A week at the beach

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PokerDoc88 Australia. Jan 26 2007 23:09. Posts 3527

Just got back from vacation, I'm feeling pretty dusty at the moment. I was down in Lorne (it's a pretty famous tourist location in Australia). I'll give a recap of the week, and try to detail high-lights for each day. I hope this post will kinda entertaining to read, it's a nice change of scenery from poker-related posts.

The first day away (previous Saturday) sucked majorly. I don't really like most of my family, and they'd been bitching at each other a fair bit that day. Organising our stuff together before leaving was a nightmare, as they're a bunch of pussies who literally need to take EVERYTHING up with them. My brother took up 2 heaters AND a fan for a 3 night stay away! What's up with that? I literally took the least stuff out of us all, and I was staying away for twice as long. To top things off, my aunt asked me to sleep in the same room as my 17 year old cousin and her boyfriend, to make sure they didn't end up having sex.

Second day also sucked, the weather was really crappy and it rained a fair bit. I was hoping to head down to the beach and splash around for a few hours, but it was not to be. The majority of the day was spent playing cards with my siblings and cousins. Five hundred was a huge hit as usual, as was a great game I taught to them called "You Bastard". Being a slightly depressed and brooding individual, I chose to go to sleep early at 7pm that night after fare-welling my cousins boyfriend. I (happily) missed out on playing Scattergories and Taboo with my family, both of which ended up in massive arguments over some stupid minor technicalities and damaged egos (and awoke me midway through my marathon slumber

).

Waking up at 11am the next day (that's right, I slept for 16 hours XD), I was glad to note that the weather was looking a lot clearer and was eagerly anticipating heading down to the beach. In what could be considered a total blessing for me, my entire family sans my cousin Catherine (the one with the boyfriend) decided it would be a REALLY FUN IDEA to drive 3 hours down the Great Ocean Road to go on some gay tree-top walking tour thing. So from 1pm onwards, Catherine and I were left with the house to ourselves: We ate like pigs, played some cards and video games, then smashed the beach for a good long 3 hours. Best of all, there was no arguing or pointless rabble to be heard (my sister self-centeredly rants about the most trivial bullshit and she never shuts the fuck up). The rest of the crew were delayed from returning home until 12pm that night: This was due to the fact that 1. They got lost, and 2. My Dad is a painfully slow driver who sometimes goes as slow as 60km/h along 100km/h roadways.

Tuesday morning, I was awoken by a phone-call from Ivan the crazy fucking Russian (He's one of my oldest mates), inviting me to Nickos joint that night for a friendly game of $5 sng poker. Finally, things were starting to pick up! My cousin Dave (one of the only people in my family I get along with) came up for the day, and we spent it together at the beach and playing video games. That evening, I said my good-byes to every one, and then headed off to Nickos place to kick the night off. We had a great game of 5-handed poker: Ivan, Nicko, my other best-mate Mike, Nickos dad, and myself made up the 5. There were beers, grilled chicken, good company and horrid poker all night long. Ivan ended up winning the sng by beating my jack-high flush with an ace-high flush (obviously I was coolered XD), scooping the $25 and more importantly, the bragging rights to pay the shit out of me who is the 'pro' amongst us friends (my friends are REALLLLLY bad at poker).

Wednesday started off with French toast (lovely) and a few rounds of an incredibly addictive Russian card game called "Durak". In Durak, 2 or more people can play: How ever, there is no winner, only a loser, who is the "Durak" (which is "Moron" in English). Nicko then pulled out Guitar Hero II, which is a freakin sweet-ass game. We played it for so long that we lost track of time and didn't end up clearing out of his place until 4pm. After a very fucking expensive meal of fish and chips in town, Mike, Iv and myself headed to the camp site (Mike and Iv had been camping in Lorne in tents since Saturday). After setting my stuff up for the next few days, we smashed the beach for an hour (and almost died of hypothermia from ridiculously cold temperatures and gale-like winds) and then started cooking dinner. Dinner at the campsite is a big deal for us: Despite the fact that he's only 19 years old, Ivan can cook a mean fucking meal. He was raised by his mother to become a chef, and although he ditched this dream long ago, he retained the ability to cook up a storm from the blandest of ingredients. Using a pitifully tiny portable stove, a few cans of tuna, pasta and some not-so-fresh vegetables, Ivan brewed up a meal so damn good that we feasted like kings. After dinner, we half-tidied up, got our shit together, and went to hit the town. The night life was pretty dead that evening, so we spent our time drinking in the local pub and getting served super cheap drinks by Nicko (who works there during holidays). Deciding that a room full of old drunk people was no fun, we concluded that the only way to salvage our night was to get absolutely smashed. I don't remember much more of the evening, only that it was pretty damn shit-house, and that the only hot chick in the joint was taken by some bald freaky-looking albino dude.

