Part 4 - A Taste of Pleasure - Page 2

I actually kind of like the word toxic. If you think about it, inexperienced and immature people are toxic towards themselves (and it is because they are on that same level that they attract each other). They're different but they both don't know any better: they make poor decisions, decisions that will not generate desired results in the long-term and will cause pain. Doing so with great repetition can be thought of as toxic behavior, and the source could be said to be a lack of self-love/self-worth.

Kind of true, but kind of also subjective when it comes to attracting each other. Would say its strongly individual.

Anyway, Baal's advice on embracing the pain is what we all meant. It sucks, everyone has been through it (if someone here hasn't then congrats to you.. you luckbox) just focus on coping with it in a healthy way rather than lashing out. That's the most important part imo, it's also the part where you grow

Seems like you're paying the bills by playing poker so I'd say you should carefully observe your mentality and act accordingly when it comes to poker. Most poker pros usually turn off everything else except the game, when they're playing, but you could still be affected regardless.

Attraction in the context of being in a relationship with someone. I should have precised that I meant the type of inexperience that leads a person to settle out of desperation, because they don't think they are worth more (they have nothing to compare it to). So, that's not subjective. They've been alone for too long and anyone who pays attention to them, no matter how toxic and immature, can become an object of obsession. And a person who is toxic and immature essentially preys on such people, because they also can't be alone and they don't manage to fool experienced people for long, since they've seen those red flags before and they get out before it's too late.

And that feeling (not wanting to be alone) gets amplified at this current time of the year too. It's important to have hobbies and friends to help you make it through.

Anything that didn't involve you being physically hurt would seem to be good after 10 years alone if you got to empty your balls once in a while. Truth is, she's awful. And that's just the stuff you're aware of...

Competition is a funny thing. As far as I can tell, you're not competing with anyone, you're complementing them. The ones who are competing are the ones who get most of her time. What looks like fighting to you looks like clinginess and a lack of self-worth to them. And it's just basic human psychology not to find neediness attractive. I think you might have watched to many romantic movies from the 90s. In the real world, the "good guy" who sticks around after he's been rejected doesn't end up getting what he wants, ever.

And you shouldn't want to be with someone who threatens your relationship when you have normal reactions to their behavior either. If someone's going to fight for someone, it should be because they were the one who made the bulk of the mistakes in the relationship and they think they can do better and deeply and consistently regret that it ended largely because of them. The reason your relationship ended is because you wanted different things (whether she was honest or not), and that's very unlikely to change, so you should let it go instead of pouring salt in the wound.

On December 13 2018 05:30 k4ir0s wrote: However there was another red flat that I could not understand. She sometimes tried to make me jealous and spark a reaction out of me. Like the time when she spoke about letting a male friend sleep over in her guest room for a few days while he was in town. I expressed my discomfort of the idea and there was some conflict. In the end I found out that it was extremely unlikely that he was coming to town. Another time she spoke about going golfing with male friends out of town and staying in a hotel. That was fine, but again it didn't happen and was very unlikely to pan out anyways, yet she mentioned it in detail. Another time while cuddling on the couch and watching a movie she was texting a male friend throughout most of the movie and I never budged-- I knew she was fishing for a reaction. She could obv tell I was annoyed yet continued. Then eventually she tells me "Hey I might visit him while out of town and watch this movie with him, and eat edibles together" (This is married friend). Holy fuck did that bother me. She was fishing for a reaction. She doesn't even eat edibles or does drugs, and again... going out of town didn't happen. She often built these possible scenarios up to get a jealous reaction out of me. I mostly ignored them. That was the one big red flag that I could not stand, and neither could I understand it. Or the time when we went out for dinner and she was basically flirting with the waiter in front of me: tapping his shoulder, giggling and conversing way too much. At the end of the night she told me she didn't even know his name, yet has known him for years.

This is what you want to fight for? A woman that constantly tries to upset you by acting incredibly inappropriate with other men. She's keeping you on the back burning while she fucks her ex/some other guy. You're the beta in waiting. The guy she will "take back" after all her other prospects have dried up. Then once she takes you back she'll continue to disrespect the fuck out of you. The sad part is, you'll just roll over and take it because you have no self respect and have put this washed up slut on a pedestal.


