Into the Future - Page 3

I'm on a vibe. When the clock strikes midnight bust out the Tribe. Tribe = Tribe Called Quest. I learned this from Pharrell and Kanye. You may not like Pharrell or Kanye but they are right. Tribe at night is a vibe. It is the right frequency for a lonely loner like myself or a house full of Bonita Applebums. Fuck n***as, I'm on some Eddie Murphy or Prince shit.

I need help. Help me ....

I need the Tribe. I've been amped up on some mania for a minute now. I was so tired last night and actually crashed at 8:44pm right at sun down which is great. I thought maybe I can tone it down a bit. Then I wake up at 1:11am .... I'm not super amped up at the moment but I thought the same thing yesterday morning and then my brain experienced a certain tightness + almost a tingling sensation and then I was hallucinating colors on the way to the beach to watch the sunrise. Lots of purples and lavenders and silvers and white flashes. It went really well with the darkness, street-lights, and head-lights. It was cloudy so the sun-rise was not great but the sky was pink and brilliant. Then on the way back I encountered the most vivid double rainbow I've ever seen in my life. The lighting was perfect. It was so lucid I thought I might be hallucinating that too but I'm pretty sure it was a part of this reality. If I was hallucinating it... it's still part of my reality? The simulation has been trippy recently. Fuck, the simulation has been trippy my whole damn life.


Over the last 2.2 days or so I have been making some pretty fierce playlists. My curation is a punto but I do not know how to get the next level of "DJ Mix." Anyone have personal experience with mixing software?

I need something noob friendly. Figuring out technology is not an inclination of mine.

I don't presume that I should be re-mixing Trent Reznor, Kanye West, Grimes, Axwell, Caribou, Stimming, et al but I know that I should be editing and mixing my own "DJ Mix" so yes I will fucking remix Trent Reznor, Kanye West, Grimes, Axwell, Caribou, Stimming, et al to my taste. I just fucked two bitches before coming over, we are going to fuck at my tempo.

I couldn't sleep so I drove around the city listening to some of my playlists. I was way off. The curation was shit and there is no chance that I could make any of the songs better or more interesting.

In other news, a giant ass bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, handfuls of blueberries hand-picked yesterday, and Oatley's oat milk is a fucking vibe. I am not talking about eating that every morning for breakfast. I am talking about keeping a giant box of cinnamon toast crunch on hand for the times that is exactly what you want to eat.

I have been listening to a shit ton of NIN recently. Closer has a way of reminding me of Lana. I got obsessed with sodomizing her on the altar of a church we used to have an AA meeting in. I was a respected member of the group and had a key to the church. I fucked up a lot of things in relation to Lana. I don't want to run through them all now. I did tell her my fantasy of sodomy on the altar of the church to a modified playlist of Closer to God. She told me you can't just drop that onto someone especially because she was not wet and we never had sex. Play my cards right and elevate things properly and it's not 0%. The timing was just never right and I was botching things at every opportunity.

Anyways, in February of this year I realized how silly it was that I still kept the key to the church in my winter peacoat so I threw it away. It felt like I let go a lot of the emotional baggage but maybe not since Closer had become this song that evoked more and more memories when I would listen to it. When I would express myself and sing the song it was even as if I was still singing it to Lana. It is interesting how memories work.

I don't think it's bad like it used to be though. I think of plenty of women I would like to have some fuck seshes to Closer to God (resculpted) with that don't involve sodomy on a church altar. Ha, my new fantasy that I thought was a hilarious scenario was that I was going to seduce Grimes and make Elon Musk a cuck but then we would play DDR after and talk out my beefs with him. Now, that I am less manic I just look at Grimes as a sexy compadre (raspberries) on Team Berry ? . Now, if things got heated between team members like they tend to do on comic book teams on occasion then yes, we would parachute pure molly, share a joint of the finest Cali weed that Elon's money can buy, and fuck to Miss Anthropocene (resculpted). Like I said, afterwards I would make a bet with Elon that if I beat him on Darude – Sandstorm he can never take part in a coup of Bolivia for Lithium. In my prime I used to be capable of A+++ on Darude – Sandstorm so I would guess Elon is drawing dead but maybe DDR is one of his autistic powers.

