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The Best poker story ever written |
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Daut  United States. Feb 28 2007 00:57. Posts 8955 | | |
So I just remembered a funny poker story I read. A few years back when a bunch of us were making little poker threads on a starcraft forum, this one guy came in acting like he owned the place and making all these ridiculous posts about hands he supposedly played in a casino. They were always totally outrageous and had weird nicknames for everyone in the hand.
Here is an example of one (it's pretty long but definitely worth reading):
| | Hello everyone, i have been visiting these forums for about 3 years, just never had the urge to post anything until recently when all the poker disccusion has come about. My name is Alex the Greek, or thats what everyone calls me at the hardrock casino and the dogtrack. I have never played a hand of online poker, yet ive been playing living live action for around 2 and a half years.
The highest ring game limits aloud in florida to people under 21 is 2-4 fixed, which doesnt give your bankroll much room for improvement unless you hit a fantastic rush. The average night of a session of about 5 hours i cash for around a 100-200, yet i know the softer games and i steer clear of the tables that are screwed down. Anyway i have noticed a couple high caliber players here, and when i mean a few i mean a few. anyway i will start posting the some hands here and would like feedback from anyone. I am always trying to seal my leaks. ok heres the latest hand i played in a 180 person 500$+50 buy in NL(only way i can play NL without going out to the boats and im not 21 for a year) Plus NL is by Far my most solid game. Ok here is the Hand
Blinds 10,000/20,000 ante of 2000 FinalTable
Jon Baacks: UTG raises 60,000 to go <---big stack at the table 580K
Tony Terror Tremis: folds
Jared Piazza: folds
Tiny tom:folds
unknown fish: calls (with hands shakin)
AlexTheGreek: KhJh I call i have 427k
rest fold to the button
Sticky Sam: sits for a while actin incredbly strong and moves his shortstack all-in for 150,000
(this guy just took a huge beat to jonny straight to the boat, so i knew he was either stealin and movin in with a desperation hand)
Jon:Re raises Sticks big bet to obvisously push me out of the pot. His raise was 250,000.
Unknown Fish folds slopily
Now let me give you some info on how jon plays. Ive played him heads up in about 35 tournaments and our paths have crossed many a time, hes loose and will bet suited connectors just like aces. So i put him on the holdings inbetween 9-Js, 10-Js, 7-8s, 9-Qs and maybe , i mean maybe AKs or wired 9's and below. BUT VERY unlikly for he wouldve moved in on me there.
AlexTheGreek: I start shuffling my chips and smiling. I ask, "thats not ganna be enough to get me outta this one jon boy," I proclaimed. "In fact jonny your destined to go broke on this hand" once again taunting trying to trying to pull him into conversation. "Your really re raising that much with just 4's" He proceeds to tell me hes got a made hand. I take a WHILE TO Call this, im almost positive my reads right and hes really weak. Then all of a sudden he asks for the fuckin clock to be brought out, now i know.
"RAISE" I EXCLAIM. Make it 300k to go jon boy, while i slide in almost 3/4ths of my stack
"Thats enough to keep you in right jon? in a cocky arrogant voice."
Jon looks disgusted: after nearly mucking his hand he reluctanly calls. usually i would take this as he has a monster, and my read was way off, but like i said i know this guy well enough to put him on a hand and decide a betting pattern suited for that particular situation.
The Flop
10d 8s 3d
Jon still looks steaming at this point. this is were i know i can win this hand with anything, i am going to use the edge of him being off his game for some reason or another, or maybe its because i have straight up outplayed this guy on many occasions. and the best thing about it is i have confidence oozing out of me.
Jon checks - Now this is not good.why not put me all in here??? i was almost sure hed do it and id call him instantly with K High, but now im wondering how far behind i am i in this hand
AlexTheGreek - this is not time for a bet at all, im 99% sure hell go all in and im beat.
Check!!!!
The Turn
4h
Jon: again he checks, now im baffled, because if he had a straight draw he woulda bet it at the less expensive street or check raised, therefore almost certainly getting a free card. Is this fucker slow playin a set of 8's even on a straight draw and flush draw board?? now this is a possibilty. Ok its time to stop bullshiting and find out where im at
Alex the Greek: 27k leaving me a hundred Thousand left. The thing i love about these bets in no limit they are sooo hard to see through and if he comes over the top i can easily lay this down and still have plenty of chips to work with since most of the table is tight and ive been pushing them around with ease.
Now this is were he went wrong. Its funny how even good players like him who cash almost every tournament in Tampa can make such dumb mistakes
Jonny BOY: gives me the weirdest look, puts his hands over all his chips and to my dismay he gives me the question ive heard fuckin a billion times, how much you got left over there Greek. this is a question that i dont feel obligated to answer, so i take my hands out of the way and the dealer counts em down. I give a smirk cause i cant believe how many tells ive gotten on him these past few minutes!and i also realize something else, how weak his STRAIGHT DRAW IS LOOKIN! ive finally narrowed it down to J-9cd Not spades or he wouldve been firing. My first analysis of startin hands was pretty on point.
