DZOO

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Comments (18)

I was pretty lazy in April playing the least amount of poker in awhile. Still made like 10 buy ins in around 850 hands 1 or 2 tabling. My winrate this year has been insane so far (knock on wood hehe) and every month it has gone up as my pre flop stats have got more and more out of line which is cool. Thinking about the game real well too which I think has shown in my coaching sessions.

Coached a decent amount still and trained pretty hardcore this month getting up to 214 pounds. Want to gain around 15-20 more pounds of muscle ideally but we will see how it goes.

Had an allergic reaction to a banned and dangerous chemical that almost killed me. Was the scariest moment of my life so far but I'm still here hehe...even though I prolly lost like 10 years off my life.

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Hey guys I have had a lot of coaching requests lately and I am glad to hear such positive feedback. However I am back playing more myself and do not have as much time as I did in Nov-Dec. That being said I would still possibly take on some more but for those interested I just wanted to state a few things and figured be easier on here then type multiple times.

For the coaching package it is fairly extensive and demanding of both you and I. DO not ask about this unless you can focus on poker 100% for 5 weeks with 2 lessons a week and daily access to me over msn/AIM discussing hands and theory. It's basically a 5 week training camp to get you the maximum benefits I can give you in that time to make you a better player so don't ask me about this unless u can fully commit for this time period or else you will not achieve maximum benefits and better off getting individual lessons.

Individual lessons I do fairly cheap comparatively due to personal reasons I won't discuss on here because I know some others do a lot of them. But you can PM me about rates if you are interested and basically the lowest I will do is $100 for low limits (under 200nl) and I don't care if u split with others and do a group session. And no individual one hour lesson will be over $200. Individual lessons are spread out, and do not entail as much off table talk (you are still free to contact me about HHs, theory, etc to a certain extent of course if you are a regular lesson getter)

Basic rates are:
100nl and under = $100/hour
200nl = $150/hr
400nl+ = $200/hr

again if u have friends, etc and want to set upa group lesson to split costs that is np same rate

I currently have 3 full time profit sharing students and I think if you asked those guys they would say that I am VERY hands on and easily accessible. The goal is to make you as good as I can for as long as I can to make us both a lot of money so I teach a gradual learning style prepared for the long run and offer very fair rates for what I contribute. I might possibly take on one more but for those interested you can email me at hartt80@hotmail.com the following:

screen names and sites
reasonable size sample screen shot of your HEM/PT of the respective limits
online BR
offline situation (as in school, have money offline, etc)
goals
strengths and weaknesses

- James

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Comments (8)

Option 1

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This PokerStars tournament is a No Limit Texas Hold’em event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 000141

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played my first session on PS in awhile. Haven't played serious poker in awhile been coaching a lot and getting some other crap sorted out in real life (like how I am going to steal Yug away from Daut). I decided to see how well I could multi table since I usually only play like 1-4 tables (I'm retarded like the chimpanzee that can't smoke and just falls off the tree branch). So I loaded up 9 FR tables at 200nl then 12. LOL! I sucked so bad at the start quickly losing 5 buy ins with some bonehead plays and what not. Got rid of the rust and turned out decent sesh but point of this is people who 24 table and have decent preflop stats are insane

i said this 'shippin monies since 1980' at the tables several times after I won all ins and never got a single laugh
has PS table humour gone downhill?

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Comments (9)

Condom Experiences

I hate to say it but I am terrible at practicing protection. I believe in the withdrawal method and that God will protect me from disease. I have two experiences with condoms in my life. The first one was when I was in Grade 9. I had been dating this girl for awhile and all we had been doing was making out, some petting over jeans and some titty touching over the shirt. Although I was enjoying the action, naturally I wanted more so when she told me that her parents were going away and I was invited over on Friday night I thought this was it. This was the big moment! I consulted my sexually perverse and experienced buddy who presented me with what a good advice father figure would do: a Playboy, a message ‘remember it’s the second hole’ (which I still don’t even know what that means???) and more importantly, a pina colada flavoured condom. This was my first time with a condom and I had no idea they could be flavoured, it was like a touching a golden bar. I delicately placed it in my hands and had a giant, nervous smile as I stared at the aura of this magical item. It was the key to unlocking Pandora’s Box! I could not become a man without this piece of equipment. All week I would come home from school open my sock drawer and stare at it, resisting the urge to open it to try it on or more realistically try to taste it. Friday finally rolls around and I’m supposed to show up at her house at 7pm. This is it I’m finally going to have sex. Like every boy I’m overcome with nervousness and excitement of what will happen. I get out my Playboy give it another glance over memorizing the important parts, re read a few of the articles on how to please a woman from my sisters’ Cosmopolitans and remember ‘it’s the second hole.’ Then all of a sudden I’m hit with a wave of confusion. When do I put the condom on? After some debate I decide its just best to put it on before so that way I don’t have to ruin the mood like I read in a Cosmo article. I take the majestic item out of its package, sniff in the cheap coconut smell and gently place it on getting is slimy coating all over everything. It’s difficult to describe the first time you put a condom on your dick, kind of like the first time you slide your dick into a tub of yogurt I would compare it to. So I get to her house almost shaking now with excitement. The nervousness has left me because, similar to Link from Zelda with his sword and shield, I am armed for battle and confident. After some small talk we begin making out like we were on a conjugal visit. Foreheads butted, teeth smashed, ass smacking and everything else a teenage make out should include. She pulls away from me and looks me in the eyes with a look that will forever be engraved in my mind and heart. My first experience with ‘bedroom eyes.’ I almost blew right then and there but I pull it together and she slowly kneels down in front of me still looking me in the eyes like a porno movie and unfortunately something girls these days do not do as much as they should. As she starts unbuttoning my pants I am in ecstasy but as I always went commando I feel the cold air hit me and it feels a little different and I remember I’m wearing the condom which is almost coming into view. I have always been a quick thinker of my feet and remember a song that will be perfect for the moment and decide to let loose

