Band concert

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thestoryteller Singapore. May 26 2008 23:23. Posts 319

Last week I went with my wife to a band performance put up by a junior college concert band (The junior college where I did my A levels). It was terrible. I could have sworn they were much better when I was studying there ten years ago.

The instruments were out of time, so when they tried playing the Imperial March from Star Wars, instead of going "pom pom pom" with three tubas blasting and falling silent in unison, they merged into a "pommmffpmmzzmmfffghsl..." like Vin Diesel delivering dialogue.

The "resident conductor" was some young, pompous ass who seemed absolutely full of himself. The kind of guy who deserves to be the bitch of the biggest, baddest guy in cell block 6. His conducting was so flamboyant he alternated between waving his arms like Mr. Bean trying to dance and thrusting his pelvis like he was really enjoying being the bitch of aforementioned biggest, baddest guy is cell block 6.

Then halfway through the alumni band comes out to perform. One has a receding hairline. Another has the kind of glasses that mark him out to be an accountant. The conductor has the shape of a teletubby. Although they only practice together once a week or so, this bunch of old fogeys completely outdoes the school band as they play a simple yet entertaining medley of Barry Manilow's greatest hits (the simply yet entertaining medley that they pretty much play every single time they perform).

It would be unfair to say that it was all a disaster. Because it was a school band performance, the audience was full of 17 and 18 year olds. The girls were all in the "barely legal teens" stage of their lives and the guys were all in the "pimply face and bad body odour" stage of their lives. I was, obviously, the best looking guy in the audience with the most spending power, but my wife was with me so it was strictly see no touch.

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