re-boot , re-fresh

Oh, I forgot to mention.

I am in possession of THE LAMP (!) . It's quite lovely. I am quite fond of it. That fiat was thrown away long ago and there are no resentments. I feel like I have a power-up right here next to me on the desk. I also received my kitchen cutlery collection. I also received some t-shirts that made me happy when I opened up the delivery packaging and some boxer briefs. Material things DO make me happy. It has a bonus effect as the underwear and clothing in the psych ward was shit. It was one of the most relieving showers of the year to wash the psych ward off and throw away the disposable clothing that was falling apart after 2 wears and 1 wash and put on some staples of my wardrobe to relax and feel comfortable in. They only had pants and shirts in 3XL. I, unfortunately, am currently a fat boy but 3XL is ridiculous.

Anyways, I just felt I had to post about THE LAMP (!) . I feel like at least Santafairy would appreciate the fact I am looking at it right now and it brings me estéthique joie et inspiration. It is appropriate that I received it about the same time that I received a book on Le Corbusier (Form and Ideas). I read about half of a materials sciences textbook in the psych ward. Mostly about iron, steel, cement, concrete. I busted out my old architecture and design skills with blueprints for dwellings of the future. It is clearly possible to dwindle down any use of wood and petroleum and in many cases polymers. I certainly can not overhaul everything by myself. It's strange that in the psych ward when I interacted with nurses that I got to know and talked about my grandiosity 3 of 3 said that they loved my grandiosity and that I should not lose it. That is really weird reflecting on it.

It feels so good being able to do what I want when I want.

I also find materials fascinating.

Get well friend

It's interesting my last post on here before going to the psych ward was about Determinism and Compatibilism. I was sort of obsessed with these ideas. At the height of mania it almost seems like I am a puppet. It felt like I was being controlled by shades of grey hackers from the Western world and Russia and Iran and China. Sam Harris talks about how scientists can predict an action I think it was 7 seconds before it happens. Therefore, if hackers were fighting over actions they could edit my thought and action every time or something like that. Now, I do not believe that hackers control my brain but it is an interesting thought experiment. The only way I would have free will is if an original thought somehow made it through or maybe my thoughts were racing so fast that the hackers could not keep up. I have not thought this through thoroughly enough and I have 0 background in neuro-science so I don't know if I will try to dig deeper. This is stuff that has been contemplated and contested for thousands of years more or less so I do not expect to make any real headway. My only advantage is that I dive into different aspects of consciousness at a higher intensity when I amp up.

It is pretty clear to me that while the mainstream will not touch the subject we are in a Cold War with China and to a lesser extent Russia, Iran, North Korea, etc. Venezuela gets a bad wrap. They are more so a subsidiary of Russia out of desperation. The USA will do whatever it takes to keep South America down and fragmented. The USA will do whatever it takes to keep South American countries indebted to the World Bank. This is similar to a lot of places across the globe.

I agreed to take experimental drugs in the psych ward. It really felt like I was part of some MK Ultra pt. II situation. They dangled a carrot of my desires including spending some time in warm pretty pussy. I am not easily hypnotized but being trapped and severely sleep deprived that is a weird, trippy fucking experience. My mania makes my libido insatiable. I just wanted to squeeze some ass, one-up THE KISS by Rodin, release my seed into pink skies, and take a nap in some breasts. But, at the same time I have handfuls of voices in my head, running thoughts, ruminations... I had to decode everything. I had to pass on the right code at the right time. Was I Jesus? Who is Judas? I don't want to die. I am not strong enough to get down on my knees and utter, "Thy will be done" and be strong enough to sacrifice myself. Judas never betrayed me at least not yet. I am not Jesus Christ.

