I'm not really sure what I am going to get into tonight. That means in general about what I am going to do tonight before I go to sleep and in the more specific as in what this blog is going to be about.
I went to a Christmas concert tonight that was pretty good. It was a string quintet playing all sorts of songs like Vivaldi - Winter and Bach to old school Christmas songs and even some Mariah Carey. It was something to do on a Saturday night.
I have to get my tits going good so I can wear ridiculous deep v t-shirts showing them off. Such ridiculous v-neck t-shirts that you show the upper abs off too. Women should let their tits out. Men should let their tits out too. Tomorrow is Chest/Triceps day is why I bring it up. I don't think I'm quite at the right volume or frequency yet optimization wise but I did do a side chest pose and most muscular pose when I was pumped up and it looked pretty good. So good I was turned on and masturbated to myself flexing in the mirror right then and there.
After that I was exhausted so I played some World of Warcraft Classic (WoW C). I feel like I am really coming a long way with my life as I level this character up. I am seeing personal growth in new depths and dimensions than I could have ever imagined. Running around smacking stuff over and over and over again.
I need some new reading too. I'm not sure what I'll go with but I am sure I'll find something. I feel like I need to read some Jane Austen or something like that. I have been reading these Huysmans and Bret Easton Ellis it's all about torture and murder. While brilliant and I am happy I read them I'd like to read something that doesn't have torture and murder. I've had enough of it and quite frankly I don't think anyone could do it better than Huysmans and Bret Easton Ellis. I was reading these short stories by David Foster Wallace (DFW) and he had one just today about torture, rape, and murder. It was actually pretty good but not as good as Huysmans or Brett Easton Ellis. So, I am all out of books and I am not quite sure where to go from here.
Oh well, I guess I can start looking for a new book. Any suggestions always welcome.
Just picked up Stranded by J.K. Huysmans as well so I am set for a little while. Yay! I don't know if I expect this to be as good as Against Nature or The Damned but who cares. It's Huysmans who is becoming one of my favorite authors.
I don't know if I would suggest Nadja. Read it if you want a surrealist trip into that world. It's only like 160 pages. 44 of those are pictures. The font is relatively big in a small book. I don't even know if anyone reading this blog reads or likes techno yet here I am being me.
I stand firm on the Happy Holidays though. I think it's a time people can put too much pressure on themselves but it can be a fun time too.
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PuertoRican United States. Dec 18 2024 03:47. Posts 13158
Yeah, that's a nice life. I almost dropped the mic and walked out the gym on my last pull. I did end up staying to get in some kettlebell swings and back extensions. Maybe only because this Hot Babe 9.5 hot body decided to work out nearby where I was and check me out. I didn't even look at her. Well, maybe once to see that she was only wearing a leotard. There should probably be rules against that. She was super tall too like almost as tall as me. Oh well, I ripped a massive fart and then left the gym. GG all.
Merry Christmas for real. My dad is rotting his brain on right wing propaghanda. My mom is watching videos on bundt cakes. I figure I would drown it out with some avant garde electronic music and make a Christmas Eve post on good ole LP.
I am still getting after it in the gym. The gym up here is way nicer than the one at home but also more crowded. The thots though bro. The thots. The thoughts about the thots. I haven't even looked at any pornography up here. I haven't even really thought about pornography since being up here. The testosterone is really flying for a guy in his 40s. The weights are moving man. Really moving man. I have to stop myself from dry humping one of these thot's chiseled legs. I'm a dog bro. I go H*A*M*, I'm a hog bro.
When I'm not in the gym I'm just reading whatever French 19th century literature that sounds good: Huysmans, Mirbeau, Flaubert. Maybe I will get into some Baudelaire. I mean whoever it all sounds good. 19th century French literature could keep me occupied for quite some time.
My sister told me to read my second novel and get to work on it. I read it. It's ok. I don't really feel like putting in the work to revise it or finish it. If anything I'll write some short stories or start on a novel that will be funnier, more satirical, more original than my first 2. She is obsessed with writing at this point. My mom is reading her first novel and says it is pretty good. I don't want to read it for some reason until it is published. My mom has a degree in English and is a voracious reader so I would believe her review of the thing. It made me happy the thing doesn't suck with all the blood, sweat, and tears my sister is putting into it.
