I feel like telling the story of how I lost my virginity. I was extremely drunk. Surprise, surprise. We were at a strip club in Argentina which is really just a front for prostitution. This prostitute was very persuasive. I still to this day have not been kissed like that. We go to a motel. I am blindingly drunk, nervous, exited, seduced. I sit on the bed and she does a strip tease. She unbuttons my jeans and I take off my shirt. She gives me the best blow job of my life while fingering my prostate. I am in bliss. I remember feeling a little violated with a finger in my bumhole but it felt quite good so I just laid back and relaxed. After a while, pretty much when I was adequately hard she sat on my dick and rode me like a stallion. I wouldn't call myself a stallion. I'm no pornstar and certainly not in that moment. In that moment I was just an alcoholic nerd with anxiety problems fulfilling his dream to get laid by an attractive woman. Actually, she wasn't even all that attractive but her body was phenomenal. Large breasts that were bouncing when she was riding me and occasionally she would smother me with them as if it were a lap dance. I didn't last very long and had quite an enjoyable orgasm. I remember she took the condom off my penis and ate the semen straight from the condom. I was like what the fuck is she doing? That's kind of hot. Why do I think that's kind of hot?
She asked if I wanted to take a shower with her. I said no and got the hell out of there. I don't know if I carried a shame around with me. I was really just happy that I had finally lost my virginity and had gotten that out of the way.
I think I do carry a shame around with me with the amount of sexual partners I've had. I was supposed to be this sexually promiscuous playboy and I was not. The thing is when I have sex it is freeing in the moment and it is fun but even though I carry with me a certain confidence and feel good surrounding the experience I tend to feel a certain loneliness and emptiness even if the woman is lying there right next to me. Especially if she is lying there next to me. I enjoy the smell of her hair on the pillow the next morning after she has gone. I think I carry with me a certain swagger but then there is also a deep existential loneliness. Sex was supposed to liberate me. Take me to a higher plane. It was supposed to be the solution and sadly it is not. I have a hole in my soul and sex is not the missing puzzle piece. It's important for me to have a sane dating life and ideally monogamous relationships. We have been through this many times I believe but it is something I have to hammer home. I have to watch it with substances, gambling, capitalism, materialism, consumerism, sex, et al. The substances seem actually pretty easy these days. I just abstain. But, I constantly have to make wagers in an uncertain world, deal in a capitalist society, and I have to consume to some degree. I don't have to take part in any materialistic mirage anymore. I supposed I can abstain from sex but I think I can be "right sized" about it. Time will tell. It's more freeing letting go some of these toxic masculine cultural norms than it is to come inside of a women or on her or on some sheets.
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PuertoRican United States. Jun 12 2018 10:46. Posts 13162
It's more than just a sex ideal. I really think a lot of this has to do with shedding my masculine cultural norms. Specifically, self-reliance and emotional repression.
I still have this inkling of being this man. A man who picks up 24 year olds on Tinder. Currently, I've never matched with a 24 year old. Some 25 year olds but they typically unmatch pretty quickly. If I had a Lamborghini it might be different but I need the whole package. I need the beautiful apartment near the city center, I need to go to happy hours and brunches and expensive restaurants, I need to wear the trendy trends and designers... I won't go on. Listing off an entire array of material "needs" could be comical but I think it is unnecessary. I always felt that I had to lead this certain life. Be this certain guy that exemplified these hyper masculine traits. I thought if I could be more masculine than Tylder Durden, John Wayne, and James Bond women would want me and people would like me even though most people liked me for who I was. I struggled with that though. I still struggle with that. The fact is who I am is not really in line with traditional masculine cultural norms. I was acting. But, a lot of these norms can drag me back and have me questioning myself. It seems like I'm getting through it though. If I can just be true, honest, and beautiful (the opposite of poshlust) I will be ok. I am thinking about things in my life recently that come to mind:
- Dancing in my car and ending up in a traffic jam but being so into the music I didn't care
- Getting lost to a "Carmina Burana" ballet and having tears just streaming down my face
- Having a conversation with my sponsor about my resentments, fears, sexual history, and harms I've caused
I will leave it there. It looks like marketing copy that I used to do. Always in threes, always concise, always bullet points. See I did it again this threes thing.