I graffiti'd the walls with marker until they told me to stop and when the next shift hit I did it all again and again and again. I almost got into a fight with a 6'4'' 280 lb. street fighter. We were besties until he sucker punched a random bystander out of no where. He did not like the fact that I called him out on his cowardice. To be honest, that experience was a major rush and probably the most fun I had in there. My plan was to just keep my distance and he would never get close to me but I got caught up in the shit talk until things reached a boiling point and the staff sequestered me in my room. If he got close I was planning a front kick to the groin and big right hand. His haymaker on the guy the previous day was pretty powerful but he caught the guy with like a slap to the cheekbone + eye area which is pretty pathetic if you are hitting an unaware, unmoving target.

I think my best line from the altercation is he was bragging about how big his penis was (and was also homophobic) and I said, "That's not what my gay friends said." He got super pissed and I really should not have gotten caught up in the whole thing but I am an addict that is also addicted to adrenaline and entertainment. He was a really good shit talker too so it just got out of hand but perhaps unfortunately that morning was probably the most fun I had in there. We ended up squashing the beef before he left. I never disliked him I was just super pissed that he sucker punched a decent human in the face and then the psych ward let him back in the next day. That might even lead to interesting discussion on what is to be done about a guy like that.

Are you taking your medications as prescribed?

Yes.

Stress is only so much in my control. In an ideal world I would have gotten more intense exercise in than just walking. I was gaining too much weight on the Seroquel and I have fatty liver disease so that is no good. Vraylar is a great anti-psychotic for me but it lacks the sleep aid aspect that a Seroquel provides. Lithium is kind of a crapshoot to be honest but I do well on it for the most part (until I don't). Sleep deprivation fucks everything up. Vraylar can only do so much if I get less than 30 hours of sleep in 2 weeks. I should have called my doctor at the first sign of psychosis but I have been some level of "psychotic" the entirety of 2021 so it is just kind of normalized. Although, if I wait to call my doctor until unbearable paranoia, hallucinations, racing thoughts, and ruminations it is too late.

The stress is the main thing I can only do my best to control. The way the USA is setup it is not setup for people like me. Baalim likes to sit on his libertarian capitalist high horse and make fun of me for rotting away under social safety nets. Well, we are all rotting away regardless of whatever immortality projects you think can add meaning to your life. There is 0 chance I could have held a job so far this year. They would all be fucking terrible jobs by the way. I basically just go further and further into debt. Vraylar is the first anti-psychotic that has really clicked for me but I went into withdrawal from dosing off Seroquel and I wasn't on a high enough dose of the Vraylar. By the way, my old psychiatrist could not even prescribe Vraylar since it is a new drug and she was just a resident at a University Hospital that basically didn't let their residents do anything outside of basic. Vraylar is expensive as fuck and basically no insurance company will cover it. Luckily, my parents offered to cover it. I don't know what people outside of my circumstances would do.

Going on Medicaid and Disability are really my only options at this point. I can't control medical bills and medical debt which just continues to grow. I can't keep up with my bills even though I am living as a pauper. It has been 7 years of trying to crawl out of my parents' home and it was never really even an option at any point. It is not like I can just wake up one morning on a good night of sleep and cut my hair, shave my beard, and put on a suit and tie and get some $50,000+ / yr corporate job. That ship has sailed. The amount and size of gaps in my resume and reasons for them make me un-hirable. The fact that one of my principles is a wish to subvert corporations it is just plain silly to try and pander to those totalitarian regimes. I have no problem donating time and effort to projects like Food Not Bombs, [un-named] local projects, Habitat for Humanity, et al. But, I have no desire to hustle around for some job at J Crew where I stand around all day occasionally folding clothes "having a positive attitude" and "delighting customers." No, I am not going back to Whole Foods Market where Jeff Bozos would appreciate it if I have to optimize my every action over the course of an 8 hr shift to survive and maybe I don't even survive if I work a flawless shift. Flawless shift includes no bathroom breaks or breaks for meals. I can't even say hi to the guy running the bistro.

This is why we should automate everything as soon as possible while keeping in mind that AI can be the death of us all. There are ways that this can be accomplished in a fair way. The problem is that labor has no leverage in this situation and we are all basically at the mercy of the totalitarian rulers. I don't trust the government to iron things out smoothly and I don't trust the oligarchs to not take advantage of the situation. It's already like 122 F in Pakistan? What are we doing here?

