Kill myself hmmmm - Page 4

Would you like to get some coffee?

Last night I practiced singing for probably an hour plus and practiced guitar for 30 min. or so playing / singing the most soulful stuff I am capable of and felt like I had acheived a new power / spirit level. I had to stop at some point but was hovering out of the room. I get caught in a zombie internet scroll and it instantlyl ruined everything. There was no getting it back. I had returned to Earth a sad, bored, miserable gremlin.

I had a drunken idea yesterday that I will try to start a correspondence with famous criminals doing time using chatgpt and then make youtube videos about the conversations and get ad revenue. or is it considered shitty thing to do even if they are murderers?

The crux of the issue is this idea of being in a society versus not being in a society. I want to be in a society in so far as I want friends, a romantic relationship, and I want to secure funds that I can pay for things like formidable dwellings, clothing, shoes, food, etc. Being outside of society grants freedom. I lose the ability to take dates out on bourgeois dinners but I also liberate myself from the herd and social spheres I can not do well in. Pick a social sphere and be #1. I am only #1 in my own social sphere. 1 of 1. So, in reality I need some interaction with certain spheres of society. I don't think there is any getting over that fact. I don't want this latest stint of unemployment to drag on for too long. I definitely feel more comfortable in this zone of my own area even if it is lonely, boring, sad at times. I am not completely cut off from the outside world. There is still karaoke. I still have friends on the outskirts that I can call on the mobile phone. As far as what I can do for money I really don't know. I am trying to go into that situation that time is more important than money and picking what I do matters. I have a soul and a spirit and it should not be crushed by employment.

I only feel the pressure of killing myself if I go to a similar job or the money runs out. So, yeah, the pressure is on but on a underscheduled Saturday while I'm lying in bed reading a novel or staring out the window it does not really feel that way, ya know?

I am too negative. I am too pessimistic. What if there is a job out there that is inline with what I am trying to do with my time?

There is always karaoke. There is karaoke every night of the week!

Even karaoke grows dull and unenjoyable...

Cocaine, karaoke, loose women all lose their luster. I just want a croissant and to drink coffee out of a large bowl. A walk in the forest. Love.

All I really need is some water and some rice and beans, salt, pepper, cilantro, little bit hot sauce. How do I fill up the rest of the day?

I a m g o i n g c r a z y ...

Yeah. There is that. I am giving the dog a walk 3 times a day. I refuse to play Baldur's Gate 3 for some reason. I'm not watching backlogged film because fuck it. I prefer staring at the abyss baby and boy, does it stare back. I am not going to win that staring contest anytime soon.

I am not going to win that staring contest anytime soon.

I gotta say sittin' here listenin' to some jazz after a 1 hour and 30 minute conversation with one of my friends on the outskirts life feels a bit better. The only conclusion we could come to was a bagel and some cream cheese and some coffee with some jazz playing makes life feel a bit better.



It's a new season fellas. Let's make the best of it.

On October 21 2023 18:12 CurbStomp2 wrote: I had a drunken idea yesterday that I will try to start a correspondence with famous criminals doing time using chatgpt and then make youtube videos about the conversations and get ad revenue. or is it considered shitty thing to do even if they are murderers?

You should do it. Prob would get a big audience from the bored housewives demographic.
It's not a shitty thing to talk to murderer's. As long as people don't turn them into celebrities. There are serial killers like Sammy the bull on youtube today making $$$ from talking about murder and his life in the mafia. That piece of shit should not be getting rewards for all of that imo.

Ups