Malheur

Like most things time has a way of shaking things free. I don't feel nearly as bad about not getting the job today than I did yesterday.

Another thing I find funny, sad, and maybe a bit ridiculous is that if my sister gets the PhD she is going to go for all my siblings (3) will have PhDs and then there will be me sitting here in my parents' home thinking if I want to apply to like the scourge of the Earth shitty jobs where I make $15 / hr and lose half of my soul. They seem to be the only thing Indeed gives me since it is the only thing I have worked in the last 8 years.

There it is baby. 10 years clean / sober today! Although it doesn't really change much. I'm still a loser with no life. Scrounging around for scraps of shitty employment.

On April 24 2024 04:07 RiKD wrote: There it is baby. 10 years clean / sober today! Although it doesn't really change much. I'm still a loser with no life. Scrounging around for scraps of shitty employment.

Do you honestly think you've tried your best to change your situation?

I take that back. I'm not a loser with no life. I am scrounging around for scraps of shitty employment though.

So, I'm not getting omakase and blow job I still have a life and I am not a loser.

How the fuck do I know if I tried my best. I'm stuck in a cycle where my resume gives me shitty jobs to choose from and my jobs to choose from give me a shitty resume etc. , etc. , etc. I try to switch it up with something like game tester because nothing has changed since the last time I was applying. Loco is right. Lower barrier for entry and it doesn't suck as much as food n bev or retail. The problem is barrier to entry is not correct. I have an alert for game tester no experience remote and have never gotten anything back from it. These fuckers want experience if they are going to allow remote and remote is not that common and no one is making video games in the city I live in.

When I was in these jobs I stupidly did do my best. That's why I got raises and promotions and in the last job got promoted to management. Even though I am aware of burnout, depression, and anxiety I still over-worked and over-performed.

Let's not even go to how difficult it is to meet people when we are older and I don't drink or do drugs. I am lucky to even have friends that I do stuff with through out the week.

One of my problems is I am constantly judging my life vs. designer clothes, omakase, and blow job. A girl friend that is the best-dressed and the best-undressed. If I were to be seeking out a life it should more be like clothes that aren't raggedy and don't have holes in them and maybe start with paying rent so I can have some privacy while getting blowjobs. Omakase? I ate pad-thai noodles with ketchup the other night (actually pretty good).

Another one of my problems is I have legit mental illness. Not even talking about the Bipolar I or addiction but I am talking about the panic I experience crossing bridges and driving on the highway and speaking in AA meetings.

At the end of the day I have 10 years sobriety, 3 years without being in a psych ward. My therapist reminds me every session that I shouldn't be here because the way I lived my life for so many years I should be dead. The amount of close calls I should be dead. I've seemed to go the other way and care too much about survival today but I don't that's entirely true. I want the good life. I've always wanted the good life. There might not be much of a good life left for a guy like me.

On April 25 2024 02:28 RiKD wrote: I want the good life. I've always wanted the good life. There might not be much of a good life left for a guy like me.

Your current situation could always be worse. You feel bad about your current situation, while people in other countries would love to be where you are right now.

The trick is to remember that you have it way better than people in many other countries, and that a nice life is definitely still achievable for someone like you. You just need to save up a certain amount of money and move to one of the safer third world countries, but first make sure you will be able to earn a certain amount of money each month while you're in that new country so you can eat, pay your bills, and enjoy yourself. (There are plenty of horror stories of guys who go broke in third world countries who become homeless in those countries, which is way worse than if they were homeless in their home country.)

I'm not saying to be a passport bro, but that you can have a great life in a different country, and if you do it right, you'll eventually love your new life and ask yourself why it took so long for you to realize that happiness was so easily attainable all this time.

On April 28 2024 03:04 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On April 25 2024 02:28 RiKD wrote: I want the good life. I've always wanted the good life. There might not be much of a good life left for a guy like me. Your current situation could always be worse. You feel bad about your current situation, while people in other countries would love to be where you are right now. The trick is to remember that you have it way better than people in many other countries, and that a nice life is definitely still achievable for someone like you. You just need to save up a certain amount of money and move to one of the safer third world countries, but first make sure you will be able to earn a certain amount of money each month while you're in that new country so you can eat, pay your bills, and enjoy yourself. (There are plenty of horror stories of guys who go broke in third world countries who become homeless in those countries, which is way worse than if they were homeless in their home country.) I'm not saying to be a passport bro, but that you can have a great life in a different country, and if you do it right, you'll eventually love your new life and ask yourself why it took so long for you to realize that happiness was so easily attainable all this time.

It is important to be grateful.

I've been looking up more about dopamine and that may just play a role too. I'm learning and memorizing regarding poker so that's pumping dopamine and then it helps to play well (relatively) and run good. The problem with poker is that I will play bad and run bad too and I don't have much that pumps dopamine (promotes feel good) outside of poker at the moment. I should start practicing meditation again or make some sort of effort to do more with friends or exercise.