Streamline Online Poker Existentialism (Downtime)

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Modus United States. Feb 11 2009 08:34. Posts 36

According to Pokerstars. I do not exist.

Before I realized that the the Pokerstars server was down, I looked at this and said "Where did I go?". I looked at the time and saw that I had played a few minutes past my-- well not exactly my bed time-- we'll call it the designated time frame for late night siestas. As since I've started playing poker, I have not slept very much. However, I would like to justify this trend in saying that I stay up later for the weaker competition. Once America goes to bed, Modus takes commie money. Actually, that's not true. It would be far more honest to say that I donate to a variety different time zones.

One might say that I am writing this blog because I am bored, and because the server is down. While that could be (exactly) right, I am reluctant to settle upon that conclusion. You see, my existence is a dichotomy alter-egos. By day I am study-for-the-GRE boy, and also help-plan-wedding-Man. Then my latest spawn has been Midnight-Poker-Person. I am not going to say which ego is of preference, but let's say you have about the same odds guessing correctly as you do hitting a flush 4 cards deep to a draw on the flop. My Brain Is Infected.

While I may try to romanticize my life in a way that is both exaggerated (and more fun to read), the truth is that I am at a crux in my life that cannot be shaken. I am on the cusp of so much change that I don't even really know who I am anymore. You know how when you're in school you can say that you're a student whenever someone asks you what you do? Well now I'd have to Pokerface an answer. It is unlikely that I will be able to get into any of my "top" graduate schools, but I am still trying. It's kinda sad and embarrassing to admit-- but I kinda thought if I learned poker a little bit I could use any bit of the money I gained to help me with the cost of applications. Sh don't tell anyone. At the stakes I am currently learning at, that seems like the only feasible goal that could provide me the motivation to continue cultivating an interest in poker, while also keeping my priorities in check. However, don't ask me to define my priorities, I'm still figuring that one out.

Anyhow, The empty cashier image is symbolic of my alter-ego transitions. I'm sure Clark Kent feels the same way when he sees a Phone booth, or when the Hulk sees a Pea. It is a reminder that I am composed of many different identities, and adulthood bears down on you to assimilate all of them into an acceptable package. Frankly, I feel too weird to do that.

Whether you are Superman...

The Hulk... or a pea... a pluralistic definition of self is required to make sense of your place in the world.

Just as Clark Kent is Superman by the phone booth, and Hulk is... well.. the hulk... through... umm... anger. My identity is forged in sort of transitional mobility. I am never not myself, but I am never myself completely. My struggle in adulthood is to find equilibrium.

As a reward for getting this far in the blog, I give you an image. You will be pleased to know that I am not the only super hero in my relationship, as my wife-to-be is also known as ButterFly Woman. Don't ask me what her powers are (because it's sexual).

According to the Pokerstars cashier tab--I exist again. Therefore, I must return to help fight poverty in the countries that are currently awake. I'll be damned if they all don't have another euro in their pockets by the end of the night.