Stuff - Page 3

The Buddhists say I can not be a monk. The best I can hope for is Jesus Christ. Who the hell can live up to Jesus Christ? So, then maybe the story of the poor man eeking it out. The question of what should I obtain really might be what can I lose?

I thought that once I obtained my "Beats on a budget" hardware and software that I would be over the moon. I was for 3 days now I loathe it because I am not good at it and it is difficult to learn.

So, is it time for the rope?

No, I don't think so. I'd rather give the rope to someone who could use it in a more productive way than killing one self.

I threw away a bunch of things from my childhood today. It felt liberating. Who has time or room for all those trinkets and whatsits?

I am not flush with money but I do have some money coming in especially versus 2020 and 2021. I was flat out destitute at that point. Now is the time to modify my behaviors. Humbly sort clothing and try and figure out how to live this life... still... still to this day.

Would I be any happier with a solid desktop computer?

I don't think so. I am a snob when it comes to games to play.

I am in another transition and I am not sure where it will lead me. How does a loser like me find wins in this life?

How do I wrest some freedom from the authoritarians trying to run my life?

That's coming from all angles too. All angles since I was a toddler. I don't quite march to the drum. They let me be as almost nothing. They want to keep me almost nothing. I don't even have aspirations of becoming more than something. Some times it feels pre-determined. To try and fight against an avalanche. Swim against a hurricane. Imagine trying to shove a tornado.

So, what can I carve out of life?

Some guitar and some fun video games and maybe some friends here and there?

On April 13 2022 02:39 RiKD wrote: I thought that once I obtained my "Beats on a budget" hardware and software that I would be over the moon. I was for 3 days now I loathe it because I am not good at it and it is difficult to learn. So, is it time for the rope? No, I don't think so. I'd rather give the rope to someone who could use it in a more productive way than killing one self. I threw away a bunch of things from my childhood today. It felt liberating. Who has time or room for all those trinkets and whatsits? I am not flush with money but I do have some money coming in especially versus 2020 and 2021. I was flat out destitute at that point. Now is the time to modify my behaviors. Humbly sort clothing and try and figure out how to live this life... still... still to this day. Would I be any happier with a solid desktop computer? I don't think so. I am a snob when it comes to games to play. I am in another transition and I am not sure where it will lead me. How does a loser like me find wins in this life? How do I wrest some freedom from the authoritarians trying to run my life? That's coming from all angles too. All angles since I was a toddler. I don't quite march to the drum. They let me be as almost nothing. They want to keep me almost nothing. I don't even have aspirations of becoming more than something. Some times it feels pre-determined. To try and fight against an avalanche. Swim against a hurricane. Imagine trying to shove a tornado. So, what can I carve out of life? Some guitar and some fun video games and maybe some friends here and there?

hmm idk maybe...instead of video games...play 10nl/25nl/50nl for some additional income....not that hard to beat those...

pls stop complainin. u r just lookin 4 an excus 2 complain about capitalism n materialism.

also mods should warn u about this suicide bullshit enough is enough

If I lived in PA I would consider poker.

You have certainly read my blog enough. There will be complaints about capitalism and talk about suicide. That's just the way it goes. I don't even talk about killing myself above. I talk about wanting to lend a rope to someone who needs it. Like a sailor or the boy from Limbo.

I could go either way tonight. Long blog post about probably the same ole shit or find other stuff to do. I can only practice guitar riffs for so long even though I have the most fun in playing the guitar yet with learning riffs. Limbo is getting fucking difficult man. Good fucking game though. One of the best I've played in a while.

I even considered starting a spat with hiems or Santafairy but that would be a complete and utter waste of time.

I got Baldur's Gate Enhanced Edition. Problem is the resolution is fucked. All the people are tiny as fuck and I can't even read the letters. Probably because I bought this piece of shit laptop with 14'' screen. I have a vga - dvi adapter coming on Sunday so I can hook up this POS laptop to a Samsun 20'' monitor from 2006 LOL. What a setup. It at least amuses me. I googled. There is a way to change resolution but I am too tired and don't feel like looking into it.

