Exactly one year ago I wrote a blog post entitled "MSNL to Busto", the entirety of which can be found here:
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I post blog entries so infrequently that I doubt anyone's going to read this, but I'm quite possibly the worst player in the world right now, or at least I feel like it. It's actually come to the point where I'm immensely close to quitting poker altogether and have to start thinking about my alternatives for making money. If you go through my posts for the past several months you'll see nothing but the same whining and losing that has perpetuated til now. I'm officially a break-even, if not losing, player after once being able to break 200nl on FTP for 5.5ptbb over 200k hands. I won't get into details, the gist of it can be found in my earlier posts. But basically
- Since I didn't post an august results thread, I'm probably down somewhere between 3k and 4k in August alone.
- I've effectively broken even starting March, which comes out to around 180k hands or so of breakeven. I would post a graph but hands prior to May have been lost, and I'm nowhere near my desktop right now which contains all my hands since then, bu feel free to peruse previous entries.
- I'm also in quite a bit of a financial situation, which means I need to cash out the remainder of my operating roll and possibly find a stake from my higher stakes friends.
Currently I'm in Japan on the vacation of my life (yes this trip did kinda contribute to my financial situation, I'm not making excuses or anything  ) and have played a bunch of poker here on my off days and have been getting absolutely manhandled at 200 and 100nl.
This is kinda one giant whine entry now that I think about it, so I'll quit complaining. To wrap up, basically within a month I should be able to figure out whether or not I want to quit this game for good (because all the time wasted and emotional strain this game gives me is no good whatsoever for me, I'd rather focus on my other forms of income). For the time being, I'm effectively BUSTO! GL to me.
http://www.liquidpoker.net/blog/viewblog.php?id=552886
That was easily the lowest point of my career. After having made a decent amount of money playing poker, I honestly thought my time was up. I remember reading a F4Zi post around this time stating his intent to quit poker as well (ofc he never did), and one part of his post said he had accumulated over 100k from this game. I was sitting in my apartment in my most favorite city in the world, Tokyo, Japan, thinking "If I quit now what would I have to show for it?" It was soul crushing...I had accomplished nothing despite having so many aspirations to actually do well. I once played WarCraft 3 competitively, I never became amazingly good but I devoted myself to figuring out the game. In the end I accomplished nothing, just a few years of my life I could never get back, for zero dollars, for zero recognition.
I was in too deep with poker. What's that stupid saying? Putting all your eggs in one basket? I was very careless with college, taking dumb electives with absolutely no idea what to major in. I had no other financial opportunities besides poker, and if I quit poker the only option I'd have would be to return to school, accept the fact that I'd have to graduate much later than all my friends, and figure out what to do from there. As a poker player, it's a bad spot to be in - to be restricted to only one option. As poker players we pride ourselves on our freedom of choice and liberated lifestyle.
My pride was long gone by this point. I cashed out the remaining few thousand in my FTP account to ensure I'd have enough for expenses and school for at least 1 quarter, and asked my friend Matt for a stake to play 1/2. The deal was I'd take 8k now and pay back 10k by the end of the year. I had 4 months to get things straightened out. Part of the reason why I offerred 20% roi was so I can get some coaching from Matt as well, at this point I was determined to just start new and improve back to a winning style all over again.
Thankfully, I started running well soon after which gave me a great confidence boost. I soon left my buddy Joe who I had gone to Japan with. If Matt were instrumental in helping me strategically, Joe was instrumental in helping me understand my emotional tilt and the nature of variance. One month later, I took 4th in the Daily 80 Special for 9k and paid back the stake.
In the remainder of 2008 I was able to make around 25k, and had gone back to school.
2009 started off really well and at this point I'm up 70k for the year. It took making monstrous strides in my understanding and improving of not just poker theory but being a better poker professional. I took an extended break from school after taking 1 quarter of classes in 2008. I'm extraordinarily thankful to my friends, coaches, and just anyone that gave me words of encouragement or a reality check.
Over the course of the last 1 year since I wrote the original blog post I've made roughly 100k. I'm still VERY far from where I want to be, and 100k is definitely nothing to be complacent about, but I'm extremely proud of what I've been capable of this past year. Looking back on it now, it was because of WarCraft 3 that I even met Matt and Joe in the first place (both extremely good American War3 players in their prime). My gaming background is what brought my to LiquidPoker as well. It seems like in a way, WarCraft 3 was indirectly responsible for my Poker "success". It's an interesting intangible, that I think everyone here should be thankful for  .
So I'd like to extent my deepest gratitude to the people I talk to constantly online that, in their own ways help me tremendously: Matt, Joe, bertkc, cheet, Winston, Uptown, Andrew C., Pillage, Chris C., Ray, Peter, and of course people at LP who put up with my blog whining and have given me encouragement, including Exil, BalloonFight, jolin, collegsucks, fayth, ket, Rich, k2o4, TianYuan, night2o1, zulunation, etc.
I wouldn't wish horrible downswings or breakeven stretches upon anyone reading this, but if you are unfortunate enough to be stuck in a corner like that just know that there's at least one other person out there that's been able to make it out.
Good luck guys
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United States. Sep 03 2009 01:26. Posts 7471
