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Finally quitting this game. It's about time. |
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Newblish Canada. Oct 30 2011 23:55. Posts 560 | | |
Well after 4 long years of this game I'm finally saying goodbye. This game has brought me nothing but hardship and trouble in my life and its time I got rid of it. A bit over a year ago i had ~50k and was doing great. I planned to be playing high stakes and have over 100k by the end of the following year(this year). A year and a bit a bit later however, i have nothing to show for all my hard work except the following:
-running 82 Buy ins below EV without even considering coolers
-full tilt robbing me of $~4000
-Absolute from what I now hear is about to vanish without paying me the $~4000 I have on it
- being lazy and barely playing due to low motivation
- not furthering a career that i would have otherwise had if i used my degree in any way.
- A fucked up sleep schedule where I go to bed around 3am and wake up at noon
- more of an antisocial lifestyle than before i had poker since my "job" was on a computer and there was less of a need to ever leave my house
- only around $7000 to my name, excluding my car/computer etc ofc and potentially(but unlikely) the money from FTP/ABS
I just now had another bad session where I was 4 BI's below EV against one of the worst players I have ever played HU. That is ~$800 and thats actually alot now considering how much less money I have. my living expenses are over $1200 a month and i cant afford to be having bad sessions like this anymore.
I just dont want/need it all anymore. I cashed out every single penny I have left online(excluding ABS/FTP of course). I really feel I put a good effort into this game, I am certainly not a great player, but I was good enough to beat midstakes up to 5/10 at one point when I was at my peak around a year ago. Regardless, I feel like my efforts were in vain because I really really did work hard for the last 4 years despite being a full time student(well excluding up until the last say 5 months due to low motivation). I feel like I am not getting rewarded for the time and effort i put into poker. I know I am supposed to accept that poker can be like that and that you're going to have bad stretches, but for me it lasted an entire year(and i cant afford that since it started to happen EXACTLY when i moved out of home). All the endless hours of grinding, of stress, of fatigue, of thinking hard, of staring at a computer screen, of heart pounding in big hands, of analysis, etc.. and alot of the time all you get out of it is emotional distress and a losing session. You can work hard for all these hours, then you just run 5+ BI's below EV and can only think: Is that really the result of all this time and effort? The longrun is a damn LONG RUN if you know what i mean. If i have to wait over a year for things to start evening out and to get rewarded for the hours of grinding then to me its not worth it and i give up. There is just a point where all of the effort/work you put in HAS to give you something in return except for breakeven/losing months(I had only 3 winning months in the last year of which only one was a good month, the other two were measly/miniscule)
Starting poker was a huge mistake. If I could go back in time 1 year form now everything would be so damn easy. Cashout my $50,000 get a real job where you interact with people, have a real contribution to the world, make a real salary, etc and things would easily be better than today where playing poker has so many negative consequences -
- all of the above things of course, but also
- the games are much harder than they used to be
- there are less donks/fish to play against due to the point directly below
- There are so many heads up regulars now that it is next to impossible to find bad opponents
- Two sites have stolen alot of my(our) money
- Americans cant even play on the biggest sites which have shrunk the games even more
- Poker sites are a lot less reputable due to all the recent scandals which give poker a bad name and further makes it unlikely for more people to play
- list goes on
Obviously some of these things were something I could not predict and that was the coin I(we) were dealt, but it just pains me that my parents were right about all of this and that I should have quit poker while i had my former roll. I feel like i let them down. I worked hard in my life for everything... all the school grades, the sports i played, the exercise i did/do, poker, etc. The feeling of working hard and getting rewarded for efforts was something i was sued to ever since i was a little kid. Poker however has really ruined that belief though(for the wrong reasons, but it still has nevertheless). It's my fault I played poker though, nobody elses.. so there is nobody to blame but myself.
Anyway, I really think this is the right decision to quit. There is no future with this game for me. I'll play it for fun and never higher than nl100 if i ever do play again but its very unlikely. I really urge everyone else to let go of this horrible game while you can. At the very least, let it go until the rake is fair or there is a new boom. The game just sucks balls right now.. I've been raked over $60,000 since i started poker(which is higher than my roll has ever been). It's just absurd. Quit the game while you still can.
