Looks or Game? - Page 226

On October 25 2008 23:51 pushing4anal wrote: bah wheres floofy

umm sexing Val Kilmer obv.

C'mon floofy I need an update, did you just decide to give up?

well thuedsay a girl sent me a message

it was a girl i had already added to msn a while ago who blocked me cuz i tryed to hit on her friend karine and her other frriend too lol

so i obv hide it form her and meet her friday. at cinema

she was with 6 of her friends and they kept talking about sex while time. i know no1 and i dont talk of sex easily so yea i was akward and didnt touch her whole movie. i think she has blocked me

good side is movie was ok

on the plus side, i had a good date this weekend!

You hid what from her? That you had hit on her friend? But how could she block you because of that if she didn't know?

Also, if you to a movie as a "date" or w/e, go for hand holding at LEAST, sir. If she doesn't wanna do that, you don't lose anything, do you? The fact that you went into a movie with a girl + bunch of her friends is a big advancement imo. Now do it a 1000 times and you'll feel comfortable with it and might actually be able to do something.

Sex is a great source of humour as well and if they're talking about it, and talking about that (since there's a one-in-a-million chance that you'll be doin' it later) should remove some of the tension.

When you say you don't talk about sex easily, it makes it seem like you somehow hold it either as a tabu or feel uncomfortable of it because of your amount of previous experiences in coitus. It's really important to realize that

a) Sex ain't serious. It's just a fun way of feeling closer to another person or just to feel good - nothing mythical or magical or whatever about it and any (christian or otherwise) who says something else is sorely mistaken. Sure, having feelings for the other person can make it better but not any more magical than it is. It can suck or it can be great and whilst it's good to have some knowledge of it whether you have or have not done it, it's also great place to make jokes, since i'm sure you've heard some good ones too.

I do firmly believe that sex jokes are the easiest ones to make on the fly. Like someone somewhere said, Sex is proof that God has a good sense of humour.

b) It's natural, why feel awkward?!

c) Girls want it too. Maybe not as much as you, but they do.

Btw:
Tell us about trying to hit on her friends

I think elaborating on this further like where, when and how would be a good start.
From pretty much every other material here before, hitting on girls hasn't really came up.
It's mostly been setting up a date over the internet and then meeting in huge bunch of awkwardness.

NOW TELL US!

i'm watching the pickup artist and it reminds me of this thread. it's also depressing me to the point where i have to turn it off

Still after 226 pages I bother. I guess it's because being in a big group of girls talking about sex felt like the first real step of progress you've taken since page 1, since that actually sounds normal instead of any of this karine/ugly chick thingie.

I'm not saying they couldn't be ugly, but the fact that there were 2+ girls already demonstrates social value on their part. Which would of course also explain them blocking you, but that just means you have work to do.

When you see her, be like "Hey girl, you look hot!" and she will say something like "thanks! you look good too" and since you already said she looks good, everything afterwards just flows, as you are not so scared to say something that you would double question yourself later.

to clarify, the girl is a girl ive messaged a while ago but she blocked me after first chat, probably cuz i told her i hit on her friend karine.
her friends might also have told her shit about me

but now she sent me a message (probably cuz she forgot who i was) and gave me her new msn. so i hided this from her (and abused old infos to look like a good guesser )

but it didnt work at all IRL i shouldnt have accepted this weirdo date, only me n her would have worked better imo

Okay, So floofy, Reading all this stuff inspired me to check out the whole online dating thing. Friday I actually had a date with a girl I met on one of those sites for the first time and for your benifit I shall describe it with a few notes.

First, I got her number like a week ago thursday on the site.

I called her sunday and asked what she was doing friday. She said nothing so I said we'ld do something and told her I'ld call her later in the week and tell her where/when.
I call her thursday and tell her where to meet me and what time. Note here that I don't call constantly or immiedetly. Calling someone often is a sign of desperation. Not only is desperation unactractive but it detracts from your control. Ideally you want to be in control of the relationship at all times. Anyway, I meet up with her friday night. She was already at the restraunt so I grab us a table and make with talk. Mostly I ask questions about her and listen. Talking about yourself sucks cause 1. Who cares. Think about it, when they talk about themselves do you REALLY care? and 2. Knowing you Flooy, the less you talk the less oppurtunity to say something incredibly stupid. Also, what you say is less important than how you say it. This about when your talking to an animal. You can call it a stupid little shit and if you say it in a warm way it will wag it's tail happily. Allmost all people are like that to the extent that if you say something silly it doesn't matter much, but if you get uptight or embarresed you can say something great and you'll get glared at.

Anyway, I order a couple bottles of Hot sake. Alcohol always helps to loosen the mood. This is something you keep ignoring but is a VERY good idea especially for YOU. You are awkward and uptight. Alcohol will make you less so.

Anyway, As we're finishing up I ask her what kind of music she likes. Then I ask her if she's been to a bar that has great live music. She says no so I say "Wow, Okay, You've gotta see this place. I'm dragging you there kicking and screaming" Generally if your out with a girl it's a good idea to have an idea of where you want to end up and how you'll get there ahead of time. Don't plan out your conversations but having a segue prepared is good. Makes things run more smoothly.

Another thing I do is when the bills coming I just hand the waiter my credit card without opening it. This isn't a must, but IF you want to pay for the meal then it can avoid awkward moment if the girl feels like she should contribute. It's not really game so much as just a smoother way of doing these things.

We leave the restraunt and some guy is trying to sell flowers and gives that speech. Come on by a flower for the girl.