And, what a dumb fucking condescending question from blackjacki. I have taken my meds as prescribed since they were first prescribed 7 years ago. I have been to the psych ward 4 times. There are no such thing as guarantees in this fucking universe.

I dont know much about your medications, but I am tapering off Benzos since I started noticing that my memory and cognition were getting shot recently, I've been forgetting mundane words and became like 50% dumber than my normal, and as a poker player can't allow this to happen
I tried to switch medications to a Benzo with a shorter half life and out of nowhere I became an angry and manic person, so I came back to Clonazepam and started to tapering off since

I started to take benzos like 5 years ago, when I had no idea what it was, after I got a few episodes of panic attack. extreme anxiety and insomnia, probably induced by long and high dose exposures to stimulants ( supposedly I have ADHD heh ), I also had some hallucinations episodes a few times lol

gotta say that I became a way less stressed and more stable person but I feel like it totally killed my drive to do anything through out the years, I didn't know benzodiazepines long term can induce cognitive decline and dementia, but seems like that was the path I was going down
unfortunately doctors just stack drugs and don't give a shit about your long term mental health, after a few months studying and researching about these drugs I feel like I know more than my psychiatrist about the subject, whenever I ask her a question she seems confused and the answer is always to try to stack up a new drug

your life seem to suck balls hard which doesn't help, my only advice is to stop focusing too much on random shit like politics and internet debate and focus your energy more in educating yourself about your mental health and knowing more about yourself and your inner demons

On June 30 2021 01:08 drone666 wrote: I dont know much about your medications, but I am tapering off Benzos since I started noticing that my memory and cognition were getting shot recently, I've been forgetting mundane words and became like 50% dumber than my normal, and as a poker player can't allow this to happen I tried to switch medications to a Benzo with a shorter half life and out of nowhere I became an angry and manic person, so I came back to Clonazepam and started to tapering off since I started to take benzos like 5 years ago, when I had no idea what it was, after I got a few episodes of panic attack. extreme anxiety and insomnia, probably induced by long and high dose exposures to stimulants ( supposedly I have ADHD heh ), I also had some hallucinations episodes a few times lol gotta say that I became a way less stressed and more stable person but I feel like it totally killed my drive to do anything through out the years, I didn't know benzodiazepines long term can induce cognitive decline and dementia, but seems like that was the path I was going down unfortunately doctors just stack drugs and don't give a shit about your long term mental health, after a few months studying and researching about these drugs I feel like I know more than my psychiatrist about the subject, whenever I ask her a question she seems confused and the answer is always to try to stack up a new drug your life seem to suck balls hard which doesn't help, my only advice is to stop focusing too much on random shit like politics and internet debate and focus your energy more in educating yourself about your mental health and knowing more about yourself and your inner demons

Benzos are the devil. Maybe not as bad as opioids but benzos are pretty bad. I have had doctors prescribe it in the past to help if I get too psychotic. It works ok and seems to help me sleep a little bit but there are better drugs than that for me. Ativan was the one prescribed at that time. In fact, when I was freaking out in the ER this go around I took an Ativan and got some sleep before I was stable enough to boot me out so that I could walk home and have a friend drive me to the psych ward. I had Xanax prescribed for panic attacks and anxiety but threw all of those down the toilet because benzos are the devil.

I would believe that you knew more about 3 benzos than your psychiatrist. From my experiences, psychiatrists have more than a full plate each week and don't actually have a lot of time to research anything as in depth versus someone who is unemployed and focused on a topic. Imagine someone being on call and getting 30 min. of sleep and then being required to put in a full day shift (like my psychiatrist in the psych ward did). There is probably no way they are going home to read papers on x, y, z drug that night.