I'm just bored. Baldur's Gate was supposed to be my out.

I practiced my guitar for maybe 15-30min. A lot of nights that seems to be all that I practice. My brother was telling me about Cellists in college looking to go pro practice 6 hours a day. Says I need to build up guitar muscles to practice more and have material to practice. I could do chord progressions, scales, riffs and that wouldn't even be an hour. I'm also not trying to be a pro concert cellist or whatever the equivalent of that is for guitar. I would like to improve more or less optimally for me though.

I just realized that capitalism has hiems fucked up quite a bit and he doesn't even realize it and will never acknowledge it. The same could be said for a lot of people. Even my dad who has mostly benefited from capitalism was on death's door one year they had him travelling around ragged. The doctor was amazed he hadn't had a heart attack or stroke and was still living. I don't even think my dad ever went undead. One of the lucky ones that just had an easy street to finding something that was meant for them and taking advantage of it. What a life that Vice President of Marketing and Research at a large multi-national corporation is a great fit. So, yeah, besides almost dying every day for a whole year (LOL) there is someone out there who capitalism treated well albeit still sucking the life away. He was never there when I was a kid. Maybe it is a little bit silly to try to weigh the positives and negatives about other people's lives. All I can really speak for is myself which capitalism has continuously de-moralized me. Lunch will always be more than 1 hour of work unless I eat at McDonald's or worse or cook up big batches of stuff and eat the same thing for like 4 or 5 days. I get frustrated and angry sometimes but the best I can do is turn on NIN at full blast and yell along with the lyrics. That is my freedom. Oh well, no one cares...

That is the thing no one cares. It's a meager fucking existence. No one cares. And everyone is FUCKING CHEERING ABOUT MAKING $50,000 ON THE DAY WHEN NOT ONE OF US SEES ANY BENEFITS FROM THE INCREASE OR FUCKING OPENING CREDIT CARDS CHEERING AGAIN FUCKING HELL MAN.

A co-worker the other day was reading a news story about this kid that was driving 150mph on the highway and he didn't even put on the breaks and crashed into someone killing a family of 6 people in some shit Rav 4 or whatever. That is fucked up. I don't know why I keep thinking about that story. I was speeding down the road today a little bit and thought about damn how did he just not even break or try to turn? At least just drive off a mountain or into a tree or something.

Another co-worker was telling me about her friend that killed himself. Had a wife and kid and blasted himself all over the house that they lived in. She was super pissed. Of course, blasting yourself so your family can come home and get a nice surprise is selfish as fuck but it's also sick as fuck. Depression is inertly selfish but it is also a sickness. Anger is a stage of grief. I can't really hate on a guy for blasting himself all over the furniture if he's sick as fuck. I can't really hate on the co-worker who is irate at her friend for doing something so fucking selfish. Life (for us that don't blast ourselves across the walls) goes on.

And on and on.

I think I'll drink a cup of tea,
The world keeps turning,

I'm back listening to my Berlin friends Moderat. I always think about going to Germany and getting a degree in German Thought and the German Language. That ship has fucking sailed though brother. You have no idea. Laughable man, HA!

Fuck Kant. Fuck Hegel. Fuck Heidegger. Nietzsche is cool. Anyways, I like Moderat too and the German language although I am shit at it now. My last college German course I got an A+ and could bring it German language wise. Now, it's just sad and pathetic. I'd probably pick it up if I moved there but the damn fucking ship has sailed. No way would I survive getting a PhD in Hegel and Heidegger ROFL. Fucking maniacs that survive that shit. That is a real man that has a PhD in German Thought.

You know what? The damned HR lady that hired me suggested that I buy a camper and take a tour of the USA. I was laughing my ass off. I should have asked her to be a reference if I ran out of money and needed a side job in say Utah or Wyoming or some art town in the middle of no where Texas. She's right though. What the fuck am I doing. The guitar is cool but I am getting my panties in a twist worried about Baldur's Gate. Where are my friends? Do I have any friends?