Jonny Boy: Smooth calls.
Now at this point i cant believe it, but i know im ahead with just a K High, insane. and here comes the river down and dirty.
River
The Ace of Spades
Also known as Calamity Jane by all card room rounders
and boy oh boy did she live up to her name.
Jon boy:Without a thought of hesitation he moves all-in
by this time about 300+ railbirds are screaming people are goin wild, because this is by far the biggest pot played in the tourny and the 2 big stacks fire at eachother.(i was told this by my boy jared who folded pre flop, because all i saw and heard was jon and the chips getting splashed around the pot. NOW THIS IS A HUGE DECESION for all my money. of course im getting at least 8-1 8.5-1 on the pot. thats great odds but the payout for 10th is 1,500, but the money doesnt really matter. to me if it isnt 1st then its as good as finishing 180th. This is what i was debating, did he have the case ace? it took me only a few moments to rule it out after going through the hand twice. so this is what i said.
alex the greek: "Jonny boy, this might be the sickest read ever or you played this hand fuckin brilliant(i was warned for profanity AGAIN!) Jon, i got you sittin on J-9 trying to steal this pot with a busted draw. I dont have much of a hand AT all. in NL my ability to read people and put myself in their shoes is my god given gift. i made sure not to second guess my instincts and got all my money in there.
SHOWDOWN FOR SIDE POT 854k
Alex the Greek: Shows K high J kicker
Jon Boy: Shows J high 9 kicker
SHOW DOWN MAIN POT 450K
Alex the Greek: Shows K high J kicker
Sticky Sam: Shows Kc 9h
the crowd is awstruct or so i was told no body could stop talkin about how either i had a fuckin killer read on my opponent or im just a calling station who will cold call with K high, and the funniest thing was the biggest pot in the hole tournament won with a K high.
any constructive criticism is fine, im always looking for ways to improve my hand. i will be posting alot more. and yes i did go on to win the 22k 1st place prize as short handed and 10-1 chip ration was a walk in the park against everyone expect my boy jared. AND WHO KNOWS I MIGHT GIVE THIS ONLINE THING A CHANCE feel free to PM anytime or IM me
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One of the guys on the forum, (i think his stars name is kimjongillin) decided to counter it with the following post:
| | Will somebody please read this hand history and tell me how I could have played it better? I'm always looking to improve on my hands.
It was a hot and dry day in El Paso when I played that hand in 1849. I'm not sure why I decided to return to the saloon, and once more risk losing it all; maybe it was boredom, days on end of seeing nothing from my porch besides hot, dry sand and desert lizards reflected in the rising steam. God knows where that steam came from. There wasn't water for miles.
I burst through the doors of The Broken Spoke holding all that i had earned from my 3 long months working on the ranch of Dallas Bill, one hundred and two dollars. I looked down back to my usual table: the usual suspects were at it again: Switchblade Joe, Tumbleweed Tim, Vegas Black, and Double Dee. Me? They call me Six-Shooter Sam.
I took my seat. The name of the game was $100 NL, the highest stakes in town. I shouted at the bartender. "Hey Lady, bring me some goddamn whiskey." Luckily, she had it. I would have taken horse piss. Anything to rid myself of the grit on the back of my throat.
First hand I'm on the big blind, and I look down to find the king of hearts and the ten of spades. Folds all around to me, except for Vegas Black who makes it three to go. I eyed him over carefully. He was a smooth one, that Vegas Black; unpredictable, like a cross-breed between a rattlesnake and a scorpion: you never quite could tell which way he was slithering, but one sting from him and men were pushing up daisies. Vegas Black was known in Texas to raise pots with any old hand, he could be sitting on anything from 2 7 offsuit to a pair of bullets. I saw a drop of sweat roll down my forehead and hit the felt. Vegas gave me a sinister grin. "Call." He urged. "I dare ya."
I called his raise. The flop comes 10 clubs, 7 clubs, A spades. Vegas bets out strong, $6, clearly trying to bluff me out.
"It'll take a lot more than that to get me out of this pot, partner," I said to Vegas in a raspy voice, my throat raw from the sand and the whiskey. "$20 to go."
Vegas lit a cigarette and sucked the smoke through the gap where his left front tooth used to be before he lost it taming Memphis, the wild black stallion that townsfolk rumored Vegas found at the gates of hell after getting shot by Kentucky Jack on the longest day December. "$50."
"I call."
The turn comes up, the Ace of diamonds. Vegas checks. Now I'm in for it. My pair of tens is looking worse by the minute. I check behind.
The river comes, the ten of hearts. Vegas checks again, settting his trap, except this time I can fight back. "I'm all-in."
Vegas looks at me and gives another wicked grin. He stands up from the table, pulls his pistol out from his holster, and pointing it at his own head says to me, "I raise you your life."