Two formerly emotionally repressed, "self-reliant," alcoholics talking about their pasts and their feelings. We need it or else we will die. A lot of people are dismissive of AA but to some degree I think I need it to stay alive. That, in a way, fucking sucks. I am definitely on the fringes with it. I ebb and I flow with it. The thing is I can help people. It's one way I can help people. Probably the best way I can help people. There is a brotherly solidarity and a friendship that I haven't found elsewhere in life. We are like survivor's of a shipwreck that made it to the life boat in time. Who cares if the boat is full of Jesus freaks? You get on the fucking lifeboat. Now, I am just morphing into old timer platitudes. They getcha man. They getcha.
Alright, I think I am about done here. I am going on vacation today and have stuff I have to do.
- A lot of the time I don't feel like meditating
- I don't consider myself a buddhist
- I will surely get picked to share as the meetings are smaller and I don't like that. It makes me anxious and panic that I am going to panic. Although, I do realize I can just say pass if I get picked so this is kind of a bogus point.
- They are far away 30 min.+ and I have to find parking
- Lately, I would rather read instead
- Everyone sits on the floor and I don't like sitting on the floor
Its funny because my first time was with a real girl (no prostitute) but i'm kinda jealous of your first time. It pretty much sounds better than any of my times.. rip lol
james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;(
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Santafairy Korea (South). Jun 13 2018 04:37. Posts 2235
yeah that's it you whore finger my fucking virgin asshole baby suck my cum from the condom
no i'm not going to take a shower with you you sick freak and see your naked body that's gross
It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen
Abstaining from all of those things is easy when they're not freely available to you. I caught myself using the word abstain in the same context recently and realized if I did have those things I certainly wouldn't be abstaining.. It's easier on the ego to say: I abstain from sex; when the truth is: I'm bad at talking with women. No ones abstaining here.
I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -Oly
On June 13 2018 02:02 Floofy wrote:
Its funny because my first time was with a real girl (no prostitute) but i'm kinda jealous of your first time. It pretty much sounds better than any of my times.. rip lol
I think the greatest thing that ever came out of lp.net was Floofys thread about women, simply priceless.
On June 13 2018 02:02 Floofy wrote:
Its funny because my first time was with a real girl (no prostitute) but i'm kinda jealous of your first time. It pretty much sounds better than any of my times.. rip lol
I think the greatest thing that ever came out of lp.net was Floofys thread about women, simply priceless.
You know what, i don't regret making that thread. This wasn't a troll, i was totally clueless. I absolutly am not a master of the girls today but at least i can have ok success now. And i'm pretty sure if i never posted i would have had trouble.
floof - Pretty sure everyone knows that man. Glad that it resulted in some positivity in your life.
Rik.. I've started to write a few posts responding to your blogs, but just deleted. I'm positive I'm not the only one.
haha again. Deleting. As much of a fuck up as I think you are, I truly wish the best for you man. I would highly recommend not using your 'newfound heightened knowledge' as a tool to attempt to attack others that don't agree with your views. It does nothing but diminish your actual content that could possibly be legit.
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hiems United States. Jun 14 2018 11:46. Posts 2979
On June 13 2018 02:02 Floofy wrote:
Its funny because my first time was with a real girl (no prostitute) but i'm kinda jealous of your first time. It pretty much sounds better than any of my times.. rip lol
I think the greatest thing that ever came out of lp.net was Floofys thread about women, simply priceless.
You know what, i don't regret making that thread. This wasn't a troll, i was totally clueless. I absolutly am not a master of the girls today but at least i can have ok success now. And i'm pretty sure if i never posted i would have had trouble.
Why would you regret it lmao, I mean we all had a great laugh but I doubt anyone ended up having bad feelings towards you. The epicness of the thread though is probably one of the best things I've read on the internet
Also the fuck @ condom part of the story. That's actually kind of sad imo but then again I could be a condescending mofo and not even realize it.
as they said, theres no reason to regret it, it was amazingly fun with the trolling and the anecdotes and it the midst of that we actually managed to help you, it was great.