‘I hope you like pina coloda…..’ while swaying my hips as she takes sight of my condom wrapped cock. Well let me tell you, I witnessed my second facial expression that will be forever engrained in my mind and soul. One of shock then contours into disgust and revulsion. Apparently, the condom goes on just prior to intercourse and I never did find out that night if it really went in the second hole.

After that experience of not getting laid and having that girl never want to see me again I realized that condoms were for sailors. I was not a sailor I was a clean cut, upper mid class boy who only attracted good clean girls….right? So the next time, many girls later, was years down the road on a vacation. I was in Banff, Alberta visiting some good buddies from home when I met this girl whom I had an immediate connection with. She was definitely not my typical girl but more the girl next door cute with a care-free charming personality. This was also my first night doing cocaine. We end up pre drinking together and everyone is pretty drunk and smoking weed and basically feeling no pain. Someone breaks out the coke and I throw caution to the wind because well I’m on vacation, so I partake in some. Hours pass and 8 lines of cocaine later we are leaving the dance club which I have no recollection of and heading back. On the drive back I feel the hand on my leg and the making out begins. It turns into heavy petting as she tells me repeatedly to slow it down but yeah right lady you try slowing it down with 8 lines of a foreign stimulant in your system. We finally get back to my friends place and they are immediately crash. We start talking and fooling around on the sofa but there are a couple other people passed out there so when I go to take her clothes off she rejects the idea claiming she doesn’t want to be seen. In my stimulated panic mode I say we can use my friend’s bedroom to which she questions about his whereabouts. I run upstairs and see he is in the bed passed out and when he passes out he is dead to the world. Cocaine-induced and on the urge of having sex I don’t even try to wake him up I just pick him up and carry him down the stairs with the same hold I have seen on movies when men are trying to woo their women by carrying them up the stairs. I now inform her I have discovered a free bedroom. Laughter and giddiness overcomes her and we run hand in hand up the stairs. The making out becomes hotter and my pants are quickly ripped off me and I feel the warmth of her sexy mouth wrapped on my dick. I immediately start bucking like a bronco trying to fuck her face off (thank you cocaine) to which she takes it well and tells me to relax. My mind is going a million miles a minutes as I think of all the nasty things I am going to do to this seemingly innocent girl who had previously claimed she had never had a one night stand, doesn’t it seem like those are the ones that you always end up fucking that night? Fast forward a bit and we are naked and I’m fingering her like I’m strumming Guitar Hero and am about to enter here when I hear those words that made me cringe. Words I probably should have heard more in my life ‘do you have a condom?’ I immediately feel insulted like I am some sort of sailor or disgusting pervert but she is insistent and claims we cannot have sex without one. I get up and sprint down the hall and stairs buck naked with a raging hard on shaking my buddy asking him where his condoms are. He finally opens his eyes, seems confused to how the fuck he ended up on the living room couch and mutters something about a closet. Ah yes the closet! I sprint back upstairs filled with memories of Grade 9 and pray that the condoms are not pina coloda flavoured. I ransack his closet faster than the Tasmanian devil throwing everything across the room much to the delight of the now sheet covered girl. Finally I spot it, I think a light beam from the lamp must have hit just right because it seemed to be glowing like an orb. I grab the box, tear into it and rip open a condom with my teeth. I just throw it on, not pinching the tip or whatever the hell you are supposed to do with them and yell ‘ready!’ The condom is only half way down my dick and does not feel right which is weird since he has a bigger dick then me. It’s actually getting painful since it’s so tight around my ridge. Who cares I’m coked out of my mind anyways. She warns me that she has not had sex in awhile so go slow. Yeah ok, my dick circulation is being cut off by this child sized condom and I’ve snorted a Ziploc bag full of cocaine. I try to go slow but end up just ploughing in and being mentally perverse as I am get super excited when I hear her groan in agony and see her face contort. I start hammering away like with the girls back home but she puts her hands firmly on my stomach stopping me and tells me to slow down and has that motherly stern look on her face. So I slow down for awhile anyway then she starts breathing rapidly and I recognize this look on her face, oh yeah she is going to cum and soon. I pick up the pace and start slamming away with what I coin ‘passionate fury.’ She is cumming and gripping me like a vice and shaking which is sending me over the edge (by the way fucking on coke is awesome I might add) and instinctively I go to pull out not realizing I have a condom on and don’t need to. So as I pull out I go to jerk my dick and remember hey I have a condom on what am I doing but it’s more like had a condom on because that overly tight children’s condom is nowhere to be seen. As I’m tilting my head trying to look at her box and the sheets under her for the condom my hips being to buck and I shot the mother load everywhere. I had been on vacation so had not been using porn and masturbating as frequently, and normally shoot a Peter North-like load anyways, so I open my eyes to see her face, chest, stomach and surrounding bed sheets covered in my cum. The same stern motherly look of disapproval overtook her face as she slowly rose and walked to the bathroom. I looked down at the mess of a bed covered in jizz but still no condom. It was never found and turns out it was a regular sized condom I clearly had no idea how to put on. It will remain a mystery to what happened to it but I have yet to wear one again after two interesting incidents with these mystical items.