Im sorry to anyone who remembers me as someone who complained alot and who hated running bad. I hope you can understand that it was just the way I was and that I have learned that it solves nothing. I evolved as a player like everyone else and that was one of my biggest flaws. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice and who helped me improve my game. Thanks in advance for reading this as well. It helps to get my thoughts out about this.
I wish everyone the best. Ill still log in and read the news and many of the treads. Take care.
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whamm! Albania. Oct 31 2011 00:22. Posts 11625 | | |
I started living life once I slowly quit playing this game. I am kinda busto now though so that's another problem I need to be fixing soon lol |
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lol emo. if you can still play on donkstars i can't fathom how you could complain.
just don't make it your life play for side income if you don't want to be pro= problem solved not need for weird ultimatums |
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sry for being a dick im tilted about other shit. good luck man can't argue with you about rake |
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PplusAD Germany. Oct 31 2011 00:33. Posts 7180 | | |
Hm i think in the end there are just 2 types of people when it comes to poker
The ones who like poker as a whole package (MiPwnYa,wobbbly, fayth, schnibl0r and whoever)
and the ones who actually hate poker but like money ....
I guess u and me clearly belong to the second kinda people.
Always complaining about running bad ... always complaining about variance ... always posting badbeats and stuff.
I mean we know the rules of the game beforehand so we have absolutely no right to complain like we do on almost monthly basis ....
Our brain tells us that we have to tolerate all the things we dont like about poker since in the long run the benefits will be greater than the suffering while experiencing bad beat after bead beat -> but
truth is that despite being aware of all this what comes with poker we can only take it to a certain amount.
Reason for this is that we grew up with the concept of getting direclty rewarded for our efforts
Hard work -> guaranteed visiable progress within days or weeks
Poker is different.
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| U see what i did there with A8 ? He 4 bets and there we go insta jam A8 : ---booooom -- . hahahaha ( Krantz) | |
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player999 Brasil. Oct 31 2011 00:39. Posts 7978 | | |
I feel a lil bit like this and I've made a lot more $
can only imagine whats like for those who lost all this time for not so much
gl op |
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| Browsing through your hand histories makes me wonder that you might not be aware these games are possibly play money. Have you ever tried to cash out? - Kapol | |
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tutz Brasil. Oct 31 2011 00:41. Posts 2140 | | |
poker is not different, you just have to work harder, and not everyone can do it |
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| | On October 30 2011 23:33 PplusAD wrote:
Hm i think in the end there are just 2 types of people when it comes to poker
The ones who like poker as a whole package (MiPwnYa,wobbbly, fayth, schnibl0r and whoever)
and the ones who actually hate poker but like money ....
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100% agree.
While I was reading your blog I couldnt stop thinking this could be me writting in 3-4 years cause I feel (most of people i think) the same way sometimes.
I consider myself the 2nd type of player even though I dont hate it, in fact I love it, I just don't push myself too hard because I know I'm not made for this game (in a pro way) I manage to be breakeven/slight winner and I'm happy with that and I just see poker as an extra incoming.
Maybe you just need a good break.. anyway I wish u GL. |
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NewbSaibot United States. Oct 31 2011 01:14. Posts 4946 | | |
Yeah I feel ya, I'm kinda glad BF happened since it has made it impossible for me to play anymore. Thank god I never got so far invested in poker that I hurt my future prospects in the job sector, as I remained employed the entire time. I make enough money right now to pretty much live the kind of lifestyle I want, save for the lack of sleep and vacationing. Beyond that I already have everything I want within reason. Sports car, luxury apartment, g/f, decent clothes, dinner at nice places, etc etc. All I ever really wanted out of poker was the ability to sleep in every day of my life, thats it to be honest lol. In fact when I think about it, I hate every moment spent playing poker. I like the theory of poker but hate the practice. When I'm actually playing I rather dislike the game. I just always end up stressed out and in a bad mood, even when I win. |
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| bye now | Last edit: 31/10/2011 01:29 |
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PuertoRican United States. Oct 31 2011 01:26. Posts 13121 | | |
gL outside of poker, Newblish.