In situations like this I deffiently think it's better not do. it comes off as overly sappy/weak/trying to hard. Whatever. Plus, then the chick, or worse, you, are stuck carrying a flower.

Anyway, we grab a taxi to said bar and grab a seat. Place is pretty full so we're sitting across from each other. We're near the speakers so it's kinda loud. Cool, Good chance to touch. When we were leaving the restraunt/getting in/out of the cab/ getting up what have you I'ld do little stuff like guide her out with a hand on her shoulder/small of her back whatever, but with loud music it's a good excuse to lean in, whisper in her ear, touch her face, ect. So did that a bit. Talked a bit more. Whatever.

Anyway, at like 11:30 the music stops between sets and I tell her I know she has to work in the morning so I'll take her home. She says she doesn't wanna be a party pooper or anything, but I insist with a little "Nah, We'll do it again, come on"
Ending the date before she does is just ABC stuff. Keeps controll. Leaves her wanting more. Ect.

I take her hand as I walk her out to the street. Note, I don't ask if I can hold her hand. I don't say please. I just do it. If she really has a problem with something she'll let you know, but asking to do something is horrible.

Anyway, She was gonna grab a bus or something, but I hail a cab and say I'll give her a lift. End of night. Back of cab. This is a great place to close things well.

We're in the cab so I'm holding her hand and wrap my arm around her and pull her over just a bit. Basically, the idea is look for reactions and make sure she's comfortable but aside from that just do what you want.

Here I'm holding her and we're not really talking. I do something a bit neat here with is I start looking out the window at whats going on the street and kinda ignore her a bit. The idea is since I've just escalated things a bit, now I'm gonna make her thinkg "WTF" anyway, I forget what she says but basically she wanted my attention again. I say something about liking her hair and run my hands through it and she just leans in to me. It's like a 20 minute ride to her place or something rediculus which is actually really good.

I'm playing with her hair and running my hands over her body ect. She goes really quiet/still and her breathing gets slower. Obviously this is a good sign. Anytime a girl goes like this your pretty much in. Anyway, cab gets there. We get out and kiss a bit.
Again, don't ask. Just do. Her body language is gonna tell story here anyway so you should be able to know.


Obviously I didn't do anything spectacular and didn't get laid or anything, but just solid stuff that YOU SHOULD be able to do as well.

Oh, and I haven't called her yet. I will probably call her on monday or tuesday and plan another date. Basically, if you don't have a reason for calling just don't.

Thats kinda long winded and full of useless stuff that I will be flamed for, but whatever, maybe you can learn from a practical example.

Also, you will never get anywhere with a girl around a bunch of her friends. Just putting yourself in a bad situation to try like that.

and don't go to a movie for a first date. Sitting in the dark beside someone not talking or touching does not build attraction.

thanks narious

it sucks half the time i was reading i was thinking to myself "WOW WHAT A MAN I COULD NEVER DO THIS" but i guess its a good thing u wrote that cuz im doing everything so differently and so poorly

dont forget ur good looking it obv helps u

facepalm

On October 26 2008 22:21 Floofy wrote: to clarify, the girl is a girl ive messaged a while ago but she blocked me after first chat, probably cuz i told her i hit on her friend karine. her friends might also have told her shit about me

sup with you and the karines

but now she sent me a message (probably cuz she forgot who i was) and gave me her new msn. so i hided this from her (and abused old infos to look like a good guesser ) but it didnt work at all IRL i shouldnt have accepted this weirdo date, only me n her would have worked better imo

Yeah well it's probably almost never +EV to hit on another girl from the same "group" after making intentions clear on one. Furthermore it's even more -EV to mention that to the girl.

To be honest, I think going out with a bunch of girls instead of a few hours of awkward silence is probably more constructive for you. Takes some of the edge off and if they're having a good time, it might create the illusion that you're a part of it and not the awkward guy standing there silent for 5 hours without peeping a word. Should also be good training to be more comfy around girls, right?

Movie theater is perfect place to try to engage in physical contact anyway. It's dark so you really don't have to worry about the friends etc. if that created extra pressure for you.

On October 26 2008 22:38 Narious wrote: Also, you will never get anywhere with a girl around a bunch of her friends. Just putting yourself in a bad situation to try like that.

That's probably true, but it helps him get more comfy with the girls + it's not like it'd be impossible to eventually separate her from her friends and go home with her. Getting the approval of the group would be +ev in the long run.

Then again, if you're not going to try anything anyways, doesn't matter if the group is there or not

and don't go to a movie for a first date. Sitting in the dark beside someone not talking or touching does not build attraction.

Liiies, best things happen in the dark!!

Oh and that not asking thing, even though mentioned 100000 times in this thread, is sooooo true. Just in general conversation, it's so much better to go for "I'd like to", than "Can I/Could I?". Kinda like using the word "but" is generally bad in job interviews. Replacing every "but" with "and" makes even the negative things sound more positive :D

On October 27 2008 00:49 Floofy wrote: dont forget ur good looking it obv helps u

I haven't seen Narious, but this comment still makes it seem like you think it's about the looks. You should've already realized that when you're "dating" girls equal or lower than your attraction level (which you for sure have tried), looks don't matter at all in a negative way. When you're in a break even situation, say a combodraw, you want to play for the fold equity and not for the flipping of stacks (or in this case, stack).

Oh and Narious, you must've ended up paying shitloads for the cab, lulz.

On October 26 2008 22:21 Floofy wrote: but now she sent me a message (probably cuz she forgot who i was) and gave me her new msn. so i hided this from her (and abused old infos to look like a good guesser )