Most people - Page 2

I like the idea of making software. I liked getting stuff to print and seeing how that works and playing around with stuff. I don't know if making software is my thing though. If it were I'd probably be doing it by now or I just haven't found my way of learning it yet. Kinesthetic working on tangible projects would probably be the best way for me to learn.

Making software is for nerds, ambitious sociopaths, and hard working immigrants who want a better life.

I qualify as a nerd so maybe there is hope?

Hope...

Fear...

How'd you get good Strog?

My brother got good by using it in his PhD program over many years.

My friend got good by hiring a private tutor and going to a bootcamp.

I have to find my path because this retail shit is killing me.

Seneca said we should live without hope. With hope there are fears. One fear being the fear that the hope will not come to fruition. Hope seems weak. The big problem is there is no time. No time for anything or rather that the "free" time I do have I am tired, depressed, and burnout. My time would probably be best spent finding an Other to cuddle with. But, if "free" time is sparse and non-tired time is low I just don't see how that is going to happen. Ok, I'll stop complaining now but these are real problems facing a lot of people on the globe. I watched a live stream of Grimes dj'ing in Tokyo. Made me feel like T.T I want to be in Tokyo on a Saturday night. I wouldn't go to Grimes show though lol although to be fair it's pretty good for what it is. My wants and desires can get all out of whack. I don't just want to survive but it's hard to get over the hump. Solace in people. Friends the Other... broken record. I need the repetition. Time is moving too fast and the past is dead. I don't know what I'm meant to do. I think AA has a place in my life though. Makes me feel less crazy. It puts things into perspective. I hate to say it but I think I need it to survive a sober life.

I'm sorry I keep writing this drivel. I just had a rough one at work and have to wake up early tomorrow morning and do it all over again. Such is life. I just feel it's been all work and tiredness lately for too long. I need to figure out a way out but I'm hopeless. Aaannnddd we're back at hope and fear. It's nice sometimes to have a light at the end of the tunnel. *sigh*

i'm not good at coding. I'd rate my python skills 12/100 and javascript 3/100. There are 15 year olds that are better coders than me. I have only been coding for about 8 months.

These days generating good code is mostly about knowing how to craft good psuedo-code to give to LLM's as a prompt.

You only get good at coding by making things. It forces you to learn. So, as soon as you have learnt the basic syntax, you should start making programs.

I learned the basic syntax watching bro code videos (12 hour course covering all python concepts),
Then i went through the first two MIT OCW courses on python.
Then i started learning machine learning via the $50 online course by andrew ng.
Then i started learning natural language processing via the free online course notes on cs224.
Then I gave up on cs224 and started to read part 1 of the manuscript for stanfords nlp textbook (3rd edition, not yet published).
Then i spent every single day for a month learning how the transformer works, at a deep level.
Then i started reading papers on various research topics in deep learning and nlp.

During the ML/DL/NLP period I started on a large 3-6 months project, which forced me to learn about sql, nosql and vector databases. I learnt the basics by reading tutorials on the website called pinecone.
currently working on two projects. One is a data annotation program and the other is a search engine.

Also joined discord channels for devops, mlops, vector database start ups, huggingface (git hub for large language models), to share and learn from experts when i cant get an answer.


So, in summary, my learning resources are:

youtube
books
online courses
websites (pinecone, towardsdatascience, ect).

discord channels
chatgpt

I don't think you fit the type to be self-motivated to do the learning and get a coding-related job. Every time you tried to get serious about it the resistance has been too strong, and I don't believe there is any reason to assume it will magically change. I would just put that in the past, stop ruminating on it and how it worked for others, and try to find something else with less of a barrier to entry. I recently got a very good software QA analyst job with amazing benefits, flexible hours, etc., despite having no education in this field, and only two years of video game QA experience (and that time just flew by - it's cozy low stress remote work). I was probably just as hopeless as you were a few years ago of finding something that isn't soul-sucking, so I would say there is hope for you if you end up finding your thing, and manage to develop some confidence in it.