I don't know if I would say my life sucks balls. Today was a pretty good day. If I did the same thing that I did today every day that might get boring but it is possible for me to have good days. I still think I am probably better off to have never been born but I am here so *shrug*. I am not filling up on Ketamine and getting lost in Bangkok nights but I am not interested in that anyways. Yeah, of course I want to get out of my parents' home and date and all of those things but it just has not been feasible and that is ok.

On June 30 2021 01:08 drone666 wrote: I dont know much about your medications, but I am tapering off Benzos since I started noticing that my memory and cognition were getting shot recently, I've been forgetting mundane words and became like 50% dumber than my normal, and as a poker player can't allow this to happen I tried to switch medications to a Benzo with a shorter half life and out of nowhere I became an angry and manic person, so I came back to Clonazepam and started to tapering off since I started to take benzos like 5 years ago, when I had no idea what it was, after I got a few episodes of panic attack. extreme anxiety and insomnia, probably induced by long and high dose exposures to stimulants ( supposedly I have ADHD heh ), I also had some hallucinations episodes a few times lol gotta say that I became a way less stressed and more stable person but I feel like it totally killed my drive to do anything through out the years, I didn't know benzodiazepines long term can induce cognitive decline and dementia, but seems like that was the path I was going down unfortunately doctors just stack drugs and don't give a shit about your long term mental health, after a few months studying and researching about these drugs I feel like I know more than my psychiatrist about the subject, whenever I ask her a question she seems confused and the answer is always to try to stack up a new drug your life seem to suck balls hard which doesn't help, my only advice is to stop focusing too much on random shit like politics and internet debate and focus your energy more in educating yourself about your mental health and knowing more about yourself and your inner demons

you take way too many pills man, benzos are scary af, clonazepam also, MRIIs are safer but still you personally should lean towards the least ammounts of pills possible.

On June 30 2021 03:21 Baalim wrote: you take way too many pills man, benzos are scary af, clonazepam also, MRIIs are safer but still you personally should lean towards the least ammounts of pills possible.

I was taking only Clonazepam for anxiety / insomnia, Concerta which is ritalin long release, and one SSRI which my doctor gave me randomly but I stopped because I suspect it was what killed my drive
Clonazepam is the benzo that I take, SSRI's are safe and debatably even beneficial long term because they have neuro-protective properties, don't down regulate anything, but in some people they can cause anhedonia ( my case but not sure if it was the cause ) and a few other minor side effects like eating disorders and shit that I'm not really worried

I took a month off poker to detox from everything and the only thing I'm taking at the moment is benzo because I can't simply cold turkey this crap without major side effects, but I was taking 4mg and now only 1mg, expecting to stop completely by the end of the next month, I plan to go back to short release Ritalin for no more than 5 days a week in a very small dose like 5~10mg, ( I was taking 70mg Concerta daily at a certain point ), but I'm trying to educate myself better on the subject before jumping on these drugs again

On June 30 2021 01:52 RiKD wrote: I don't know if I would say my life sucks balls. Today was a pretty good day. If I did the same thing that I did today every day that might get boring but it is possible for me to have good days. I still think I am probably better off to have never been born but I am here so *shrug*. I am not filling up on Ketamine and getting lost in Bangkok nights but I am not interested in that anyways. Yeah, of course I want to get out of my parents' home and date and all of those things but it just has not been feasible and that is ok.

what I meant by saying that is more related to the facts that you still live with your parents, have no financial freedom, no career, no longterm goals, this is the overall "sucks balls" part, doesn't seem like you are in a spot where you have many choices or flexibility in your life to decide to do something else, not like everything is lost but it's not something that helps your mental situation
I also dont think my lifestyle is "cool" by any means or think that is something people should be aiming for, far from that

I think there's no objectively right way to live life, all comes down to personal choices but the context of where you are right now financially, socially and mindset wise can be used as measures of how well you are set in life to overcome present and future obstacles

fortunately for me I'm in a way easier spot than you to deal with my mental issues, if I want to switch careers I can see some opportunities, or if I want stay without working until the end of this year or next year I can do that, I think this is my advantage, my life style is part of the dark side of my life