A lot of things went through my mind at that moment. My wife, my children, my future goals of saving enough money to move out west to california and strike it rich, but for some reason, I knew Vegas Black wasn't holding an ace.
"Vegas," I said, with shaky hands, pulling out my six-shooter from its brown leather holster, "you're a dead man." I pointed my six-shooter at my own head with my right hand, and flipped over K10 with the other. Vegas flipped over 88 and shot himself dead, in the middle of The Broken Spoke, on that hot and dry 1849 day in El Paso, when I made the biggest gamble of my life.
True story. No ban plz.
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pretty awesome. ive been using the "i raise you your life" line ever since.
and not to go too long without posting awesome paint pictures heres a pretty cool one:
So my friend beth is a vegan, but she has a dog, Daniel, who is like this little hunter. He's killed squirrels, rabbits, woodchucks and even got a beaver once. Now being a vegan, Beth doesnt take kindly to the death of any animal, so she obviously goes apeshit whenever Daniel ends the life of a little woodland creature. So obviously I had to draw a picture about this:
As you can see shes pretty jacked so dont fuck with her. Or the dog for that matter.
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| NewbSaibot: 18 TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT. Because FUCK YOU, Daut | |
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SakiSaki Sweden. Feb 28 2007 01:09. Posts 9687 | | | |
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| what wackass site is this nigga? | |
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[vital]Myth United States. Feb 28 2007 01:13. Posts 12159 | | |
i'd hit it (not the dog)
share skirts yo? |
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| Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser | |
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[vital]Myth United States. Feb 28 2007 01:14. Posts 12159 | | |
the only time i ever used the "raise you your life" line, i lost
to you
fuck ; [ |
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| Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser | |
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Loco Canada. Feb 28 2007 01:37. Posts 20970 | | |
hahaahhahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh awesome post |
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| fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount | |
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iop Sweden. Feb 28 2007 01:56. Posts 4951 | | |
I remember that thread |
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| Milkman lol i didnt spend half a thousand on a phone so i could play it cool and be all stealth | |
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wolfheart Estonia. Feb 28 2007 02:11. Posts 7592 | | |
damn those stories were so good. |
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PoorUser United States. Feb 28 2007 02:14. Posts 7472 | | |
that was the single funiest thread i think i had ever read
maybe it should be put in the articles section |
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ggplz Sweden. Feb 28 2007 03:00. Posts 16784 | | |
i remember that thread
baller drawing as always |
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| if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN | |
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hansen Sweden. Feb 28 2007 04:14. Posts 1964 | | | |
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Roald Tuvalu. Feb 28 2007 05:28. Posts 2683 | | |
The biggest stakes you can play in Florida is 2/2 not 2/4. That guy is really full of shit |
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| drugs, animals, children are welcome -Xavier | |
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SakiSaki Sweden. Feb 28 2007 07:06. Posts 9687 | | |
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Vegas lit a cigarette and sucked the smoke through the gap where his left front tooth used to be before he lost it taming Memphis, the wild black stallion that townsfolk rumored Vegas found at the gates of hell after getting shot by Kentucky Jack on the longest day December.
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This is soooo good hahahaha |
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| what wackass site is this nigga? | |
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lil.sis China. Feb 28 2007 07:14. Posts 1343 | | |
glad you liked it
i wish people like alexthegreek were still around so i could be inspired once more |
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nicksson Sweden. Feb 28 2007 07:29. Posts 4662 | | |
hahaha, btw kimjongil dude isnbt that lil.sis? |
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lucifer Sweden. Feb 28 2007 08:25. Posts 5955 | | |
awesomenest
millionaire
ever |
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| On February 19 2009 22:21 Confedrate wrote: i dont get it | |
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dwbranch United States. Feb 28 2007 13:30. Posts 96 | | |
isn't alexthegreek i'm.alex(?) which post here at lp? |
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D_Zoo Canada. Mar 01 2007 14:35. Posts 4013 | | |
hahaha best sotry of all time
my fav part is whne he bets 27k into like a 700k pot leaving a whopping 100k behind
says he has the guy on a hand will insta call a push with king high yet then says 27k is perfect cuz its hard to see thru (????hehe) and he can fold and leave 100k behind which is enuff for him.....hmmmmm |
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| You aint a poet ur just a drunk with a pen | |
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D_Zoo Canada. Mar 01 2007 14:41. Posts 4013 | | |
lol @ case ace and calamity jane....wtf????
i love this story ive read it like 4 times
saw 4 trailer is still the BEST clip ive ever seen
in short...I love u DAUT |
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| You aint a poet ur just a drunk with a pen | |
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Jelle Belgium. Mar 01 2007 20:57. Posts 3476 | | |
man i remember that thread that was soooooooooo awesome |
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| | On February 28 2007 12:30 dwbranch wrote:
isn't alexthegreek i'm.alex(?) which post here at lp? |
not at all. |
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