour after a roller coaster ends. Is it possible that I feel worse than before I was coaxed into watching the show? Actually, there is no doubt about it since before the show starts there is excitement and that blissful aroma of novelty.

So, then there is an hour drive back to middle class suburbia. Then, what? Naps, bougie dinners, and conversation with a friend who is always at least slightly deranged. I am ok with it all I suppose. It was a good weekend.

I hate septum piercings. Those make otherwise good looking girls look stupid. It has this "I don't care what men think of me" -energy. Unfortunately a lot of sex workers have one.

In my experience, people who don't give a shit what others think of them don't even think about piercings. They often have poor hygiene and wear the same clothes multiple days in a row as well.

I think it's pretty normal to use same clothes multiple days in a row. Changing your shirt every day is some American capitalistic bullshit!

Boxer Briefs and socks should be changed every day. I mean if you had a date you would make sure to have hygiene and clothing on point. I think that's a general rule. If I am with my family in a log cabin in the woods I am not going to be washing my zip up hoodie that I use as a coat after every use unless I got really sweaty going on a hike or something. I'll likey be wearing the same shirt and sweatpants that I wore today tomorrow. There is nothing on my schedule and the most I'll do is take a walk in cold weather.

I'm thinking of going to uni, but don't know what to study. I'm interested in coding and business, but part of me wants to do something noble like helping people. I just don't wanna help refugees or junkies.

You remember that one guy who quit poker and started some airsoft gun business? I wonder if it's still running.

On December 12 2023 05:35 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On December 08 2023 18:58 dnagardi wrote: im really curies what your experiences will be after that trip off the grid. Please write it in detail We got there at about Friday at 6pm. Nothing major. Find out they have wifi but phones don't really work. So, I wasn't completely off the grid but I didn't have to use screens so I didn't. The rest of the family came around later. It was good to connect with family. Saturday morning we went for a hike. It was way too steep. Something with my medications makes me a pussy basically. My legs were literally shaking waking down the hills. We went on a less strenuous walk. It was beautiful. Great to get out in nature. We played card games and board games. Everyone but my parents and I took medical grade gummies. A friend of the family Dalton ate the wrong amount but he was alright and everyone had a good time. We went into the hot tub and chilled for a while. I remenisced the time I was in LA and was blazard for a whole month frequenting the hot tub we had. They passed a blunt right in front of me. That was not cool. My sister is growing 12 marijuana plants in her backyard next year. A lot of weed talk and I am wondering if I will stay sober and clean. We get out of the hot tub. I talk to my sister for a while which is nice. She likes conversation too and is a therapist by trade so in some ways I'm getting a pseudo therapy session. Wake up Sunday and everyone is having breakfast and lingering a bit. My sister goes home but we go for a hike with my brother and family. This hike was absolutely gorgeous and what I needed. If I could just get that walk in my backyard it would be magic. My brother goes home. My parents want to hit up a local winery. So, now it is just me and my dog. I decide to fill up the void with watching the entire 6 hours of The White Lotus Season 1 on HBO. I really got into that show. Now, all I can do is bait people into talking about that show until I can watch Season 2. It's like I was good with screens until boom. It felt really good watching that HBO show. I've always said if you are down in life spark up a great HBO show and enjoy the ride. The only real options in my mind were taking a risk on The White Lotus, re-watching The Sopranos or reading a real live paperback book about the philosophy of walking. Well, The White Lotus won out and it felt like paradise when the screen hits the HBO intro and you hear the "Ahhhhhhhhh." Sound of the fucking Gods I say or at least my guardian angel. Fucking drugs I say and I miss that rush of a new good show. But I am here so it's not so bad. It's not so bad.... Monday wake up and I have to get out of there by 11am. All in all I feel pretty good. I feel like I answered the question of how to fill up the God sized hole in my soul. Even though the place almost felt sacred there is nothing I can do that really consisitantly or reliably can fill up the hole in my soul. If I could have some conversations with people throughout the day that is a pretty good thing for me. Gummies, and drugs and alcohol will lead to nothing good for me. Walking and hiking is something I would like to incorporate into my day for sure. Binge watching HBO has been something of a god send my whole life and it was kind of fun to jump back into it. I think I will be watching The White Lotus Season 2 and binge watching The Sopranos again. I realize it is just another form of a drug to try and make myself feel whole but the thing is it does make me feel whole. The Dopamine tricks me. The Entertainment is strong. Anyways, after the show ends I feel whatever like maybe 1 hour after a roller coaster ends. Is it possible that I feel worse than before I was coaxed into watching the show? Actually, there is no doubt about it since before the show starts there is excitement and that blissful aroma of novelty. So, then there is an hour drive back to middle class suburbia. Then, what? Naps, bougie dinners, and conversation with a friend who is always at least slightly deranged. I am ok with it all I suppose. It was a good weekend.

thanks!

Glad I could be your monkey of the week

arent we all

all,
human all too human after all,