It is normal for people to have anxiety about death. Libido and fear of death are two massive motivations. Sometimes they are unconcsious motivations. Marketers mess with our ability to know what we need and what will be satisfying. They tamper with our imagination as the result of the void. It shows up in weird ways. We fill the void with imagination and consumption. Imagination in the creation of art is good. Imagination in unrealistic expectations for consumption is bad.
I have clothes. I have plenty of clothes. I have an understanding of color theory and can generally dress myself to be passable in society. There is no such thing as authenticity in this regard. Unless maybe if I got my clothes from a small indigenous group of people in South America who custom made me some outfits. Any magazine, any shop, any online store is going to command the title of "purveyor of taste." Personally, I think just wearing white t-shirts and blue jeans everyday is better than falling into the consumption trap. But, in bourgois life there are dress codes...
Oh, geez, they are just clothes, this is embarrassing. If I was a farmer this would not even be on the radar. I am not a farmer though. I am a poor that wants status but not in the conventional ways. Although, wearing business casual and having a 4 bedroom house and a 401k would be nice. Only if I can also afford the servants to clean the house, mow the lawn, pick up dog shit, you know the drill.
I fit into the local gym community, the local neighborhood dog walkers community, the read alone by myself community. I fit into the alienated labor community but that does not help anyone. We are all atomized, isolated, and estranged. There is no alienated labor community.
Last edit: 31/03/2025 17:41
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PuertoRican United States. Apr 01 2025 05:24. Posts 13177
On March 30 2025 18:57 RiKD wrote:
It is normal for people to have anxiety about death.
If you're reasonably healthy and you're not old, then you shouldn't be thinking about death.
If you can't write something clearly, don't write anything at all. I think Wittgenstein said something like that. That's about as much as I need from him for now.
Most people are perfectly happy to repress death among many other things. Although we are not really consciouss of what we repress until it shows itself in plain day, if it ever does.
These days it seems like most people don't care about anything. What about making humans freer and happier? There is a lot of debate about what this entails but I don't think it needs to be perfect or utopic. I asked a friend to lunch the other day. I picked up a piece of dirty paper towell on the floor at the gym. I waved someone ahead at a four way stop. These are all very basic things but they set a tone. I'm trying to move from someone who doesn't care about anything to someone that is trying to make humans freer and happier. So, go ahead and read Anarchy, State, and Utopia by Nozick or Theory of Justice by Rawls or don't read anything. I think there are some common grounds that most can agree on.
Oh, and another thing. Just because someone agrees with a lot of what Marx has to say on Kapital or capitalism doesn't not mean they are for Soviet communism. I've actually met some people who do agree with Soviet communism and that is unfortunate but thankfully this was a small pocket of leftist circles. Some leftists are a bit deranged. It's not a competition of who is more deranged. Maybe we are fucked but I'm sick of being skeptical and cynical of everything under the sun. How do we really make humans freer and happier?
Byung-Chul Han on a talk at Korea University talks about handwork. Using one's hands versus digital / fingers. He talks about playing the piano and gardening. 2 things that make him happy when he was never happy before.
Besides social connection and some exercise / meditation these are all individual endeavours. We must overcome atomization and alienation.
I was blindfolded throwing darts at the wall. It was between Simone de Bouvoir's The Ethics of Ambiguity and Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulation. I kept missing though. Then, I realized I don't want to read either at this point in time and it was back to the drawing board.
I decided to go ahead and read the Baudrillard. It's pretty good so far. I've always liked Baudrillard. My therapist says philosophy is mind candy for me. I was thinking about it and I am not sure what she means. Whether she just means it's intellectually stimulating for me or that it is merely candy including excitement without much nutritional value to it. She is pro me reading philosophy so it must be the former.
I think I have found myself in a bit of a melancholy. I try really hard not to be skeptical and cynical of everything but it is difficult for me. I never have any gratitude. My passion for making humans freer and happier has subsided. My friend asked about it. I sent a small manifesto. She responded saying everything was truthful and logical but then asked if I was hypomanic and made fun of me for using fancy words. I was not hypomanic and I did not think that I used fancy words. I went out to lunch with her the next day and had about as much fun as humans in their 40s can have. Then, it's back to going on walks and reading. I am atomized and alienated. I have no power. There is no instant gratification with making humans freer and happier.
"The Good Life is freedom from toil, dependence, and ugliness." (Herbert Marcuse)
My gated community is a caricature. It takes away from the beauty. The only thing out of place are some deteriorating snap dragons (winter flowers) by the entrance to one of the neighborhoods. I live in a simulation.
There is always toil. Either you toil to find the job or toil at the job. There is no end in sight. I am dependent on my parents. This is not good. I am working on it.
So, I toil, I am dependent, and I live in a grotesque simulation. No wonder it feels a bit like depression. A bleak fatalism. Some form of nihilism. Melancholy is just a depressed vita contemplativa that lingers in a self-centered sludge.
I'm not actually depressed. I crushed a shoulder workout today. Where as last chest and back workouts I ran into a brick wall of non-progression. It actually does not feel that bad physically. I reap the benefits of a high intensity resistance training session. The grind through all that volume and to not improve hurts the soul.
Existence is a struggle. Some may say it is a beautiful struggle through years and years of evolution. Others may say it is a meaningless struggle through a grotesque simulation.
Anyone remember that website where people would orgasm and it would just be their face and sounds. That is an interesting piece of humanity. It was beautiful ( ). Anguish? Beautiful Agony!
