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Gnarly   United States. Jun 13 2014 07:04. Posts 1723
>be me
>have friends
>party all the time
>haha life is okay
>years go by
>within one year all of my childhood friends die
>new friends end up hurting me really bad
>withdraw from society for a year or two
>decide to try to go back into the world again
>meet up with a high school friend (girl)
>stay the night at her place, have good time
>make plans again
>have this feeling that I'm not going to be seeing her again
>come the day of our plans, they are canceled
>i get nothing from her except she can't make it
>i try to see what's up, but then I only get anger from her
>week later, no word from her
>my biggest fear has become opening up and letting someone in my life just to get hurt by them
>i dont want her to leave
>have this idea to woo her back
>but im not even sure what the point is at this point

I don't see the point in living a lonely life. I try, and I try to do things to make it change, but I can only do wrong. I can't even fucking kill myself. How pathetic is that?

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Diversify or fossilize! 

Mariuslol   Norway. Jun 13 2014 07:26. Posts 4742

Be the yellow giraffe!


Gnarly   United States. Jun 13 2014 07:30. Posts 1723

What's a way for me to kill myself without me pussying out?

Diversify or fossilize! 

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Jun 13 2014 07:49. Posts 8648

how did all your childhood friends die within one year..

Truck-Crash Life 

Gnarly   United States. Jun 13 2014 07:54. Posts 1723

drugs, suicide, gang shootings, illness, car wrecks

Diversify or fossilize! 

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Jun 13 2014 07:59. Posts 8648

wait is this a JosephCalgary blog/

Truck-Crash Life 

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Jun 13 2014 08:00. Posts 8648

why do you put a 'greater than' sign before all your lines of text

Truck-Crash Life 

Gnarly   United States. Jun 13 2014 08:14. Posts 1723

it's a meme arrow

no this is a real blog. ive been put into psych wards before and shit. ive got a lot of issues. crying helps me a lot because it makes me very tired, which is what im doing right now.

Diversify or fossilize! 

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Jun 13 2014 08:36. Posts 8648

idk what a meme arrow is

why do you want a girlfriend so bad? just enjoy being single for a while and try to get your shit together

Truck-Crash Life 

Achoo   Canada. Jun 13 2014 08:52. Posts 1454

Ignorance is a bliss

Odds are exactly 50%: it either happens or not 

barbieman   Sweden. Jun 13 2014 08:58. Posts 2132

http://www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch has helped a lot of people.


Gnarly   United States. Jun 13 2014 09:43. Posts 1723

I've been single for years. I've fucked around a lot, but they were always in a relationship already. It's not that I want a girlfriend so bad, it's that I'm scared of opening up to people because I don't want to get hurt again. I opened up, let her know some things about myself that she never knew, and while what I told her shouldn't make her think of me differently, it just seems that I can't open up to people without them not wanting me in their lives. How am I supposed to connect with people without opening up to them? It's not like I'm always a downer, if anything, I'm always making her laugh. I used to have a lot of friends, and now I don't. I don't want to live a life where I'm always alone, doing everything alone, and going to die alone. I've been doing everything by myself for the past couple of years. It's fucking boring, and it's fucking lonely. I feel that my life is wasting away.

"get my shit together" is funny, because every time I tried that, I get more shit. Just last week, my mother and sister were getting drunk right next to my sister's child. Over thirty bottles in his crib. My sister was fired, found to be on drugs again, CPS ain't doing shit except sending her and her child to some apartments where she can live and look for work. I'm stressing the fuck out because they can easily kill my nephew, and this makes it harder for me to look for work. It's very, very, very hard to act as if nothing is happening, especially when most things are setting me off.

When I actually had a job, I wasn't going to be getting paid all of my hours worked, which would end up putting me in debt. I got another job, then was fired because there was a miscommunication between the owners. I tried to start my own lawn thing, and after putting a couple hundred down buying the equipment, I'm not able to use the vehicle that can tow a trailer around for months. I even tried getting a job where my parents work, but my dad didn't give me a good word like he did my sister. I've been trying and trying to find something stable.

