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RiKD  United States. Jan 23 2025 03:46. Posts 9085 | | |
I come on here because I am desperate: Desperate for attention, desperate for connection, desperate for a change in mood. I get anxious, I feel empty, I am frantic for more experience. The list of things that work is really not that long and they may or may not end up working. I've got Aphex Twin going in really expensive headphones. It's really the best way to listen to him and I have the Steinberg UR12 Audio Interface where I can turn a knob to adjust the volume. That little of a detail makes me content. I also have my MXL990 mic hooked up so I can create music with ease. Material things do bring happiness. With the music and the cologne it really sets up a nice atmosphere for someone as lonely as me. I have found this rather queer behavior to make life a little bit more livable. I'm also in a really old sweatshirt and sweatpants. No casts on the feet. Peak relaxation.
It's nice to have these moments. To linger contemplatively. My whole city is shutdown from a "snowstorm." I am a sum of my actions. If I want a job I need to call on potential employers. I don't want a job. I need a job. It's a fact of life we need to consider income versus expenses. I am not an exception. Money problems can really make life hell. One thing that I have going for me is that I have been to hell and back. I wish it were not so but while leaving trauma it also toughened me up. Hell is not other people. Hell is being homeless in the winter with no health insurance and no psych meds.
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RiKD United States. Jan 23 2025 04:06. Posts 9085 | | |
The problem is no matter what I do with this time on LP it is atomized time as Byung-Chul Han would say. There is no duration, no vastness. Whatever I try to accomplish on here is not going to add up like an evening on the patio with friends would accomplish. Patios are not open and I don't have friends so that is a problem. I probably would qualify for disability. I don't know it's just that life on disability payments, Medicaid, and food stamps is fucking rough. If I can do better I should especially since Trump is going to fuck with those people as much as he can. |
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RiKD United States. Jan 23 2025 04:16. Posts 9085 | | |
I can string together as many posts as I can muster. It's not going to add up. I badly need the gym and a new book. |
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PuertoRican United States. Jan 23 2025 04:25. Posts 13158 | | | |
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RiKD United States. Jan 24 2025 22:41. Posts 9085 | | |
"What ails you, mistress? The blowing of the breeze, the passing of a cloud, everything disquiets you just now!"
"I do not know," she said.
"You are wearied with too long prayers!"
"Oh! Tanaach, I would fain be dissolved in them like a flower in wine!"
"Perhaps it is the smoke of your perfumes?"
"No!" said Salammbo; "the spirit of the gods dwells in fragrant odours."
Page 49, Salammbo by Flaubert |
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RiKD United States. Jan 26 2025 06:44. Posts 9085 | | |
I've been playing some Diablo II: Resurrected (d2r) and Warcraft III: Reforged (wc3). I quit World of Warcraft: Classic. My brother abandoned me and I never really liked that game much anyway. I always loved d2r. It's been really fun running through that game again. Reforged is fucking horrendous. They should have never touched the animations. I would say it's unplayable but I was playing it, begrudgingly. I have to do something into the night. |
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RiKD United States. Jan 27 2025 05:36. Posts 9085 | | |
This blasted wc3! With the new animations I have to sit and stare for what seems like an eternity trying to figure out what the hell all this shit is. If RTSs aren't stimulating and addicting though. I curse this damn game yet I'm still laddering on a dead community. It's similar to me even venting about wc3 on this more or less dead community. I'm playing dead games and venting about it on dead websites... |
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RiKD United States. Jan 27 2025 07:07. Posts 9085 | | |
Mmmmm, that feels good. Having a close game, playing well, and winning. What tops that? |
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