You could find a nice, hot 25 year old with very little baggage that could look up to you and respect you for the man you are. Instead you're going to waste incredible amounts of time on an old woman who has zero respect for you, and is using you for your time and attention.

oh boy does she sound toxic, she sounds manipulative and edgy as fuck but not even in a challenging, interesting way. Women could use manipulation in a very intriguing way, without the aim to do something hurtful to the other side, yet she sounds like someone crawling to take control but not really being sure how, so she acted like a child would when things don't go its way. This woman doesn't sound like she respects anyone, not even herself and she probably hates herself for that, instead of finding a way to fix it. You're trying to crawl your way back into an emotional rollercoaster that does not end with a dose of adrenaline and happiness.

also I'm bookmarking this thread to read the posts of Loco after a breakup :D

On December 10 2018 19:35 k4ir0s wrote: Continued from my last blog. AKA looks or game II I'll bold my replies, pretty sure I will be the best most qualified person out of any LPer to give you advice here. I have both practical and theoretical experience, am part of "relationships anonymous" groups and it's my 2nd main priority along with poker and health at this point in my life so if I were you I'd listen to what I have to say The past 6 weeks have been the most unproductive weeks for me in years. after a breakup you have a choice - use the emotional whirlwind to shut down. Or use it to take action. Seriously try to channel the desperation to something positive, like going to meet new people, make new friends, and when you're ready, date women My first actual romantic relationship in a decade. Our summer and fall together was bliss. Fucking A+ man, it's gonna change your life, I told you it wasn't supposed to last and it didn't. Focus on the positives which are massive, life changing for you getting such an experienced lover after 10years. Just imagine how you will be now around inexperienced women, and what you can give them! Your value went up a bunch, just by you being able to pass along some of your newly gained experience She had a vacation planned with her son. Before leaving I wanted to spend a night together, but she chose her girlfriends over me. Understandable. Because I had just spent an entire week at her place. We were eating dinner together and sleeping together each night. But for the past week I sensed she was distancing herself from me: less sex, less touch, less talk of the future. I let that resentment grow in me and fester. The night she went out with her friends we were supposed to meet afterwards, but she was too tired. I snapped and texted "So no then? Just wanted to see you before you leave on vacation. See you next week or whatever. Guess the feeling isn't mutual". Immature, I know. The next morning she vaguely broke up with me by text. I asked her why she was threatening a breakup, and she replied "your see you next week or whatever was the threat". Haha it's a natural reaction from you, but one that will turn almost everyone off. I'd say close to 100% strong women you date will value freedom above all else. When she pulls back, you pull back even further, give her the space to come back to you. You can fake it till you make it really, just message her "No worries, just let me know when you're free next" Even though you're crying in the fucking bath that she rejected you. The aim in the long run is, and what traits you want to show, is to ACTUALLY not give a fuck, build a great life for yourself, on your own so when a woman flakes on you you have a bunch of stuff and people waiting in line for you to give them your prescious time. It will literally be HER loss and she'll be able to feel that and value your time more, women have this radar built in them automatically really. It literally took me just a couple months of hard work and going out there, but now I have more friends I can shake a stick at, women messaging me and social circles where I can meet more women any time I want. And this is what you really want - your life to be this ride you're satisfied with and for women to have the opportunity to share it with you, and you share their ride. And acting all needy and exactly opposite to that will turn the mentally stables ones away She leaves on vacation for one week and ignores my few texts. The following weekend she explains to me that she thought we had broken up. I never took it seriously, because what kind of adult ends a relationship through text?? I texted her "10min" and got in my car and raced to her home. I nearly hit a guy on my way there. She let me in. I teared up. She explained to me that during her vacation she had time to think about us. She says the age difference is too big for this to last. She is 15 years older than me. I argued that we should focus on the present and that everything has been going great, so why ruin it? She stood her ground. We hugged, kissed, said good bye. She agreed to think about it and to see me again. Same thing, you are acting in a controlling way that cuts her freedom. Stuff like age difference, your job etc. although are important tend to be just an excuse and women will change their religion for you, beliefs and defend you with their family when they are head over heels in love with you. The age difference was always there nothing changed, but you simply turned her off too much The following weeks were hell for me. It's the first time I open my heart to someone in 10 years and get discarded once things become serious. Nevertheless, I decided that I'll try to get her back. A few weeks later and I asked her out several times. After the 3rd time asking she finally accepted. She was always friendly by text, but never initiated. I find that women actually prefer to initiate with you, it's their idea. It was a big issue with a girl I dated, and a major red flag in retrospect actually when she holds back. Again it's the same mindset of you giving them the freedom to come to you, to let you know they are thinking about you with all the random ways women do "hi how are you" "look at this random