I'm chillin' in the crib - Page 2

It is similar to the idea that doing twice as many things is a more fullfilling life than not doing twice as many things. Moving from one thing to the next in a restless neediness. Sometimes I find myself in this zone. Right now, I'm chillin' in the club listening to some Tove Lo.

The allure of doing drugs and getting acquainted with the right kind of women. The strip club. The allure of picking up a stripper. I picked up some strippers with some cash. The thing about strip clubs is you can go in there feeling truly and ultimately lonely and then go numb and leave more lonely than when you started. The question is who is more numb? Me or the sex worker? I'm not talking about going to the strip club with some friends and fucking around. I'm talking being so lonely you can hardly bear it. In a moment the thought sparks that there is a sex worker out there that can solve my problem(s). This is pop music to me.

The promises that are made in pop music. Fucking pop music.

Waters of Nazareth by Justice reminds me of this crazy Frenchmen Jonthan. He did a lot of coke. He once got lost in the Andes mountains and almost died. He came back, asked to crash at my place for a few days before he went back to Paris and I said ok. He ate all my le pain, left for Paris, and I never saw him again.

I'm absolutely mental just sitting here typing stuff instead of reading a book. I recently added a bunch of books to my library. I have plenty of books to read. It's just I am stuck here listening to good music stacking dopamine baby. I mean of course I want dopamine baby but what I really want is soul. I can read Byung-Chul Han, I can read Simone Weil, I can read whoever but I am stuck to this damn chair right now.



"Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy."

- Beethoven

On March 13 2025 21:27 RiKD wrote: Single moms but I don't want to deal with the kids so that's out. Cougars but they probably like guys younger than me so that is out. Fat girls. Fat girls is all that is left for me. I was down for that when I myself was obese and 260 lbs. but now I'm taking care of my health I don't want to splash out for some McDonalds.

Single moms and cougars are nice. It just depends on what stage of their life they're in.

Some of them want something serious, some are just ready to have fun.

What about ze fat girls? They need lovin' too.

On March 20 2025 05:48 RiKD wrote: What about ze fat girls? They need lovin' too.

If that's all you think you can get, then go for it, I guess.

I am not that person anymore. That person that comes home stressed from work and casually drinks a bottle of Veue Clicquot with a salad from Panera Bread. Flirting with the likely high school girl at the window. I am a regular at Panera Bread and Costco. I always keep a bottle of Veuve in the fridge cuz ya never know ya know? The Veuve made me do it. The Veuve is an inspiration. That's when I met Lovely. Tall, long dirty blonde hair, the eyes of a sorceress, there is a hint of a back tattoo underneath the shawl of hair, a snow white tiger! I never got her nipples hard. I certainly tried. (h)Ennessey as anesthesia...

There is a quote I'm going to butcher it by Kafka. Something like I write to get it out of my head. Some of these stories I try to get it out of my head but they keep coming back. I probably just need an AA meeting or something.

On March 20 2025 05:40 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On March 13 2025 21:27 RiKD wrote: Single moms but I don't want to deal with the kids so that's out. Cougars but they probably like guys younger than me so that is out. Fat girls. Fat girls is all that is left for me. I was down for that when I myself was obese and 260 lbs. but now I'm taking care of my health I don't want to splash out for some McDonalds. Single moms and cougars are nice. It just depends on what stage of their life they're in. Some of them want something serious, some are just ready to have fun.

This is nothing more than a brag that you dated at least 2 single moms and 2 cougars.

I'm out of ideas. The void is upon me. I can't sleep it off.

I figure I'll come on here and reflect.

The void. Imagination fills the void. That and consumption. I consume Spotify. Radiohead plays. I am comforted with an underlying 1,000 forms of fear. I did my best to live life intensely today. I wore a t-shirt with a woman bearing her breasts with death in the background waiting. Death is waiting. I'm young enough that it's likely I won't drop dead from anything soon. Perhaps if someone decides to nuke one of the military bases near me. The increasing number and severity of hurricanes hitting is worrisome. That probably won't kill me though. The likeliest would be suicide. Mental health and poverty are no joke.

Imagination and consumption. I imagine buying Rick Owen's Geobaskets.

MATERIAL: UPPER 100% COW LEATHER
LINING 100% CALF LEATHER
INSOLE 100% CALF LEATHER

$ 1.265

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Lana Del Rey sings about "high tops in the summer," and I think about this. Why can't my imagination help me finish a damn novel? I did actually finish one. Only 18,000 words though. I am glad I finished some piece of writing over the gap I've taken.

I'm reading this Gravity and Grace by Simone Weil. We are just not on the same wavelengths. Sometimes the wavelengths meet and it's pretty cool but for the most part she is on about a different relationship with God that I could ever hope to have. I'm also re-reading The Joyful Wisdom by Nietzsche and that is my speed. I'm really searching for something as groundbreaking as The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Han all those years ago.

What are some of your favorite foods, RiKD?

Is it food that you get from restaurants in your state, or is it food from abroad?

On March 23 2025 05:22 PuertoRican wrote: What are some of your favorite foods, RiKD? Is it food that you get from restaurants in your state, or is it food from abroad?

My favorite foods are sushi and pizza. I'm too broke to eat good sushi and I actually very rarely eat pizza these days.

I rarely eat out and don't eat much food from abroad besides maybe some fruit from Chile.

Actually, my diet is pretty simple. I have oatmeal, protein powder, maple syrup, salt, cinnamon, raisins, bananas for breakfast.

Lift.

Pea protein shake + raisins

Next meal usually my mom cooks something. She is mostly vegetarian and a health nut and a good cook so it's usually pretty good.

Then, my last meal I'll have pea protein shake + oranges, bagel, and dark chocolate.

Then, I usually eat a banana with my lithium before bed.

If I am going to eat out I probably like Thai food the most.

I had sushi today was pretty good not the best but good enough. full

I'm chillin' in the crib listenin' to old Wu Tang still high from a training session. The pump is gone but the caffeine and endorphins are still runnin' strong.

It's a battle in the gym man. I am fighting hard to just get like 2 more reps in.

Nietzsche is figuring out how to live with the absence of Christianity.

Simone Weil is figuring out how to heighten Christianity.

It's interesting to read these two together.

As far as getting into open space and thinking, Nietzsche is the king. Walking around lakes and mountains and shit. Nietzsche is also the king of incels. The king of open space and incels. If a fat, neck beard, with bad skin comes up to you and wants to discuss Nietzsche just say no. It's great to read though.

I am kind of evolving from my black phase. Winter and Rick Owens obsessed black was good for a season. It's a good go to. I tried going to a goth party but didn't really vibe. I went to this beat poetry reading where everyone was wearing black and had Being and Time under their arm (RIP Roderick) but the poetry was shit and no one actually understood Heidegger. I have reverence for black but it's about time to put that uniform away. I'm trying to be authentic man.... You ever stare a skull in the face. Try to beat a skull in a staring contest. Try to beat Benjamin Franklin on the $100 bill in a staring contest. Go to a graveyard. I realize my clothes are good enough. Do I have clothes? Yes, I have clothes. Ok. Check. Let's move along.

I have the capabilities of being fat, neck-bearded, with bad skin but I lost weight, I trim my beard, and I wash my face. I have the capabilities of going back too. That would take excessive depression. A gnarly prison indeed.