On September 26 2023 01:29 Stroggoz wrote:
Autism, schizo, addiction, depression, sociopathy. I think your the only one with bipolar that was into poker that I've seen. Maybe my dataset is skewed though.
Phil Hellmuth is a narcissist, and ADZ was as well. ADZ made a whole tv show about himself, and there are videos of him on youtube bragging about buying $10,000 shoes or w/e.
I remember Hellmuth saying how much of a great guy he is for never cheating on his wife, even though he is an out of shape 50 year old nerd. Definitely has grandiosity issues. I found it kinda funny when I heard his wife is a psychologist. He may be getting studied by her.
Yeah, if we are including autism and narcissism the number goes up substantially.
rofl at Hellmuth being studied by his wife. I don't know how anyone could put up with that guy.
Solvers came out in 2015. I had long-term disability money and great friends and pink cloud sobriety in 2015. Maybe my best epoch yet. Solvers were totally not on my radar even though they fascinate me. I kind of still love poker. There are some private games in town. Whenever the topic comes up I think about do I really want to jump back into that. It bothers me that a 50 NL online player is better than me in my prime though. I will never get that prime back. I also will never get the time back to get better than a 50 NL online grinder. Grinding solvers at 40 to beat 50 NL online sounds pathetic because it is pathetic. Sitting around in private games I don't know if that sounds fun. 20 hands / hr? Studying for hours to crush an 8 fish game sounds pretty pathetic too. I don't know man. I need to find better use of my time.
I thought ADZ jumped out of the 28th window of his friend's condo?
Nutsinho died of an opioid overdose.
Leatherass seems like that death was kept private. Maybe he's a fan of Machiavelli and he's really still alive somewhere hustling people at golf and poker.
lil hold'em had liver and kidney failure due to alcoholism but died from brain bleeding as a result of a drunken fall.
To be honest, it's a miracle I haven't died (yet). I was not nearly as known as the guys mentioned above. I've been close to death more times than I can count on my hand for sure. My therapist always mentions me being a miracle and not to squander it. I'm feeling like I'm kind of squandering it though. Work is a shitshow. I just have to keep reminding myself what does not kill me makes me stronger. In some regards I feel strong. In other regards not so much. Oh well, it's like I am getting tortured at work but it's a Stockholm Syndrome situation. If I had any idea of what I wanted to do next the whole situation would be a lot easier.
I don't know if I would call it going insane vs a standard psychotic episode. There is a small, small probability that the cops did in fact poison him. I met him once in Vegas. Interesting guy. He was always stocky / overweight in the BW days but was rail thin in Vegas. I hardly recognized him.
I just thought of a story. I was hanging out with a group of Argentinians in Vegas. We all get into this elevator with this really attractive woman. So, it's like 8 guys including me and this woman and it is dead silent. A little time passed and my friend says, "Gang bang?" in his Argie accent and everyone fucking dies of laughter including the woman. We get her to come up to my friend's suite and have a drink. She keeps talking to me because most of them don't speak very good English at all. I am just thinking this is a ridiculous situation. She had a drink and left but then there was this other time...
I listened to this song on repeat and played for 20 hours straight like an absolute maniac. Crashed for 4 hours then loaded up all of the 10/20 tables with absolute sickos and lost $7k until all the tables broke. Don't remember what I did after that. Probably either crashed or went for a long walk or maybe get high and watch The Wire.
I was stuck big and needed some Enya to overcome. I think I won more money to Enya than any other artist.
Grindin' at Tom (tjbentham's) dining room table listening to this on repeat. I had never been so comfortable grindin' it out.
Music obviously plays a big part in my life but I think I was somewhat mad to put songs on repeat for hours and hours. I think it did something to the dopamine and the adrenaline and other chemicals in the brain mixed with the gambling sometimes mixed with marijuana and tea or coffee or whatever even some tobacco. It was a cocktail that could produce a perfect storm but with any perfect cocktail / storm there are downsides too. Like, it's tough to keep that going. It's not sustainable. I suppose white tea, music, and poker is more sustainable. Marijuana too but it is easy to smoke too much if I was losing or on a downswing which kind of leads to more losing and more downswings. Getting high and watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Wire, or Planet Earth was like downswing defense. Going for long walks. Getting laid. There is all sorts of downswing defense out there. Which are still applicable to me to this day if I am having a rough go of it at work albiet they have to be straight edge options today.
Being some rando or even worse some rando eating dinner with their parents is not really a great starting point for winning over The Waitress Other. You have to sort of win over the staff or win over her directly in some way unique. I don't really eat there enough to accomplish this. It's silly to even think about this too much. There are other Others out there but seemingly in this town not so much.
It's a blog, mannn. I have been considering smoking marijuana again or just consuming edibles. High for the low. I'm sort of depressed and burnt out as fuck. Even with meeting The Other on Sunday. My new idea is that I am going to work at a bookstore. I'll have time to go down there and say "Hi" on Wednesday. Any other suggestions from people on here?
That is probably one of my biggest problems of why I am unhappy. I also take myself too seriously. I'm thinking of doing improv again. It's funny I got way too into that back in the day. I ended up on 3 improv teams in which one was paid.
So, I decided I need a haircut today. I go down to The Local Barbershop hoping to find S there. I see her hours are 8am - 4pm on Wednesdays. It's 5:12 pm. Drats!
So, then the owner goes to me, "Hey buddy, don't even write your name down L is waiting for you right over there." L was lovely. She did a great job of cutting my hair. She is finishing up and then S walks by. I don't think she saw me and I didn't say anything. Then, the haircut was over and S was cutting someone else's hair so I just got up, paid, and walked out...
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United States. Sep 26 2023 02:59. Posts 8992
