a story for all

lol. We gotta go to a nightclub next time in vegas. Have to see the ZoO in action.

i love you D_Zoo

LOL

god that was hilarious
great read 5/5

5/5

nothing but LOL

hahahaha you are my hero!

rape victims anonymous lol
wtf was I doing when I was 18 yo? damn it
5 stars

--- Nuked ---

LOL such a hero. LOL @ PENIS BETRAYAL! we've all been there

Made me think of this...

hahaha

now I know you can actually be raped by someone... I WANT MY MONEY BACK !!

rape is actually a turn on imo

Awesome stories,

On November 23 2008 19:35 D_Zoo wrote: Condom Experiences I hate to say it but I am terrible at practicing protection. I believe in the withdrawal method and that God will protect me from disease. I have two experiences with condoms in my life. The first one was when I was in Grade 9. I had been dating this girl for awhile and all we had been doing was making out, some petting over jeans and some titty touching over the shirt. Although I was enjoying the action, naturally I wanted more so when she told me that her parents were going away and I was invited over on Friday night I thought this was it. This was the big moment! I consulted my sexually perverse and experienced buddy who presented me with what a good advice father figure would do: a Playboy, a message ‘remember it’s the second hole’ (which I still don’t even know what that means???) and more importantly, a pina colada flavoured condom. This was my first time with a condom and I had no idea they could be flavoured, it was like a touching a golden bar. I delicately placed it in my hands and had a giant, nervous smile as I stared at the aura of this magical item. It was the key to unlocking Pandora’s Box! I could not become a man without this piece of equipment. All week I would come home from school open my sock drawer and stare at it, resisting the urge to open it to try it on or more realistically try to taste it. Friday finally rolls around and I’m supposed to show up at her house at 7pm. This is it I’m finally going to have sex. Like every boy I’m overcome with nervousness and excitement of what will happen. I get out my Playboy give it another glance over memorizing the important parts, re read a few of the articles on how to please a woman from my sisters’ Cosmopolitans and remember ‘it’s the second hole.’ Then all of a sudden I’m hit with a wave of confusion. When do I put the condom on? After some debate I decide its just best to put it on before so that way I don’t have to ruin the mood like I read in a Cosmo article. I take the majestic item out of its package, sniff in the cheap coconut smell and gently place it on getting is slimy coating all over everything. It’s difficult to describe the first time you put a condom on your dick, kind of like the first time you slide your dick into a tub of yogurt I would compare it to. So I get to her house almost shaking now with excitement. The nervousness has left me because, similar to Link from Zelda with his sword and shield, I am armed for battle and confident. After some small talk we begin making out like we were on a conjugal visit. Foreheads butted, teeth smashed, ass smacking and everything else a teenage make out should include. She pulls away from me and looks me in the eyes with a look that will forever be engraved in my mind and heart. My first experience with ‘bedroom eyes.’ I almost blew right then and there but I pull it together and she slowly kneels down in front of me still looking me in the eyes like a porno movie and unfortunately something girls these days do not do as much as they should. As she starts unbuttoning my pants I am in ecstasy but as I always went commando I feel the cold air hit me and it feels a little different and I remember I’m wearing the condom which is almost coming into view. I have always been a quick thinker of my feet and remember a song that will be perfect for the moment and decide to let loose ‘I hope you like pina coloda…..’ while swaying my hips as she takes sight of my condom wrapped cock. Well let me tell you, I witnessed my second facial expression that will be forever engrained in my mind and soul. One of shock then contours into disgust and revulsion. Apparently, the condom goes on just prior to intercourse and I never did find out that night if it really went in the second hole. After that experience of not getting laid and having that girl never want to see me again I realized that condoms were for sailors. I was not a sailor I was a clean cut, upper mid class boy who only attracted good clean girls….right? So the next time, many girls later, was years down the road on a vacation. I was in Banff, Alberta visiting some good buddies from home when I met this girl whom I had an immediate connection with. She was definitely not my typical girl but more the girl next door cute with a care-free charming personality. This was also my first night doing cocaine. We end up pre drinking together and everyone is pretty drunk and smoking weed and basically feeling no pain. Someone breaks out the coke and I throw caution to the wind because well I’m on vacation, so I partake in some. Hours pass and 8 lines of cocaine later we are leaving the dance club which I have no