Poll: thoughts?
(Vote): liked it will read again!!!!
(Vote): was ok guess I will read again
(Vote): sucked balls

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Comments (21)

Upon being informed that Taylor Swift is now single and available I have taken the appropriate actions. I have emailed her and included my picture, MSN and AIM in hopes to hear back from her. Please cross your fingers and wish me luck boys (and Yug)

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Comments (12)

Looking to trade some FTP monies for PS if anyone is interested

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Comments (9)

Last couple months I have been booked and had to turn down people who asked me about coaching. I am making a post to say I have a couple spots open again. I have been coaching for almost 2 years now starting with 100nl and presently coaching up to 2k NL (only 6max and FR NL). I am now offering coaching packages available for a variety of limits for players who are serious about improving, have the time and commitment to stick to a plan and the desire to improve and move up. I still have possible profit sharing deals available for 600NL+ players as well.

The packages are 10 60-75min sessions with a set fee lasting for around 4-5 weeks. (If wanting more hours it can be negotiated). The package involve sweat sessions, video analysis and daily HH review. PM me for details if interested listing ur game and limit. I always offer a trial lesson so players can see how it works and I will give an insight into how lessons will progress based on what I gather. Also we can gauge how compatible we will be since that is very important in a coaching environment.

I have worked with a few LPers, most recently Jamie217 (some players prefer to remain anonymous). I am also an educational instructor on Ballerpoker.com and have a video and article posted there which are free for everyone. There will be a couple videos that will be up this week, one is a video analysis of LP'er 'Sniderstyle' 200NL 6max. There will also be some group lesson offered there just like the one in my last blog post that we did.

gl at the tables!

- James

EDIT: I will still offer individual lessons as well and this post will appeal mainly to 100nl players and above except for a group lesson which might be at lower stakes
The daily HH review is very important (ask my high stakes long term students who utilize it to its fullest) and is ON TOP of the 10 hours of lessons offered.

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Comments (11)

Since I've said I was coaching again I had a really good response from LP members and am booked for full time coaching for now. However, I was thinking of possibly starting some group lessons like 1 or 2 times per week for players that can't really afford lesson packages from a higher stakes player or want a different environment or just simply don't want to spend hundreds per hour hehe. The lessons would be in groups of say 5 with everyone being invited to share off the same desktop sharing program and talking over a vent channel or something. I would host them and for the first couple at least play or review a video I made (the stakes will differ and depend on what limits the people who turn out for lessons want) where people can ask questions and hopefully create good discussion. The lessons would end with each of the group members sharing a HH that I would go over one by one and again hopefully generate solid discussion. If this is a success then future lessons would have group members play while I mainly give them a lesson while others watch and discuss as I sweat the person. This would esp work if there were more regulars week by week. Sign up would be a week in advance.

Workshops could also be interesting where again in a group format I will go over the concepts that I think are people' biggest problems. Examples would be: 3betting preflop:when?how?why?, Calling out of blinds, playing in 3bet pots postflop, etc. with HH examples or anything interesting I can add format wise.

Since this is just an idea and experimental the first one would be very cheap and we would just see how it goes. If there is a solid interest and it goes well then great we could continue. So post away or message me if interested. I thought of this since I didnt have time for more full time players yet still was getting interest in coaching and lessons.

Pros: very cost effective, group discussion might be better then 1 on 1

Cons: not 1 one 1, might not be ur limit so u might not benefit as much, others might hog the talking or in general be idiots (whom I would ask to leave, etc)

- dzoo

Ps: octagon training is extra!!

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Comments (25)