Pushit Out - Page 2

Music, art, and books is better than alcohol, weed, and chodeine.

The beauty of nature is the absence of screens. The expanse of space. A hawk can be spotted from large distances. The stars can be gazed. There is the breeze and the sun. Not compact like a bedroom or workstation.

Yea nature is awesome but now it’s getting cold so gotta stay indoors more but still nice in Vancouver. Time for sports betting season n poker more. Just having coffee n seeing what the fuck there is to do on a Wednesday afternoon with 20$ to spend.

I saw a meme where nihilism + coffee = absurdism. That is pretty true for me. Vancouver winters can't be that bad! The Norwegians have a saying something like, "there is no such thing as bad weather, only innapropriate clothing."

Wednesday afternoon with $20. That is why I am sick of myself. Day after day wears on a human.

Boredom makes the un-boredom better. Just as pain makes pleasure better. It does not work the other way around. We can eat toast with applesauce for 3 days with stomach problems. Whatever proper meal we eat on the day we are free of sickness will more than suffice.

Impulsivity feels like freedom but it is a prison. Short-lived pleasures feels like freedom but it is a prison. Nothing but a hit of crack.

What anime are people watching these days?

Saving as much as I can for my Asia trip, I got a nice bit saved that’s why I have to live so modest cause when I go Asia I’ll live like a king for a bit. Fuck Vancouver prices it’s so expensive

Canada is a 3rd world country now with so much stupid policy from liedeau n his cabinet. This country is so bad atm I can’t wait to leave. i wonder how other cities are like compare to Vancouver hope it’s not worst cause this city for me is getting boring but I can’t leave yet still have some unfinished business to attend then once I have everything figure out Im gone n gonna rent out my place for a couple of grand n spend it in Asia

Where are you going in Asia?

Everywhere check out the whole continent

Nice.

Another night. Another day. Just sittin' here waitin' around to die.

Poker was engrossing. The way GTOWiz plays hands made me extremely happy. I found myself putting all my attention towards poker. Poker for me today is a deadend. It took up attention. A lot of attention. That is the most precious resource we have. When I quit it opened up a lot of attention. I started reading non-poker material again. I went for more walks. I was freed up.

It has been interesting to me with quitting different things and the impact that has of what the potential is of attention. Where will it go. There is also the question of cold turkey vs moderation. I feel like the jumps in "expanding our mind" are best seen with cold turkey. Quitting X and Discord and LP not working left a huge void. I got really into the New York Times and blogs and read more and went for more walks. Now, I think the New York Times is full of shit but at least I had that period of attention to experiment. I am back on X too which is probably not for the better but quitting the New York Times left a void that X in some ways fills.

Just reading and walks is a tough way to go. Niklas Luhmann basically wrote every waking hour besides taking his dog for walks. His whole system is epic. I don't know how he didn't get sick of himself. I have been feeling kind of sick of myself for 2 days now. I have been feeling incredibly stressed about getting a job and breaking through on this driving thing. Sometimes it feels like I can not win.

I am just sitting here listening to the Moody Mix on Spotify just being in that vibe. It's an excellent mix for when I am sick of myself. I just want to sit here listening to it.

I may be cornering myself into a depression or my depression is cornering me.

Now is not the time (when is the time?). I think I've trained my circadian rhythm strongly so if I can just keep that going maybe I can get out of it / stay out of it. It's time for some daring, courage, adventure to get out of this driving thing but I get so full of anxiety it's extremely uncomfortable.

Isn't it remarkable that it can be 70 F degrees with a cheerful breeze?

With as hot as the sun is.

I wonder what it would be like to gaze at stars?

From an uncivilized Mars.

Not that I would want to go to Mars. That is for others to experience. I am happy to experiment on Earth.

Gotta listen to this album if you haven't already:

My dad is sports crazed. It's hard to go zero hours of sports in this world.

If I wanted more sex I would watch zero porn or porn / masturbation / orgasm (PMO). I want more sex but I am not really in the position. I don't drive, I don't work, I don't have money. I saw a study that said if a straight man looks at nice breasts for 10 min. a day it's better for them than working out. I tried this somedays. It feels like creep / pervert territory. I do watch zero porn if it's not PMO. I once went like 7 months with out masturbating when I was trying to be super Buddhist. I had a friend in highschool that fapped 11 times in 1 day. I don't even know how / why someone would do that. So, I would like to be at zero PMO. Not being at zero PMO feels mentally weak. Although being at zero PMO seems unneccessery.

I still get caught up in the red v blue political circus. It's hard to avoid in an election year.

So, when I dropped everything I expanded my mind. It can hurt of boredom but it can lead to good things. Bringing some of the things back there is comfort but I can do better.

I write about this a lot because it is a big part of my day. I'm already bored and sick of myself running a lot of this stuff for too much time in a day.

I should rename my blog The Anti-Meme.

no idea but gl rikd