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Luciferrr Canada. Aug 13 2011 23:08. Posts 4

The title refers to more than poker. I'm actually not doing too bad in my weekly live game; top casher for the "season" out of 25 with about 12 regulars. Online I'm about even right now, down from my peak a few weeks ago but who really cares when you're playing micros.

My mood is very swingy and it's tough to deal with. On "good" days I'm still not where I want to be and on bad days... well, let's just say I'm glad to have the support system that I do. I've been getting in touch more with old friends and it has been very positive. It's still not the same as what I used to have but I guess I just need to deal with the fact that certain people will never be in my life again in the same way. Hard to lose so many of the most important people in your life within a short period of time. I'm not sure if anything will ever make up for that. Either way, I'm still a very lucky person to have what I do and I'm aware of this.

I still get the theoretical wind knocked out of me every once in a while and when that happens I try to talk to my friends about it. This isn't the easiest thing to admit but I used to be on antidepressants. They evened out my mood which is probably one of main reasons I was able to get through the winter, but I decided to stop taking them a few months ago. I've been considering taking them again lately though. I really don't want to but it's pretty exhausting trying to be strong all the time. I think the problem is that sometimes it just feels like there's not much to look forward to in my future. My job is never going to get better and the salary sucks but I like the easygoing lifestyle it allows me. I would get a different job but I haven't been with this company for very long and it looks bad on the CV if I can't stay in one place for a significant period of time without reason. I have a hard time saving up any money since living expenses are pretty high and as soon as I do save a little, something goes wrong and I have to repair my car or some shit. I plan little trips every once in a while that hopefully don't cost me a ton but still give me something to look forward to. I just try not to think about it too much... One day at a time.

I'm using poker as a distraction and trying to get better. I also have a very short attention span and am often playing games on my iPhone while I grind cash or SNGs. I really need to stop doing this and just focus on one thing at a time. I know I'll never be able to make a living playing poker but hopefully I can make enough to provide enough to have fun with and to take the heat off my bank account.

Sigh.

0 votes

LsDDeaD Bulgaria. Aug 14 2011 04:04. Posts 165

Hey, dude, antidepresants are bad Mkey!I've made the same decision about an year ago (f*** the docs) and haven't regret a single day.They just mess up with your brain way too much, don't ge into thi hole again.
But well, afterall there are worse things than that, so if you have already decided to do this, I suggest you to talk to your doc and ask him to prescribe you an old generation antidepresant.I'm not sure how to write it - threecycle antidepresant(does that make any sense?).Here it's selled under the name "Anafranil", so try and go with this one!