Show nested quote + On June 30 2021 01:52 RiKD wrote: I don't know if I would say my life sucks balls. Today was a pretty good day. If I did the same thing that I did today every day that might get boring but it is possible for me to have good days. I still think I am probably better off to have never been born but I am here so *shrug*. I am not filling up on Ketamine and getting lost in Bangkok nights but I am not interested in that anyways. Yeah, of course I want to get out of my parents' home and date and all of those things but it just has not been feasible and that is ok. what I meant by saying that is more related to the facts that you still live with your parents, have no financial freedom, no career, no longterm goals, this is the overall "sucks balls" part, doesn't seem like you are in a spot where you have many choices or flexibility in your life to decide to do something else, not like everything is lost but it's not something that helps your mental situation I also dont think my lifestyle is "cool" by any means or think that is something people should be aiming for, far from that I think there's no objectively right way to live life, all comes down to personal choices but the context of where you are right now financially, socially and mindset wise can be used as measures of how well you are set in life to overcome present and future obstacles fortunately for me I'm in a way easier spot than you to deal with my mental issues, if I want to switch careers I can see some opportunities, or if I want stay without working until the end of this year or next year I can do that, I think this is my advantage, my life style is part of the dark side of my life

I wanted to write a long post here because I have about an hour to kill before I can go to the beach and use restroom facilities. Yesterday, I said fuck it and just went and snuck a pee under the bridge but it was crowded there even at that time and Others are watching. To make matters worse I had to take a shit and just had to hold it until the County Park opened. It was a shitty experience in more ways than one.

I find that your post is pretty spot on but there is only so much I can do. This current existence is not easy for neuro-divergent people. It is not like I am giving up but the locomotive is going to more or less take me where it is going to take me. I don't think the rare moments of free will are going to turn the train around. I was hearing so many whispers of The Secret and other bullshit in the psych ward.

"IT'S DAY 1 OF YOUR LIFE'S JOURNEY!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! JUST VISUALIZE WHAT YOU WANT AND YOU WILL ATTRACT IT IN YOUR LIFE!!!"

That's what made me flip out in my first rehab. We literally watched The Secret in an official outpatient drug rehab program and I couldn't take it. This is my life now? I would rather die.

Imagine being totally broken by drugs and alcohol and the last lifeline in rehab is a patriarchal christian god + 12-step program or The Secret. No wonder I had a mental breakdown.

Going to Paris is what saved me. Although it does feel like I have guardian angels.

Something is controlling me it is just really difficult to pinpoint it. Thirst, hunger, libido. My DNA. My code. Mother Nature. Civilization. Culture. I do not control what I am inspired by or hypnotized by. My muses cast their spell on me without my consent. I could pray to the fates but I don't think it would change their mind.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––


It is good that you recognize that abusing ketamine and mdma too often is part of your dark-side. I have done a lot of work on myself including work on my demons. It's not something I want to obsess over. I did recently set up a new therapist appointment. Just someone to talk to about this stuff with no worries of any privacy issues. I don't expect that she will change my life in any significant way over say a 1 month period but there are things I need to work on moving forward.

On June 30 2021 05:24 drone666 wrote: I was taking only Clonazepam for anxiety / insomnia, Concerta which is ritalin long release, and one SSRI which my doctor gave me randomly but I stopped because I suspect it was what killed my drive Clonazepam is the benzo that I take, SSRI's are safe and debatably even beneficial long term because they have neuro-protective properties, don't down regulate anything, but in some people they can cause anhedonia ( my case but not sure if it was the cause ) and a few other minor side effects like eating disorders and shit that I'm not really worried I took a month off poker to detox from everything and the only thing I'm taking at the moment is benzo because I can't simply cold turkey this crap without major side effects, but I was taking 4mg and now only 1mg, expecting to stop completely by the end of the next month, I plan to go back to short release Ritalin for no more than 5 days a week in a very small dose like 5~10mg, ( I was taking 70mg Concerta daily at a certain point ), but I'm trying to educate myself better on the subject before jumping on these drugs again

lol only? thats exactly what I'm talking about, that isn't h ealthy and no SSRI's aren't benefitial long term, I dont think a single psychiatrist would tell you that a heatlhy person should take SSRI's long term, hell I can't think of a single medicine that would be, not even flintstones vitamins.

