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2008 is a disaster. Start over? |
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[vital]Myth  United States. May 18 2008 03:07. Posts 12159 | | |
Background story (skip this if you know me personally, or if you don't really care about anything but the good stuff)
In 2007, I started the year still in college and playing poker frequently but never taking it very seriously. I was bouncing between $1/2 and $2/4 6-max in January, and managed to successfully make the move up to $2/4 sometime in February. But March was the month of my downfall, as I nearly went completely bust. I was back at $.5/1, and not rolled too well for it either. I'm still unsure how it happened, but it's so far behind me that reflection seems pointless. I'll never be able to go back and understand where I went astray at that time.
By the end of April, though, I had regrouped and was on a steady climb upwards. I began a one-month coaching deal with a prominent mid-to-high stakes player, and we worked together pretty frequently. In return, I gave him a cut of my profits during that month and the two months following. That didn't work out great - I felt like I learned a few very important things about NLH, but overall didn't improve very much. Nonetheless, by May, I was taking shots at $2/4 again. That was also the month I graduated from college (with a BS in biology).
Then, in June, I had a massive breakthrough. I had moved into my uncle's vacation home in Las Vegas, to be around for WSOP. I began playing $1/2 9-max, and fit very well into a style that destroyed the game. I made a cool 75 buy-ins that month, and was on top of the world.
It was then that I realized just how much I love poker. I had a decent job lined up (to begin in August) as a risk analyst, but I called the firm and told them I was turning it down. Even if I had more opportunity for outrageously high pay working in finance, I had to do what I loved. So I kept it up. The rest of the summer went well, including a $70k score in the Sunday Million. WSOP was very fun and educational, and I got to make (or improve) my connections with many great players, most notably Daut, Ket, and Rekrul.
I finished out the year pretty solid. From August through December, I made a little under $80k in cash games. I cashed out over $70k to pay off some enormous student loans I had accrued, pay off the loans my parents took out to help me with college, pad my stock portfolio, take a few (somewhat lavish) vacations, and finally move into a new apartment with my current roommate FrinkX. It was the first time I moved out of my parents' house (after college), so I spent a lot on new furniture and such.
Struggling in 2008
After such a good show in 2007, I've somehow lost the ability to win at all. So far in 2008, I haven't had a single consistent stretch of profits in online cash games. I don't believe I've had an entire week in the black, but if I have, there were only 1 or 2 of them. January was stiff loss of several thousand; February was a moderate loss of a few thousand too. In March, I hardly played online at all, because I was grinding tournaments at the Wynn Classic and playing live cash games for the most part. I did manage to make about $10k in live cash and profit about $5k from tournaments with my staking deal. April was similar to March, except I lost about $5k playing live cash and made about $18k in tournaments.
But the end of April and the beginning of May have been the most disastrous stretch yet. I was down about $9k in online cash during April, and am down another $14k so far in May. Combined with a LOT of EXTREMELY spewy spending so far this year (mostly at strip clubs and night clubs), AND the missing $40k bankroll that I lost in the RedNines/Microgaming scandal, I've barely got a working BR for $5/10 now. I was comfortably rolled for $25/50 less than 6 months ago. More importantly, I have absolutely no confidence. Everything I do is wrong, and every time I feel like I'm playing excellent, my results are worse than ever.
I've been such a consistent loser for so long now that I can't stop asking myself what other career I'll pursue once I go broke. I just took a break for a while, to refresh myself and relax from some serious frustration. So I sat down at some $5/10 and $3/6 6-max tables, confident and feeling good, and surprised in fact to see that the games were abnormally fishy. I thought I made a lot of good plays and got my money in appropriately. But I proceeded to win 8% of showdowns (yes, 8) and lose $5,500 in around 500 hands. And no, I wasn't getting sucked out against. Rather, I was doing things like re-shoving over an absolute maniac squeezer and running into AA, as well as flopping a double-gutter in a 3bet pot against somebody running 55/43 and 3betting every hand, and getting it in against QQ. I thought I was getting into good spots and making reasonable plays, but every single time my money went in, it was horribly wrong.
