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Joeingram1 United States. Oct 16 2012 05:31. Posts 943 | | |
This blog post probably should be about how I made 210k in the month of September or how I live in Sydney now or how I lost 250k the first few days I was in Sydney but lets leave that for another blog post, one that probably will just never be written because I just randomly have the urge to write. Even on facebook often I will just not respond to messages for days and then randomly will reply to all of them. I do enjoy talking to almost everyone who I exchange messages with fairly often on there but for some reason I just space out and do nothing about it. I noticed I even was starting to do that with text messages, someone would text me and I would just forget for hours/ever to respond, can't figure it out. I had stars reinstate my chat the other day, since I have threatened the terrorist aka devils worshipper aka voodoo man yousseffahmed more times then I can remember. We now live 15 minutes from each other too but I don't think he is very interested in meeting with someone who wants punch him in the face until the arms can't be lifted anymore. If anyone else was to inflict as much torture to someone as he has done to me this year I think they feel the same way I do. He keeps saying in chat that he runs so bad and is losing, well obviously because you play fucking terrible for hour long sessions, of course you should be losing. I could go on forever about it but probably best not to.
I don't really have a path or goal with poker at this moment in time, which has alot to do with how I made 200k in September. I just didn't give a fuck, played in mostly whatever games and won bunches in short sessions. Like always the longer the session I play the worse I tend to do/play, I think my ideal sweet spot is probably less then 60 minutes to be honest, I don't think I would ever adhere to something like that but it would be amazing if I could be disciplined enough overall to do that. Stinger will just play when games are good forever and suggests I learn to do the same but still not strong enough mentally to do that. I really didn't have any poker goals and still don't have any poker goals or for that matter even life goals, I pretty much achieved a majority of those already and never really thought I would. I made more money then I ever dreamed I would have, set some poker grind records, played highest stakes online, become known to the online poker world. I could try to become some famous name in poker but I realized at some point this summer that there really isn't much of a point to pursuing that because I don't even know what/where/how/why/anything about what I want out of life. Money doesn't really matter to me once I go past a certain point because I have done the same things when I have a 100k roll to when I have 500k roll to when I have 300k roll. Sure I could buy fancy car (have thougtha bout that but don't have any permanent living plans) or could invest/buy property/save up which once again doesn't interest me. I really haven't even spent much of my winnings this year. I have realized that this constant obsession you have over money when you play poker and the desire to play the highest stakes online or make alot of money till no money is left in the world to have is just fucking crazy. But if you aren't playing poker for money or to play the highest stakes which were original goals of mine and many many others out there then why else even play it. The people that are content with grinding xxxyyy stakes and making a projected xxxyyy amount of money a month and are legit content with it amaze me because I really wish I could do that and be able to focus on other potential passions in life. This constant obsession with money though is just wild, like after every session you check your balance and are trying to figure out your life roll to the fucking dollar. FUCK i lost 2843, i only have 398,435 left to my name, fuck, I just had 400,289 or whatever. I used to do this for like 2.5 years with poker and this year when something clicked I just stopped worrying and became some ultimate discipline machine. Lately though all my discipline for the most part has vanished. There are still sessions where the light is on and I revert back to earlier this year me but maybe constant drug use for 2 months is the answer, maybe thats just an excuse and the real answer is I'm just not trying hard enough because I am not motivated enough because I don't have any direction/goal/light at end of the tunnel. I just live in the moment and always worry about that moment when really it doesn't even fucking matter a majority of the time.
I came to Sydney because I met a girl in Ibiza this summer and I will save this story but we had an amazing time. I was unsure if I could actually go through with it and move out here but said fuck it, summer is coming up, it could be a magical time of my life, lets go for it. I came to Sydney with around 260k online. Fast forward to a few days later, I had 5159 online. I HAVE to blog about how it even is possible to do this because it needs to be out there as a way to show how fucked up you can become sometimes and maybe one person reads it and it saves them from fucking up at some point in their lives. I get alot of messages on here and 2p2 and fb from people who tell me what an inspiration I am and how they look up to me in how hard I have worked/what i have achieved/ how i live my life now. I felt at some point this year I turned a corner and actually said yea maybe I am to some extent for some people, but then I go and do that and launch off most of all my money from a 280k high point online. Like what a fucking idiot right? But in reality, it doesn't really matter and quite honestly with the mentality I have had the last month it was inevitable. Obviously it is great I still have lots of money offline and had Ben86 help me get some more money online and realize that I need chill the fuck out for awhile and still to nothing higher then 10/20 because the stress/swings you go through at the higher stakes really just isn't worth it. The positive doesn't outweigh the negative. Some would say 10/20 is still high but losing 2k 5k 10k is nothing on the stress level when you take a 120k losing day or lose an 80k pot. Somehow after I settled down though I was able to win 70k in the next 2 days playing only 5/10 and 10/20, i reverted back to old mentality and discpline and reminded myself how it felt to be broke and 24 tabling .25/.50 for 14 hours a day and wanting to die, that usually snaps me back into how hard it COULD be poker wise and that life is still good.
I was in the zone there for a bit and wrote all of the above but now I don't feel much in the zone anymore. Basically I'm hoping I can find some goals in poker and in life sometime soon. Basically now I just load up every 5/10 and 10/20 table and try to get as many deep games started as possible, I usually won't play like 2 or 3 people who like to start as well because they god mode me/are lot better hu but I like to learn and if someone is better then me but I still run medium against then I will battle and build the games so the players can come. It does suck that every reg who starts tables are all fucking bosses and up hundreds of thousands from poker but I think has helped my game alot and study what they do in certain spots has helped me to apply same thing in my game (sometiems for good and for bad). Sometimes a reg (jan82) will say he will play me hu anytime. Well I don't like to stick to only 1 v 1 without option for others to play but I will be sitting at 5/10 10/20 and 3/6 everyday until I can't anymore and you guys can get all the hands of heads up with me you want until the table gets going. Or at some point I might realize it more +ev in most aspects of life to be big big bumhunter again and go for variance free graph but where is the fun in that.