4mg of clonazepam is a massive dose 0.5mg would knock a person out for like 10 hours, I'm familiar with it and its a dangerous drug.

jesus 4mg clonazepam is a fuck ton. Glad you were able to taper yourself down

On July 01 2021 05:16 Baalim wrote: Show nested quote + On June 30 2021 05:24 drone666 wrote: I was taking only Clonazepam for anxiety / insomnia, Concerta which is ritalin long release, and one SSRI which my doctor gave me randomly but I stopped because I suspect it was what killed my drive Clonazepam is the benzo that I take, SSRI's are safe and debatably even beneficial long term because they have neuro-protective properties, don't down regulate anything, but in some people they can cause anhedonia ( my case but not sure if it was the cause ) and a few other minor side effects like eating disorders and shit that I'm not really worried I took a month off poker to detox from everything and the only thing I'm taking at the moment is benzo because I can't simply cold turkey this crap without major side effects, but I was taking 4mg and now only 1mg, expecting to stop completely by the end of the next month, I plan to go back to short release Ritalin for no more than 5 days a week in a very small dose like 5~10mg, ( I was taking 70mg Concerta daily at a certain point ), but I'm trying to educate myself better on the subject before jumping on these drugs again lol only? thats exactly what I'm talking about, that isn't h ealthy and no SSRI's aren't benefitial long term, I dont think a single psychiatrist would tell you that a heatlhy person should take SSRI's long term, hell I can't think of a single medicine that would be, not even flintstones vitamins. 4mg of clonazepam is a massive dose 0.5mg would knock a person out for like 10 hours, I'm familiar with it and its a dangerous drug.

I am trapped in my current medication ritual but I don't think there is any way around it at this point.

1,000 IUs of vitamin d in a day is something that would be beneficial or even more if someone is deficient. It is pretty easy for me to take sun in the summer here with an hour or so walk on the beach everyday but vitamin d is more or less a panacea of health.

Vitamin B12 is another one. I don't even know my daily dose but it doesn't even matter so much since it is difficult to overdose (I have managed to overdose on vit b before -_-) but mostly any excess is urinated out.

Converge fueled painting all day today. If I am not careful I'll go right back to mania. I do not remember if Loco suggested Converge ever or I just read about them in the Revolver magazine I read cover to cover in the psych ward. Paintings turned out fucking intense. I barely have any paint left and 0 canvasses.

I am not sure how I am going to wind down. I had an anime planned but the cd didn't work.

I don't really have anything to write about or even think about. Kind of a bummer.

On July 01 2021 05:16 Baalim wrote: Show nested quote + On June 30 2021 05:24 drone666 wrote: I was taking only Clonazepam for anxiety / insomnia, Concerta which is ritalin long release, and one SSRI which my doctor gave me randomly but I stopped because I suspect it was what killed my drive Clonazepam is the benzo that I take, SSRI's are safe and debatably even beneficial long term because they have neuro-protective properties, don't down regulate anything, but in some people they can cause anhedonia ( my case but not sure if it was the cause ) and a few other minor side effects like eating disorders and shit that I'm not really worried I took a month off poker to detox from everything and the only thing I'm taking at the moment is benzo because I can't simply cold turkey this crap without major side effects, but I was taking 4mg and now only 1mg, expecting to stop completely by the end of the next month, I plan to go back to short release Ritalin for no more than 5 days a week in a very small dose like 5~10mg, ( I was taking 70mg Concerta daily at a certain point ), but I'm trying to educate myself better on the subject before jumping on these drugs again lol only? thats exactly what I'm talking about, that isn't h ealthy and no SSRI's aren't benefitial long term, I dont think a single psychiatrist would tell you that a heatlhy person should take SSRI's long term, hell I can't think of a single medicine that would be, not even flintstones vitamins. 4mg of clonazepam is a massive dose 0.5mg would knock a person out for like 10 hours, I'm familiar with it and its a dangerous drug.