I can say one of my crushes atm. Angelina Jolie in the movie Hackers. I think I have had that crush since I was 12. There are some Twitch e-girls that I am diggin' but don't feel at liberty to share. I don't even go on Twitch anymore. It was a novelty for a while but after the last Psych Ward re-boot I haven't been on besides maybe 1 or 2 times to see if anything changed. Nothing changed. I can say that I adore Grimes as an artist because I understand her and she would understand me I'm sure. That's what they always say. I don't have any crushes IRL because I am insanely isolated and have been for a long time. And, I have been manic for a minute now. I suppose I have learned to cope in my own ways. It's blitzkrieg expression on all fronts. Including this blog. Which I am never all that thrilled about but sometimes you have to just listen to some NIN and fire off to run out the clock.

Well, Lana, if you are reading this.... I'm still down to fuck you in the ass on the altar of a church to Closer to God (resculpted). We could also grab some coffee somewhere and talk. I would enjoy either option or both options.

Sometimes it feels like the more I chatter about something the more it has the chance to take ahold of me again. I need to find my self in a local goth me x f x f ménage. There is that film The Shape of Water by Guillermo del Toro which I adore and I adore del Toro as an artist as well. I know nothing about him personally. Anyways, I like the gay friend that says that he has 2 things he regrets in life. Not fucking more and not taking better care of his teeth. I thought that was brilliant. I am not fucking at this point and I don't even have a dentist at this point so I need to get my shit together in that regard and a lot of other regards too. Imagine being a virgin incel with toothaches and root canals your entire life? Fuck that is brutal.

Doritos Cool Ranch + Wild Cherry Pepsi is a Vibe.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch + Hand-picked blueberries + Oatley's Oat Milk is a Vibe.
Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar + Capri Sun Fruit Punch is a Vibe.

I recently sculpted my beard from it being down to the bottom of my sternum. I've done a lot of great art in the last 2 weeks but that might be my best work. My hair is looking good. I had my El Chapo shirt with 3 buttons undone. I have been getting validation from artists I respect irt my recent art so I have been feelin' it.

It's all feedback loops. My confidence is up so I think all women are checking me out but because of this there are women that are checking me out which makes me more confident, etc. This one woman was ridiculous though. For like 15 yards she was entranced or something and starts playing with her hair... She was good looking too but it was actually uncomfortable for me. If we are in a club I can match the gaze but I would also feel uncomfortable doing that at a crowded public beach.

I realized this morning that where I live is incredibly beautiful. I am incredibly lucky. I think suicide is bad but that doesn't mean I wouldn't do it. I mean I basically would be upset in myself if I killed myself before the Gojira concert in the area later in the year and then I am in another dimension where Gojira does not exist or annihilated ceasing to exist in any dimension.

I am not escaping the nightmares of the night. I am simply running out the clock (Tim J Dillon).

I have about 2.22 hours until I pick up my sister-in-law and nephew from the airport.

2.22 inches is about the size of my flaccid penis. 4.44 inches erect but at least it doubles! It is relatively easy for someone to deep-throat and maintain eye contact if they know what they are doing. I remember one time I was curious and tried on a Magnum condom. My dickhead actually filled it up but the rest was a bit of an embarrassing situation. It's like a power-up in Super Mario Bros... At least that is what I told Princess Peach.

I was just thinking about how much of a gangster my sister is. She is a doctor and has a neck tattoo.

Having a neck tattoo doesn't necessarily mean you are a gangster. It doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't a gangster. (Tribe Called Quest x RiKD)

Helping children and human beings in general is more gangster than having a neck tattoo in the terms that I am talking about.

I invented a new poker game:

PROTOSS

It will play no-limit because no-limit is the shit. 200bb minimum buy-in. Don't have to re-buy below 200bb.

Cards missing:

Q of diamond
6 of club
3 of club
2 of club
10 of spade
5 of spade
3 of spade
2 of spade

Other info:

At the moment there are 2 jokers in the deck (this may change)

There are also 2 4 of hearts

How's that AQ of spade lookin' now?

