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On April 08 2013 17:06 TTomass wrote: im gay

do you think your mental issues are related to repressing this from unaccepting family members/society/whatever?

On April 08 2013 18:31 bigredhoss wrote: Show nested quote + On April 08 2013 17:06 TTomass wrote: im gay do you think your mental issues are related to repressing this from unaccepting family members/society/whatever?

I went through puberty at a boarding school. Being gay was worst thing a male could be. There was no open gay person in any grade. No open bisexual males. No adult gay males. I grew up in a controlled system where all the houseparents were straight. All the adults on campus straight. Not a single gay person. Among the students it was inner city culture. Hiphop culture. My favorite rapper was DMX, he is bisexual man who hates homosexuals. Just listen to how much he hates gays and fucks men in his songs. This one fat kid in my student home kept calling me gay and I broke his glasses. I would call things/activities gay if they were bad. I didn't know I was gay til I was 24 years old. I fucked a beautiful drunk girl for 3 hours and could not cum, and still was unaware that I was gay. I imagine a pussy then a cock and put them side by side to realize that I was attracted to cock and not pussy.

yeah i grew up in a similar environment in a lot of ways, went to catholic school until 6th grade, super conservative, everyone including me used gay slurs as a generic insult constantly, etc.

anyway im rooting for you dude, hope you find some inner peace.

On April 09 2013 00:22 TTomass wrote: Show nested quote + On April 08 2013 18:31 bigredhoss wrote:   On April 08 2013 17:06 TTomass wrote: im gay do you think your mental issues are related to repressing this from unaccepting family members/society/whatever? I went through puberty at a boarding school. Being gay was worst thing a male could be. There was no open gay person in any grade. No open bisexual males. No adult gay males. I grew up in a controlled system where all the houseparents were straight. All the adults on campus straight. Not a single gay person. Among the students it was inner city culture. Hiphop culture. My favorite rapper was DMX, he is bisexual man who hates homosexuals. Just listen to how much he hates gays and fucks men in his songs. This one fat kid in my student home kept calling me gay and I broke his glasses. I would call things/activities gay if they were bad. I didn't know I was gay til I was 24 years old. I fucked a beautiful drunk girl for 3 hours and could not cum, and still was unaware that I was gay. I imagine a pussy then a cock and put them side by side to realize that I was attracted to cock and not pussy. Today I have schizophrenia, Im working through it and will prevail. My current suicide plan is to get Chloroform and OD on it. I bought some today, its on my way to my house. But my mom says I can't leave earth before her. Yeah voices in my head are trying to get me to kill myself. I want to go to the amazon and drink Ayahuasca. Cause peruvian men are way better than american men. They like have an experience of peace and let people be who they are. And ayahusca is awesome but it can really aggravate my schizophrenia. Nothing scares me more than adolesent boys. I feel like i need to carry knives and be like whatsup you want to fight to the death?

I've always wondered why is it that the voices are more often than not telling you to do hurt yourself or others? Why can't they say something like go paint, or go run... or something else.

this was a funny blog entry and it isn't any more. gl with your health problem dude

yo im sorry that was mad inappropriate

im feeling like the whole blog is still a whole level on many different levels

If you have schizophrenia dont try Ayahuasca it will very likely spiral you into an absolute psychotic break.

baal good call, I have done ayahuasca before, it healed my suicidal depression. All the retreats are screening me because of schizophrenia. It is terrible to have a psychotic break but so is having suicidal depression.

You should do some MDMA or LSD. Not chloroform wtf