DEATH - Page 3

Camus says that our first duty is to happiness. That we must will happiness if need be. Depending on how one interprets the ladder I think it's a bunch of crap. Can someone with severe depression will themselves to happiness?

I actually can get down with the whole absurdist view that we try to find meaning in a world without meaning and that we aren't actually living if we are searching for meaning. Our first duty is to happiness even with how fleeting it is. What about ethics? Ethics and happiness are surely linked. You can't be going around killing brown people on the beach and expect to have much joy in your life.

Imagining Sisyphus as happy is a bit of a stttrrreeeetttccchhhh. It seems desperate to me.

I do think we all are authentic and can be authentic. Joy has many different types. Some people like the mountains, some people like the beach, and some people like the desert. I have dreams of living in the mountains. Literal dreams. Vivid dreams. I don't know if this means I should live in the mountains but I could see myself very happy in the mountains attempting to carve out a life or it could be a disaster and I would make do or not be all that happy.

In the novel "A Happy Death" by Camus the main character Mersault buys a house a way from the city of Algiers and is fraught a bit with despair at this new project but finds himself occupied putting the house in order. He resolves to wake up at dawn and go for a swim everyday and finds that things just seem to fall in place. He befriends a fisherman. etc. So, I can see this interpretation of the earlier quote as valid. Mersault in a way is willing his happiness. He had a vision of where he wanted to live and pulled the trigger and then lived life.

So, I think I have been going about this a bit wrong. The definitions for meaning or no meaning can be a bit tricky. I don't think it matters. There is a lot in life that is worthwhile. There are some carryover items like helping people or getting a great blowjob or watching a beautiful sunset but at the end of the day it's about living an authentic life with dignity and joy and THAT'S the meaning of life ....... (in a universe of no meaning but is there terrestrial meaning? Gahhhhhhhhh..... (it doesn't matter)) I like the idea of just living life and when I am living life it's not a problem but I am prone to thinking about if I am living life the right way or not. (I am not)

I want a change in jobs
I want more friends
I want a better dating life
I want to be more independent (my own apartment, different city)

These are wants that come up a lot. If I full filled all these wants would I be that much happier?

What about the Taoist view to just be content and to be like water or the birds? We are simply part of the ocean.

Here I am again ruminating on LP. I do enjoy a nice lingering contemplation like my main man Byung-Chul Han. He wrote a book about how contemplative lingering is basically the most important thing (for him). That's basically my point here. Paul Bocuse would say that cooking is the most important thing. I've talked to people with children that are convinced that is the most important thing. Sometimes I think that masturbating in the shower is really important to my happiness and most of the time it's pretty good but all that important? No. I like eating. I have grown accustom to 3 meals a day. I could probably go 30+ days without eating and staring at the wall. That sounds pretty terrible though. Yeah, I'd much rather eat a vegan Thai curry and paint.

the way to make friends at our age is doing things, hobbies etc, go to a painting class and you will eventually have friends there, go to anime conventions and eventually you will have an otaku friend circle too.

I don't feel like sleeping. So, instead of mulling over that in bed I'll get out of bed and just write stuff.

Baal,

Yeah, I hear you. All of my hobbies are solitary at the moment. There was actually an anime convention this last weekend but I didn't go. I don't know if I'm qualified to go. I love anime but I am not otaku about it. The last woman I was involved with used to do cosplay at conventions. I loved her or thought I loved her. She didn't love me. She had the most amazing breasts. Her soul was a bit tarnished. Forever tarnished. Maybe that is one of the things I liked about her. Really a truly remarkable woman that *beep*.

I spent the day at Kiahwah Island. I probably spelt that wrong but I don't really give a fuck. It is an island for rich (white) people to buy multimillion dollar houses and play golf. Rather ridiculous. I couldn't help be a little resentful of everything. Why did I go? IDK, I figured it would be something novel. I kind of like the idea of staring absurdity in the face and saying fuck it dude. I didn't stay at home ruminating in meaning or no meaning I just fucking went to this bullshit island and had a good time.

Now, it's about time that I can keep writing stuff or I notice an unread "Fatal Strategies" by Jean Baudrillard in my bookcase. Problem is I might be up all night reading that thing. My plan was to continue re-reading "Infinite Jest" but my Kindle's battery is dead. I could go on a whole 'nother tangent about chargers and batteries and how fucked that situation can get but I won't. I guess I can conclude this paragraph with the fact that I love ending the night with re-reading a novel I love. There isn't the general danger of overstimulation that comes with good philosophy or novel literature. Oooh, I could continue re-reading "Money" by Martin Amis. I have that in book form. Maybe I will do that. Bon nuit.

They are solitary because thats how you are doing them, there are probably plenty of painting classes near you, it will motivate you, you will learn and meet people, perhaps it doesnt feel like its a thing you would do but you need to force it a bit, stop this useless self pitying rumiations and do it.

I found a class and I'm sleeping on it but most likely I'll sign up tomorrow. I was worried about work and having to call off Thursday mornings for the next 3 months or whatever it is but fuck that shit. Painting is more important than this job.

I also found a nearby Tai Chi place. I am looking to start classes there too. So, it should be fun.

Not sure who I am going to meeting at these places besides retired 60 year old women but it should be good regardless. Maybe they will like me and introduce me to their daughters.

I am still kind of wired. I drank an energy drink late to get me through the night at work plus work was ridiculous so I am writing again. I don't really have much to write tonight though. I may just read some Tao Te Ching or Infinite Jest until it's time for me to sleep.

Maybe somehow you are too picky and judgemental about people you get to know?

Could be. It's more so that I basically don't do anything outside of my house with people: Solitary walks, I eat lunch and dinner alone (unless I'm with my parents). The great thing about a bar is you can just show up and start meeting people even if it is the bartenders. Eventually, you just start meeting people next to you etc. or if you are there with friends it is even that much easier. That was my social playbook. It is basically super easy to meet people from age 21 to 29 doing that. Even now I'm sure it would be easy but I shouldn't be spending so many words on it because it is out of the equation now. I can't drink and it is stupid to hang around bars by myself drinking cranberry and fizzy water.

I signed up for a painting class. I don't particularly like the woman's art work but she is better than me and seems pretty cool so I'm giving it a go.

One moment I am perfectly content and comfortable sleeping in my bed. The next I've completely lost that feeling and can't sleep. Oh, how I long for that feeling.

I suppose I've been sleeping a lot. I am re-reading the Tao Te Ching. Much of the time I have nothing to do as suggested by the Tao Te Ching. Stay low, stay plain, stay simple. Do not want. Be contented. Etc. So, when it suggests do nothing I typically just fall asleep. Maybe that's what I'll do. Read some Tao Te Ching and fall asleep. That's how I follow the Way.