I haven't played yet. I'd only allow it to run live and the card deletion or addition would change. Classic structure would be 1/1 blinds, 200bb min buy, don't have to re-up stack if it goes below 200bb, if anyone goes south they have to do the most banal chores for everyone at the table at the time for 1 year or arbitrated by fairness, utg straddle allowed and subsequent straddles also allowed but never a button ante or straddle or anything like that, cash plays as well as chips obv, ••• I'm still working out the kinks ••• I was joking the other day about having a shoe fetish but I actually do ••• Leather is bad because leather means profound suffering and death for sentient animals •••

Anyway,

I am excited to try this game out with fun whales in the future. I'll host a game and make everyone some of the best damn pizza on the planet. (or we can just order from the bomb ass place down the street)

Vexin is out but the Spirit of Vexin is definitely still in.

I am not the biggest fan of flying in airplanes for a number of reasons but Paris + Giverny + Vexin is still in the itinerary.

Greta Thunberg is a Hero.

Should we be working on our kinks or embracing them assuming they aren't inciting violence or anything like that?

I feel I have to write this down.

This morning was bonkers. When I can't sleep I try to drive to my psychiatrist's office with out waze or directions. I haven't found it yet... but, what i do do is just listen to my playlists that I attempt to turn into The Entertainment (lite). I don't actually want people to listen to them until they get dehydrated or starve to death. I am just lookin' for Transcendence, Shanzhai Gay (Joyful), and ViBeS. Anyways, I am driving over the biggest bridge in my city at like maybe 4am? The light pollution is strong and mixed with the fog and the song I'm playing (Clique by Kanye West, et al) it is an incredible experience. As I have said I have been manic for a minute a million times now. My senses are heightened and sometimes I flat out hallucinate things. If a Team could recreate that experience for an audience especially for that specific song it would be POWERFUL. Then, immediately following it started raining hard as a motherfucker. It was the craziest experience. The roads were completely dry and then I started seeing all these colors in the road and was like "yeah, typical hallucinations... this is crazy" but then I realized it was actually the luster (reflection) on the water from the road signs and other lights and then All of the Lights by Kanye West, et al came on and it was just fucking bonkers. An ambulance drove by while I was right by the part of the university hospital with all sorts of crazy lights. I did hallucinate a car about to turn into my lane and my senses were heightened as fuck so that is like a once in a lifetime experience that probably very few can relate to. This experience was better than any music video or concert or simulation (unless we already live in a simulation).

Anyways, the playlist is coming along. I still need to learn some technology in order to upgrade it to "DJ Mix." Or, maybe I will just be lazy and get the playlist together and just play it at house parties like I used to in university. I feel like this summer is going to be crazy though. I want to be a part of that energy and I feel like I can get this playlist so KRuNK that if I do it right and the crowd is doing it right we can go to other dimensions. I would settle for DJ'ing house parties again but I've always had aspirations to DJ legit venues. I am allergic to tinkering with technology though. It's something that I will have to overcome if I want to DJ the Cave in Gozo, or wherever. Cave in Gozo is probs #1. I never actually got to rave in the cave because it was closed when I was there but that just seems so primal and awesome to rave in a literal cave. That's some Matrix shit. I always liked the energy in Buenos Aires and New York City. It would be fun to do something Wild in Vegas. Maybe, I would want to do Industry Night more than anything. Strippers, service, and drug addicts in their prime.

It is kind of weird that more breakthrough creativity and expression did not happen until I was older than 35. In 7th grade I wanted to be an artist. My 7th grade art teacher was one of the best teachers I ever had. My high school art teacher was one of the worst teachers I ever had basically killing that dream. I played sports, I played video games, then I got into poker. Drugs and poker. It worked out well until it didn't. I am an addict. The "cool" kids in high school would drink a lot and have fun. Sometimes I would too. Other times I would just stay at home eat Vicodin and get drunk on stolen alcohol. I remember seeing an interview with Rose McGowan and she made a comment that it is bad for artists to get disrupted in making art. I don't know if being an artist would have kept me from being an addict or if being an addict has something to do with me making art. I do know that for me working at a multi-national corporation is terrible period. The alcoholism making that situation much worse but the terribleness of that situation having a lot to do with the severity of the progression of the alcoholism. I realized today that even after all these years I am still pretty fucked up. In some good ways but also in some bad ways. It is not easy to un-fuck oneself. I want to keep the good and annihilate the bad. Also, anytime one looks to un-fuck themselves there has to be an honest look and clarity with the systemic issues leading to any fuckedness. It is not just an individual thing but also a Culture thing.