Are you ever gonna get back into Poker Rik? Someone like you would probably crush 1/2 live for extra cash/social aspects. Or are ya done with it?

On August 21 2023 16:01 Sleepy311 wrote: Are you ever gonna get back into Poker Rik? Someone like you would probably crush 1/2 live for extra cash/social aspects. Or are ya done with it?

That's a good question. Where I live now there is no casino but I know of some private games I could play in. Just never really had the desire to play in them. When I lived in Pittsburgh they had a casino and I was more concerned with beating blackjack there. I did have a stint where a couple of my friends were addicted to poker and dragged me to some private games that were really good but I never grinded poker there. If I do go back to poker which I did briefly last year I would want to get into solvers and all of that and I really don't want to do that. Better to just stay out of it. But, honestly if they started a casino here or a riverboat and the rake wasn't stupid I would probably explore.

My therapist says I should get a Masters in Philosophy. She brought it up not me. That's something that actually excites me but I remember reading on reddit that getting a Masters in Philosophy is dumb and getting a PhD in Philosophy is extremely competitive and it can get stupid at that level. If I got a Masters in Philosophy and had to come back to work food and bev or retail or any other shitty jobs I've worked I'd strongly consider killing myself. Killing myself has some barriers to entry too. I mean I'd have to be severely depressed and pick a poison. She said specifically College Philosophy Professor which I was thinking about it and that is actually a virtuous job. College Philosophy Professor feels kind of lofty but maybe there are some other things in between retail bitch and professor that a Masters can land. Even if I can get in at any program at this point.

philosophy phd/masters job prospects are even worse than retail. They are mostly jobs like Human resources, diversity officer, medical ethics related crap, and other useless middle management jobs that are created by sociopaths at the top in order to feel important. Oh yes there is philosophy professor as well. So competitive. You'll be up against people who started in their early twenties and half of them have bs/ms degrees in the sciences at top universities. More competitive to become a philosophy professor than software developer imo. These academic jobs will get more and more competitive if the far right continues down its path in America. There is so much contempt for academics in America right now because of ivy league educated sociopathic scum bitches like Ron Desantis going around saying all that crap about CRT and banning books. That's something to consider as well. Just go with Loco's advice. Also yeah if it wasn't apparent, you shouldn't try to make software because its clear that your not cut out for it, based off statements like "I like the idea of making software".

I like the idea of making software. It's a joke but there is truth in comedy. Just like I like the idea of being a rockstar or the idea of being a college professor. I know there is a lot more that goes into it than that. I don't know many people that would turn down the prospects of being a 10x programmer or whatever else there is. Of course, there is a lot of consistant work and also talent that goes into that. I appreciate you posting your how you did it. I am probably not capable of following that path even if I didn't have a 40+ hr/week job. I am probably not capable of following that path even if I had $100k+ in the bank and no job. The only person I've heard of getting it done was word of mouth on here. Someone had a friend who put in like 3 hours a day for 3 years or something like that and I am incapable of matching that consistency and effort. Which means I don't know what I am cut out to do? I don't know how to find my thing and when I have an idea it gets shredded to bits.

Yeah well a lot of people like to tell others not to go into their field of work even when it's one of the sweetest gigs out there. Not sure why people do this. So I wouldn't pay too much attention to others that shred ideas to bits. But the way you talk, it often comes across as not really taking the whole 10,000 hours thing seriously. So what's wrong with Loco's suggestion? I reject the philosophy masters idea unless you really do want to be some administrator job.

Yes, masters degrees at a lot of universities are scams, so whoever told you that was correct. Some are intentionally made easier, and you have to pay for them, rather than getting a stipend. Im guessing your therapist didn't consider the chess move where you spend the next 10 years getting an education, working as an underpaid adjunct, only to come into the system and have some adolf hitler wannabe defunding universities and turning them into trade schools. That's a possibility that shouldn't be discounted!

You really have to prioritize and think about what you're looking for Rik. Money? Freedom/Free time? Fulfillment? Ability to work remotely/relocate? Stress levels? Lots of factors to consider and you have to decide what's most important to you.