I'm reading into this thing that I'm starting to suspect that I have, and there's a "symptom" that I haven't read about, and welp... it's there, among the others. Only reason I suspect I have it is because of the numerous observations about me done by other people. It would explain everything, though, I fear how my parents would react. (the symptoms are quite unique, so it's not one of those things that you can easily "self diagnose" like ADD, nor is it something that is tested by a shrink, but by an actual doctor. probably say there's at least a 75% I have it.)

Diversify or fossilize!Last edit: 13/06/2014 09:45

Santafairy   Korea (South). Jun 13 2014 10:15. Posts 2232


  On June 13 2014 07:36 bigredhoss wrote:
idk what a meme arrow is

why do you want a girlfriend so bad? just enjoy being single for a while and try to get your shit together


there isn't really such a thing as a meme arrow

it's common punctuation used for quoting/indirect speech

you may have encountered it before if you ever replied to an email for instance

It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen 

lhr0909   China. Jun 13 2014 10:55. Posts 423


  On June 13 2014 09:15 Santafairy wrote:
Show nested quote +


there isn't really such a thing as a meme arrow

it's common punctuation used for quoting/indirect speech

you may have encountered it before if you ever replied to an email for instance


it is a 4chan thing. i though was trollish at first, but damn..

no pain no gainLast edit: 13/06/2014 10:58

mnj   United States. Jun 13 2014 11:05. Posts 3848

what the kek


napoleono   Romania. Jun 13 2014 11:39. Posts 771

So what do u have? Chronical itch for attention? Thats not rare at all.


DaEm0niCuS   United States. Jun 13 2014 11:53. Posts 3292

If your going to kill yourself, you might as well let go of all your irrational fears and try to make something of your life first. Approach a new girl everyday, you will almost certainly have several new relationships in under 1-2 months. This is literally a case of the only thing holding you back is you. Fuck that girl that doesn't want to talk to you anymore, shit happens, every person you meet isn't going to like you, just like your not going to win everytime you get AA. You win at life by rolling the dice repeatedly, not trying to hold on to something that isn't within your grasp. The sooner you let go, the sooner you can hold something else.


Everyones story ends with

>die

Just keep trying and eventually you will succeed, it's almost impossible not to.

 Last edit: 13/06/2014 11:54

DaEm0niCuS   United States. Jun 13 2014 12:04. Posts 3292

What do you have?

And about opening up to people, most women don't actually want to know every little detail and secret. And they often react poorly to it and illogically. Yes it sucks to not be more open, but there are some things when said that have no positive outcome. This things often have quite negative outcomes, especially dealing with irrational, illogical, and childish adults. And example would be trying to explain male sexual instincts to a woman whose ideal man is some rich prince who wants to get married and live happily ever after. It rarely goes well.

Most people believe in some magical guy in the sky that will answer their prayers, as if their lives have some great meaning and purpose. Its a joke. These type of people don't want to hear the truth, period.


iop   Sweden. Jun 13 2014 12:24. Posts 4951

Dude. Ever considered moving? Do you live in a big city? How about trying any dating websites? Like tinder - or something similar?

About 3 years ago I moved to Chicago with work. My girlfriend at the time had cheated on me and broke up with me. I was forced to move to the US. My first weekend in the US I flew to NYC to celebrate my birthday, and had a great time with old friends.

When I got back to Chicago, I realized, that I didn't know anybody at all. I knew 0 people. I decided to say fuck it, and went out by myself and forced myself to get to know people. Had a really fun night out the first night. The 2nd night out I became friends with a few people and started hanging out with all of their friends.
Later I found out that I had an old (girl) friend living in Chicago so I got to hang out with her as well.

If I can give any advice - not knowing your entire situation. Put yourself in "uncomfortable" situations. It well help you grow and develop as a person. Go on a lot of first dates - and if you have the possibility to move. Don't hesitate. A change of scenario is always good for a new chapter of your life.

Milkman lol i didnt spend half a thousand on a phone so i could play it cool and be all stealth 

devon06atX   Canada. Jun 13 2014 13:12. Posts 5459

I fucking hate your 'meme arrow'. It makes you look like a douchebag.

I like iop's advice btw.


 
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