The Kemper is overkill for me and I don't use the profiling feature so I could easily replace it with something less expensive (though I bought it used at a very good price) but it's nice and gives me some peace of mind since there's no FOMO/"I wonder what this would sound like" when you can get literally any tone. But there's also no reason why I would ever use a lot of them. Also should be easy to resell. As it is I don't play with a lot of effects, but it's nice to know I could. For now I just needed something with a little more versatility than my Fender Vibrolux which is definitely not good for heavier stuff. The Champ would have been pretty good for me too, but I already have a very good cab so I only needed a head (my previous peavey 6505MH shit the bed).
Investing in good music gear is great. It makes you spend less elsewhere too. I feel like I can be super minimalist now that I have this toy I can squeeze a lot of value out of for a long time if I want to.
One of the best subreddits ironically is /r/nosurf.
I hope to read Proust soon too, in its original French. I was always too intimidated to start it.
fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount
Here I am winding down again. The thing is I take my meds and I don't want to hop into bed. I like them to digest a bit and enter the blood stream.
This is what I am feeling tonight:
The Champ is here. Fullness, brightness, crispness, clearness. I was messing with the different tones and effects and there is a lot of room for fun. On first glance, some of the tones are a bummer but the metal ones are actually big and heavy. I just need to find something easy to play.
Proust in the original French = Livin' the Dream
I was thinking about depression and mania and money spending. I don't think I spend a lot of money at all depressed. Maybe here and there to get me to try and feel something. Where as mania I am spending on all sorts of stupid stuff. Obviously, I wouldn't want to be depressed for any time at all if that could be a thing. I was just thinking about being a miser. It's different than being more of a minimalist. A hoarder seems like the opposite of a minimalist. There is probably a right state for each person. I was reading Non-Things by Byung-Chul Han and his story about the jukebox was really amazing. It made me miss a lot of my books that had a place in my heart that I gave away to charity. At least I am reunited with my lamp. My lamp, my monitor, my mouse, my keyboard, my desk, my chair, my Buddhist offering bowl, my Japanese tea cup, my paintings... My books! My bed, my amplifier, my guitar, my guitar picks. This is better than any piece of more than likely useless information. I am not a pure minimalist. I have lived a very minimalist life before. An apartment in Queensbridge, PA. I barely unpacked anything and slept on a mattress on the floor. It was a 2 bedroom. The 2nd bedroom housed all the boxes. I didn't even sleep in the bedroom for a while. That was kind of nuts. I wore the same thing every day. Steel mill greens with black Carbon Fiber X mock turtlenecks. Then I would wear one of my few other outfits out to the tapas place, order all the tapas and drink 2 bottles of red wine and then see what's up that night. Ohhh welll, where is this going? I don't know....
Oh, trying to find the right amount to spend or save. I have this voice in the back of my head that tells me I am going to die before retirement age. The thing is I might not die before then. There are some semi-retired people where I work in their 60s and I don't know about that man. If I am working entry-level retail when I am in my 60s I may kill myself. Are there a number of permutations where I kill myself? I am not in the best of spots but I would hope I do not kill myself or get to that point. I mean, I'm not in that bad of a spot. Materially it could certainly be better but spiritually I think I am doing ok and that's all that really matters anyway.
But, actually, if I think about it I have no real planning at all. I have no retirement plans or have no idea how I am going to get there. I don't know how much to spend or save. What if I save up $10,000 just to retire for a year? I mean I don't think I want to do that. I've kind of already done that in the past multiple times. I like my leisure time though until it gets dire.
One older lady at work has neck problems and back problems and hip problems and knee problems and feet problems. I think she is living in a closet at this point and eating cat food. Only to drive up into this job for 40 hours in a week. It's brutal just thinking about it. I can imagine stories like this will only get more common.
I do agree with Loco though that music hardware specifically is a gift that keeps on giving. It has been keeping me mostly sane for the duration of 2022 so far. I already have a major crush on my amp and we will see if that grows into a deep love. A place in my heart. I think I am already there.
Time and money. Where do I spend my time and money and energy? Unfortunately, I am spending most of that time and energy as a slave. I come home tired. A lot of nights I feel too tired to play. I make myself play and then there is a glimmer. A glimmer of hope. A glimmer of transcendence. I played almost flawlessly tonight. I am getting better.
A co-worker of mine wants to go to Munich for Oktoberfest. That sort of thing seems like the kind of thing I should be throwing down money for. That is if I still drank.
When I was manic I bought a website and they charge me like $200/yr to keep it maintained. That might be the dumbest thing I spent money on in 2022. That's what I mean though. My spending gets crazy when I am manic. I'll spend on the dumbest shit.
I don't wish to be hiems either. Squirrelling away his meagre slave wages into retirement funds only to do nothing all day but troll LP and still live at home with his parents. I live at home with my parents because I have a lot of medical debt and credit card debt and I don't really know what to do with all of it. I don't think the good life can be reached while living at home with one's parents.