Yeah well a lot of people like to tell others not to go into their field of work even when it's one of the sweetest gigs out there. Not sure why people do this. So I wouldn't pay too much attention to others that shred ideas to bits. But the way you talk, it often comes across as not really taking the whole 10,000 hours thing seriously. So what's wrong with Loco's suggestion? I reject the philosophy masters idea unless you really do want to be some administrator job. Yes, masters degrees at a lot of universities are scams, so whoever told you that was correct. Some are intentionally made easier, and you have to pay for them, rather than getting a stipend. Im guessing your therapist didn't consider the chess move where you spend the next 10 years getting an education, working as an underpaid adjunct, only to come into the system and have some adolf hitler wannabe defunding universities and turning them into trade schools. That's a possibility that shouldn't be discounted!

Believe me, I ascribe to the 10,000 hours idea. Even though I don't think I've spent 10,000 hours doing anything. There is nothing wrong with Loco's suggestion. Although sometimes I get the idea I'm not cut out for anything so I should kill myself but I'm not cut out for that either. There's 0 chance I want to be some sociopath's administrator. That would be worse than what I am doing now.

The choices for 2024 are really depressing but so is the political climate. Politician is supposed to be a job of virtue and it has become far, far from it. I am not saying we need philsopher kings either. I don't really know what we need.

On August 23 2023 15:22 Sleepy311 wrote: You really have to prioritize and think about what you're looking for Rik. Money? Freedom/Free time? Fulfillment? Ability to work remotely/relocate? Stress levels? Lots of factors to consider and you have to decide what's most important to you.

Of course, I'm looking for money but I don't think that much. Money is not really a major problem making what I make albeit living in my parents' home.

Of course, I'm looking for freedom/free time and time for leisure/rest. I would be employed for 0 hours/week if I could pull it off. Right now, I work 40+ hrs/week with somewhat bad hours. Frequent closing and opening shifts. That is probably where I could find something with low barrier for entry and the hours being better.

Of course, I'm looking for fullfillement but that is stupid. What job under capitalism is fullfilling?

I don't want to work for the pleasure trap. I want to work for virtue.

Have you read David Graebers bullshit jobs essay. Copied from wikipedia, there are 5 bullshit job categories under capitalism:

flunkies, who serve to make their superiors feel important, e.g., receptionists, administrative assistants, door attendants, store greeters;
goons, who act to harm or deceive others on behalf of their employer, or to prevent other goons from doing so, e.g., lobbyists, corporate lawyers, telemarketers, public relations specialists;
duct tapers, who temporarily fix problems that could be fixed permanently, e.g., programmers repairing shoddy code, airline desk staff who calm passengers whose bags do not arrive;
box tickers, who create the appearance that something useful is being done when it is not, e.g., survey administrators, in-house magazine journalists, corporate compliance officers;
taskmasters, who create extra work for those who do not need it, e.g., middle management, leadership professionals.

Yeah. I've read the book. I don't want a bull shit job and I don't want a shitty job either. I would take a non-shitty bull shit job over a shitty shit job any day though.

You know I would prefer to write first thing in the morning on some breakfast and coffee but I must survive working.

"The stupidity of simply working." (Heidegger)

I would love to dedicate all of my time to rest and leisure. Dedicate all of my time to seeking Truth.

There is Truth to Hegel's Slave / Master Dialectic. The slave is fearful of death so he submits to the master who wins power and freedom. The slave then must work for survival. I think it's a little outdated but this idea that the sociopath who will win at any costs versus the human who submits because of a fear of death is truthful. I do not think someone is bound to be a slave forever. They could muster up the courage to overcome their fear of death and win power and freedom themselves. Some may say that the worker actually gains freedom in the act of work. They may earn "flow states" or have pride in what they are producing or some may say they are the ones who are actually writing history and effecting the world with their production. The slave / worker is still getting dominated / coerced. If they do not work they do not survive.

