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Tilt Spirit Quest |
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Modus United States. Feb 26 2009 02:04. Posts 36 | | |
I'm sorry to have to do a "normal" blog for once. However, I am a bit numb. In anthropology, there is something that is called the Theory of Reciprocity. The concept is fairly simple: cultures have a near universal concept of giving and receiving: what varies is the cultural understanding of the proportion in which one gives to receive. The significance of this concept to a culture extends beyond distinctions of philanthropy and "investment". The natural dichotomy is to say the context of giving and receiving varies between scales of the moral and the ethical. Sometimes it's okay to accumulate, sometimes it's appropriate to share. However, in the west it is institution that has sanctioned reciprocity in it's most bureaucratic form: "Tax". This is what is most interesting to me. When is an income ethically sound? when is it morally aberrant? This of course is an ethnocentric microscope -- the emergence of industry and capitalism are western in creation.
Having spent 4 years of my life studying classical social theory, I can't help but feel like an anachronism. However, this should not be mistaken for "obsolete". The perspective I obtained remains relevant. However, the complexity of assimilating what I've learned with what I'm experiencing spawns an enigmatic perspective. Marx's "Towards a Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right" with Webers "The Protestant Ethic and The Spirit of Capitalism" leaves me lost in translation. These two works leave me with this paradox: Are we better off removed from the "myths" of religion (Marx) or has the Marxist perspective of religion failed to acknowledge the existential significance of "God" in our everyday lives? Would Weber say that our Protestant Ethic has evolved to transfer our formerly religious zeal into a secular weapon of mass consumption? What does that mean? does that mean that we are looking for God in our wallets? or does it mean that God is dead, and that we have killed him? If that is the case, then is it foretold that he will be resurrected in the wake of our moral bankruptcy?
Oh Yes, I have found God, and Tilt be his name.
Basically, I truly feel as though I've gathered a subconscious guilt for my accumulation. I have taken money from people. I truly enjoy the game of poker, and nothing makes people play competitively like money. However, it would be a lie to say I haven't felt "guilty" about my little victories. The Karma line on my PT3 graph inversely represents my winnings. My up times were -EV, my recent practice of the theory of reciprocity has been +EV.
over the last 20 some sessions I've been in the negative. From my original deposit of 50$ in late January I brought up to ~134$ (very slowly). In between these sessions I was playing MTT's and doing pretty well, I was able to consistently get money in some of the 1-2$ turbos for a net of about 30$. This artificially inflated my bankroll (I was having a lot of fun trying to win tournaments), and perhaps my time spent away from playing my normal nl5 cash games was far more detrimental to my game than I previously realized.
I really feel I've been consistent in my play style, but perhaps I could use some tweaks. I think I slowly started to play more hands, and it's cost me. However, I can't figure out what's been up. Over the last week I've lost ~60$. A week ago I felt like I was dealing to fish in a barrel. Since then I've seen ruin -- Thor shot me with a tilt lightning bolt whose tainting electricity continues to resonate in my game.
I realize the possibility of the *heater* factor, but if I was on a heater then... it was... a god damned bonfire... full blown... fucking.. immolation in a conflagration.
Regardless, the graph is the objective truth. it is the mountain that I walked up, and now down in my quest for poker righteousness. I am weathered, weary, unsure, but not deterred. There is a certain level of tranquility involved in the sudden loss of slowly accumulated progress, but the road to the realization of that serenity is unmistakably painful.
I find solace in the thought that I merely returned what wasn't mine in the first place, but it would be a lie to say poker isn't still a dragon that I wouldn't like to slay. I look forward to the purging the tilting effects of the experience, but at the same time I acknowledge some things that I've learned about myself.
I truly do love to win, but I felt a deep sort of release in the dramatic loss of profit. It says that says both that I must remain humble, and that running good is as far from equilibrium as tilt is. This is a very Buddhist notion, but one that I am not ready accept as a proverb. I do still want to win.... don't I?
Has anyone else ever "been here"? or am I better off quitting poker?
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Motiva United States. Feb 26 2009 02:24. Posts 104 | | |
lol I think your blogs are quite funny.
but if you're playing NL5 then it looks like you just went +10bi -10bi over 30k hands...
Take standard + mild heater and then end it with standard + slight tilt and you have standard imo.
lol. just my 2cents. |
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RainyDay Korea (South). Feb 26 2009 02:31. Posts 484 | | |
I have been on my own tilt spirit quest. After 5 agonizing days and nights of wandering through the deep forest I discovered my tilt spirit animal in the form of a bear. As it gazed upon me, the great beast opened its jaws and bellowed, " HALT THEE 5-BET SHOVING AIR PRE" and "REFRAIN FROM C/R BLUFFING FISH IN THE RIVER".
Since then, I've been enlightened and have my tilt spirit animal as my desktop background. I'm now a successful FPP pro, and I wish you luck on your quest. |
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Modus United States. Feb 26 2009 13:56. Posts 36 | | |
| | On February 26 2009 01:24 Motiva wrote:
lol I think your blogs are quite funny.
but if you're playing NL5 then it looks like you just went +10bi -10bi over 30k hands...
Take standard + mild heater and then end it with standard + slight tilt and you have standard imo.
lol. just my 2cents. |
Maybe heaters tilt me? this could be a problem.... |
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Modus United States. Feb 26 2009 13:58. Posts 36 | | |
| | On February 26 2009 01:31 RainyDay wrote:
I have been on my own tilt spirit quest. After 5 agonizing days and nights of wandering through the deep forest I discovered my tilt spirit animal in the form of a bear. As it gazed upon me, the great beast opened its jaws and bellowed, " HALT THEE 5-BET SHOVING AIR PRE" and "REFRAIN FROM C/R BLUFFING FISH IN THE RIVER".
Since then, I've been enlightened and have my tilt spirit animal as my desktop background. I'm now a successful FPP pro, and I wish you luck on your quest. |
I would have continued on my quest, but the prospect of my spirit animal being a jackalope or a chupacabra left me tilting my way out of the celestial plane. |
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V-A-R-I-A-N-C-E
it sucks i know, im going through it right now, and it really makes playing painful if none of your hands holds at all. Just fight through it and be strong. |
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| How you want it, bars or bullets? | |
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Motiva United States. Feb 26 2009 18:46. Posts 104 | | |
| | On February 26 2009 12:56 Modus wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 26 2009 01:24 Motiva wrote:
lol I think your blogs are quite funny.
but if you're playing NL5 then it looks like you just went +10bi -10bi over 30k hands...
Take standard + mild heater and then end it with standard + slight tilt and you have standard imo.
lol. just my 2cents. |
Maybe heaters tilt me? this could be a problem....
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This is actually one of the bigger problems in my game. I get up, and comfortable and then suddenly making that marginal call is somehow rationalized into being that much less marginal. GL yo |
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