if you don't think vitamins and supplements can improve your health you are tripping balls, this statement can't be more wrong
also there's a lot of drugs that barely have any side effect and have strong benefits, Ezitimibe is a good example, Metformin is another example

the only thing I regret taking is the Benzo, and obviously what forced me to take benzos in the first place that is overexposing myself to stimulants, but by no means I regret starting to take ritalin, I would literally be a homeless bum if I never started it

in a perfect scenario I would've taken lower dose and less often as long as I could maintain good sleep and didn't destroy my dopamine receptors. which would be achievable with the correct protocol, but even recklessly hammering this shit as I've been doing for the past 10 years+ it was a +ev decision

On July 01 2021 11:36 RiKD wrote: I am trapped in my current medication ritual but I don't think there is any way around it at this point. 1,000 IUs of vitamin d in a day is something that would be beneficial or even more if someone is deficient. It is pretty easy for me to take sun in the summer here with an hour or so walk on the beach everyday but vitamin d is more or less a panacea of health. Vitamin B12 is another one. I don't even know my daily dose but it doesn't even matter so much since it is difficult to overdose (I have managed to overdose on vit b before -_-) but mostly any excess is urinated out.

you should do a blood work and check a bunch of health markers to see what you are deficient and what you can tweak in your diet/supplementation if you are interested in improving your health
without it you are basically clicking buttons, although the supplements that you mentioned have no issues, and especially vitamin D, 99% of people are deficient unless you are daily shirtless and live somewhere in the tropics

check examine.com for supplements and unbiased health orientation

I am just sitting here listening to Converge – Jane Doe attempting to wake up. I think Jane Doe is my favorite album of theirs at the moment.

My friend suggested a new book The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis PhD (neuroscience). I have been thinking a lot lately of what I want. Number 1 is just some dignity and the ability to pay at least some of my bills. Even filling up a gas tank for $40 is tough when there is no money coming in and assets are decimated. I hope the book is solid and not pseudo-science pop psychology. I need water, food, shelter, clothing. Maybe not even. I could be naked in solitary confinement somewhere but that is no life to live.

I do not remember if Loco suggested Converge

https://www.liquidpoker.net/poker-for...ing_this_into_a_training_blog.html#62

On July 02 2021 02:57 drone666 wrote: check examine.com for supplements and unbiased health orientation

No one's unbiased, and the main dude behind the site Kamal Patel has some clear biases and if I remember correctly he received money from big egg industry, which partly explains why he appears to be so stupid on the topic and says blatantly false things like "the cholesterol you eat does not affect your blood cholesterol" ...

The ole Loco special planted that Converge seed in early 2018.

The unavailable video must be that Converge – The Dusk is Us.

I remember listening to Immolation and Dead Congregation and could have sworn I listened to Converge but I didn't recognize any of the albums.

There was not even an article on Converge in the Revolver with Gojira on the cover. The mag just sprinkled in hints that it would be foolish to not listen to Converge. I've been listening to them basically 'round the clock for the last 2 days. Sometimes I worry that that will lead to mania or heart attack. I did paintings, trainings, and more or less cleaned the entire house.

My tolerance for this music has definitely grown. I am slowly listening to The Armed and 3teeth because they had the most interesting articles but I am not sure the music holds up. I'd rather just listen to more Converge.

Loco, you might be interested in The Armed story as they are attempting to be a more or less anonymous collective. Obviously, being anonymous is very difficult to achieve especially if they attempt to release music and go on tour and give interviews but it is interesting how they go about things.