I'm sort of just writing until my Kindle is charged. My life is pretty good up here. I lift weights, read 19th century French literature, and hang out with family. I don't like it very much if people get too drunk but what are you going to do?
It's the morning when I'm relatively groggy and bored until opening my 1 present. I'm still listening to avant garde electronic music. I'm sippin' on some coffee.
I sit in an empty room. The grandfather clock: tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. It is late at night on a Sunday. I'm a third empty, a third lonely, and a third in my element.
I haven't masturbated in over 2 weeks. I did pick up a habit of compulsively looking at pictures of pornography on my phone. I read about a study that looking at ample breasts for 10 min. was the equivalent of exercising. Anecdotally I don't think this is true at all. Working out is a powerhouse for eliminating stress and anxiety. I quite like looking at attractive women with their tits out though. Yesterday, I was feeling good about myself and figured I'd sign back on to Tinder. Maybe compulsively swiping on that wretched app would be more fun than scrolling through idealized breasts on a website. I instantly maxxed out my likes in the first sitting and surprisingly got some likes back. My profile had little effort involved. An absurd selfie from a while ago with long hair and a long beard and a shitty painting. Tinder alerted me that my job title was "IMPORTANT." Yeah, I know. At least I could "proudly" write in 6'2'' under the height category. The only thing I'm good at I did nothing but not find a way to stunt my growth.
I got some matches. The matches made me realize I was on Tinder for all of the wrong reasons. I'm not even in my hometown. The intent was not good. The intent was to compulsively ogle "real" women and to also see what kind of matches I could get to bolster my ego. There was no intent to date any of these women. I'm on vacation and don't even have access to a car. Thankfully, today, I deleted Tinder with less than 24 hours on the app. I continue to ogle pornstar bodyparts however.
The grandfather clock continues to tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. It makes me aware of my existence and my eventual death. I'm getting old. My hair is thinning which just came upon me this year. The bags under my eyes worsen. It's not over for me though. My athleticism, strength, balance is improving due to lifting weights. When I was 40 and 260 lbs. I thought it was all over. It is empowering to know that it isn't over until that big lady in Decatur sang. I ain't heard no big lady in Decatur sang.
The thing about bodypart training is I get obsessed about bodyparts. I am inclined to measure all my bodyparts including my penis everyday. It just becomes part of the daily routine ya know?
I am back to reading some Flaubert although I haven't read Flaubert for maybe 9 years? I read Madame Bovary about 9 years ago. Half of it I was in a psych ward. I just remember Emma being a little slut and having a shopping addiction. I remember more but I don't want to spoil a masterpiece for anyone. Anyways, now I am reading L'Education Sentimentale. I just started so I don't have a lot to say about it but the writing is good. I just finished reading The Torture Garden by Mirbeau which I enjoyed. It got me thinking a lot about hedonic adaptation.
TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK. The menacing metronome continues to drum. I don't know what I should be hurrying up to do? I am not really suffering and I am not striving outside of my bounds. I would say one thing. It is not wise to trap ourselves in bad positions. I have trapped myself in a bad position and it will take a tremendous amount of work, consistency, and discipline to get myself out of it. I don't mind being an idle good-for-nothing but at some point I am going to need money. The problem with money is to get it it can set off a chain of reactions where being an idle good-for-nothing is not possible even when I am trying to rest. There is no longer rest. Rest disintegrates from existence. There is only recovery for work. I am trapped so I have lost the negotiation. Maybe I can work up to a prestigious job title (IMPORTANT) so I can fuck Tinder thots and maybe be slightly happier than I am right now. There is a YouTuber named Antastesia that I had (have) a crush on that I go to for French literature suggestions. She said she was into guys who are miserable but have a strong interior life. We are perfect for eachother except she is asexual. Of course, maybe I am giving myself too much credit for a strong interior life. But, I actually wouldn't say I am miserable either especially since lifting weights. It's fun to joke about being miserable and I am certainly capable of being miserable.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. Death does not feel as near as before. I laugh at time. No. That is not wise. Where was time while writing that last paragraph?
I don't know what I am going to do. I am perfectly ok with taking Tuesday and Wednesday off of lifting but not Thursday and Friday too. I am not sure if I have a ride.
And reality looms in the distance. The reality is I am entering a world of pain as the holidays come to a close and it's a new year. I need some sort of income as an idle good-for-nothing. The two don't mix very well.
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United States. Dec 15 2024 06:25. Posts 9085