Thursday was a real struggle: we woke up and our campsite was in a shambles from the night before. We made some sandwiches and spent most of the day playing Durak and getting sunburnt =(. Just as we were preparing to go and cook ourselves a BBQ dinner, Mike decided it'd be a real genius idea to lock his keys inside his car, preventing us from getting all the stuff we need out of the boot. We waited for 2 hours for the RACV to come along and fix our fuck-up. How ever, such occurances are only minor upsets for ballers such as us, and soon we had the BBQ firing and Nicko down with a few cold beers to enjoy the evening meal. Following our feast of meat (which was probably full of salmonella after being stored in an esky for 5 days), we kitted up for yet another night of smashing the gas. Having Nicko on our side of the bar for a change, we hit a place called "The Deck" where we peacefully drank ourselves silly while staring over the balcony at a beautiful scenic view of the beach. When we had decided we'd had enough of The Decks' serenity (and after Ivan stupidly bought a $38 bottle of wine and tipped both bartenders $10), it was time to head off to the more heavily-populated pub. I was feeling pretty damn drunk at this stage, and the bouncers on the door knew it: They asked me how much I'd had to drink, and I said as plainly as I could "not much, just 4 or 5 pots". Truth is, I'd had that plus half a bottle of wine and a few shots of Scotch. Regardless, I was accepted in, and the night kicked off with another round of beer.

So now it's Friday morning and I wake up in my tent alone and there's a chunk of half-chewed sausage next to my head...wait a minute, what the fuck just happened? Nicko was supposed to sleep in the tent beside me that night, but he was no where to be seen. Popping my head out of the tent, I am greeted by Ivan who is sitting at the table pissing himself laughing. I ask him, "What the fuck happened last night?". He then proceeds to recall how I got us kicked out of the pub after abusing some poor 16 year old girl (it wasn't sexual abuse, just verbal beratement), was half-carried back to the camp-site, and then munted all over Nickos sleeping bag. Apparantly I then attempted to clean the vomit with a tea-towel on my hands and knees, but put my hand in it and slipped...arghhhh!!! Spew everywhere! It was a putrid sight, and the smell was even worse. Definitely not my proudest moment. To top it all off, Mike had some-how convinced me to message and ring my ex-girlfriend, because there was a message on my phone saying "Thanks for the message but I cant take it seriously. If ur confused, drunk, or lonely dont convert all that mix up into illusionary feelings so momentary and untrue. I'm over it jonno". WTF was up with that heavy-shit message on my phone? Well, there's only one way to kick back from such a disgraceful performance, and that was to head into town with the boys and buy some oily bacon and eggs for breakfast...wait a minute...what was I wearing? A jumper with a massive hole in the back and mud-stained shorts. Perfect. But being still drunk from the previous night, I didn't give a shit: I just wanted food and sleep.

As for the rest of Friday, well, it was pretty uneventful. Same combo of Durak, sunburn, and beach. We were too stuffed to even cook properly that evening, settling on 2-minute noodles and sausage rolls at The Deck. Given that it was Australia Day, the town was bursting at the seams with tourists that night, and we DID plan on having a great time...but there was something missing. Maybe it was the fact that this night was the 7th consecutive night for Mike and Ivan on the gas, or that I was horribly hung-over. Or maybe it was because at 12pm, the band was still playing horrible cover songs at the pub when all we wanted was some house music to boogey to (yes, we were drunk again, but not leglessly wasted). Perhaps it was the abundance of creepy old guys hitting on under-age sluts... alas, we returned to our tents at 1:30pm, and slept our final sleep.

Saturday morning (ie. today) we woke up at 7:30am, packed our shit up, and were ready to leave at 8:30am. Mike had stupidly agreed to play cricket at 1pm, hence our early morning departure. But not even that could go smoothly for us, as Mike had managed to drain his car battery to the point that it would no longer start. After a few embarrassing failed attempts to get Ronda the Honda started, a big burley bloke came over and offered Ivan and I the final bit of oomph we needed to push her along and get her fired up. The car trip was really uneventful, except for a royal fuck-up in ordering breakfast at McDonalds, which resulted in us paying for an extra meal we didn't want (or eat).

So here I am, posting this blog. If any one bothered to read it all, I hope you got a few laughs out of it. I certainly enjoyed my week away, but after 4 consecutive nights of being smashed and sleeping in pitiful conditions, it feels good to be home with a mattress and pillow.

1 votes

kantoiki Australia. Jan 26 2007 23:22. Posts 3818

yeah, once again jonno gets ridiculously drunk. Actually it was the only reason i read through the whole thing at all, knew there had to be a drunk story.. btw i'm sure hong is really going to appreciate your sincerity. heh don't call or message her until i see you, i want to be there for what will be a truly awkward moment....or you can actually get back with her...we all know you want to now; you know you only speak the truth when your drunk haha

muckv - i have an iq of 180 and i want someone to teach me how to take a shit IN the toilet.

trukpoker Australia. Jan 26 2007 23:57. Posts 901

oi fellow aussies, whats your guys msn? if u wanna talk bout poker with me id be keen. my msn is kurt_detroit@hotmail.com.
I play .25/.50 on absolute and alot of mtt's on stars.

A small leak will sink a great ship.

PokerDoc88 Australia. Jan 27 2007 00:02. Posts 3527

fivecougarsthanx@hotmail.com

patmcgroin Afghanistan. Jul 18 2011 02:00. Posts 830

this is such a good story hahahahahaha

why am i reading this 4 years later? i must really be bored