So, I drove up to LA from San Diego tonight, because I'm going to my BFF Day[9]'s college graduation tomorrow (yay!). On the way here, I realized that I just don't see myself ever succeeding in poker anymore. Not because I don't want to, or don't have the passion for it, or don't think I'm smart enough, or don't have the dedication, but simply because I can't picture myself winning. Like winning doesn't make sense to me anymore. So my mind was just wandering during my drive, and I was kinda panicking with myself about what other skills I have, where I can turn for another career choice because total failure in poker seems imminent.
But I could still hear Rekrul berating somebody a long time ago, saying they should be SO grateful simply to have the opportunity to click buttons on a mouse for a living, that they should find a way to make it work no matter what. And I realized, truly, that I can't fail at poker. There is no way that I don't "have what it takes" to succeed, and there is no way that I'm going to let myself down when I've got such a great thing in my hands. Poker life is the easiest, funnest, and most awesome life that I've ever imagined, and I see no better path to which I'd want to dedicate my energies. Somehow, I have to pull through. There has got to be a way through this mess I've made for myself, this mess I've made of myself.
So, I'm going to start over. I briefly played some $1/2 6-max earlier today while I was trying to get my PT3 HUD to work, and it felt outstanding, just because I truly and whole-heartedly believed I had a massive edge in the games. When I played my $5/10 session, I felt confident as well, but I can't deny that I've been unable to shake free of self-doubt in my normal games lately. For my own sake, I need to have some positive results, even if they're not nearly as profitable as I want them to be.
I'm going to get back to $1/2 and move up when I feel it's right, but not before winning 25 buy-ins (at each level). If (pleeeease one TIME) my coach finds time for me, I'll definitely play our sessions at $3/6 or $5/10, and if they go well and I feel I've learned a lot, I'll just stick with it and see how I progress from there. In the meantime, I'll be blogging about my quest for redemption.
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| Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser | |
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SKoT United States. May 18 2008 03:13. Posts 1768 | | |
Man it seems like everyone is catching a face full of shit this year/past few months
Myself semi-included |
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jase Australia. May 18 2008 03:19. Posts 1604 | | |
Really good read, can't imagine how down you must have felt, obviously if you can overcome emotions like that you clearly have the emotional state a good player needs and of course you have the poker skills  |
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Exhilarate United States. May 18 2008 03:19. Posts 5453 | | |
Nice story. I'm sure you'll do fine, you're one of the best damn posters on this site.
And good luck  |
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| | Last edit: 18/05/2008 03:19 |
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ggplz Sweden. May 18 2008 03:19. Posts 16784 | | | |
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| if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN | |
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Xenocidegs United States. May 18 2008 03:25. Posts 365 | | |
Good read, I've always liked your posts in the hand discussions on the forum and I can tell you sincerely love poker for the love of the game rather than for the money. I hope you get back on your feet and start crushing poker like everyone knows you can. |
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| | On May 18 2008 02:19 ggplz wrote:
Good post.
GL to you sir |
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Loco Canada. May 18 2008 03:27. Posts 20968 | | |
yeah ive had a pretty bad year too but nothing as bad as you, but I also am EXTREMELY grateful for having this opportunity and its the only thing that always kept me going in the roughest parts.
i think it was after watching "The Secret" or hearing Tony Robbins speak, it opened my eyes that I was taking shit for granted. being grateful is an awesome thing.
wish you the best of luck, your efforts will pay off eventually and you know it deep inside. |
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| fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount | Last edit: 18/05/2008 03:29 |
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Siro Australia. May 18 2008 03:30. Posts 1540 | | |
afk trying to make poker my career
(coach me) |
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flounder44 United States. May 18 2008 03:34. Posts 916 | | |
wow myth that is a very inspirational story. It's so hard to stay ahead no matter how many BI's u have for any given stake. I Know that you will rise to the top again despite adversity and all the bad luck thats come your way.
