We will die. - Page 2

On April 14 2023 06:57 lostaccount wrote: rikd Gl we will be fine if u just live to be

I don't know what this means.

Part of me wants to go off and write a long post but it's probably already been written. I need friends and a lover but even with out these things I can sort of eek it out with out wanting to kill myself too often.

nvm ur not worth the time and energy

bye

Shakespeare

i'd rather be black than chinese

u rather be a lot of things than u, lucky me I’m an ling of earth so earthling if u know me

But then again I only have a Canadian passport so Cantonese French English and a bit of mandarin and spanish Canadian but I wish I had a world passport so then I can be a citizen of the world and all country welcomes me till that day

On April 22 2023 13:37 lostaccount wrote: u rather be a lot of things than u, lucky me I’m an ling of earth so earthling if u know me But then again I only have a Canadian passport so Cantonese French English and a bit of mandarin and spanish Canadian but I wish I had a world passport so then I can be a citizen of the world and all country welcomes me till that day

thats cute. you can't even handle the pressure of somebody critizing your posts while being on an anonymous forum, so you have to constantly delete/edit them. and you are chinese.

life goes on

We will die. We will die. We will die.

I don't know if there is much gratification for me posting on this site anymore. At this point in the night the only thing to do is maybe play my guitar some more. There isn't always gratification with that though and I am tired. I've got too many suggestions swirling around. Everyone has their movie, tv, and music suggestions. Maybe I just want to go my own way.

Maybe I just want to go my own way. The freest people are the comedians and the artists. I think it might be too late for me. I don't think I can even make enough money to travel freely around the globe which is one form of freedom. I don't even know if I crave that version of freedom but the comedians and the artists I want that. To what degree though? Is a starving artist free? Was Van Gogh free? It's hard to be free in an insane asylum. That's probably the least free I have ever felt. On 4 occasions.

Free from drugs and alcohol feels good. In about an hour I will have 9 years free from drugs and alcohol. Should I be further along? What does that even mean?

I think that maybe I will play my guitar and then see if Seneca has anything for me.

Yeah, not really any immediate gratification. Perhaps if someone responds with something intersting but then the cycle continues and continues and continues.

There is something to getting that ring out of the acoustic guitar. A delightful progression of chords. Singer/song-writer. Expression. Moving towards ones' true self at least in that moment in time.

Now, to see if Seneca has anything for me.

It's probably most frustrating to write stuff with the expectation of getting some response and then getting no response. Even though it is for the best.

I can say there are no expectations of a response but that would be unhonest. Therefore, not getting any response leads to some form of resentment. The "harmless" little blog post becomes harmful to me not even including if I share too much which is probably common and I share more and faster.

The biggest thing is that I worry about the future. The best way to curtail worrying about the future is to just not worry about it and focus on the present but if there is nothing really engaging to focus on in the present the mind starts wandering again.

There is something to be said for being quiet and still and contemplating. I don't really have a whole lot to contemplate at the moment.

I didn't make a whole lot of money last year but I could seemingly afford a lot of toys. Probably, because I live with my parents and a lot of my expenses are lower than if I were completely on my own. Toys are ok. Although, I'm really not sure what I want to do with myself at the moment.

Lose myself in the guitar, professional wrestling, football, masturbation, whatever it may be. I'd rather be doing than living vicariously but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing.

we will die.

i started to practise to get lost in the present moment. Focus on any detail I can find (leaves, cracks in the pavement etc)

On April 25 2023 17:00 PoorUser wrote: I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing.

Yeah, walks are great. I am less than 20 min. away from a beach walk. No great forest walks or cemetery walks here though. Neihborhood walks aren't bad.

What kind of audiobooks do you listen too?

I used to listen to a lot of interviews on walks. It's almost as if I was interviewing someone on a nice walk. There are a lot of types of walks and a lot of types of scenery. Deep forest with a friend or by myself is probably my favorite.

On April 25 2023 20:02 dnagardi wrote: we will die. i started to practise to get lost in the present moment. Focus on any detail I can find (leaves, cracks in the pavement etc)

Yup. We will die. Which is why we should live today.

Psych people call that something as something to do if experiencing anxiety or a panic attack. It is an interesting approach. I usually look for someting more substantial to focus on that will keep my attention longer. I think I would go mad constantly cycling through say 4 details. It's like when the protaganist of "Nausea" gets nauseous at the details of a tree (and existence in general).

On April 26 2023 03:41 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On April 25 2023 17:00 PoorUser wrote: I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing. Yeah, walks are great. I am less than 20 min. away from a beach walk. No great forest walks or cemetery walks here though. Neihborhood walks aren't bad. What kind of audiobooks do you listen too? I used to listen to a lot of interviews on walks. It's almost as if I was interviewing someone on a nice walk. There are a lot of types of walks and a lot of types of scenery. Deep forest with a friend or by myself is probably my favorite.

Mostly fantasy. Before picking up audiobooks, I'd stalled for leisure reading just because it was hard to read for school and then want to read more after. Audiobooks have been a nice solve to that. I live in a small but cramped town, but there's a park close by that's nice enough to walk through. I finish school up in two weeks, so looking forward to having a bit more time for other things.

Fall of civlizations podcast is lit. They just releeased one on carthage.

On April 26 2023 19:03 PoorUser wrote: Show nested quote + On April 26 2023 03:41 RiKD wrote:   On April 25 2023 17:00 PoorUser wrote: I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing. Yeah, walks are great. I am less than 20 min. away from a beach walk. No great forest walks or cemetery walks here though. Neihborhood walks aren't bad. What kind of audiobooks do you listen too? I used to listen to a lot of interviews on walks. It's almost as if I was interviewing someone on a nice walk. There are a lot of types of walks and a lot of types of scenery. Deep forest with a friend or by myself is probably my favorite. Mostly fantasy. Before picking up audiobooks, I'd stalled for leisure reading just because it was hard to read for school and then want to read more after. Audiobooks have been a nice solve to that. I live in a small but cramped town, but there's a park close by that's nice enough to walk through. I finish school up in two weeks, so looking forward to having a bit more time for other things.

Nice. I haven't read non-leisure in so long I don't know what that is like. Sounds kind of bad but necessary. Street walking is another form. I quite like strolling through New York or Paris but it's just different to getting into some deep forest for a forest bathe (shinrin-yoku). Big congrats to finishing up school. Hopefully, all the time won't have to go towards resumes and job searches -_-;;