I have cocaine addict in my code. What do you think happens if I run a huge bluff in big games and win in poker or why the hell I was going up on stage and attempting to get laughs every night doing improv? It's in my code.

Grimes, one of my current muses, made a cameo on SNL and imo out-shined everyone. Then, she had panic attacks and went to the hospital. It's in my code (fortunately or unfortunately?) I don't wish panic attacks on ANYONE but that level of anxiety can bring on super-powers.

Over the last maybe 9 days I have not slept more than 3 hours in a night and feel pretty great. My heightened levels of the senses lead to higher levels of pleasure, sensibilité, and estéthique taste. Obviously, things can go bad. I am doing everything I can to do the right things. The new anti-psychotic seems to be doing a great job of keeping me out of the bad aspects of things so far for the most part. The only thing I can think of is to take Ativan to help me sleep but Ativan for me just dulls bad anxiety and then it can spike again the next day. It doesn't really help me sleep unless I am freaking out. I see my doctor this week anyways so we can get things ironed out. I realize some of my experiences over the last 9 days are a bit of a pink sky ie, ethereal x ephemeral. It's not sustainable. That is something that I have to deal with. The paradise from painting in mania is just something that I can not grasp otherwise. Killing on stage (or field/court/etc) on speed is also very good. God Itself performing songs for me within the Earth's atmosphere this morning is something that I can't really top. Unless I collaborate with people to bring those experiences to other people.

I need an education in cement, concrete, terra cotta, mud, et al. Materials baby. Help me help me help me help meh melp meh kelp meh kelp meh there is a lot of work to do.

En serio bro, I need a materials education and don't know where to start.

Just got the textbook on materials sciences.

I still need help.

What do you know about terra cotta houses?

I laugh at dome houses because if I could I would buy all the Bonita Applebums Pheobe Philo Céline and chill at the crib. So much dome I would never leave home. Although David Cho said he got sick of waking up to 1 woman on his johnson and 1 on his balls every morning that it made him depressed. Sick life.

Regardless, there is a lot of work to be done with dome houses. Monolithic dome houses. I am just starting but I know that they can be built with concrete. I do not know if they can be built with terra cotta or mud. The problem with the dome house in my area is that the lighting could be better. Some may say that is a minor thing but it could be solved probably pretty easily. It may be super easy to get some groundwork in place so that we could provide great dwellings for a lot of people.

All schools with Montessori principles and/or John Dewey wisdom

Mandy Muse on her knees in front of a full length mirror with the camera taking a Rodin – Venus de Milo shot with her hands in her hair showing everything off maybe be the ultimate. It's certainly Good Shit. My plan was to jerk it to Alexis Texas but I can't help myself. I just want to take dope screenshots. Mandy Muse is my new muse (while I listen to Grimes). I didn't even get all that close to finishing I just heated myself up and got myself hypnotized. I'd rather get the good shots than a money shot into old boxer briefs.....

Which reminds me of something I have been thinking. It seems like it is textbook rules to not wear certainly boxer briefs with any holes or rips in them. It's one thing to wear a custom taper 501 with rips in the knees but it is another to have like 2 yr old boxer briefs tearing apart at the seams. I feel like the only use to someone a pair of boxer briefs with a small hole in it is to wear them before it becomes bigger? Just throw it out at first sight? I'm broke broke phi broke how am I going to afford my Bread and Boxer Boxer Briefs? I can wear nothing else at this point. That brings me to another point that socks are the most needed item for charity. I don't think most people want socks with holes in them. I wouldn't. I mean I want to say fuck it and insta throw anything out at the first sign of a hole but that seems like a waste. I don't always like textbook rules. I'm wearing boxer briefs with a hole in them right now and I don't notice any difference. I forgot they had a hole until I started thinking about it.....

Why am I spending so much time getting lost in porn? I mean I could probably spend literally 20 hours a day getting into something like that in my current state. Just searching for Pokemon. The unique shots. I got some great shots today but I mean I was milliseconds away from the ultra shots. Didn't feel like trying for it 2nd time around. If I am manic and hypnotized there is no tellin'. So, what am I spending all this time getting lost in porn? ..... No se. In my current state and in almost all states even if I am literally stapled to my bed in the most crushing depression listening to Right Where It Belongs on repeat by NIN if Mandy Muse appears and starts working my penis in any way she sees fit I think I'd end up being Alright. I'm certainly not going to push her off or grab my phone to take pictures.....