On June 13 2018 02:02 Floofy wrote:
Its funny because my first time was with a real girl (no prostitute) but i'm kinda jealous of your first time. It pretty much sounds better than any of my times.. rip lol
Prostitutes are real women too ya know.
My sex only got better from there. I think I attribute that to being an addict and going for the High (Capital H). The mutual High. I wanted her to get as high as me and me to get as high as her. I love vagina though. I love how it flushes. How it gets increasingly wet. Gush (Capital G). I love how they writhe and moan. I love the feel of finding the G Spot the sweet spot. I have watched a lot of porn and also instructional porn. Porn is really quite banal. Move the arm here so we can see the breast, pound the vagina with a big dick so we can get the shot right....... Real sex is all about the feels. Remember, I am a guy that had psychotic thoughts of exterminating Clit (Captial C) mutilators from the planet Earth. I never take offense if a women wants to stimulate her clitoris during sexual intercourse manually or with a toy. It's amazing what a woman will do for you if you give her a mind blowing orgasm through cunnilingus and fingering. It's an attitude of doing anything for the High. If both parties have this attitude, well, it's likely you both get High.
On June 13 2018 03:37 Santafairy wrote:
yeah that's it you whore finger my fucking virgin asshole baby suck my cum from the condom
no i'm not going to take a shower with you you sick freak and see your naked body that's gross
I thought she was a freak but that turned me on. Reflecting a little bit, in a way I fuck women how she fucked me. That's an oversimplification and I don't need to detail it out here but just the way she kissed me has always stuck with me. I was incapable of giving her the High but she was more than capable of bringing it to me.
I honestly don't remember why I left. I think part of it is I didn't know exactly how it worked or I thought she wanted to get more money out of me and I didn't have enough cash.
On June 13 2018 04:20 k4ir0s wrote:
Abstaining from all of those things is easy when they're not freely available to you. I caught myself using the word abstain in the same context recently and realized if I did have those things I certainly wouldn't be abstaining.. It's easier on the ego to say: I abstain from sex; when the truth is: I'm bad at talking with women. No ones abstaining here.
Sure. I am not abstaining from sex. It sucks to be unwillingly celibate. It's not the worst though really. My point is for a guy like me it is not easy to be "right sized." Meaning, having a sane sex life.
On June 13 2018 18:33 dnagardi wrote:
lol that must have been a top prostitute, drinking your cum from the condom what the fuck :D
She was good at her job. I probably would have gone to her more often but we shared a cab back to Palermo area one time and she started showing me pictures of her kid and pretending like she was my girlfriend or something. My interpretation of the relationship was I give her cash to get me High in sordid hotels. She was really good at her job though. I only saw her twice but the second time was completely different but also quite fun. She was the submissive one and I just tried out all the positions I ever wanted to try. We fucked for like 45 min. Thinking back to it now she was probably quite bored but didn't ruin the High for me. Ugh, prostitution is such a nasty business. It's so much better when the woman is really into you.
On June 14 2018 05:38 devon06atX wrote:
floof - Pretty sure everyone knows that man. Glad that it resulted in some positivity in your life.
Rik.. I've started to write a few posts responding to your blogs, but just deleted. I'm positive I'm not the only one.
haha again. Deleting. As much of a fuck up as I think you are, I truly wish the best for you man. I would highly recommend not using your 'newfound heightened knowledge' as a tool to attempt to attack others that don't agree with your views. It does nothing but diminish your actual content that could possibly be legit.
I might resent being called a "fuck up."
LP is a good outlet for me because I can talk about a lot of stuff here that I can't IRL. I have friends I can talk to about Anarchy, Marx, collectivism, etc. and friends that I just won't. My actual content IS legit. I am a border collie. It's only a matter of time before the sheep OBEY and ORGANIZE.
I am a border collie. It's only a matter of time before the sheep OBEY and ORGANIZE.
I have been thinking about this for a while. I don't think it's really a border collie and sheep relationship or maybe it is. Any movement requires leadership but not necessarily hierarchy. We can't force the sheep to do anything unless they believe. I think it's a matter of attraction rather than promotion.
"The revolution will not be televised" - Gil Scott-Heron
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United States. Jun 12 2018 10:31. Posts 9151