I don't even know any more. I'm tired. I don't know how to live life and I never will.

I know Saturdays at the fashion store can be equated to torture. I have to put up with damn torture just so I can eat some food and keep up the bare minimum so I hopefully don't get sick and die. I'm supposed to make a damn stew from Ikaria and eat it for 4 days straight. Fuck!

Fuck! I need a better practice regiment with the damn guitar. I could be practicing something instead of droning on and on and on and on on on on on on here.

FUCK!

can u guys give me cliff notes or is it a good read?

Cliff Notes:

I got Baldur's Gate and the resolution is fucked. Was too tired to fix it.

Guitar. I want to practice more.

Boo capitalism.

People cheering big days for the store and credit card sales even though we get none of that excess cash.

Some news story about a guy going 150 mph and crashing into a family of 6. He didn't try to turn or put on the brakes.

A co-workers friend blasted him self all over the household with a gun with a wife and kid and my co-worker was in the anger stage of grief.

I love Moderat. I still wish to go to Germany and study German Thought and German language but that ship has sailed.

Only maniacs and real men have PhDs in German Thought.

The HR lady that hired me suggested I get a camper and travel around the USA.

I don't know how to live life and I never will.

Saturdays at the fashion store are shitty.

FUCK!

Thank u save me a lot of time

I am thinking of getting a camper van in the future too. Just not atm gotta make $$$ first. I want a Tesla n a camper van. I would love to sleep in my van at Stanley park. I literally would pay 500$ a month to be able to park at Stanley park n sleep there during the nice weather time. In the winter I’m sleeping in my bed lol

Rikd positive mindset. Law of attraction, don’t say u can’t say how can I do it

The other shit no comment

Capitalism is good we just have crony capitalism

On April 16 2022 15:24 RiKD wrote: The HR lady that hired me suggested I get a camper and travel around the USA.

im curious how did that conversation cum about.

On April 16 2022 15:49 lostaccount wrote: Thank u save me a lot of time I am thinking of getting a camper van in the future too. Just not atm gotta make $$$ first. I want a Tesla n a camper van. I would love to sleep in my van at Stanley park. I literally would pay 500$ a month to be able to park at Stanley park n sleep there during the nice weather time. In the winter I’m sleeping in my bed lol Rikd positive mindset. Law of attraction, don’t say u can’t say how can I do it

I was in a van building community on discord for quite a bit and was pretty immersed in it.

Some thoughts :

there are a fuckton of anarachist/communists in that community. I was reppin the right wingers in that discord and got banned eventually. most of the mods/users were anarchists/leftists

the hardest part of vans/rvs is AC/Heating. Heating is managble with disel heaters or whatever but AC simply takes too much power...having a generator is LOUD and cumbersome. The only real solution is Electric Vehicles....I personally would want an actual RV size not some Promaster or someshit but I think in general waiting and seeing on EV development is key for RVs.

most ppl who do vanlife try to "beat the rake" and will fail. most will also get burned out of the lifestyle.


Funny story:

There was this trans person that was a mod in that discord that actually looked like an attractive female. one day I found out she was a trans person cause she had this secret twitter advertising her trans-only fans

anyway I at some point I realized the mods didnt know and one dude started saying shit like how he was going to take her around the world on a sail boat lol....so I send him a private message and Im like Yo XYZ is a trans woman. He is like naww mann. then i link the twitter to him LOLLL...then he was like "WTF I was hitting on her for like a year" lol....

On April 16 2022 17:24 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On April 16 2022 15:24 RiKD wrote: The HR lady that hired me suggested I get a camper and travel around the USA. im curious how did that conversation cum about.

I said "Hi"

She said "Hi, do you need anything?"

I said "No, just saying hi."

Then we had a convo

cliff notes:

She is from out West and has lived a lot of places there and has a camper van. I am interested in going like art town in Texas to Utah to Wyoming, etc etc.