Can a good life be reached at $30,000/yr? Probably. That's what I am figuring out but there has got to be something that someone would hire me for that is more full-filling than sorting clothes for $40,000/yr or $50,000/yr.
Again, USA medical expenses and shitty healthcare insurance are killing me! Literally. Shitty transportation is killing me. It's about now I start fantasizing that I could live somewhere else. But, no, I have to tough it out here. I don't even know when I'll accrue 1 week of paid vacation...........................................
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EzPzLmnSqz United States. Aug 13 2022 19:58. Posts 549
maybe attend a group with ppl with similar conditions search bipolar support group
I don't think this journal writing is going to do it either. Maybe it does get me through the day but it's a contradiction. I am writing about fast digital communication and useless information and I am guilty of muddying up the damn ether myself. One has to click on my blog and there are no images just writing. It's not as bad as any other social media outlet or reddit or anyone of it but it is still bad. It is like I used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day bombarded by all of them. That used to be my day just cycling through 4-5 social media and other websites. I'm chewing Nicorette but the Nicotine is still real. I check here occasionally through out the day. There is no traffic or content. This stupid ass blog is one of the remaining pieces of content.
The song for tonight so there will actually be some semblance of content:
Just one more day to survive tomorrow until I get a day off which in turn will be full of therapy and doctor appointments. All so I can get to work the next day and do it all over again. I'm sick of surviving. I need a vacation. I'm sick of work getting my best performance. My best stuff. I don't know what else to do though. I'd like to give my best stuff to something better than sorting clothes for a corporation. We've been through this before. The money only lasts so long and then after a year or 2 off what can ya dew for money? I still want to study Aristotle for a good 10 years or so. Aristotle , Nietzsche , Heidegger. I don't want to throw my life away on some dissertation that only 5 people in the world understand. I still want a broad education and as I am entering my 40s is the prime era for that at least in more humanities driven endeavors. I don't want to throw all that time and energy and focus into a corporation. They get my best damn performance and it is all my fault. I know the ins and the outs of performance machinery yet I still fall prey. They give me just enough time to get my act together. They give me just enough time to refill my energy and regain willpower. Only to throw it all away day after day after day after day after day after day. 6 days in a row. That's too many days in a row. Especially on the first 2 it's so slow I just stare at a blank monitor for most of the day then the weekend it gets so hectic and frantic of a rush it is unpleasant to say the least. I need something to look forward to. If my car wasn't having troubles I just may have jumped at the chance to go with a co-worker to Oktoberfest in Munchen, Germany. She is young and wants to get wasted all day so I don't think that would be very fun for me is the biggest reason I am not going. The other reason would be that it would probably flush my bank account to $0. I was pretty proficient at German 20 years ago. I always kind of wanted to live there to be fluent but that's not how the cookie crumbled. A round trip flight is probably $2k which would be getting to near 10% of what I make in a year so even if we were bumming in hostels the trip would be outrageous. Plus, I want to do stuff when I am in another country. Not stay inside and starve.
I would like to take a trip to Germany one day and travel around maybe broadly based around where my favorite thinkers took walks. Nietzsche in the mountains, Heidegger in the Black Forest, Schopenhauer, Kant, Byung-Chul Han, et al. This trip would cost a lot of money but it would be a dream. I still have to get into some Hegel too. Hard to get into The Phenomenology of the Spirit when I only have about 2 hours to try to get into something like that when I'm already tired, un-focused, lacking willpower...
Thank you for reading this installment of Useless Information. Tschuss (FUCK windows, I don't even know how to do umlauts or anything on this hunk of junk)
I don't even care about work. Fuck! Yes I do. Understaffed and over-populated - Another chapter. Good riddance for 1 day... If I work at resting is that rest or work?
Man, I just got lost in the guitar tonight. I turned the nob to a Metal tone and added a little reverb and it got me going. I played for over an hour. I don't really have enough stuff to do that but it was a lot of fun! I was just getting after it. Improv mostly and mixing in different things I know. I don't really know my way around a guitar yet to really get after it but playing an instrument can be soulful and spiritual. I like to find myself doing things in the realm of the spiritual.
I read a good blog today. It basically said what we do with 10 min. is how we live our days and how we live our lives. I am definitely guilty of not spending the 10 min. well. I am not one to waste hours scrolling anymore but the 10 minutes through out the day can get me and add up. If I am at home gaps are naturally going to arise but I can usually do something else with out that time in front of a screen turning into a big number. The times that get me are breaks at work or waiting in a waiting room. I realize I am at home typing in front of a screen right now...
So, now, would be a good time to think about what else I could do. I'm not quite at the point where I want to lie in bed and read. I don't need to list everything I've done today. Just that I scrolled the internet with out any real joy for both my breaks and lunch today and after I got home from work after dinner and now I suppose as I type this...
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United States. Aug 13 2022 04:11. Posts 8992