Just try to hang in there and keep making +EV plays. |
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whamm! Albania. May 18 2008 03:41. Posts 11625 | | |
you're simply one the best posters here amongst ppl in your level of play. your advices the most insightful, and you are very usually polite and courteous, to most if not all low stakes/microstakes members here. i most definitely respect and admire your demeanor and i wish you nothing but better things to come. and good things will come soon. and im sure it will. i wish you luck man. |
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n0rthf4ce United States. May 18 2008 03:43. Posts 8119 | | |
4 SLAPS FOR YOUR FACE. It's unreasonable for one of my best horses to lose confidence. You know you have what it takes, both in the realm of intelligence and self discipline. I believe a good explanation for your constant losing sessions are your bad habits (ex. sleep schedule, LONG sessions, etc.). Some can handle this better than others. I suggest re-reading Ket's guide and making note of what you could improve on. "I can't picture myself winning..." blah blah PLEASE! You were born to win and you know that. |
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lebowski Greece. May 18 2008 03:45. Posts 9205 | | |
the next brag post is coming sooooo soon
gl man |
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| new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man... | |
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Big_Rob_48 United States. May 18 2008 03:51. Posts 3432 | | |
I enjoyed reading this, it was motivating. Best of luck |
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| My AIM sn if you want to chat: YoRobbyMiller | |
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[vital]Myth United States. May 18 2008 03:54. Posts 12159 | | |
| | On May 18 2008 02:43 n0rthf4ce wrote:
4 SLAPS FOR YOUR FACE. It's unreasonable for one of my best horses to lose confidence. You know you have what it takes, both in the realm of intelligence and self discipline. I believe a good explanation for your constant losing sessions are your bad habits (ex. sleep schedule, LONG sessions, etc.). Some can handle this better than others. I suggest re-reading Ket's guide and making note of what you could improve on. "I can't picture myself winning..." blah blah PLEASE! You were born to win and you know that. |
yeah, my lifestyle can definitely use improvement, and obviously feeling better is good for poker
but to be fair, nothing in my lifestyle has changed. if anything i'm a LOT happier now than i was in 2007. living with frinkx is a lot better than either being in college or living with my parents |
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| Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser | |
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Stygg Sweden. May 18 2008 04:17. Posts 2347 | | |
my experience tells me that when you make a blog like this, things turn around 90% of the time and within days, you make a new blog about how fkin sweet everything is. and vice versa, when you make a brag blog you get it up the ass the next few days.
gl to you, i can't imagine this streak of rotten timing and luck will continue much longer. |
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oh shit. the mighty myth, now I feel less gay for when I moved down and played like 90k hands of 1/2 earlier this year. I'm sure you'll be back though, you're far to fucking smart not too.  GL man. |
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iakim322 United States. May 18 2008 04:22. Posts 1335 | | |
I got the same exact feeling basically. A couple times last year while I was playing part time and then again just recently on the heels of a massive downswing in just two months. My somewhat idiotic, recent solution was to lock up most of my money in stocks even though I coulda left myself somewhat comfortably rolled for 5/10 or whatever...just so I don't have that stress of losing tons of monies at least for awhile. I also hate letting poker define my life when I'm losing which is what you just apparently went through. But anyways, I picked up tournaments on a stake which is asking to be disappointed for losing every day...so that shows you what I know. Your solution of moving down is A+. Also, drink more. Your roommate is pretty good at that. |
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Kapol Poland. May 18 2008 04:28. Posts 4696 | | |
YOU SHALL NOT QUIT
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| BIBLE (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) | |
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Pillars United States. May 18 2008 04:44. Posts 1049 | | |
I've only played a few sessions with you, mostly back in 2007, but it was clear you were a winning player. Based upon posts of yours which I've read, and what little I know of you, it seems almost certain you should be able to beat mid-stakes NLHE at a good clip.
Good luck figuring out whatever is currently impeding your ability to do so... |
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