This is why I am trying to rise above slave status. I do not want to be a master either. I want the bios theoretikos. The option where everything is subordinated to rest / leisure (Aristotle). I want out of the slave / master dialectic. If a furniture maker is great at what he does and loves to produce furniture for the local village is that man a fool or a genius?

At any moment a man could be fearful in death or not fearful in death. The master can be over-run but who is going to over-run a master high on opium and slot machines or even work. We are not docile by punishment. We are docile through work and our breaks for work. Contemplation is my answer for docility, franticness, restlessness but I fear it's no different than smoking a bowl and playing ps5. What am I really doing besides overcoming boredom in a different way? But, I must seek Truth. Truth and Love are the only things filling me up. Allowing my spirit to thrive and dance. I must slowdown. I wish I could remain slow. I am slow now but it's all a trick since it's exactly what is needed to recover for work tomorrow. It seems like an all or nothing proposition as I pointed out through Aristotle earlier. Everything must be subordinated to rest. If I am hectic for 8 hours and my truth is I must make my company max profitable it doesn't seem to work as well. There have been points where I was unemployed for let's say 6 months and really in a groove. The problem is the fear of financial insecurity is always looming and for good reason. I either lose my savings and grow a gap in my resume or start to encroach on credit card debt and all sorts of unwanted side effects. I will say that's a pure epoch in life though when I am reading Being and Time (Heidegger) surrounded by rest and leisure.

...

"As long as you live, keep learning how to live." (Seneca)

What is the nature of thinking? I have a lot of thoughts in a day. It would be wise to understand.

I don't necessarily think that sitting down to empty canvas / white paper will lead to the best results. It's kind of what I am doing here. It's almost as if one should have done the thinking on a walk in the alps, black forest, town, on the shitter, in the shower, on a drive, WHEREVER before one ventures to the open space. The thing is we are thinking all the time you can't just confine it to one place. The whole idea is to not confine it to one space as any confinement will not amount to anything. But, my setup is all janky. I am active, frantic, hectic, restless all day at work doing tedius tasks there is not a whole lot of time to think there. It's hard to dig deeper. Dig different. I'm just a schlub with a normal job I don't have the leisure to think. However, the vita activa without vita contemplativa is empty. The vita contemplativa without vita activa is blind. (Byung-Chul Han). But, I want to go further than just to regurgitate Hegel, Nietzsche, Heidegger, and Byung-Chul Han. I want my own thought to broadcast in the mind. I want to travel untrodden paths.

Does thought arise and then we are thinking about that thought or we are thinking about a thought that (eventually) arises?

Is it both?

I do think that I agree with Sartre. Existence precedes essence. We are and then we are. And hopefully essence isn't completely tied to fashion. That would be a shame. However, we are born with an essence. Not to the extent as an adult. I disagree that we make entirely who we are. But, what about the culture? Part of who I am was created by the culture. Just because the herd is wearing Vineyard Vines and I want to be different so I wear OBEY. Roderick has the ultimate bit that the marketers love that all the misfits are down at the Beat Poetry Cafe wearing black and reading Heidegger. It is about fashion but it is more about soul. I had a soul at birth but it is not quite realized. As Sartre says we are the sum of our actions but I do not believe there is total freewill. It is a compabitlist viewpoint. But, as Roderick points out Sartre is an example that we can be a character in this world and thrive. Sartre was an authentic soul and we can respect him for that.

In a way I am a product of the books I read and the clothes I wear and that may even be the most accurate indicator of me or the avatar that the world sees me as but soul is deeper than that. I think that in the way I write or the way I dance or the way I perform music is an even stronger avatar of my soul / essence. It can never really be seen at its full powers. Even the way someone smiles at me can uncover their soul. The most important aspect of this is that I think that soul / essence is in the baby and the child. The most important aspect is we do not let the culture tamper with the blossoming of the soul. Which in today's civilization is almost impossible. I have failed at a lot of things in life. Two of the things that hurt the most are being a failed athlete and a failed artist. That is typically what I wanted to be at say age 10. Obviously, not everyone can be an athlete or an artist but man, I wish I could be something other than what I am currently doing. I wonder how many people in the world are in this boat?