Looks or Game Part II - Page 4

Hey, at least I'm not hurting anyone. It's not like I'm having kids in 2022 in a world where they have no future.

I also can't imagine having climbed great mountains and still coming on the internet to make bitter undermining comments towards someone who's happy. Perhaps your life isn't as fulfilling as you try to make it look.

It's just weird to see this from you is all. Maybe that's how you feel about my comment too I guess. I just thought you used to come off as basically an intellectual but now you're bragging to a semi-nazi with mental problems about how great your sex life is. It's cool that your sex life is great, I'm just surprised to see you brag about it.

I'm moderately afraid of heights so even though I hike-climb a few mountains every summer they're never all that tall or spiky.

It's a directed brag towards him because he said out of the blue a few months back something like "Loco couldn't score anything other than an ugly dog". It's also the best way to piss off hiems (who's 100% still browsing RiKD's blog) because his greatest wish in life is to not have to pay for sex, and he's addicted to escorts.

I'm focusing on the sex in the brag because it's what they can relate to. The truth is, sex like this is nothing new in my life, and what I'm most proud of is being in an actual healthy relationship with her. And if you know anything about sex work, and the predominating view of the women who do it, they consider it impossible or extremely extremely unlikely that a client will become their boyfriend, and they strongly discourage clients from believing that it is possible. It's also in large part my intellectualism and empathy that has allowed me to set myself apart, two of the values that they (and the other right-wingers on here) have consistently trashed me for, so there's that. I actually love this girl and we have a ton in common, the sex is more of a bonus to me, it's not my main source of satisfaction. Being trusted by someone who has a lot to lose is a very validating thing.

Lol I didn't say that. I said something like you probably couldn't score higher than that moldylocks girl (louise rosealma), who isn't even ugly, but i find her dirty in the left wing hippie kinda way. I think she is a sex worker too actually.

Ah yeah I remember now. Well I don't find her attractive. Not into hairy girls (trimmed is fine) and hippies. I think she did porn specifically. My gf has only escorted and she's very clean. She has a bit of a goth aesthetic, but the good kind (light makeup, no tattoos, only one piercing other than ears).

Loco inspired me to find intimacy. I think I made a wrong turn though I'm back on Tinder. Maybe I will have a better attitude this time. Instead of looking for dopamine and dates I will treat it as the lottery or a big MTT in finding Eros and intimacy. All I put on there is a selfie and a recent painting and then answered the questions provided. I was expecting BBW and single moms but my matches have been pretty attractive. I am so suspect of Tinder though.

I am so desperate though it's like what am I willing to do?

Going back to that AA group feels worse than taking a stab at Tinder. I don't know.

Maybe I'll try ball room dancing or something crazy like that. Ball room dancing feels better than going down to the local nerd shop to play Warhammer 40k or Dungeons and Dragons.

I gotta do something. As of Dec 25, 2022 I am getting a gaming desktop and I will be snorting in as much super-stimuli as I can handle.

One issue with Tinder is I don't want to sit here messaging with these women, I don't really want to go to an expensive restaurant, I don't even want to travel more than 20 min. to see them. I am literally afraid to cross the big bridges here. I am afraid to go on a date. I am a mess. It's easier to bury myself in gaming than to address a lot of this stuff.

you should play back4blood, it's really fun.

On December 01 2022 05:22 RiKD wrote: Loco inspired me to find intimacy. I think I made a wrong turn though I'm back on Tinder. Maybe I will have a better attitude this time. Instead of looking for dopamine and dates I will treat it as the lottery or a big MTT in finding Eros and intimacy. All I put on there is a selfie and a recent painting and then answered the questions provided. I was expecting BBW and single moms but my matches have been pretty attractive. I am so suspect of Tinder though. I am so desperate though it's like what am I willing to do? Going back to that AA group feels worse than taking a stab at Tinder. I don't know. Maybe I'll try ball room dancing or something crazy like that. Ball room dancing feels better than going down to the local nerd shop to play Warhammer 40k or Dungeons and Dragons. I gotta do something. As of Dec 25, 2022 I am getting a gaming desktop and I will be snorting in as much super-stimuli as I can handle. One issue with Tinder is I don't want to sit here messaging with these women, I don't really want to go to an expensive restaurant, I don't even want to travel more than 20 min. to see them. I am literally afraid to cross the big bridges here. I am afraid to go on a date. I am a mess. It's easier to bury myself in gaming than to address a lot of this stuff.

Aren't there any other dating sites/apps? I've been in a relationship for 15 years or something now but before that, I remember OKCupid actually being great at matching me up with girls whose personalities I meshed real well with. If you use an app where superficiality is the main thing your matches are based upon, whatever connections you make are also much more likely to be superficial.

With every failed attempt at using a dating site to meet someone comes a hit to your self-confidence. It's not something trivial to play with, especially when it's already very low. You need to build up a lot of confidence in order to have any sort of success on these apps which you clearly don't have. I'd make reasonable goals for myself before venturing into that again if I were you.