Side Note: I wrote all this like 2 hours ago and randomly decided to stop at some point. I think I was on another planet when typing but was completely sober, I am a crazy person I think
Joey
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whamm! Albania. Oct 16 2012 05:43. Posts 11625 | | |
so you won it all back or something? i find it hard to hate on your degeneracy because it's what makes you win all those giant months. i wont be surprised if your next bp is another monster month. gl |
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AndrewSong  United States. Oct 16 2012 06:02. Posts 2355 | | |
Can't believe I read all that and wanted to read more |
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eestwood United Kingdom. Oct 16 2012 07:18. Posts 702 | | |
good read. keep ballin Joe |
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longple Sweden. Oct 16 2012 07:57. Posts 4472 | | |
yea good read, can relate to alot of the stuff ur writing about as ive gone on a rollercoaster the last 1-2 years up and down between playing nosebleeds HU against some of the best and being busto 20 tableing lowmidstakes again and i def think you should chill about pushing it to the limit at nosebleeds aswell, its probably just me being bitter wanting to have a big roll again but it is just not worth it when it goes to worsecase scenario. dont lose what u have and def work on stuff that makes u happy outside of poker instead and find the games u still find interesting, like playing a bunch on HS (nonenosebleeds) deep games and batteling some 3 handed and HU etc (pretty much what ur doing already)
we're all crazy, dont worry about it |
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MiPwnYa Brasil. Oct 16 2012 12:42. Posts 5230 | | |
sorry about the godmode mate
glad to hear ure willing to help startin games, thats excellent
see u at the tablesss |
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Joeingram1 United States. Oct 16 2012 12:55. Posts 943 | | |
NO FUCKING WAY HEAT SILO MISSLE BUNKER KNOWN AS MIPWNYA, never playing you hu again in my life |
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whamm! Albania. Oct 16 2012 13:01. Posts 11625 | | |
so you've been meatspinned already lol |
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MiPwnYa Brasil. Oct 16 2012 13:02. Posts 5230 | | | |
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| | Last edit: 16/10/2012 13:07 |
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NeillyJQ United States. Oct 16 2012 13:19. Posts 8947 | | |
ur crazy as the rest of us joe, keep it up and good job re-evaluating and getting in games you crush on the regular.
thats the best thing you coulda done man, and theres just so much you can do on your br, take your time, never a rush to play, enjoy your life and poker to the max
you're always aww inspiring.
i was watching some "Iveys Life" the other day, and after his youtube video, you're video of 24 tabling came up, was pretty awesome man
keep at it man, disciplined machine sounds good - just keep them priorities right bro
"umm....drugs are bad" 
GL man
Ryan
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| Just remember you need to be god damn sure about their tendencies. -Artanis11 http://www.pocketfives.com/profiles/neillyaa/ | |
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spets1 Australia. Oct 16 2012 20:50. Posts 2179 | | |
enjoy sydney its a fucking hole |
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spets1 Australia. Oct 16 2012 21:08. Posts 2179 | | |
great read btw.
if you wanna meet up let me know. Maybe we can arrange sydney LP meetup, I think thrre a are few of us here. |
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wobbly_au Australia. Oct 16 2012 21:55. Posts 6540 | | |
so in one month you went from -200k then +460k??
PLO Is a hell of a drug.. |
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| | On October 16 2012 19:50 spets1 wrote:
enjoy sydney its a fucking hole |
does this mean its shit or its good? |
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eklypz New Zealand. Oct 16 2012 23:21. Posts 2 | | |
| | On October 16 2012 22:08 casinocasino wrote:
does this mean its shit or its good?
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my house is looking great, it's a hole |
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spets1 Australia. Oct 17 2012 00:28. Posts 2179 | | |
| | On October 16 2012 22:08 casinocasino wrote:
does this mean its shit or its good?
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its shit imo, but if youre banking who cares where you stay lol |
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SemPeR Canada. Oct 17 2012 12:41. Posts 2288 | | |
It's nice to read about how far you've come since those 24 tabling 50nl days. Well done.
I generally skim your blogs as you tend to ramble and spew a lot of stuff I'm not super interested in (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but this one was an exception.
Pretty well written.
Thank you.
A thought: If the life direction thing ever needs figuring out, the move is probably to take some time off poker and get a new perspective. |
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tutz Brasil. Oct 17 2012 13:09. Posts 2140 | | | |
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Joeingram1 United States. Oct 17 2012 13:46. Posts 943 | | |
idk who wrote that, but i love them |
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Joeingram1 United States. Oct 17 2012 13:49. Posts 943 | | |
| | On October 17 2012 11:41 SemPeR wrote:
It's nice to read about how far you've come since those 24 tabling 50nl days. Well done.
I generally skim your blogs as you tend to ramble and spew a lot of stuff I'm not super interested in (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but this one was an exception.
Pretty well written.
Thank you.
A thought: If the life direction thing ever needs figuring out, the move is probably to take some time off poker and get a new perspective. |
Agree that is probably the thing I need to do, did it this summer for awhile and that kinda opened up awhole other world of partying and traveling the world for me which I wouldnt have done had I been in grind poker mode
soooo hard to say goodbye again |
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