I have a libido and it is stronger than a mosquito. Hell, an array of asses last night sent me into a flurry of creation. I started 2 new paintings. Frank Ocean and estétiique certainly helped too. I almost skimmed through all of the James Turrell book. That shit is deep. James is talking about shit I have no idea what he is talking about and how the retina sees light and aviation and all sorts of crazy shit. The installations are the shit though. Yights! (lights).....

Again, what does this have to do with ending corruption or injustice?

I think it does. Why do anything if not for hunger, libido, Feelin' It?

I don't even like Feelin' It to be some hedonistic thing. Like I need to take 2 doses of cocaine, 3 different benzos, pure heroine to the vein, and have 2 women sucking the head of my penis and 2 women sucking each testicle in the Roden Crater on a clear night to live the Good Life. It is clearly not THAT. Or, maybe it is for someone. I don't even want to go through ANYTHING because I am literally almost 40 and have spent my whole life thinking and reading and observing and contemplating this stuff and I still know nothing. I mean I know something. I know that I know nothing. I don't think Socrates is far off here. It seems kind of cliche or fake humble to say such things .....

I've ruminated on a lot of this stuff before. And I am ruminating again. And while it feels that I "accomplished" a lot today or something I don't know if I really did. I started 2 paintings, I watched porn, I masturbated twice, I went for a walk, I studied James Turrell.....

Oh shit, I forgot. I went to Waffle House in the middle of the morning and met some cool people. I still get like 3 hours a night and most of the rest of the time I am living to the extreme so it really starts to all run together. 2 paintings, hypnotizéd screenshots, good conversation, setting the groundwork for saving the USA and the Earth, it's hard to remember anything as I am so focused on the present and the future but it seems like I did create some stuff today. I could have masturbated 4 times and just taken a long nap..... What's the difference?

Well, for starters, I don't think I have ever masturbated 4 times in a day in my life. I prefer not to beat my meat like it owes me money (Dave Chappelle) even though sometimes I'm in a rush and it feels like just abusing myself to get a nut seems like the right thing to do but I don't think that ever is the right thing to do although I like the estéthique of rolling up a sundress and bending a women over a desk and selfishly pound away to relieve stress. I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Even if the next day I give her a sponge bath and eat her out for 33 min. and cook up some Eggs Benedict better than Chef Bocuse ever could.....

Fuck, internet got weird. Feel like I lost my train of thought. Oh yeah, I don't even give a fuck I didn't finish my second time masturbating today. I am more happy about the screenshots. I wonder how many women never had an orgasm in the USA in the 1950s..... It's scary to start going back in time from there.....

I am fueled by blueberries and Yves Saint Laurent la nuit noir. I feel like I can take on the world with a belly full of blueberries and a stank of my pheromones x ysl la nuit noir. The world's a stage and everyone has to play their part. I believe Shakespeare said that and André 3000 and probably many others. I don't know if it is true or not but it at least feels like there is truth to that statement. Loco back in the day would come on here posting some rando's YouTube video about Bojack Horseman and how a life is not a narrative. Events are random and storytelling is not possible. That is a strawman (how I set up his argument) but it is just how I was feelin' at the time. I don't know if I even have an argument to refute his argument years ago but I will say that there is some chance I am in a vivid dream or simulation or neo-gods exist..... How can I discern a vivid dream or a simulation from the world these mostly Western thinkers have established / constructed? It's the same with psychosis and hallucinations. I think in one of my first blog posts on here I talked about how I could wake up tomorrow and the sky would be purple and the grass would be orange and that that is not impossible. Specifically, the moods and lighting of the sky we have become acclimated to it but I thought I was hallucinating the other day and in reality I don't think I was....

How long have birds been around? Specifically, pelicans dive bombing the sea and the sandpipers scurrying around seemingly all day long and the sea gulls cruising the beach? How long has the wind been the wind? I don't even know how the wind works? I assume we have had wind for as long as we have had water and the atmosphere?

Laotze was talking about feel the breeze and watch the birds in ~600 BC.... It Works.

Rausch.... Feelin' It....

