Charisma? Personality? - Page 2

Hey, do you guys want to share fun/cool ideas on how to start a conversation, what to talk about ,say, maybe fun stuff to do. Then we all go out, and we try it out, then we talk about how it went and what happened in here??

On December 12 2012 05:13 julep wrote: Saying something is always better than saying nthing

strongly disagree

On December 12 2012 05:29 Mariuslol wrote: Hey, do you guys want to share fun/cool ideas on how to start a conversation, what to talk about ,say, maybe fun stuff to do. Then we all go out, and we try it out, then we talk about how it went and what happened in here??

I actually think this is a great idea. Should have a thread in general for it. hahaha, we could hear about lpers successes and hilarious failures in day to day social encounters

First impressions matter. Your build, how you dress, how you are groomed, eye contact. +1 to almost everything else in here.

Also being the first to take initiative can come off as too eager.

I listen to a lot of self-help audiobooks/read pretty frequently in this area. My life has drastically improved for the past 4-5 years.

From everything that I've listened to and read, the best thing you can do for your own personality is work towards your goals on a daily basis. It's how we are designed and it helps us live a fulfilling life. With that comes comfort, confidence, and the ability to persevere.

Have to reiterate Svenman's recommendation of "How To Win Friends and Influence People" - it is a stellar book and really breaks down the "science" of charisma and being personable quite well.

The gist of the book is that in order to have other people really love your company and consider you to be the life of the party, you really have to give a shit about other people. There's a lot of advice on this thread so far about cultivating your own identity, working hard at pursuing your passion, etc... that's all great, but becoming a more socially powerful and attractive person is really as easy as learning how to listen to and care about other people.

A quote I once heard was: the most charismatic person in the room isn't necessary the one who's talking the most or best; it's the one whose attention and ear the person who's talking craves. You will never engage another person's interest as quickly and as fiercely by talking about yourself or saying cool things about yourself as you will by inviting them to share their own thoughts, engaging their beliefs, and really giving a fuck about what they're saying.

Don't be disingenuous about it. superficial interest and fake attention are so transparent. Instead, try removing ego from the equation and start from square 1 with: "this is a real, possibly cool person. let's see what he can teach me" and jump into a convo with that mindset. it doesn't mean you're just some yes-man or nod-machine. just start with the attitude that you already know everything that YOU know - let's see what the other guy knows/believes, NOT in an attempt to disprove or show him up, but to see what good/knowledge/positivity you can take from it.

The problem with this for me is that I value freedom of thought and speech more than charisma and power to influence; and often times what people want to hear and what I think and have to say are two different things. I'd rather be confident in challenging people's views and stand my ground on what I believe than attempt to appeal to the people; this kind of charisma I think of as the one suited for charlatans/demagogues. The people who are most liked are those that say to people what they want to hear, and as such they aren't authentic and concerned with freedom as they should be.

tldr

On December 11 2012 23:27 devon06atX wrote: Show nested quote + On December 11 2012 18:28 Mariuslol wrote: When you meet someone new, shake their hands for at least 6 seconds, that starts some production of oxytocin, that makes u both like eachother a little more. hahaha. yeah. do this. people won't think you're a weirdo, nope. not at all.

at the same time, use your other hand to stroke their arm.

93% succuss rate

my charisma is almost none-existent, i'm very dull and shy around people who aren't my friends. considering I play poker for a living, and almost all my hobbies include starring at a monitor, I find it very hard to put myself out there and improve my charisma. I don't know how you guys do it

I gotta get out more.


+1 for dressing / looking better. it's a great confidence booster, plus it helps you being more approachable

On December 11 2012 16:58 mnj wrote: I know there is considerable weight in genetics when talking about these two behavioral traits in human beings, but there must be some learned part, no? If so, is there anyway to increase charisma? Increase being "liked"? I have a solid medium group of friends, but I came to some realizations that, while we spend countless hours and over 15+ years on education regarding history, math, sciences, english, writing; we don't focus any of that on learning to become "likable" or "charismatic" i think people will be to eager to call these traits "phony" and "smiley" and "fake", but it seems as though we will be working and interacting with human beings for another 50 years. doesn't it make sense to learn some of these traits? if it is teachable, how does one go about increasing charisma and likability?

Find people that you know in real life who are really charismatic and ask them to teach you.