Now you can devote yourself to finding a job that hopefully revolves around your degree and follow the weekly MMA threads in the General section at LP.net~ |
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Newblish Canada. Oct 31 2011 02:06. Posts 560 | | |
Yeah i mean this would all be so much easier if i just loved the game, but the reality is that i dont. If i had the same motivation when i began things would be different.. I started with a $50 deposit playing 2/4c.. and moved up slowly. I was doing great until i just started hating it. The worst part is that when i had good sessions i would just say "Yeah whatever.. its supposed to happen, i am supposed to be up today because i played well/beat this guy/whatever" but.. then when i lost i would feel like its not normal and i am supposed to be winning. It is literally one of the worst possible mindsets to have yet i couldnt get rid of it ever since i began. This is part of the reason i cant continue playing, i am basically not fit to deal with the realities of the game sometimes.
There are all those factors i mentioned that are outside of my control too though, such as FTP/ABS robbing us of our money and of the games being much harder than they were 3 years ago. Live games in vegas seem like the only real way to play these days since every game you play now is basically regulars vs regulars or regulars fighting for fish(in heads up). That being said, I feel capable enough to still play, but then you have to deal with the luck factor.. and being almost 90 BI's below EV since last year just makes it too damn difficult to keep my roll afloat seeing as how i have to spend minimum $1000/month on living expenses.
But yeah, if i need a break then its going to be a damn long one. It's going to be one that will allow me to regain the appreciation for it, because otherwise i wont be able to come back. I appreciated it when i was in University and in my spare time because it was actually fun to play it as a break. It was like a free/fun way to make extra money. Soon i started making enough that it was much better than a part time job though and enough that i could live off of it. The second that happened was when it became routine and became boring. I need a real job and a real income before i can return, only then would it become fun and meaningful again at this point i think.
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NighTLesS15 United States. Oct 31 2011 02:42. Posts 241 | | |
luxury apartment, sports car, dinner nice places... 1k/month living expenses please do tell how that works as i need to move . . ., but gl hope your happy in the transition and beyond |
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| Frinkx: 1k on mario cart? PoorUser: Snap call | |
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Mariuslol Norway. Oct 31 2011 02:43. Posts 4742 | | | |
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Stroggoz New Zealand. Oct 31 2011 03:33. Posts 5329 | | |
i hate poker as well, i'm only in it for the money. I can only play it for 3 hours a day because i was brought up with a privileged lifestyle and i'm not Asian, which means i do not value money/work highly. |
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| One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings | |
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K40Cheddar United States. Oct 31 2011 03:35. Posts 2202 | | |
you can never quit..................................... |
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good decision imo. I had quit playing poker seriously about 2 years ago and I'm 5x happier  no more stress and amotional swings. and to be honest if you are not playing nl400+ the income isn't really worth it and you can get the same in a normal job.
everybody is saying that poker is freedom bla bla bla but for me it wasn't because it made me stay in my house and play long hours to the point were i was to tired to interact with people. and when i wasnt playing i was thinking of the game so it was really a full time job... |
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| you win some, you lose some... | |
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julep Australia. Oct 31 2011 04:24. Posts 1274 | | |
what degree do you have?? what are you going to get a job in? gl dude |
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wobbly_au Australia. Oct 31 2011 05:02. Posts 6540 | | | |
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wobbly_au Australia. Oct 31 2011 05:12. Posts 6540 | | |
Sorry to hear about all the running bad, but like you said your self, it comes with the game. I think your making the right decision to quit and im 99% sure you won't regret your decision to quit.
Another thing to note is, the only way to truely say your a professional poker player and be able to depend on poker as your income is to play mass tables, any other form wether its MTTs, highstakes bumhunting, HU bumhunting, 8 table midstakes is just too unstable. You will go through 300k hands of break even (more than a year for most players) and you will be forced to consider quitting..
This game is a sick sick game, i dont mean to derail but i am down about 400 buyins in ev over 4 years, and as well as i've done i've comtemplated quitting this game.
Best of luck to ya. |
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wobbly_au Australia. Oct 31 2011 05:40. Posts 6540 | | |
| | On October 31 2011 02:33 Stroggoz wrote:
i hate poker as well, i'm only in it for the money. I can only play it for 3 hours a day because i was brought up with a privileged lifestyle and i'm not Asian, which means i do not value money/work highly. |
u lucky rat. I usually hate rich 2nd generation kids, but atleast your honest about ur in inadequecies. |
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