I need the Other. Some form of foreignness. I am couped up in this confined space of screens. I need to be free among the unearthed, open spaces unbounded without screens. I need a wet vagina. Not my right hand. My right hand man. So, familiar and banal. I need a woman. Uncoupled. Not as sex object but that which is the Other. The exotic Other. The atopic Other. Unfortunately, I am skipping a few steps. I need money. I need a social life. I need independence. The Other could snap me right out of this depression but that is something from the imagination. There is no "Zara" in my immediate future. 300,000 years to get to this point in homo sapien history and I call it a meaningless struggle in a grotesque simulation. We are probably worse off than 50,000 years ago. But, I sleep in a cozy bed, eat a cozy breakfast, and have the opportunity of life. It's not melancholy, it's depression. It's not chemical depression, it's situational depression. The problem being I am having the hardest time getting out of my situation. I am stuck in the sludge. All I can do is see another sun tomorrow and hopefully do something about it.
I've been tinkering with Chat GPT and it's pretty good.
"Bonus (Not Baudrillard, but Same Edge):
E.M. Cioran – The Trouble with Being Born
Aphorisms that read like post-Baudrillard existential poetry. Pure black hole energy.
Byung-Chul Han – The Burnout Society
A slim, sharp book about how we’ve moved from repression to self-exploitation. Very Baudrillard-influenced, but filtered through late capitalist psychology."
"You seem drawn to that hollow center—where meaning is gone, but the awareness of its absence stays."
After hitting a brick wall on chest, and back, and to a lesser extent legs, and shoulders I've decided to take 5-7 days off at the gym depending on how I feel. I am getting over a stomach illness which I guess coincided nicely with some days off. I miss the post-workout vibes but I don't miss the actual gym yet so it seems wise to take some days off. I am not even sure what I am going to do when I get back. I guess I have some days to consider.
A: Is the statement: That bottle brush tree over there is real, True or False?
B: True. Possibly. Maybe it would be better if we called it lowercase true. It's an interpretation(Nietzsche)
A: It exists filtered through my perception. It must be real.
B: Maybe, possibly, likely. What if it's all dead and nothing remains?
A: I can live authentically! La vie est absurde! Bring it on mother fucker! (Sartre, Camus)
B: What if you don't have any freedom either?
A: Fuck you!
B: Right now I'm smiling, taking advantage of this moment
'Cause there might not be another soon
Holding on to memories like roller coaster handle bars
Tightly, 'cause I'm slightly off my rocker
But to you I may appear to be your average Joe
But little do you know that even Joe got problems that he gots to joust with
Floating in this game of life despite how out of place you may feel
In this race, oh you just can't quit
Ain't that a bitch that be in heat
I'm on the beat like cops
Only cultivate the stable dirt when I skeet my drops
No concentrating knocking other niggas out the box
Why? 'Cause in a sense, see, we all be kind of fly
Just can't be scared to spread your wings, head to better things
Maybe the mockingbird and nightingale they want to sing
Keeping this thing alive, to the table's what we bring
We like hailstorms and blizzards in the middle of the spring
Extraterrestrial, out of this world (Andre 3000, E.T.)
A: Dream or nightmare. Free will or determinism or compatibilism. There is always Andre 3000 and waffles and comfortable desk chairs and blue switch key mechanical keyboards and cats.
We killed God.
We killed Reality.
We killed Meaning.
But, you can't kill maths baby!
My life is probably a lot easier if we didn't kill God. I could pray to God. I don't think the Fates care about prayor. I pray to Eros. I pray to the Fates. I pray to Dionysus. Greek Gods are fickle. At least they don't feign interest in caring. They laugh at my pre-destined misfortune.
I stare at a lamp. I've got the lamp. I stare at the lamp and remember I even have the lamp.
I look around at all of these items. Do I have a fetish for my Steinberg UR12 Audio Interface? These items represent me at least materially. What does my soul have to say about all of this? Sometimes it's enough to want to wander off into the forest with a flip phone and a copy of Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia by Delulz and Guattari. I need a "Reality" survival guide that includes more than listening to OutKast and thinking of things I'm grateful for. Maybe that's all it is. Cycling through what works at the time. That sounds too much like being a dopamine slave. I don't know how to win. I don't know if a win is possible. Maybe I can get 4th place out of 10 but what about the 6 people more unfortunate than me? What if 4th place is not good enough?
It gets back to the title of this blog: Stimmung und Stimming (mood and neurodivergent self-stimulation). If I am getting a blow job I don't need to run off and post a blog on LP. It's when I am somber and can not find meaning anywhere that I arrive here. The problem is I am stuck in the self-centered sludge. It is not even a depression. It is more of a malheur. A pre-destined misfortune. I am playing the victim here which at the moment I don't like to do but it is what it is. I am a victim to pre-destined misfortune and really most of us are to some degree. If you are human you are pre-destined for misfortune. On the brightside, my stomach illness is getting better. Ilnesses a lot of the time get better. I'm not necessarily pre-destined for poverty either. Poverty is something that can be improved upon. Illness and poverty, I'm not dead yet.
We did not kill anything because it never existed.
Of course, I perform to a point but this blog is a sacred ritual. It will die when RiKD dies. Which RiKD is holding on by threads... Maybe, I'll change my name to The Artist Formely Known As RiKD. TAFKAR!
I remember Baal told me once to stop chasing meaning because it does not exist. I thought I could find it like I thought I could win some little doodad at that carnival arcade crane claw game.
On April 17 2025 06:04 PuertoRican wrote:
How's the month of April going for you so far?
Overcoming inertia in entropy.
Is it possible?
can u simplify, lol wtf does that mean
Newton's First Law:
This resistance is described by Newton's First Law of Motion, which states that an object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force.
entropy is a measure of disorder or randomness in a system. (chaos (information))
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United States. Mar 30 2025 19:57. Posts 9238
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