On December 01 2022 06:18 CurbStomp2 wrote: you should play back4blood, it's really fun.

I loved Left 4 Dead.

I don't see how hiring escorts will raise my confidence?

I know that they are not with me because of my confidence and status in life. You are a major outlier to be with an escort without money involved especially on the first try.

I realize I should probably take 6 months to a year off to build myself up which also includes getting some of my anxieties figured out even if that means medication.

A sex worker that actually likes you as a client is still someone liking you, and that happens commonly even if they wouldn't sleep with you for free. It can help you feel desirable, and it can just be a nice, positive experience when someone actually listens to your problems, and they don't make you feel disgusting for having them.

There's plenty of people who pay for sex and who aren't likable, and they will not be receiving the same experience. The more deprived of touch you are, the more you stand to benefit. Even if it didn't raise your confidence, at least it wouldn't lower it. You get to train intimacy with someone who knows how to help with that. What's Tinder ever done for you? It's just a negative from what I can tell; you play games, you're not even ready to meet with people. You've gone down this road before. Not that you must see them, but at least with the escort things are straight forward, there is no bullshit, and the simulation of a girlfriend experience could potentially get you ready for dating if things go well and you've also been building yourself up.

BTW, it's interesting how much of an outlier you are. You are clearly not a median client. You have been cultivating yourself for years. I was not surprised when you said you were dating an escort. There is skill in picking.

I think if I do something like OK Cupid I need to go all-in. I think you are right in that if I go all-in and fail it will hurt my confidence and then I will be relegated to a life of World of Warcraft. I don't think it is that black and white exactly. I could find a job that I am proud of. Perhaps a little bit more money. In my current position these types of things would have a dramatic impact on my life. Not if I'm going to just scroll and play vidya for the rest of my life but it is important if I am going to actually live a better life.

As ex poker pros we are all outliers. We lived on the margins of society just as they do. It's already more common ground than they'll get with anyone else. If you happen to have similar hobbies to her and you've worked on your intellect and body, you're in business. Having money helps, but it's not the game changer. Even if you played a lot of video games it's not necessarily bad if she's also a gamer like mine is (she also played WoW). Obviously I know I got lucky to find someone like that and I'm not saying you can do the same, but you can work on things that would at least make it a little bit more likely that someone would be interested in you instead of one of the million other guys out there.

I've been brainstorming how to "build myself up."

I have to get the anxiety sorted out. I don't know what it is with me but it's like panic can get me at any time. I had an awful time the other day when I was panicking driving over a big bridge and on the highway. The problem with that is there is no exposure therapy. I can't do a bunch of pushups and get over it while I'm driving high speeds in a car. I don't even fear the bridge. I've driven over it hundreds of times. I fear the panic which leads me to panic. I went on 1 date this year and was fine but then there have been times that I started to panic because a woman I was especially attracted to was going to be at my register next. I simply avoid AA meetings because of my fear of panic. I especially avoid AA meetings across big bridges.

I don't have a terrible body but I still could use losing some more fat. If I could get down to like 190 lbs. I would be in better shape. That's when it would be worth it to look into adding some muscle or I could just go back to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Strangling a man to death with your bare hands is more impressive than aesthetics although I would be more aesthetic anyways doing BJJ. Of course, someone with a hand gun could stop me in my tracks pretty quick but if I had an AK-47.......... I was a part of a group called Anti-fragile which is more self-defense and practicing with weapons as well as mixed martial arts. We are still mother fucking fragile regardless of how much we train. That's what is rattling around in my brain anyways.

I read at a decent clip. Not like when I was unemployed but I still have some books on rotation that I am getting through.

I could have a better wardrobe but I don't really want to go there. Overspending on clothes and fashion is something I do not want to do even if it is expected from a large female population. That's part of my vibe. To not wear business casual. Either that will work with some women or it won't and maybe I have to rethink this down the road.

Moving out of my parent's place is a big one but it seems so unrealistic with my current job. If a woman can't stand me wearing the same shirt 2 times in a month she's going to take issue with me living at home for sure. This is probably the one that makes me want to say fuck it and just fucking play video games all day. The segment of woman I'm after is probably fucked up ones that live with their parents too or picking the right escort. That makes me depressed. So, I can work on things or I can bury my head in the ground. I think gaming is an integral part to this because I can't always be doing stuff like reading or practicing the guitar cause I'll go mad. Body improvements happen over months. I need something to keep myself sane and I'm hoping gaming is it. If I can figure out the anxiety and stop avoiding AA meetings I can at least get intimacy through friendship. That will keep me sane and be better motivation than just gaming. There is not really motivation in gaming. I could have the illest WoW character but shit man just imagine all those hours lost. My watch is ticking on the desk. *Tick tock tick tock* I never get those hours back and what do I have to show for it? At least with the guitar I'm not a pussy. That's what my instructor told me now that I have a legit guitar. "You can't have that guitar and be a pussy." The truth is I am still knocking off rust from getting lost a bit on vacation. The truth is I am a pussy on the guitar and if I play Elden Ring all night instead of practicing the guitar I will stay a pussy.