thing I saw that reminded me of you" it's their way of putting in the effort, and it's just your job to take action and ask them out...Or not... And when she does not reach out you either need to keep giving her space as she's not ready for you yet...or she's a controlling structured woman that holds back on purpose or has communication issues, and that's gonna be a big burden down the road believe me So last weekend we met at our favorite bar. Ate, drank, conversed for 2 hours. It was great. She was laughing and touching my shoulder, she was picking food off my plate, and sharing her food with me. It was just like old times. We said goodbye, kissed a few times and parted. She mentioned that she has to wake up early the next morning, so continuing the evening at her place was not going to happen. She said "Let's do this again sometime". We texted when she got home. She told me that she got a movie she thinks I'd enjoy. She asked me if I'm having trouble sleeping-- I told her yes, and she admitted the same. She told me about a story where she got drunk at a work conference after our breakup, which is completely out of character for her. The breakup must have affected her just as badly. The following weekend I asked her out again. She decided on Sunday for dinner. Saturday night comes and I'm finishing a session of live poker. I decided to pass by her house while driving back home. Sort of creepy, I know. It was 1 AM and I saw a strange car in her driveway and all the lights were out. WTF. I understand that she's single now, but why continue to see me if she's sleeping with another guy? I must be Plan B? Sunday comes and we have dinner just like old times. She dressed up for me, makeup, lipstick, hair curled. We talked, ate and drank for 1.5hrs. I asked her about her Saturday night and she avoided the topic. There's no doubt that she spent the night with a guy. Yet here she is with me.. I guess I'm 'Sunday Dinner Dude' and the other guy gets to shag her all Saturday night. I have the short end of the stick. Benefit of the doubt, must give her the benefit of the doubt!! I walk her to her car, we kiss a few times. I suggested coming over to her place for a nightcap, but again she made an excuse. What benefit of the doubt, she boned a guy for sure! I find that close to 100% successful attractive single women have men in their lives. Whether it's people they are hooking up with, ex boyfriends they are emotionally attached to, or just random guy friends and people in their orbit that they interact with that are interested in them and often too weak to do anything about it. it's just something you have to accept really, state what you want, communicate and really don't even mention them unless you are in a mutually stated committed relationship really. And when she does mention them before you are "well they can keep you busy when you're not with me baby" Feeling like shit. Don't know what my next move is. I love this woman and know that she feels strongly about me. And the reason for the breakup is BS. We had plans for Christmas and NYE together, so much plans. I don't know what to do from here. I want to keep trying, but I can only initiate so much without reciprocation. I'm not thinking straight. What does she want from me? Why string me along? You can fake it and do the best thing you can to get her back -don't contact her, do whatever you can not to message her, give her space and when she reaches out with whatever crap she will reach out with eventually You just ask her out on a date, and have fun with her, The past doesn't matter, your former plan's don't matter, none of that shit matters you just have to focus on the present moment and have a great time. Or you can actually "make it" And do what I've done - put all your energy you'd put on moping and groping about the one that got away in actually building a great life for yourself, making friends, going to cool new interests and support groups, focusing on your career, all this for yourself and never look back. And if she reaches out one day she'll be just one out of many and you will naturally do what I just told you in the "fake it" approach. Many of you guys said that breakups are a blessing for personal growth. Yeah I don't understand your logic. Maybe I haven't got to that point yet. Every breakup = you refine what you are looking for. I have a pretty detailed list of 10 things I'd want in an ideal partner. And 10 things I'd like to avoid and I think about them quite often. And every relationship helped me get there, helped me to know what I want and what kind of person I need to work towards IN MYSELF to be ready when a person with a lot of high priority traits comes a long. And I know guys in their 60s who focused on their careers who are still clueless and just want a girl "that's young and tall". It's your choice whether you learn from it or not You also have experience, again this is fucking invaluable in what she gave you with all the fucking, wining dining, dating etc. you had no clue existed. Now stop being a selfish cunt, thank her internally or in person for those great times and passing the wisdom along, and go spread it (without any STDs I hope bro xD) to all the other women in the world that crave it.

lol it's your mistake to make xD

Nothing's changed. The relationship was on her terms from the very beginning. You accepted that, which meant that you showed her you were co-dependent, that you are not a self on your own. That neediness, that incompleteness, that desire to be saved by someone, she can smell it, and she can use it for her own benefit. But she is also needy and incomplete. Don't let her career fool you. That's why she plays those games. You both have nothing to offer to someone who is healthy and self-respecting. And putting two dysfunctional people together doesn't make for a good relationship, it just makes it even more dysfunctional.

She saw your invitation text. She just didn't answer because you aren't a priority, and with how sensitive and feminine you are with her, you've turned her off. Sometime's you just have to know when to fold buddy.

Wait
You mean it didn't work?
And even if it will
You'll just be friends with no sex?
I am shocked SHOCKED I tells you :D