recollection of and heading back. On the drive back I feel the hand on my leg and the making out begins. It turns into heavy petting as she tells me repeatedly to slow it down but yeah right lady you try slowing it down with 8 lines of a foreign stimulant in your system. We finally get back to my friends place and they are immediately crash. We start talking and fooling around on the sofa but there are a couple other people passed out there so when I go to take her clothes off she rejects the idea claiming she doesn’t want to be seen. In my stimulated panic mode I say we can use my friend’s bedroom to which she questions about his whereabouts. I run upstairs and see he is in the bed passed out and when he passes out he is dead to the world. Cocaine-induced and on the urge of having sex I don’t even try to wake him up I just pick him up and carry him down the stairs with the same hold I have seen on movies when men are trying to woo their women by carrying them up the stairs. I now inform her I have discovered a free bedroom. Laughter and giddiness overcomes her and we run hand in hand up the stairs. The making out becomes hotter and my pants are quickly ripped off me and I feel the warmth of her sexy mouth wrapped on my dick. I immediately start bucking like a bronco trying to fuck her face off (thank you cocaine) to which she takes it well and tells me to relax. My mind is going a million miles a minutes as I think of all the nasty things I am going to do to this seemingly innocent girl who had previously claimed she had never had a one night stand, doesn’t it seem like those are the ones that you always end up fucking that night? Fast forward a bit and we are naked and I’m fingering her like I’m strumming Guitar Hero and am about to enter here when I hear those words that made me cringe. Words I probably should have heard more in my life ‘do you have a condom?’ I immediately feel insulted like I am some sort of sailor or disgusting pervert but she is insistent and claims we cannot have sex without one. I get up and sprint down the hall and stairs buck naked with a raging hard on shaking my buddy asking him where his condoms are. He finally opens his eyes, seems confused to how the fuck he ended up on the living room couch and mutters something about a closet. Ah yes the closet! I sprint back upstairs filled with memories of Grade 9 and pray that the condoms are not pina coloda flavoured. I ransack his closet faster than the Tasmanian devil throwing everything across the room much to the delight of the now sheet covered girl. Finally I spot it, I think a light beam from the lamp must have hit just right because it seemed to be glowing like an orb. I grab the box, tear into it and rip open a condom with my teeth. I just throw it on, not pinching the tip or whatever the hell you are supposed to do with them and yell ‘ready!’ The condom is only half way down my dick and does not feel right which is weird since he has a bigger dick then me. It’s actually getting painful since it’s so tight around my ridge. Who cares I’m coked out of my mind anyways. She warns me that she has not had sex in awhile so go slow. Yeah ok, my dick circulation is being cut off by this child sized condom and I’ve snorted a Ziploc bag full of cocaine. I try to go slow but end up just ploughing in and being mentally perverse as I am get super excited when I hear her groan in agony and see her face contort. I start hammering away like with the girls back home but she puts her hands firmly on my stomach stopping me and tells me to slow down and has that motherly stern look on her face. So I slow down for awhile anyway then she starts breathing rapidly and I recognize this look on her face, oh yeah she is going to cum and soon. I pick up the pace and start slamming away with what I coin ‘passionate fury.’ She is cumming and gripping me like a vice and shaking which is sending me over the edge (by the way fucking on coke is awesome I might add) and instinctively I go to pull out not realizing I have a condom on and don’t need to. So as I pull out I go to jerk my dick and remember hey I have a condom on what am I doing but it’s more like had a condom on because that overly tight children’s condom is nowhere to be seen. As I’m tilting my head trying to look at her box and the sheets under her for the condom my hips being to buck and I shot the mother load everywhere. I had been on vacation so had not been using porn and masturbating as frequently, and normally shoot a Peter North-like load anyways, so I open my eyes to see her face, chest, stomach and surrounding bed sheets covered in my cum. The same stern motherly look of disapproval overtook her face as she slowly rose and walked to the bathroom. I looked down at the mess of a bed covered in jizz but still no condom. It was never found and turns out it was a regular sized condom I clearly had no idea how to put on. It will remain a mystery to what happened to it but I have yet to wear one again after two interesting incidents with these mystical items.

Rofl, please make a well with more life stories

child sized condom and snorted a ziploc bag full of cocaine

looool my god

LOL nice one

LOL you just made my day :D