I feel like a pussy for avoiding dates, big bridges/highways, AA, and whatever else there is but it feels a bit out of my control which I hate.

Oh well, it's probably a balance of all these things. Games can be great with out taking over ie Limbo. I'm not actively trying to get addicted to a game because I've been there and it's not great. Doing Meph runs for hours and hours and hours in a dorm room freshman year when you friends ask you to go out is not a great memory. I mean freshman year of college was like infinite amount of possibilities which doesn't feel true today. Let's say at university there are 10,000+ people hanging out looking for stuff to do and there are plenty of stuff to do. I feel like my current circumstances everything is so god damn atomized. There are AA people which I avoid and there are non-AA people which I don't see an in. Alcohol is the in. It's the great lubricant and gives people a reason to go somewhere and do something. Yeah, I could go down to the nerd store and play Warhammer 40k but then that's the group I'm in. If I don't actually give a shit about Warhammer 40k it feels silly to go down there. That's why I say I need to do something like ball room dancing. The ratios are probably great plus I get to learn how to ballroom dance. I could do Tai Chi. I gotta mix things up. It's not just black and white where I am some social superstar or in my room doing raids all night.

It's just frustrating because I've put so much work into my mental health and sobriety and yet my mental health is getting me (anxiety, panic) and I don't particularly feel that emotionally sober even though my sobriety is probably as good as it's ever been.

Lol the american need for changing clothes every day is funny to me. I basically only use 2 different sweat pants and 2 hoodies because they are comfy. Also I'm betting that if I had an office job of some kind, nobody would give a fuck what I would wear as long as I would be clean. I like to have a haircut though.

That is one advantage NEETs have over normies. Hoody and sweatpants everyday versus some business casual ethos. I liked when I was in the steel mills I just wore greens, CarbonX black turtle neck, helmet, and metatarsal steel boots like everyone else. It was kind of nice to have an egalite uniform. Then when I went into corporate'ish stuff I'd out dress everyone in business casual. It wasn't outlandish it was more like my business card was in bone. No, the company provided me business cards which were the same as everyone else. I would wear subtle nicer shoes and nicer clothing. People notice these things in a business setting though. I was headed straight for the top. Of course, my dad was the VP of Marketing and R&D at the same company...

Looking back even though I accomplished a lot in a short time which raised my confidence a lot I would always be in my dad's shadow. After crashing and burning it is hard to derive confidence from that time because the nepotism whisper is always there. But I did do certain things that were extremely difficult and things happened to me that sort of can't be taken away. The problem is everything from that time comes from a seed of nepotism.

Poker was different. Living where I wanted to live and having big winning days and being a pretty sovereign individual was empowering. I crashed and burned in poker too but the positives can't be taken away. I mean maybe being privileged enough to go to university and have a bunch of time and a credit card that I could deposit $150 and run it up. Maybe there is a seed there too. I mean I was a great age at a great time. Circumstances were just about perfect.

Now, it's like I am almost ashamed at what I do. Even though I was hired through nepotism in the steel industry it's a great industry for the most part. Iron is the most abundant mineral on the planet and steel is a serious material. Now, I'm just getting run ragged in retail. It's annoying and embarrassing. Poker is just taking money from fish but if one can handle variance well it offers quite a bit of freedom imo.

I don't know man. Sometimes I feel like I have a degree from a good school. I'm RiK Fuckin' D. That used to mean something different than it does now. I had the most profitable account in the region for a minute and I let it all go to hell and in 8 years of trying to find myself which was a lot of time being unemployed or jumping around shitty jobs. It takes some humility to work some of the jobs I worked but it all adds up to shit.

It's not about NEET vs normie it's about nordic countries vs north america. I teach in high school and I regularly wear sweat pants and hoodies to work.

On December 05 2022 10:06 Liquid`Drone wrote: It's not about NEET vs normie it's about nordic countries vs north america. I teach in high school and I regularly wear sweat pants and hoodies to work.

That's dope.

The uniform of golf shirt tucked into khakis, cheap leather belt, and cheap leather shoes has got to stop on planet Earth.

Since I am transitioning to giving up my life for video games I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions in general but also specifically I want to get my brother a game we can both play that isn't total crack cocaine level super stimuli both staying up until 4am status. He has a difficult wife and kid and job and I don't want to put pressure on him that he has to play all the time. But apart from that I am also looking for games that I can live through my avatar and escape from my dismal existence.

Looks or Game 2.0 includes picking out escorts and making them special lady friends or disappearing from the dating scene all together and leveling up on vidya. One thing it definitely also includes is sweatpants and hoodies. I really like zip up hoodies and normal hoodies and while I'm wearing kind of baggy sweatpants this second I do have an eye for a nice tapered jogger as well.