So, suppose I don't want to work...

Get a seasonal job.
Get marketplace health insurance.
Lower your expenses.
Eat more Turkduckens.

Get a seasonal job.

Ok. That doesn't sound great but it's a start.

Get marketplace health insurance.

How fast can one expect to be able to get coverage?

I obviously wouldn't want a long lapse in coverage as I see a therapist and am on quite a few medications.

Lower your expenses.

Standard. I didn't like living on lower expenses but I don't like living on current expenses either. Life is so annoying.

Eat more Turkduckens.

What?

why quit? you don't even have the possibility of being in a welfare trap, so it makes no sense. i thought you were doing good and getting promotions, which means you are liked there.

On June 30 2023 09:35 CurbStomp2 wrote: why quit? you don't even have the possibility of being in a welfare trap, so it makes no sense. i thought you were doing good and getting promotions, which means you are liked there.

I'm not doing so well. I'm wondering how much longer I can endure and for what?

Life is annoying and a bother. There is not much joy for me and not much opportunity to make a difference. My last vacation request for August got shot down and I can't go. "I want to know everything, I want to be everywhere, I want to fuck everyone in the world, I want to do something that matters!" I don't have to make The Downward Spiral but I do have to do something. "Most men live quiet lives of desperation." Well, I don't fucking want to do that I am just paralyzed by the emptiness (Molina) but more so paralyzed by the fear.

I don't know what a welfare trap is.

It's hard to keep a spirit alive in retail. Yes, I think I am liked there and I like the people there but the typical tasks are just menial / monotonous tasks. I don't know man, I just don't know where to go I've been through a lot of jobs. My mom says I should do non-profit but that is no different in today's capitalism. Other people don't know shit. No one ever has a good suggestion for me in this regard so I don't blame LP for being dead and shitty.

A depression can be a rejection of whatever but there is no drive to overcome or change lanes. There is an emptiness facet too. I'm constantly trying to do things to move me from that emptiness and nothing seems to work or is lasting. I know this even before embarking on my potential outs but many times they are false outs. Like, the cards are supposed to be in the deck but they aren't there. I know all this before hand but I still play the slot machines when I should sit quietly and breathe.

I'm just not that talented at anything. That is due to intrinsic virtuosities or lacking virtuosities but of course diligence plays into this as well. The Downward Spiral by NIN gets me. I wish I could be penpals with Cioran. I find myself reading existential philosophy and David Foster Wallace novels. Some may say I am 15 and wearing black angsty teen nerd style right now. No, believe me the existential dread gets worse as I age. The 15 yr old wears black and mangles Sartre. I sit alone in my boxer briefs contemplating if I have it in me to go another day. One day at a time they say. It will peak and pass they say. Ughhhh.... Here I go again. Nachos, Diablo IV, guitar just hoping there will be some semblance of hope. But, what I really think I will do. The only thing I truly enjoy these days is reading The Pale King by David Foster Wallace and going to sleep.

welfare trap is like when I get 1300 euros a month on disability and 400 of it is housing benefit. If I wanna work part time and make extra, i lose the housing benefit. So basically I have to grind the 400 back for free and after that I'm able to make little profit, which makes the hourly wage ridiculously low.

Damn. That is happening in Finland?

900 Euros is nothing. 400 Euro for housing is laughable.

No tellin' how bad it's going to be in the USA.

I think I have a friend who manages in the USA but his housing is rent controlled and he works part-time to full-time doing jobs for cash beyond the disability check (he is bipolar).

Well it's true that I can't really do nice things with this amount of money. But in Finland if you net like 36k a year, it's considered really good salary. We don't really have these 100k/year jobs unless you code for supercell or something. my rent is 560 all included. maybe i should start grinding runescape gold like venezuelan people.

I just read somewhere that someone just 100%Ed Runescape and it took them 22000 hours. You've got your work cut out for you. Maybe you and Rikd could do split shifts.

On July 03 2023 03:30 Sleepy311 wrote: I just read somewhere that someone just 100%Ed Runescape and it took them 22000 hours. You've got your work cut out for you. Maybe you and Rikd could do split shifts.

What seasonal work do you do?

How fast can someone change from an employer's insurance to marketplace?

What's the deal with the Turducken?

I don't know what Runescape is but I wouldn't want to survive on grinding items in Diablo IV full-time.

I'll PM you.

In the meantime, it feels like I am hungry for some film. I am thinking something along the lines of a Bong Joon-ho, Park Chan-wook, Gaspar Noe, or something similar. I am trending towards depression or maybe in depression so maybe I should do the standard watching of the best depression movie ever Melancholia. Lars Von Trier is another one to add to the list. Byung-Chul Han would say I need an atopic other to snap out of this. I think he is right so I will leave the house tomorrow in hopes of finding just that.

Lightning round:

First film worth watching that comes to your mind?

The Handmaiden

GO!

Goodfellas

On July 06 2023 18:07 CurbStomp2 wrote: Goodfellas

Good suggestion but I've seen it a bunch of times. Maybe time to see it again?

Man, I'm all pumped up on Drum n Bass.

Film suggestions was an epic failure. There was a time when Loco gave access to his films page and I watched a lot of them and these were great cinema.

I forgot I had a dece Letterboxd account so fuck all ya'll.

Haven't watched much lately due to Diablo mainly but I enjoyed Todd Haynes' "Safe" (very weird movie about mental illness/powerlessness) and Lynch's "The Elephant Man" (was long overdue to watch that one)