history of the past - Page 2

What else to study, the bible in French is my next thing

The most I've probably used my history degree is correcting people that think "based on historical events" = documentary level history and documentary history most of the times isn't even history level history.

Yeah, yeah, yeah there is that thing about "teaching people how to think." It's not overated but maybe it's overated. I probably learned more skills playing poker.

On September 26 2024 23:47 RiKD wrote: The most I've probably used my history degree is correcting people that think "based on historical events" = documentary level history and documentary history most of the times isn't even history level history. Yeah, yeah, yeah there is that thing about "teaching people how to think." It's not overated but maybe it's overated. I probably learned more skills playing poker.

Why did you get a degree in history?

If you don't become a teacher, then getting a degree in history is a waste of time and money.

I was never all that driven in academics. I could have gone in any direction. Most of the people in my family are chemists. As the oldest in my entire family in this generation there was seemingly a lot of pressure on me to do well and make a lot of money / success etc. I tested out of a bunch of maths classes so maybe I was going to go that route. I just did not have the passion for maths. I thought I would do business because businessmen make a lot of money. My dad was a businessman and did pretty well for himself. Of course, he was a chemist that went down the technical product management route to all sorts of great things. Business degrees probably find jobs but a business degree is shit. I hated all the business classes. I loved the social aspect of university but I hated the academic portion at least business. I was miserable with school. Then, I took this general history course and the lecturer was on fire every class. It was a wonderful experience. I went to classes. I studied. I read the material. I got A+s. I just decided that I had to get a degree. My parents never specified what degree. History seemed good enough. By my senior year I was making pretty good money playing poker. I wasn't going to drop out at that point even though there were a lot of courses I had to take due to me fucking around my first 2 years. I was not really thinking about what I was going to do with my life. I was just thinking I needed a degree in 4 years.

There are other things to do with a history degree but remember I played poker out of college and then was unemployed for 2 years and then went into sales. That is a large block of time. I was 30 after that block of time and totally broken by alcohol and mental illness. I watched some documentary on minimalism and was convinced I had to work in a grocery store or something stupid like that. Well, now, another 10 years later it is like I am only qualified to work in grocery stores. I need some sort of breakthrough or I may kill myself. I don't want to teach and I don't want to be a lawyer. Those are the 2 big ones for history degrees. This is True. It is possible I could get more education and become a librarian or something like that or I could work in a book store if I was confident driving there. There definitely is extremely little remote work, maybe 0 remote work, for people with history degrees and experience in food & bev and retail for the last 10 years. 10 years of that it is easy to realize that that work is shit anyways but what can I do. I don't know what to do. That dumb ass minimalist movie was about some software developer quitting and buying a small house and working part time in a grocery store. It seemed so genius but it's a little different if you don't have a nest egg and you are just working in grocery stores and retail. The jobs are shitty!! No job, no money, no future, no hope. Which is why I see myself ending up killing myself at some point. I'm not ready to go yet. That is what part of this trip to see family is about. See them for the last time before I kill myself OR maybe there is some hope and future. At least there is some comfort in knowing I can kill myself if I want to but first I want to finish the 3 body trilogy. Coding has been pretty fun too. I want to keep learning. There are still experiments I want to run. I still want to write a proper fiction. So, there are plenty of things I still want to do that are reasonable. I mean I want to go to Japan but I don't know if I'll ever do that simply because I don't want to sit on a plane for 20 hours. Anyway, this is getting long winded and all about me per usual so I'll end here:

A history degree in my situation was a waste of some time and some money but it's not like it was drawing dead. There is a value to a liberal arts degree even without being a lawyer or a teacher.

it's so weird that your angst towards capitalism is so rampant and your ego is so big (for no reason), that you fantasize about ending your life instead of getting some common job. im not convinced it's due to your mental illness. i think your crisis with mental illness is over (and obviously with alcoholism also), but you don't wanna work because stupid retail jobs are beneath you. "i don't wanna teach and i don't want to be a lawyer", please.

It's hard to control my angst towards capitalism. It's just there. I can count down from 5 or eat sour warheads and all this other shit like breathing in deep and slowly exhaling or trying to exercise vigorously or whatever else there is. It doesn't solve the issue. Capitalism isn't going anywhere either.

I am afraid of driving a car. That isn't mentally ill?

I always have alcoholism. Thankfully the act of drinking and getting fucked up and fucking up is currently not a problem. It does not mean I can't fuck up sober either.

I don't think retail jobs are beneath me. Chances are that's where I end up. I have a lot of experience now that retail jobs sucks so I am trying to find a different route. I did not want to be a teacher or a lawyer in university. I technically still could be these things but I have no desire to be these things.

On September 30 2024 02:54 RiKD wrote: A history degree in my situation was a waste of some time and some money but it's not like it was drawing dead. There is a value to a liberal arts degree even without being a lawyer or a teacher.

I only mentioned that stuff about a history degree and teaching because I teach English and History in middle school, and I know what happens with people with those degrees who decide to leave education.

The good thing about living in North America is that we have the ability to start a new career at any age, you just have to apply yourself. For example, I didn't go back to university to become a teacher until I was 29, and I didn't start teaching until I was 35-years-old (35.5 to be exact). I'm currently in my 7th year of teaching.

On September 30 2024 16:43 CurbStomp2 wrote: it's so weird that your angst towards capitalism is so rampant and your ego is so big (for no reason), that you fantasize about ending your life instead of getting some common job. im not convinced it's due to your mental illness. i think your crisis with mental illness is over (and obviously with alcoholism also), but you don't wanna work because stupid retail jobs are beneath you. "i don't wanna teach and i don't want to be a lawyer", please.

I was kind of thinking this as well.

It's a tough pill to swallow for many people, so they blame other things instead of really looking at themselves in the mirror and growing as a person.

Imagine twenty more years go by and he's still using the same excuse... ...it'll be one of those situations where he's now "old" and finally realizes how stupid he was, and that he wishes he could go back in time and change his way of thinking.

On October 03 2024 06:03 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On September 30 2024 02:54 RiKD wrote: A history degree in my situation was a waste of some time and some money but it's not like it was drawing dead. There is a value to a liberal arts degree even without being a lawyer or a teacher. I only mentioned that stuff about a history degree and teaching because I teach English and History in middle school, and I know what happens with people with those degrees who decide to leave education. The good thing about living in North America is that we have the ability to start a new career at any age, you just have to apply yourself. For example, I didn't go back to university to become a teacher until I was 29, and I didn't start teaching until I was 35-years-old (35.5 to be exact). I'm currently in my 7th year of teaching.

These 2 paragraphs contradict each other. Am I an idiot for not going into education and staying there or do I have the ability to start a new career at any age?

On October 03 2024 06:08 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On September 30 2024 16:43 CurbStomp2 wrote: it's so weird that your angst towards capitalism is so rampant and your ego is so big (for no reason), that you fantasize about ending your life instead of getting some common job. im not convinced it's due to your mental illness. i think your crisis with mental illness is over (and obviously with alcoholism also), but you don't wanna work because stupid retail jobs are beneath you. "i don't wanna teach and i don't want to be a lawyer", please. I was kind of thinking this as well. It's a tough pill to swallow for many people, so they blame other things instead of really looking at themselves in the mirror and growing as a person. Imagine twenty more years go by and he's still using the same excuse... ...it'll be one of those situations where he's now "old" and finally realizes how stupid he was, and that he wishes he could go back in time and change his way of thinking.

What is a tough pill to swallow for many people?

What excuse am I using?

What is my way of thinking?