I just want Grimes vocals and to be invited to cosplay parties so I can ask Kali Uchis out on a date.....

That's how much of a loner I am. There were some women I could ask out on a date in March 2020 but as of today it's basically me completely isolated in my parents' home. I mean it's a lovely home and I love my parents but this shit is fukken ridikelus. What is it..... Something like 30 white bitches, expensive fishes, I mean the shit is, fucken ridikelus ..... I don't know who wrote that... Kanye or RZA or someone else. I feel like on one hand I would love going out with 30 Mia Malkovas to get a chef tasting menu at the best sushi spot in the city to come back to The Dome House for some fun but that would be really fucking weird too.....

I think I am running out of steam. I don't have shit to do until dinner but I am just chattering away like a chattering chatterbox.

Peace. In the moment. Transcendence.

I feel like Cool Memories by Jean Baudrillard and Travels with Charlie by John Steinbeck might be some groundwork for saving the USA. There is a lot more to the story here but that is just my thoughts at the time (just my thoughts)(Jay-Z).

It is also a problem that citizens of Earth, specifically, citizens of what is called "Camden, NJ" are worth more to the prison system then they are to corporate america.

You know, one time I was in a cab in Buenos Aires, Argentina and the cab driver asked where I was from. My spanish was not good enough to talk to him and say, "Estados Unidos" o "EE UU" at the time so I say in english (which I'm pretty sure the precursor was in Ireland at least in writing) that I was "American." He says, "American eh? What am I then?" I say, "Argentinian." He says, "Sure, but aren't I not also American? I live in South America. What is the difference?" •••

I forget who said this but he is a prominent professor at one of those elite institutions like Harvard, Yale, Princeton, etc.

"What is the original sin?

The original sin is not USA slavery

The original sin is not Native genocide

The original sin is White Supremacy."

United Kingdom is white supremacist as fuck. Start with the name. UNITED KINGDOM. Hay guys! Let's unite the kingdom! The sun shall never set on The United Kingdom! We The Best!

I did not want to involve Khaled with that but that is what happened.

Also, comfy t-shirt and comfy boxer briefs around the house is such a vibe. I got that from my brother-in-law and it works. I would probably just wear it around everywhere if it was socially acceptable. Comfy t-shirt, comfy boxer briefs and a fanny pack for my stuff I don't want to carry.

Can we overcome Sartre?

The waiter is not a waiter it is a human acting as they think a waiter should act....

What about the artist? I don't act as I think an artist should act.... I just am.

Richard Pryor was the freest black man in the world - Dr. Cornell West

Comedians and artists can basically do whatever they want for the most part. Although fame hinders that in a way.

I feel like Jay-Z is pretty free. Maybe one of the freest black men today. Kanye West. You don't hear a lot about Frank Ocean which is cool to me. I feel like he would still get bombarded in LA or NYC or even Paris. It's cool to perform like Beyoncé. That must be quite the rush but I also respect raspberries for just creating dope shit and not going on tour.

Back to Sartre,

He was a writer and a philosopher. I don't think he was acting as those things he was just being. Being and Nothingness. Which I am not convinced Nothingness is true. I don't want to ruminate about consciousness, infinite, other dimensions, et al. at this point it is just tough to prove anything at this point. We have been discussion this for 3,000+ years with some groundwork(s) but no real breakthroughs as Roderick says. What I am saying is Sartre wrote what he wanted to write and he contemplated what he wanted to contemplate. He was a bit of a "character" but I believe it was mostly authentic. Smoking strong French tobacco in pipes and cigarettes and getting into mischief with Simone de Beauvoir and hanging out at Cafe Flore or wherever was probably just what he wanted to do. He later retreated to his home because fame is probably tiresome for many. Jay-Z and Beyoncé can't even go to the Luvre without being followed and hassled. The only time I was in the Luvre I had the entire section of Michelangelo sculptures to myself. It was lovely. The Slave is fucking fierce. Rodin went to Italy to study Michelangelo for years that brought his power levels up to sizable amounts.

Fuck you and your corporations ,
y'all n***as can't control me !
y'all n***as can't control me !
I was a screaming slave,
I was a dying slave,
In this Life we must be Brave.

I think it's probably compatibl'ism but it is frustrating because i don't know what is free will