On April 16 2022 21:03 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On April 16 2022 15:49 lostaccount wrote: Thank u save me a lot of time I am thinking of getting a camper van in the future too. Just not atm gotta make $$$ first. I want a Tesla n a camper van. I would love to sleep in my van at Stanley park. I literally would pay 500$ a month to be able to park at Stanley park n sleep there during the nice weather time. In the winter I’m sleeping in my bed lol Rikd positive mindset. Law of attraction, don’t say u can’t say how can I do it I was in a van building community on discord for quite a bit and was pretty immersed in it. Some thoughts : there are a fuckton of anarachist/communists in that community. I was reppin the right wingers in that discord and got banned eventually. most of the mods/users were anarchists/leftists the hardest part of vans/rvs is AC/Heating. Heating is managble with disel heaters or whatever but AC simply takes too much power...having a generator is LOUD and cumbersome. The only real solution is Electric Vehicles....I personally would want an actual RV size not some Promaster or someshit but I think in general waiting and seeing on EV development is key for RVs. most ppl who do vanlife try to "beat the rake" and will fail. most will also get burned out of the lifestyle. Funny story: There was this trans person that was a mod in that discord that actually looked like an attractive female. one day I found out she was a trans person cause she had this secret twitter advertising her trans-only fans anyway I at some point I realized the mods didnt know and one dude started saying shit like how he was going to take her around the world on a sail boat lol....so I send him a private message and Im like Yo XYZ is a trans woman. He is like naww mann. then i link the twitter to him LOLLL...then he was like "WTF I was hitting on her for like a year" lol....

Whoa! A somewhat helpful post from hiems. I will be on the lookout for the progression of Electric Vans.

Your post got me thinking. I'm not man enough to suck a trans woman's dick. She could look like Bar Rafaeli or be as charming as a hot witch and I could try to picture her dick as a just a really big clitoris but it's not. We could be friends. I would fuck a trans woman in the ass. Now, I'm getting myself in trouble. I'd sodomize a trap but don't have the dignity to suck a woman's penis... These beliefs may preclude me from being friends with trans people if they knew but I do have trans friends and they are all just friends. No real interest in a romantic relationship yet. Trans lives do matter and they do deserve love it's just not going to be from me in that way. Maybe one day but not today. Imagine studying like Sasha Grey and Vienna Black and Riley Reid videos just to gag on some cock and please your woman. It's the same thing as getting fucked in the ass. I'm just not that interested. But in reality I have had my prostate fingered while getting head and that is some unreal shit. But, no no no getting fucked by some well hung dude is something out of a nightmare. I have some friends that are like totally liberated in this regard and that is respect. I am pretty simple. I like vagina. I like The Toilette of Venus and many variations. Don't hate me for that.

So, the guitar that would fit me best of any guitar in existence would be a 1959 Gibson Les Paul. There are 650 of these guitars in existence. The problem is they start at $500,000. It has to be easy to Shanzai one of these guitars. All respect to Gibson but it would be silly not to Shanzai the shit out of these guitars.

One of my favorite past times is listening to great music and writing shit on here.

I can't help myself.

Resolution is still fucked on Baldur's Gate. I'm hoping it will all be fixed when I hookup this shit laptop to my shit monitor when the vga / dvi adapter comes in the mail.

I am a simple man. Get me a good guitar, a good video game, and some good food and I'm set. Don't even need vagina.

I can't sleep yet. Work was the busiest day I've experienced yet. Too wired. Everything in fast, repeatable actions. All day. Not healthy. Although I have noticed that I have some difficulty playing the guitar as well as soon as I wake up. My hands, wrists, arms, fingers are not as dexterous versus after a day of constantly using my hands, wrists, arms, fingers. I should probably always warm up with some scales and chord progressions and get into it a little bit.

I think that I fucking hate Baldur's Gate. Such a waste of time and energy getting that stupid game.

This strawberry short cake, white tea, and indie dance music has got me GOIN'