Many years laterz

Most people who chase those unrealistic goals and/or aren't successful in the normal spheres of modern life is because of unresolved trauma/untreated or treatment-resistant mental illness. In any society there are going to be outliers who simply cannot adjust to a common routine and grind at school or work year after year and that makes the descent into worse mental health almost inevitable.

To be able to 'make it', it all starts with self-belief, few people have mentors and inspirations that set them up on a good path nowadays. You first had to envision the possibility of you having the life you want (i.e. something tolerable that builds into a comfortable retirement) and that's very hard to figure out for some of us throughout life. We need some luck to stumble on the right thing for us. We can never be sure if we are overestimating or underestimating ourselves, being too ambitious or not enough, and if there is something more suitable for us out there.

Post-modernity is defined by anxiety and fluidity. We have to be extremely resilient and adaptable in a world that changes very quickly. Some people's psyches are not equipped for this, and even building basic life skills and a marketable skill is unrealistic for them. Those people end up thinking they are special because it's the natural response to being excluded, the expected way the psyche will protect itself and cope with the situation instead of self-harming. Unfortunately it stands in the way of making small steps towards being able to adjust and maybe find a little niche where they can earn a living. Lostaccount is a perfect example of someone whose copes have been so overwhelming he has reached a level of delusion so high that he thinks he has already lived an accomplished and fulfilled life and is now 'retired' when he never even started living in the first place.

I'm glad to know you were able to make it out of that trap, even if a lot of it is luck and genetics, it's understandable to feel proud when we feel like we made the decision to turn things around and it could have ended up differently if we hadn't. We are the lucky ones who had a stable enough foundation to make it happen, but of course we should be proud to keep showing up every day when we don't always want to. That is the hard part of "success", it doesn't feel like success, until you take a moment and realize how much different your life is now compared to an earlier point.

Finding a good software dev job was also the big turning point for me, but it's both a blessing and a curse. Tech/corporate environments are not for me, but compared to a lot of things, they are easier to deal with, because they come with privileges that make life easier. The difficulty is trying to live a healthy life in an environment that is rarely healthy. The ease of it and the low standards that people have for each other makes it more likely for us to become complacent and no longer grow as individuals. Once you have the girl, the stable paycheck, the respect of your peers, the flexible hours and benefits, it becomes easy to justify not making any significant efforts anymore because you already "made it", and that's an existential crisis in the making. True success is not just measurable by society's standards but by the peace of mind one has acquired from knowing oneself and being happy and proud of who we are every day so that an existential crisis is kept at bay.

Congrats on achieving your version of success, Pplus!

Not many people -- let alone many poker players -- are able to do what you did.

What do you currently do for fun? Watch sports? Poker? Travel?

I was thinking about this thread the other day. I have 3 siblings and 4 cousins. They all have Doctorates in something except for my sister who has a Master's Degree and myself who has a Bachelor's Degree. I can not say if they are all thriving. Only they can say that for themselves but they certainly put themselves in good positions. My grandfather had Bipolar I and alcoholism and after being fired from a very good sale's manager job he never worked again. One of my uncles has schizophrenia and is a drug addict and has not worked since using his pseudo autistic skills to completely revamp his city's bus system efficiency. So far I am the only one who got smashed by mental illness and addiction. It does not seem fair but life is not fair. I may be well enough to carve something out for myself but it will likely be a struggle. At least I can drive to some places now. I already scheduled a trip for Christmas which I am grateful I was able to do this. When I get back I may have to literally apply to every single job that I can drive to. Likely they will all be shitty jobs. From dishwashing to retail. My healthcare decided to change some things up. I had no other choices but I might not be able to afford any number of medications in 2025. This is just the world we live in. Definitely, be grateful for what you have. Even I am grateful for what I have. Some measure of peace at times, books, nature, lifting weights, my family, music.

On December 06 2024 12:59 Loco wrote: Most people who chase those unrealistic goals and/or aren't successful in the normal spheres of modern life is because of unresolved trauma/untreated or treatment-resistant mental illness. In any society there are going to be outliers who simply cannot adjust to a common routine and grind at school or work year after year and that makes the descent into worse mental health almost inevitable. To be able to 'make it', it all starts with self-belief, few people have mentors and inspirations that set them up on a good path nowadays. You first had to envision the possibility of you having the life you want (i.e. something tolerable that builds into a comfortable retirement) and that's very hard to figure out for some of us throughout life. We need some luck to stumble on the right thing for us. We can never be sure if we are overestimating or underestimating ourselves, being too ambitious or not enough, and if there is something more suitable for us out there. Post-modernity is defined by anxiety and fluidity. We have to be extremely resilient and adaptable in a world that changes very quickly. Some people's psyches are not equipped for this, and even building basic life skills and a marketable skill is unrealistic for them. Those people end up thinking they are special because it's the natural response to being excluded, the expected way the psyche will protect itself and cope with the situation instead of self-harming. Unfortunately it stands in the way of making small steps towards being able to adjust and maybe find a little niche where they can earn a living. Lostaccount is a perfect example of someone whose copes have been so overwhelming he has reached a level of delusion so high that he thinks he has already lived an accomplished and fulfilled life and is now 'retired' when he never even started living in the first place. I'm glad to know you were able to make it out of that trap, even if a lot of it is luck and genetics, it's understandable to feel proud when we feel like we made the decision to turn things around and it could have ended up differently if we hadn't. We are the lucky ones who had a stable enough foundation to make it happen, but of course we should be proud to keep showing up every day when we don't always want to. That is the hard part of "success", it doesn't feel like success, until you take a moment and realize how much different your life is now compared to an earlier point. Finding a good software dev job was also the big turning point for me, but it's both a blessing and a curse. Tech/corporate environments are not for me, but compared to a lot of things, they are easier to deal with, because they come with privileges that make life easier. The difficulty is trying to live a healthy life in an environment that is rarely healthy. The ease of it and the low standards that people have for each other makes it more likely for us to become complacent and no longer grow as individuals. Once you have the girl, the stable paycheck, the respect of your peers, the flexible hours and benefits, it becomes easy to justify not making any significant efforts anymore because you already "made it", and that's an existential crisis in the making. True success is not just measurable by society's standards but by the peace of mind one has acquired from knowing oneself and being happy and proud of who we are every day so that an existential crisis is kept at bay.

really well written

grats